The Guy’s Perspective

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

Mr. Joe Fireman. Mr. John Handyman. Mr. Paul Plumber.

These names conjure up images of strong, and ruggedly handsome guys, working in cargo pants and a tight tees, while tearing off shingles, fixing pipes, or climbing tall ladders. These guys are comfortable in their own skin, and confident in their abilities. And they put the people around them at ease, with their inner strength, and charm.

You would think guys like these would be comfortable discussing any topic from the latest electronic gadget to the hottest new Hollywood starlet; and of course everything in between. But in fact, this might not be so.

Take a glimpse into a recent conversation I had with one of these strapping young men.

A guy comes over to fix something at my house. I also know him outside of his work.

Me: Thanks for coming over.

Guy: My pleasure. Now what seems to be the problem.

Me: I’m having an issue in the basement.

Guy: Let me check it out.

After a while, the problem gets fixed and we’re chatting.

Me: So how’s your back been. (He’s had back problems.)

Guy: Feeling better.

Me: That’s cool. Yeah, I’ve been having shoulder issues. Been in PT.

Guy: Me too. I’ve been having forearm, and elbow issues.

Me: Oh really. You’d better stop….you know……(I make a motion with my hand that I think is obvious. Hint: Guys pretend they don’t do this “thing” when their girlfriend asks them.)

Guy: (Looks confused) What do you mean?

Me: You know. (I make motion again.)

Of course I’m really just kidding around. But here’s what happens.

The Guy realizes what I’m referring to finally. Turns beat red. Then turns redder. Starts to stutter. Tries to recover. Tries to say something. Can’t. I smile and say I was just joking around. Uncomfortable silence.

Me: Okay. So. Um. Well then, thanks for coming over.

He leaves and then I realize something.

You can’t judge a guy by the length of his ladder.

Written by Sai: Aka, “One of the Guys”

When my kids are sick I never quite feel right. It’s as if I have a furry woodland creature gnawing away at my stomach lining, trying to claw it’s way in. Somehow I’m able to function with this creature inside of me, but it throws off my equilibrium and my balance. And I get occasional stabs of pain.

My daughter’s been sick the last four days. She’s got a fever. She’s tired, listless, and unhappy. So my wife and I set her up on the couch in our room, so she can sleep, watch TV, and be with us at night. We like to be able to keep an eye on her.

But since we still have to attend to our other responsibilities-like her brothers-we gave her a small bell to ring when she needs us. This same bell we’ve also given to her brothers when they’ve been sick, and it seemed to work well. The boys would use it only when they needed something serious-like they were getting cold, or they were hungry, or lonely. My daughter, well that’s another story.

It all started off innocently enough. She’d ring it for some of the same reasons as the boys. But then she realized the power of the bell, and that’s when things got out of control.

“Daddy, my blanket fell on the floor.” (The couch is six inches above the floor)

“Daddy can you change the channel.” (She’s holding the remote and knows how to use it.)

“Mommy, can you bring me the computer?” (It’s on the bed next to the couch. She’s feeling better and totally capable of walking over to bed.)

“Daddy, what’s your favorite color?”

“Mommy, I want a dog.”

And it went on and on. Every time we’d sit and relax, or get started on a project that damn bell would ring. In fact my wife and I started hearing that bell, even when she wasn’t ringing it.

“Was that the bell?” my wife would say to me.

“No I think it was one of the boys blowing his nose.”

__________________

“I think I hear the bell,” I would say.

“Nope, that’s the dish washer,” my wife would retort.

___________________

And so it went.

And I got to wondering. My boys have had the same bell in their possession, but they’ve only used it when it was absolutely necessary. Actually, we had to push them to use it, otherwise they would have sat in bed and suffered. My boys actually felt threatened by that damn bell.

But not my daughter. Oh no. My daughter felt empowered by the bell. .

So I’ve been pondering what this all means, and how it might relate to the innate qualities of men and women.

Are we truly all hardwired from birth to take on the qualities of gender, passed on by generations before us?

Or is this an isolated incident, unique to my family and my kids?

My boys are like tiny men; you know the kind-they refuse to ask for directions when they’re lost. And my daughter is completely comfortable with the power bestowed on her, wielding it at every opportunity. It’s a funny thought to me, but one that might have some merit to it.

Either way, I’d like to take that bell and send it where it belongs-to the depth of Hades. But I am glad she’s starting to feel better. And she’s hard to say no to.

Gotta run. I hear that freakin’ bell now. Am I’m not kidding!!!!
“I’m coming honey!!”

What do you think?

Dear Guys,

I’m African-American, love my ethnicity, and am fully aware of my history. I also have a sensual leaning for slightly older white males.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the brothers, and latin men can roll the R’s like sin (ooo boy).  However, the majority of my lovers and close male friend happen to be white.

For me and my family this has never been an issue.  But recently a comment was made in a social (and very multi-racial group) that between races was something only the younger generation could fully embrace.

This really struck a nerve with me.  I’ve always believed that true love isn’t color blind, but all accepting.  I never thought of it in terms of generations or age.  Yet I can’t shake the feeling that the statement, may not have been racist, but was very ill-informed.

What do you think?

Liz

Dear Liz,

Great question. We’d love to know the context the statement was made in. However, we’ll still give our opinion on the general topic.

Differences make the world more interesting. But in relationships they are just one more thing to address. Ethnicity, religion, political leanings and class are the big four. But there are more. For as you know, relationships are difficult enough to sustain over a lifetime. Throw one more possible issue into the mix and it only makes it more challenging, especially when raising children.

Honestly, age has nothing to do with embracing differences. In fact we don’t necessarily see more acceptance in the world now. Sure, our country is more integrated in some ways, but when people leave work or school and go home, it’s pretty clear that people who are similar in whatever way, stick together. It’s human nature, and it’s no different for the twenty somethings, forty somethings and sixty somethings. People feel more comfortable with people that are like them.

Sure this country is becoming more and more of a melting pot. And certainly the young people embrace this change more than older people. But generally isn’t that what young people are about? Young people take more risks generally. They push the envelope. They experiment. They explore. And just as their parents influenced them to be more open minded, they’ll influence their kids, and hopefully at some point, maybe 200 years from now, differences, while still being present, won’t be a factor.

THE GUYS are not about ignoring differences. Honestly that just makes the person who is different feel more different. We feel people should embrace differences, even point them out. When it’s obvious, it’s obvious! All this pretending that we’re not different isn’t helping.

So far we haven’t really answered your question have we?

So here goes. No, we don’t agree with your friend.

With all this celebration of differences going on, somehow the white people(European) and the black people(African-American) have still not found a way to celebrate each other and accept one another fully. It’s sad really. Sure, you do. And we certainly do, but the stereotypes and mistrust, still haven’t changed. Yes we’ve absolutely progressed in the last forty years, but it’s a very slow change, and a slower integration than we’d expect.

So when your friends says, “…this is something only the younger generation can embrace….” we say, maybe slightly more. But unfortunately not a lot more.

So no worries. You keep doing your part. We’ll keep doing ours. And hopefully we’ll see the day where this question doesn’t even come up.

THE GUYS

THE GUYS have worked hard to be fair, honest and thoughtful when writing all of our posts. That’s been our trademark since we launched this site. And that’s what has attracted our readers to us.

But we also don’t believe difficult topics should be ignored, as you read in our three posts about “Cheating.” We offered three different perspectives coming from three different sets of experiences. A tough topic indeed, but one that invited positive dialogue and resulted in many questions submitted to us.

This is what we’re about. Creating a forum for discussion that lends itself to growth and understanding. But it doesn’t always work out that way based on the comments section in our most recent post. (We pulled it. A business decision, not an editorial one.)

Differing opinions, even when direct, harsh, strong or unadulterated are part of all of us. We don’t have to look further than Washington to witness this in  its full blown glory. If you turn on the TV or radio, or pick up a paper or magazine, you’ll see it. It’s everywhere. It’s part of us. We have opinions, strong opinions and we all want to voice them.

We stand behind our guest writers. They brought a topic to our attention that we thought might be interesting to explore, so we gave our opinion and offered space for our two guests to give their opinions. Their opinions were different than ours, but we felt it was a good thing for our readers to get a taste of varying perspectives. Isn’t it better to be in the know, than not?

The last thing we’ll say is, guys in general have been called every name in the book. Meathead, bozo, dickhead, asshole, etc. We’ve been stereotyped in every sitcom as lazy, not very good at listening and not in touch with our feelings. We laugh right along with these jokes because even though we’re guys, that’s NOT US! Somehow we always have the sense it’s the other guy they’re making fun of.

THE GUYS