The Guy’s Perspective

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago and now I hardly ever talk on the phone. Of course this irritates my wife to no end. “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys. Talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick, and instead enjoying the work being done for them. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s even more painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men at insurmountable odds; under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more problems with communication via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, and  humor all get lost when the written word isn’t carefully crafted; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person was truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical; but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or my kids, is that they should feel like the only one in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.
How do you think technology fits into personal relationships?

How do you use it?

What do you like about it?

What do you dislike about it?

Where do you think it’s headed?

The Rundown:

Pet Peeves: Babies at the movies. Cell phones.

Ask the Guys: Is technology making us dumber?

Father Stories: Our friend Lovy reflects on her father.

Stream of Consciousness: Summer, Computers, and Guinea Pigs

The Meat: Curse of the Nice Guy

Thanks for listening!

If you haven’t subscribed already, you can do so on our website or on itunes.

Join in the discussion, and leave us a comment on our website, or on our Facebook fan page.

And if you’re so inclined, a five star rating, or a review on itunes would be most appreciated. After the first twenty reviews we’ll be having a drawing for a piece of our merchandise. Shipped to your door from THE GUYS!!

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TGP Episode 5: The Curse of the Nice Guy...and more! [ 42:48 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Happy Father’s Day!

We do a segment on our podcast called “Father Stories.” Since our fathers were influential in shaping the people we are today, we decided to do an entire segment talking about some of the stories we remember growing up. (And yes our mothers were too, but that goes without saying!)

If you’d like to share a story about your father, please drop us a note and put “Father Stories” in the header. We may just read yours on an upcoming podcast. And if you’re a blogger, we’ll certainly give you some props. Thanks!

Also, there’s been some general confusion about THE GUYS. So we’re here to clear this up. Yes, we are a bunch of guys. Some of the guys write. Some of the guys work on the podcast. And some of the guys work behind the scenes. We also have a creative team. So from now on, some of us will be putting our first names on our posts. Any post written collaboratively will be from THE GUYS.

Hope this helps!

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I’m never late. Or at least I never used to be late.

It seems my urge to be productive has begun to affect my punctual side. Whenever I have 15 minutes of “idle time” I try to squeeze every drop I can out of it. I might try to respond to a few more emails, pay a couple of bills, make a quick call, or even try to fix something around the house. After I’ve done these things, sure enough I’ve well surpassed the 15 minutes I once had, and now I’m late to my next appointment. And of course odds are, I will surely land behind a bus or a truck as I race to make up the time on the road.

If this sounds familiar, you are also suffering from over-productivity. Over-productivity you say? How can someone actually be over productive?  Believe me you can. This circumstance happens when your self-induced production diminishes another experience.

We all do this to a certain extent these days. And technology has made it very easy. When the cell phone was introduced it was used primarily for emergencies: being stranded on the road, being lost, or for reminding our spouse to pick up milk for cereal the next morning. But what’s happened is something no one could have predicted. Cell phones have to a great extent replaced landlines. We talk everywhere, including elevators, cars, business meetings, parties and even on dates. It’s given us ways to multi-task that we could never have conceived. But has it actually simplified our lives and made things easier?

Multi-tasking can be a good thing, but it also has a detrimental effect. It constantly beckons us throughout our days. It makes us scattered and unfocused. And it makes us feel like we should always be doing something. Actually not just something, but more than one thing. And if somehow we can do three or four things at once that’s even better. Of course this never-ending cycle will eventually run us into the ground.

And not only is technology doing exactly the opposite of what it was intended, it’s also reaching into other parts of our culture and diminishing those experiences. “Idle” has become a dirty word in our society, and it’s associated with laziness, aimlessness, and worthlessness. But in my mind it’s something we all should strive for more.

Experiences are being lost every day. They are following the lead of the Dodo Bird. Experiences like reading a good book, or taking a relaxing walk on the beach WITHOUT a phone, or sitting without fidgeting while our kids tell us about their day, are all being squeezed out in favor of screen time. Even books are being replaced by computerized versions of themselves.

I for one certainly like all these new gadgets and inventions. It shows that the spirit of ingenuity and invention is still very much alive in our world. But these gadgets shouldn’t replace and dilute everyday experiences. They should enhance them and give us new ways to actually experience life.

We’ve come too far to start regressing, but let’s make sure that even as we squeeze every last drop out of our day, we at least leave a few minutes to enjoy the lemonade, while taking in a quiet sunset.

Are you a multi-tasker? How so?

How do you think technology is impacting our lives? Good? Not so good?

How many things can you do at once? (I’m expecting some creative things here!)

Do you value “idle” time? In what ways?

It’s our first at bat and we come out swinging.

In this show:
“Ask the Guys” (“I found my boyfriend of thirteen years using three dating websites!” We do our best to offer up some practical advice. )
“Father Stories” (Dancing Dads, Herbie Hancock and Car Captivity Communing… It will all make sense, we promise.)
“Stream of Consciousness” (We spin the big wheel and it looks like it’s going to be… Follow our meandering minds.)
“The Meat” (Etiquette, Netiquette, Schmetiquette. Navigating our all too connected lives.)
“Youth is wasted on the Young” (We talk tattoos and trends.)

Listen now:

TGP Episode 1: Technology, Trends, and Tattoos [ 1:03:32 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download