The Guy’s Perspective

Pet Peeves: Food porn, Baseball players

Ask the Guys: Group Dating

Father Stories: What dad’s do (Special guest)

THE MEAT: School Dilemma

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TGP Episode 9: Food Porn, Friends w Benefits, School Dilemma [ 38:49 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Conflict is a natural byproduct of relationships, because people with ideas and opinions often disagree. Unhealthy conflict can cause blood pressure to rise, and turn sane people into raging lunatics. But healthy conflict is very necessary because it helps us address problems that frankly need to be addressed.

With a natural disaster polluting the ocean, political wars ravaging our hearts, and reality TV littering our airwaves, conflict is everywhere. It happens at the office and it happens at home. It happens on ball fields, highways, supermarkets and airplanes. It’s part of the human experience, and it’s essential for our continued evolution.

Conflict has always been the center of growth and exploration because our need to understand motivates us to address it. Scientists work day and night trying to unlock new sources of alternative energy and new cures for old nemeses. Engineers try to solve intricate mathematical puzzles to erect impossible structures above ground and beneath the ocean floor. And kids look out their windows on clear, star filled nights, wondering how it all happened. Conflict is what awakens our human ingenuity, and gets our wheels churning. And it works better than any synthesized drug on the black market.

Conflict also plays a big part in relationships. Two people inevitably will run into some sort of disagreement over the course of their time together. The big three sources of conflict within most relationships are money, kids and sex. Disagreements happen for quantitative reasons – too little or too much- or for qualitative reasons-how we define the experience. But it’s how we resolve these conflicts that ultimately define our partnership.

Sometimes the answers are easy. “If you give me something, I’ll give you something.” That would be called compromise, and that’s born from communication. Sometimes the answers are not so easy, and might take many conversations in the company of a licensed professional. Because we all come to every situation and relationship with our bag of “stuff.” Not necessarily our bag of karma, although that certainly accompanies us too, but our bag of learned responses that we’ve gathered over the years on this planet. And when our “stuff” clashes with someone else’s “stuff,” conflict happens.

Being more aware of the pitfalls that are part of relationships can help us sort out conflict. Understanding that conflict is inevitable is the first step, because it will help us feel more comfortable with it. Because conflict seems to be something most people avoid like a stranger on a quiet city street, in the late hours of the night. But conflict is something that has to be embraced in order for resolution to happen. It’s not fun, but it can’t be ignored, otherwise it just multiplies and gathers momentum, like the germs scientists work so hard to eradicate.

Life should be enjoyed to the fullest, but that doesn’t mean conflict isn’t present each and every day. But just keep in mind that without conflict billions of years ago, somewhere out in the vast universe, we all might not be here today.

THE GUYS

Would you rather deal with conflict head on or ignore it?

What kind of conflict is worth addressing?

How often do you deal with conflict in your life?

How do you deal with conflict in your primary relationships? Spouse, partner, kids?

So we were over at Momversation. Yes, we admit it. We like to know what the Moms are up to. It keeps us current.

Anyway, they were talking about kids of Reality TV and how awful it is. And while we totally agree that the exploitation of kids for money is appalling, we also need to admit to some complicity. 

In the old days "movie stars" were revered and looked up to. But it was simple and pretty straight-forward. Stars were on the big screen or the little screen and that is where they stayed. Today, we not only want them on the big and small screens, we want a piece of their lives too. And if we can't get theirs we want ours. Sure we've all dreamed of stardom at one point or another, but with reality TV and other outlets we all have a chance. Really??

We call it the Vicious Cycle. And it's out of control. Here's how it works.

1. People dream of fame. But they don't want to actually work at something to be good enough to get famous. So they think up ways of becoming famous. One way is to objectify themselves or act completely idiotic for laughs. Another way is to exploit their resources. Translation: Use their kids!

2. Enter reality shows. These shows look for people to open their lives for the rest of the world to see.

3. And boy do we watch!! The numbers get higher and higher each year. We are curious! This is an extreme form of rubber necking from the comfort of our own homes. Pretty cool!

4. Soon other networks get in the act and they produce shows that just TALK about the reality stars.
That's an interesting concept. Shows about other TV shows! Weird.

5. And we watch those too!

6. Now the magazines get in the act too. The paparazzi get paid big bucks to follow these reality TV stars around. Now everyone's making money hand over fist. Sweet!

7. And we buy those too! They're so fun to read. We call them our vacation treats. Along with a candy bar and a few other goodies, we gobble these up to enjoy on the road. OK, we'll admit, they're pretty good while doing our morning "duty."

8. So now everyone's making money and the reality kids start to feel entitled. They start behaving worse than they already did before they got on the show. And they're being encouraged by their parents. Nice!!

9. So now more networks, get in the act and more and more people are being recruited to do more extreme shows and more invasive shows.

10. Finally these kids grow up and continue to live their dream. They get their own reality shows and the vicious cycle begins again.

That is if they don't end up in jail, rehab or worse….dead!

WOW! we feel like we're missing something here??!!

THE GUYS

ps. Are you part of the vicious cycle? How do we change this? Or do we care?