The Guy’s Perspective

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Some recent questions:

How to ask about sex? 

Is my ex-boyfriend still into me?

He’s a musician. Is he worth the wait?

Will he come back?

He won’t bring me out with his friends

Friends with benefits: why me? 

Kissing Cousins: Should we date? 

What does he really want? 

Casual Encounter on Craigslist: Is my relationship over? 

Dear Guys,

I was dating this guy for about 6 months. Things were going good, we were enjoying each other’s time and he was someone I could be open with. Then out of the blue I get this text message saying:

“I just got back from office. I am barely able to finish this text I’m so tired. But it’s important we communicate. I have something to share with you. Met someone that I like and I wanted to give it a fair chance. So I have to be true and fair to myself, you and her. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to continue seeing each other for now. I would like us to remain friends but after a bit of time has passed and I feel comfortable in my relationship. I hope you find it in you to be happy for me and wish me well. It is what I would do.”

It was totally out of left field. I was so hurt. This happened about a month ago and I am still hurt and confused about it. I am 33 and he is 45. This is not something I would have expected from an older man.

My question is, what would make a man break up with somone via a text message? Why did he do that? I gave him no reason to think I am crazy.

Confused and hurt,

Fatisha

Dear Fatisha,

Thanks for your question.

We are as taken aback by this as you are. A 45 year-old guy should know better. We’re sorry.

So we discussed among ourselves the question: Is there ever a time when it’s okay to break up via text?

We could agree on only one scenario:

If a couple uses texting as their primary mode of communication, then it seems reasonable—although still odd to us—that this particular couple could conduct a breakup via texting. Otherwise breaking up in a text message is completely irresponsible and shows a total lack of respect.

We know you’re hurt and sad, but hopefully as time goes by you might realize that this man showed his true colors the day he broke up with you. He used the quickest and easiest way to extricate himself from your relationship and then had the gall to ask for your blessing. This shows how little he valued your relationship, and much about his lack of character and values.

We’d like to think that most people face their challenges head on. They admit if they were wrong. They apologize when warranted. And they don’t avoid those difficult conversations even when they know how unpleasant they are going to be. Clearly your man does not live his life this way. So Fatisha, is this the kind of guy you want to have a long term relationship with? Think about how many challenges life throws at us. Don’t you want someone in your corner who’s got your back? Someone you know you can count on when things get tough? Someone who has your best interests in mind?

Hopefully in your next relationship you have will be a true partnership.

Hang in there,

THE GUYS

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Please visit our new VIDEO PAGE and check out our new videos:

Dating Older Men

Getting Played: Trust your Gut

Getting Played: Listen to your friends

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Dear Friends,

Thank you for all of your questions. We have a serious backlog, but we are working hard at answering them as quickly as possible. Thanks for your patience. Anyone that DONATES to THE GUYS will be moved to the top of the queue, which means we will answer your question within 2-3 days. (See PayPal button on right side of any page.) Yes, we will still try to answer all questions, but questions unaccompanied by a donation become part of the general queue which has a three to four week delay right now. And of course it’s not possible to get to every one.

Please also keep in mind, that although your questions are personal, they are meant for public consumption on this site. Meaning, we’ll be answering them on our blog. (On the “Ask the Guys” page.)

For those of you who have donated to us, THANK YOU. It does take considerable time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. And yes, there are real guys behind the scenes discussing the questions, and responding.

If you’re not sure how much to donate, just give what you’re comfortable with—whatever good advice is worth to you.

Thanks again,

THE GUYS

Some recent questions:

Relationship advice: Dating older men (Also check out our video on the topic. See our video page)

Cheating boyfriend: How do I know it won’t happen again?

Breakup then friends: What’s he thinking?

Break up confusion: Why did you do this?

Four years of confusion

Why did he block and delete me on Facebook?

College Romance: Confused by his intentions

He moved out: What should I do?

Hi guys!

My boyfriend has a friend of the opposite sex that I don’t particularly care for. She is the ex of one of his friends. He says they never hang out alone and that he sees her as a tomboy. When I finally met her she snubbed me. We all went out to eat and she sat right across from me and didn’t say a word to me. After that I didn’t bother to try to get to know her. I told my boyfriend how I felt and he just said I was overreacting. He’s upfront about her and tells me everything.  It’s just so annoying that she texts him all the time and tries to do stuff with him—without me of course. She is now pregnant and texts him everything about her pregnancy even when her water broke. It just seems too much and I don’t get why she tries to always get my boyfriend’s attention, especially when she has a boyfriend of her own.

When I confront my boyfriend he says I’m crazy and he always defends her instead of understanding where I am coming from. It’s not like they were friends before we started dating. They started hanging out because they hang out in the same crowd and she got his number from someone and they have bee texting ever since. I know of this girl and she’s not the most faithful in relationships, so it makes me even more skeptical.

Am I just jealous of this girl? Should I confront her? I don’t know what to do.

Dri

Dri,

Thanks for your question.

No you should not confront her. But you should sit down with your boyfriend and have a heart-to-heart with him. You may, or may not be overreacting, but that’s not for him to decide. The two of you need to talk this through.

Clearly she has some kind of interest in him, but still that has nothing to do with you. You have no control over her, and nor should you waste your energy trying to exert control over her. This has more to do with your own relationship. Your boyfriend should be trying to reassure you that all is well, rather than making light of it. (Although, if jealousy is a pattern with you, that’s a different story. We’re assuming no, as we answer your question.)

We believe people in relationships can have friends of the opposite sex, and in fact we encourage it. The world is too interesting a place to restrict yourself to 50% of the population. However there are a few rules that apply, and your boyfriend may be crossing the line.

We’re speaking to all the boyfriends and girlfriends out there:

1. Never put your friend in front of your boyfriend/girlfriend.

2. Doing activities that are typically reserved for your boyfriend/girlfriend are a no, no. (Dinner, Movies) Unless it’s been discussed ahead of time and everyone is on the same page and okay with it.

3. There should never be any type of hidden conversation going on, or other secrets. And constant texting seems a bit much.

4. If your friend is actually hoping a romantic relationship might develop, then it’s time to pull the plug on the friendship, or at discuss the boundaries.

5. You need to reassure your partner that nothing funny is going on.

6. Your friendship has to feel comfortable for everyone involved.

(Of course some partners will be jealous no matter what is going on. If that’s the case, it could be the partner’s issues.)

One last thought: We also wonder what her boyfriend thinks about her texting some other guy constantly, since she is pregnant with their child? She is definitely crossing the line as well. But once again, that’s something she and her boyfriend have to figure out. You should focus on your relationship.

We hope this puts things in perspective for you Dria.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us. Join us on Facebook. Check out our video: Trust your Gut (Might help)

Please visit our new VIDEO PAGE and check out our very first video:

Getting Played: Trust your Gut

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Dear Friends,

Thank you for all of your questions. We are working hard at answering them as quickly as possible.

For those of you who have donated to us, THANK YOU. It does take considerable time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. And yes, there are real guys behind the scenes discussing the questions, and responding.

If you’re not sure how much to donate, just give what you’re comfortable with—whatever good advice is worth to you.

Thanks again,

THE GUYS

Some recent questions:

My marine decided to call it quits; is there still hope?

Boyfriend loves me, but lacks empathy for others

Can my guy change from his cheating past?

What happened with this guy?

Dating situation: Does this have a chance to become a relationship?

Older woman is confused

Confused: I don’t understand this guy’s behavior?

Multiple Questions

Big problem with relationship: really need help

Hi Guys,

I recently met a man while at a work conference. Sadly we met on the last day, while he had been trying to meet me from lunch time day one. (I’m a bit “dense” when it comes to men). We remain in contact, however; he lives a hour flight away. I’m not rushing into anything, but he remains in contact with me via Facebook and text since we met.

How do I let him know I’m interested in getting to know him more without “freaking” him out?

Shall I listen to the media and wait for him to text me each time, or is it acceptable to text him? It is a challenge when the communication is electronic because of lack of body language etc, But he initiated for us to remain in the contact when we went our own ways. He is a doctor, so he is busy with his change of schedule and location. I am a nurse studying post-grad papers, so we are both occupied. I appreciate and accept his life is busy, but wish to let him know, “Hey… I’m here, I want to talk to you more and wish to get to know you.”

He is nice and does text me on his breaks and is quick to reply when I reply to his texts. However, he said he would text me today and now that I have finished having a busy day, I finally thought, “Hey he said he was going to text me.” That has left me wondering if I should I text him??,

What do you suggest?

Meredith

Meredith,

Thanks for your question.

Typically we would suggest letting the guy be the initiator, but taking into account your particular circumstances, we think it’s okay for you to do some of the initiating. Relationships need momentum to get going, like a train working up a head of steam. Without someone taking the lead in a relationship—and yours being a long distance relationship, which is even harder to get going—it will never get off the ground.

We say, go for it. Since he was the one who wanted to remain in contact, it’s obvious he’s interested in you. We can’t say if it’s just a physical attraction, or if he wants a relationship, but he is interested. So go ahead and text him when you feel like it. If he’s into you he’ll be happy you reached out to him. Just don’t go overboard.

Long distance relationships don’t have that natural day-to-day flow to them. They unfold very differently than “same town” relationships, because some of the action has to be forced, otherwise stagnancy occurs. And since so much is done by phone, or other electronic devices, it’s up to the two people involved to by hyper vigilant when it comes to communicating. Hopefully the two of you will develop some routines, and patterns, to help you get to know one another, and help get this relationship off the ground.

Good luck and keep us posted. Leave us a follow up comment, or feel free to ask another question.

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us.

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

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Thanks so much.

Also, check out our latest podcast. The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.

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This Week’s Questions:

The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

Sex after child

Last week’s questions:

Men and their Guy Trips

Did he ever care at all?

Four years and counting: What’s he thinking?

Questions to come:

Confusion?

Am I being played?

Is he playing me?

Dear Guys,

I met this guy in like August or September and he still occasionally texts me to hang out-not everyday, but like a couple times in a week. But then he won’t text me for a while.

He does a lot of things that confuse me a bit, but recently he does this thing where he will text me to hang out and I’ll say, “Yeah.” And then after my response he won’t text me back. What is the point of that? He’s done that two or three times, and the most recent time I turned him down cause I was working. Another time I just didn’t see his text, so I responded a few days later when I saw it.

Sooo is it possible he thinks I’m playing him and he’s doing it in return? Because I do have a history of being flaky with him, but not recently.

Kate

Dear Kate,

Thanks for writing to us.

We have a question for you. Why do you two only text with this guy? It seems to us that you need to do less texting and more actual talking.

Yes, some of his actions are confusing, but to us, the way both of you are conducting yourselves in this “relationship” seems confusing. Texting in general often leads to misunderstanding. Please talk to him by phone or in person and square some things away.

And Kate, you need to decide if you’re really into this guy, or just into him right now. It’s not like your getting a whole lot from him. If you really are into him start talking to him about how you feel, and see if you can get some information from him about where he stands. If you’re not really that into him, find someone who is going to be more reliable. Reliability is an important quality to have in a partner. It’s a first cousin of trust.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago. I love it! Of course this irritates my wife to no end. She says, “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys, talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick. We like  having the work  done for us. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s ever so painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men, at insurmountable odds, under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd, that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more miscommunications via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many of these situations arose because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, humor are all lost when the written word isn’t carefully laid on the screen; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person is truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or just recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body. But I’m hoping I’m making some progress as my years tick away on this planet.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical, but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or one of my kids, is that they should feel like the only person in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.

What do you use social networks for?
How do you like to communicate?
Should relationships be conducted via social networks?

Check out podcast #8! On this site, and on itunes. Subscribe!

Dear Guys,

I have been dating this guy that lives in AZ for the last 4 months. I’m in California. We get alone well and seem to enjoy each other’s company when we get together almost every other weekend.

But now I’m not seeing him for a month. So I like to talk on the phone every day. For me it helps keep us closer. Lately he hasn’t been very crazy about talking too much or too long. I understand because sometimes we talk at 1am-2am.

So I guess I would like to know how to approach this and what kind of ideas you have to make this time apart more fun. Or give some suggestions on ways to cope with the distance.  In a way, I guess more for me, since I seem to be the one who he needs more reinforcement with love or attention. This is hard at times, but when we see each other it’s good and worth it…thank you!

Patricia

Dear Patricia,

Thanks for writing.

Long distance relationships, are by nature more difficult than a regular relationship. Both people have to be even more diligent about keeping in close contact and being sensitive to the other person’s needs. Otherwise the bond can lose some of its elasticity.

Insecurities can also mount for one person or both, because the comfort of knowing your partner will be home for dinner every night isn’t there. And when insecurities enter into the equation the imagination-or maybe not the imagination-can start to run wild…….What’s he doing? Is he out at a bar? Are there other women involved? Does he not care about me anymore? Is he cheating? And so it goes.

In your case Patricia it doesn’t sound like he’s doing any of these things. At first he was probably happy to talk with you for hours every day, but trying to sustain that, AND go to work, pay the bills, do the chores, can get to be very difficult. To us, he just sounds like he’s resumed his daily life. That doesn’t mean he’s not into you, but it means that balance has been restored, at least for him. His initial rush of hormones have receded to a more manageable level, and he’s back to taking care of business. Don’t worry, as soon as he sees you, everything will come rushing back. At least we hope!

So here are a few suggestions to help you keep in touch, and have some fun. Try limiting the phone conversations to three long ones per week(1 hour), and then maybe three short ones.(5-10 minutes) That will take some of the pressure off. Get a texting plan. Don’t go crazy. But a few texts sprinkled throughout the day could be fun. Maybe even a few “suggestive” ones to spice things up. (Be aware that it’s easy to keep a record of texts….ala Tiger Woods)

What about a daily email? Or send each other a special gift once a week? Alternate weeks. One week you send him a surprise, and another week he does. Make these little things and not expensive. It’s the thought that counts. Use your imagination. We’re sure you can think of something  creative. (Articles of your clothing-and not one of your jackets!, Something engraved that’s small, movie tickets for when you come visit, etc.) Even an actual written letter is quite romantic and very fun to get! It shows how much you care.

Hang in there Patricia. Women are usually much better at keeping in touch in general, so you might have to do a little more of the prompting. But we just want to throw something out there. We don’t know what your plans are, but after another 2-4 months or so, it’s completely reasonable to ask him where things are going. You can’t have a long distance relationship forever, unless you really like it that way. And the whole goal is to one day be together in the same town, or maybe in the same house, if you love each other!

And one final thought. While you’re apart, you might want to keep yourself busy doing some new things.  A book club. Learn a new language. Take a class. Pick up the guitar. Whatever.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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Dear Guys,

So I’m 18 and so is this guy. I work with him and he asked for my number. We’ve been texting/talking for about 5 days now. He always asks sexual joking questions and always texts me 1st. I was thinking he was a player but he’ll also talk to me about personal stuff.  And when I did tell him to go talk to an airhead (blank) girl instead, he was like nahhh. So I don’t get him. What does he want? Please and thank you!

Blake

Dear Blake,

Thanks for writing.

What does he want? He wants you. It’s pretty clear.

We realize this young man is 18, but that still doesn’t excuse his behavior. Since when can’t a guy pick up the phone and actually call- NOT text-and be direct??!!

“Hey Blake. Would you like to go out to dinner?”

or

“Hey Blake. I’d like to take you out.”

Guys have fallen into this bad habit of going for a sure thing. They nibble and they prod, hoping to get the answer they need before they take the plunge. Guys of all ages do this.  But there is no such thing as a sure thing. Life is risky, and this guy needs to step up to the plate and take a real swing.

So to answer your question, yes he likes you, but if he continues this game playing, because it surely is just that, do you really want to deal?

Good luck. And keep us posted.

THE GUYS

If you have a question for THE GUYS drop us a line. We’ll do our best to give you our opinion, either on our blog or our podcast, or both!

Go to the Ask the Guys page.

Dear Guys,

Short bio about me (to get the best picture): 24, student, decently attractive brunette, in pretty good shape, smart (sometimes can be too smart for my own good), thoughtful of others, sarcastic, and get along with most everyone, no enemies, & I’m sure ya hear this a lot, but I am not your typical woman- I mean that in the sense that I am very laid back, not caddy like most, don’t easily get jealous, and won’t breathe down your neck, etc. It’s actually one of the most common comments I hear from the fellows. I do over think things and can be suspicious like most women, but the only people that know that I even feel that way are my close girlfriends that I share those thoughts with. Guys never suspect it. I’ve always been the faithful relationship type since early HS, but I haven’t had much luck lately in the last few years. I seem to most often attract or am attracted to the guys that are unavailable-whether it’s emotionally, physically, in a relationship already, commitment issues, not at that point in their life, and have even had a few stalkers…unavailable nonetheless. Have had a fair share of offers lately, but none that I was really interested in; mostly from “boys” just looking to have a casual good time with a pretty girl- not really my thing. More interested in sharing my company with a man- more mature, looking for long term, no game playing, a real honest gentleman. Not really asking a lot. You could say it’s been a little while since I’ve had those butterfly feelings for a guy.

The story: Met someone yesterday, at Goodwill of all places, he was actually volunteering by choice (yes, that story pans out). He was my age, good looking, in grad-school, was very gentleman-like, mature, smiled a lot- seemed to have pretty much every quality important to me and gave me the vibe as being at that stage where he was ready to meet someone seriously. I even noticed he was nervous (hand was a little shaky, clearing his throat) he actually dropped a book and was a little embarrassed- it was extremely adorable! I felt equally nervous and actually got the butterfly feeling for the first time in a really long time. I felt like I could say or do something so stupid at any moment. We had a decent conversation and a few laughs. When he needed to go back to work, he told me that he really would like to take me out soon and asked for my info; I gave him my contact info and said I would really like that. No games, no playing hard to get- just straight and to the point. I left shortly after, and not even an hour later, he sent me a text to affirm his intentions of taking me out and wanting to get to know me. I playfully joked about how quickly he texted me, sent a smiley face, and said I would really like that. He responded “Haha, well I have no reason to hesitate,” I said I agreed and that I was just giving him a hard time.

*THIS is where I start getting confused. He says, “Oooohhhh, you’re one of those girls.” I am thinking he is being playful back at this point. I ask him “Haha, What kind of girl is that?” and he says, “I can’t say.” I attempt to playfully continue the conversation (1 msg), but I’m left in silence after that. After an hour of nothing said in return, I start to think I said something wrong or maybe he misunderstood me. So I just calmly break the silence and say “Well, I am hoping that wasn’t implied in a negative way. Anyway, I would definitely be interested in going out sometime soon and getting to know you.” There wasn’t a response back and nor did I say anything else for the rest of the night.

This is the first time in a really long time that this has happened to me, but you could say that my brain has officially been ninja’d. I have tried not to think about it, but the scenario keeps playing over and over in my head and am so confused. By 3 PM today, I still had not heard from him, I didn’t want to be the one to text but I’m really not up for game playing, so I gave myself an excuse to go ahead and text him. I just said, “Hey there. I don’t know if you will be volunteering at Goodwill today, but I am about to stop by there here in a little bit to check out an old book on travel that I saw yesterday for a friend since they don’t get off work until 10.” 30 minutes later he replied, “Hey lady. No not volunteering, I took my boat out to the lake today. But I will take you up on going out soon.” (Which I’m also confused about, because he has seemed to turn the tables on me…don’t really know the point of doing that). So I just replied, “Oh, very nice! I’ll be doing that myself this coming weekend. Well have fun, and I will talk to you later then. ” And that’s it.

Could you maybe give me some insight on what exactly is going on in this scenario. I guess I am just confused on why a guy that couldn’t wait even an hour after I left to contact me, and was physically nervous when talking to me, is now all of a sudden kind of giving me the cold shoulder…? I have been out of the dating game for a little while and am obviously a little rusty. Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Lindsay

Dear Lindsay,

Thanks for writing.

First of all, congrats on that butterfly feeling again. That’s a lot of fun. And it sounds like he felt it too.

The rest…well, that’s a bummer. OK, first of all, texting, emailing and “Facebooking” are always ripe for problems. Without being able to read body language or hear inflections in the voice, etc. the words are open for interpretation or misinterpretation. And that’s where problems occur. This is exactly what’s happened in your case. By him. And then by you.

By his reaction he’s obviously had some bad experience with a certain type of woman he defines as, “One of those girls.” That alone shows a major lack of maturity and experience though. (We know you said he was totally cool.) But to stereotype someone before you even go on a date, joking or not, is a red flag. Or it could just be the text thing again.

So here’s our advice. Sit on it. Do not text him again. And do not let him reverse this. He should pursue you, period. Don’t go to the store. Don’t do anything. If nothing happens, chalk it up to a lesson learned. Or maybe chalk it up to bad luck. Or maybe chalk it up to, “I thought it was great, but it really wasn’t.”

If he does call and it gets weird again, bag it. Really, it’s not worth it. If you do go out, temper your excitement, and just see how it goes. It might all work itself out, but take it one step at a time.

Listen Lindsay, you sound like a cool girl, who’s got her stuff together. There are plenty of cool guys out there, who will appreciate you even if you are “one of those girls.” (Just kidding.) And what the hell does that even mean, “one of those girls???”

And as far as we’re concerned,  it’s okay if you “overthink” things occasionally, or are a bit suspicious of guys. We’ve earned our reputation. But try to keep an open mind. We’re not all like that.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. Maybe you should go after a nerd? Just sayin’!

To ask THE GUYS a question, drop us a line on the “Ask the Guys” page on this website.

We also answer questions on our podcast. Check it out on “Podcast” page or on itunes. And we’ll be coming soon to Zune as well.