The Guy’s Perspective

I may have written about this before, but here goes again. The pressure is mounting. It’s 2010, the kids are one year older….can’t use that excuse anymore….and everyone but me wants a dog.

I tried selling them on fish or a hamster or maybe even a rat. I hear they’re in vogue these days. But they’ll have none of it. It’s a dog or nothing.

Actually I like dogs. I grew up with one. She was smart, cuddly, fun and I played with her a ton. But let’s face it, I didn’t really have to take care of her, and neither did my brother or sister. My mom pretty much did everything.

In my current situation, since I’m home more days than my wife, it will be me, picking up poop, walking the dog and tending to her needs. I can barely take care of myself and the kids…and sometimes my wife, how can I handle another mouth to feed and another butt to wipe!! Well hopefully I won’t have to wipe her butt, but you get my meaning.

The other thing is, these four legged beings are damn expensive! I know how pricey those vet bills can be. What am I going to say? “Sorry kids,  we just can’t fix “Fido’s” leg. Too expensive. She’ll just have to limp the rest of her life.” I’ll be whipped and chained and hung up over the fireplace if I take that stance. So what’s a poor guy to do? Help!!!???

So, I guess this is it. Hmmm…..

But there is a solution to this whole dilemma. Here’s how it’s going to go.

Me (To my family): Just throw me a bone and maybe I’ll go along with it.

My wife: So what do you want?

Me: I want to name her.

The kids: NO!!!!!

Me: I name her, or no dog.

Everyone(After a LONG pause): Fine.

Me: So I’m going to name her “Peeve!” (Pause) That’s right you heard me, “Peeve!”

Everyone: What??!! What kind of a name is that? That’s lame!

Me: No it’s not.  That way when my friends come over and they say, “What’s your dog’s name?”  I can say, “This is my pet Peeve.”

Everyone: Ahhh!!! 

And you know what, that just might be worth the extra mouth to feed.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

As of late, we've been getting a lot of pressure to get an animal. So we said fine, "Get some fish, fish tank,  fish food and whatever else you need." We thought we were being generous, but apparently fish don't count as animals. And neither do Gerbils, Snakes, Mice, Hamsters, Rats, Guinea Pigs or basically anything other than a Cat or a Dog.

So why didn't you say so from the beginning??!!

So let's get this straight. Are we really saying a Cat or a Dog, or do we just mean a Cat? Because let's face it, GUYS and Cats don't always jive. Sure, we've encountered a few that we've liked, but it's hard to take home a Tiger or a Lion from the zoo. Generally we're Dog people.

So this situation has become a big problem. And we're not sure how to resolve this crisis. So we wrote a little poem to give our readers a sense of what is going on inside GUYS' homes across America.

Cats and Dogs

The argument continues
'Bout which one ranks on top
It's been going on for years
And will probably never stop

Anytime the subject
Is brought up anywhere
Here is a little clip
Of what you'll probably hear

"Cats are cool!" say Cat lovers.
"Dogs are loyal!" say Dog lovers.
"Cats are sly!" say Cat lovers.
"Dogs are loving!" say Dog lovers.
"Cats are cuddly!" say Cat lovers.
"Dogs are playful!" say Dog lovers.
"Dogs smell badly!" say Cat lovers.
"Cats don't care!" say Dog lovers
"Dogs are dumb!" say Cat lovers.
"Cats are stupid!" say Dog lovers.
"You are stupid!" say Cat lovers.
"You are dumb!" say Dog lovers.

We don't think the argument
Will ever be resolved
Because the people having it
Are way too much involved

Has this been a problem for you? If so, how have you resolved this problem? How do we resolve this?

THE GUYS