The Guy’s Perspective

Here’s the rundown of our show:

Pet Peeves: Sai sees the cup as half full and makes the best of it.

Ask the Guys: Reflections on race and dating.

Father stories: The honeymoon dilemma and Daddy Day Camp.

Stream of Consciousness: Suckers to soccer by way of France.

THE MEAT: If good fences make good neighbors, can good neighbors make good meatballs?

Our podcast review contest is still going on. We’ll be wrapping it up in two weeks. We still need a few more reviews before we pick the name randomly of one person who’ll get a piece of our merchandise.

Please join in. Thanks!

And don’t be shy. Share a “Father Story” with us, or ask us a question.

TGP Podcast Episode 6: Dribbling, Dating and Dilemmas [ 42:29 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Dear Guys,

I’m African-American, love my ethnicity, and am fully aware of my history. I also have a sensual leaning for slightly older white males.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the brothers, and latin men can roll the R’s like sin (ooo boy).  However, the majority of my lovers and close male friend happen to be white.

For me and my family this has never been an issue.  But recently a comment was made in a social (and very multi-racial group) that between races was something only the younger generation could fully embrace.

This really struck a nerve with me.  I’ve always believed that true love isn’t color blind, but all accepting.  I never thought of it in terms of generations or age.  Yet I can’t shake the feeling that the statement, may not have been racist, but was very ill-informed.

What do you think?

Liz

Dear Liz,

Great question. We’d love to know the context the statement was made in. However, we’ll still give our opinion on the general topic.

Differences make the world more interesting. But in relationships they are just one more thing to address. Ethnicity, religion, political leanings and class are the big four. But there are more. For as you know, relationships are difficult enough to sustain over a lifetime. Throw one more possible issue into the mix and it only makes it more challenging, especially when raising children.

Honestly, age has nothing to do with embracing differences. In fact we don’t necessarily see more acceptance in the world now. Sure, our country is more integrated in some ways, but when people leave work or school and go home, it’s pretty clear that people who are similar in whatever way, stick together. It’s human nature, and it’s no different for the twenty somethings, forty somethings and sixty somethings. People feel more comfortable with people that are like them.

Sure this country is becoming more and more of a melting pot. And certainly the young people embrace this change more than older people. But generally isn’t that what young people are about? Young people take more risks generally. They push the envelope. They experiment. They explore. And just as their parents influenced them to be more open minded, they’ll influence their kids, and hopefully at some point, maybe 200 years from now, differences, while still being present, won’t be a factor.

THE GUYS are not about ignoring differences. Honestly that just makes the person who is different feel more different. We feel people should embrace differences, even point them out. When it’s obvious, it’s obvious! All this pretending that we’re not different isn’t helping.

So far we haven’t really answered your question have we?

So here goes. No, we don’t agree with your friend.

With all this celebration of differences going on, somehow the white people(European) and the black people(African-American) have still not found a way to celebrate each other and accept one another fully. It’s sad really. Sure, you do. And we certainly do, but the stereotypes and mistrust, still haven’t changed. Yes we’ve absolutely progressed in the last forty years, but it’s a very slow change, and a slower integration than we’d expect.

So when your friends says, “…this is something only the younger generation can embrace….” we say, maybe slightly more. But unfortunately not a lot more.

So no worries. You keep doing your part. We’ll keep doing ours. And hopefully we’ll see the day where this question doesn’t even come up.

THE GUYS

I read a recent post from one of my blogging friends, The Love Skeptic. It was a fun description of her New Year’s eve escapades with a great guy she met. Visit her blog to read the details.

However, after it was all said and done, nothing every transpired beyond that night. She said it was a matter of demographics…..a difference of demographics that is.

That got me thinking. Is that really true? And is it true for guys the same as it is for women? Do we really care about demographics when it comes to dating?

It reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry tries to date a cashier, who just so happens to be pretty attractive. What makes that episode so funny is that this female cashier comes to one of his shows and thinks he’s not funny at all. Jerry then visits her the next day at her job. Here’s how it goes down.

Cashier Girl: I can’t date you anymore.

Jerry: Why not?

Cashier Girl: I saw your show. You’re not funny. I can’t date someone I don’t respect.

Jerry: You’re a cashier!!!

So funny and so true. Generally guys don’t care what a women does for work, or how much money she has in the bank. If he’s attracted to her he’ll go for it. Of course going for it, is likely to mean, getting her in bed and nothing else, but that depends on the guy. He’s just as likely to bring home the girl who works at the comic store as the girl who works at the law firm.

Having said that, I do believe it’s much easier to date someone with a similar background including  race, religion, class and education. But from my experience, those things matter much less than similar values, morals, humor and common sense. THE GUYS and I agree on this.

But where do the women stand on this?  It seems that security is often cited as a predominant factor for finding Mr. Right. Which is what often leads to short, bald guys with large wallets, walking around with six foot models from Eastern Europe. But do our women readers really care about demographics or race when choosing a mate? Please do tell!!

And for the rest of the GUYS who I haven’t consulted, what’s your take on all of this?

As for me, I’m married to an RN, which of course is short for Registered Nurse. But as far as I’m concerned she could just as easily been an RC……
Rodeo Clown.

“ONE of THE GUYS”