The Guy’s Perspective

Written by Sai: Aka, “One of the Guys”

When my kids are sick I never quite feel right. It’s as if I have a furry woodland creature gnawing away at my stomach lining, trying to claw it’s way in. Somehow I’m able to function with this creature inside of me, but it throws off my equilibrium and my balance. And I get occasional stabs of pain.

My daughter’s been sick the last four days. She’s got a fever. She’s tired, listless, and unhappy. So my wife and I set her up on the couch in our room, so she can sleep, watch TV, and be with us at night. We like to be able to keep an eye on her.

But since we still have to attend to our other responsibilities-like her brothers-we gave her a small bell to ring when she needs us. This same bell we’ve also given to her brothers when they’ve been sick, and it seemed to work well. The boys would use it only when they needed something serious-like they were getting cold, or they were hungry, or lonely. My daughter, well that’s another story.

It all started off innocently enough. She’d ring it for some of the same reasons as the boys. But then she realized the power of the bell, and that’s when things got out of control.

“Daddy, my blanket fell on the floor.” (The couch is six inches above the floor)

“Daddy can you change the channel.” (She’s holding the remote and knows how to use it.)

“Mommy, can you bring me the computer?” (It’s on the bed next to the couch. She’s feeling better and totally capable of walking over to bed.)

“Daddy, what’s your favorite color?”

“Mommy, I want a dog.”

And it went on and on. Every time we’d sit and relax, or get started on a project that damn bell would ring. In fact my wife and I started hearing that bell, even when she wasn’t ringing it.

“Was that the bell?” my wife would say to me.

“No I think it was one of the boys blowing his nose.”

__________________

“I think I hear the bell,” I would say.

“Nope, that’s the dish washer,” my wife would retort.

___________________

And so it went.

And I got to wondering. My boys have had the same bell in their possession, but they’ve only used it when it was absolutely necessary. Actually, we had to push them to use it, otherwise they would have sat in bed and suffered. My boys actually felt threatened by that damn bell.

But not my daughter. Oh no. My daughter felt empowered by the bell. .

So I’ve been pondering what this all means, and how it might relate to the innate qualities of men and women.

Are we truly all hardwired from birth to take on the qualities of gender, passed on by generations before us?

Or is this an isolated incident, unique to my family and my kids?

My boys are like tiny men; you know the kind-they refuse to ask for directions when they’re lost. And my daughter is completely comfortable with the power bestowed on her, wielding it at every opportunity. It’s a funny thought to me, but one that might have some merit to it.

Either way, I’d like to take that bell and send it where it belongs-to the depth of Hades. But I am glad she’s starting to feel better. And she’s hard to say no to.

Gotta run. I hear that freakin’ bell now. Am I’m not kidding!!!!
“I’m coming honey!!”

What do you think?

Dear Guys,

I’ve been dating a man on & off for 2 years.  It started out fast with him asking me to marry him & giving me a ring.  Since we have gotten back together there is no talk at all about a future together.  I never know when or if I’m going to see him.  He tells me I should find someone else because he has been having some health problems.  We were supposed to see each other tonight but again he said he isn’t feeling well and told me to make other plans.
He says I’m not as affectionate as I used to be.  It’s hard when I feel like all he does is push me away.  If he did really loved me, wouldn’t he want to spend time with me & not be telling me all the time to find someone else?

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Thanks for writing.

What you don’t say is why you broke up in the first place? How did you go from being engaged to breaking up? Also, we’d like to know if his health problems are for real or just an excuse to keep some distance between the two of you.

If he truly has health problems, he may feel insecure about being chronically sick. So instead of opening up to you he pushes you away, for fear that you won’t want to deal with his health issues. However, if his health problems are an excuse to keep you away, then you’re better off without him. You need to find all of this out. Please talk with him.

It IS difficult to show someone you love them when all they do is push you away; but in this instance that’s exactly what you need to do.  He sounds very insecure about whether or not you really do want to be with him. Do you? He certainly isn’t giving you a whole lot to work with honestly, but it sounds like you’re going to have to be the bigger person here and reach out to him if you want this to move forward.

As far as him telling you to find someone else, that could be his insecurity talking again, or he might really mean it. But you’re right, if he really wanted to be with you it seems like he should just say it. We wonder.

Lisa, what do you think about all this? You definitely need to put all of this on the table and talk to him about this. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask him directly how he truly feels about you.

Either way, his insecurity-if that’s what it is-is a red flag to us. He might truly be sick-and we’re sorry if he is-but the way he’s dealing with it seems immature. Most people would want the person they love to support them in their struggles. They wouldn’t push them away. So that’s a bit unsettling for us.

We hope we didn’t make things more confusing for you Lisa. Be well and good luck sorting this out.

THE GUYS

To ask us a question go to the Ask the Guys page and leave us a note.

Please support the guys and consider a donation. Just click the donate button on any page.

Neediness is not the most attractive quality. Women especially, seem to run as far and as fast as they can when the smell it on a guy. And I certainly can’t blame them. Neediness smacks of desperation.

Of course this is harsh and not always true. Neediness comes and goes. And it changes through the course of any relationship. Every person has moments of neediness and that’s certainly normal. Like,  “Please tell me you still love me even though you are texting your new personal trainer every night about your workouts!” And, “If you would you just tell me you still find me attractive occasionally, I’ll stop pestering you about how fat I look!”

But even then, when it seems perfectly reasonable, no one likes it. It’s like a fly that keeps bombarding you while you’re on a peaceful walk. It ruins everything.

So I’ve been feeling needy lately. Not for the reasons mentioned above. It’s because I’ve been sick for a while. First a fever, then this cough that keeps getting worse. Then that finally subsides and the fever comes back. Then I get a sinus infection, take some medicine for it and my stomach turns inside out. It’s been one thing after the next! I guess that’s how it goes.

I actually don’t get sick much, but when I do I’m a baby. I hate being sick. Even when my fever is only 99.5 I feel like total crap. My kids could have a 102 degree temp and they run around like it’s their birthday. Me, I just can’t function at all.

Anyway, I guess my wife senses my neediness and I can tell it annoys her. She does her best to be sympathetic but it’s clear my neediness is certainly NOT why she married me. Fine, I get it.

But my doctor’s office! That’s another story.

I called to make an appointment. They didn’t even call me back. I had to call back twice just to make an appointment. What,… are guys not allowed to be sick until they turn 55 or something? I mean c’mon. I know about racism and sexism, but until now I had never heard of Desperationism. I mean isn’t that against the law or something?

So I’ve learned a valuable lesson these last few weeks. The next time I’m feeling vulnerable, sensitive, sick or just queasy, I’m going to keep my mouth shut. It seems to be the best way to get what you want.

Was it with the strong, silent type? They never go out of style.

DAMN THEM!!

“ONE of THE GUYS”