The Guy’s Perspective

Dear Readers,

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We are trying our best to answer all of your questions as quickly as we can. However, due to the number of questions we receive each day, you can expect to wait about a month before your question gets addressed. And keep in mind, that even though we try, it’s not possible for us to answer every single question.

Also, thanks to those of you who have donated. It does take a considerable amount of time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. (Please consider a donation. We have been known to answer those questions quickly.)

THE GUYS

Listen to our podcast, Episode #47 to hear our first ever “Ask the Guys Blitz!” We challenged ourselves to answer ten of your questions in twenty minutes. Listen to see if we met our goal.

Here are the questions we answered:

From Sarah: My younger man turned ugly

From Just so Confused: I need constant communication and he doesn’t

From Emilie: Will he come back?

From Laulena: Will we ever be more than friends?

From Paula: Will his career always be more important than me?

From John: My girlfriend said she needs space before getting back together

From Ruka: Does my older guy just want sex?

From Liz: He doesn’t want a long distance relationship; What now?

From Shamika: Lending my boyfriend money

From Sam: Should I move to be with him?

If you have a question of your own leave us a note. Or give us a call at: 347-855-GUYS. (4897)

TGP Ep.47  Corn Pwned, Pumpkin Party Problem & Ask the Guys BLITZ!

TGP Ep.47 Corn Pwned, Pumpkin Party Problem & Ask the Guys BLITZ! [ 52:01 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

In the News:
Is this just another skirmish in the great “Asking for Directions” battle?  What do you think about the Massachusetts couple that dialed 911 after being lost in a corn maze?  We certainly have our opinions.

Father Stories:
Our family traditions are what bind us together, so it’s hard when we see our kids growing up and out of those things.  Sai shares a Halloween story that finds his son pulled in two directions.  You can read Sai’s full article about this in the MetroWest Daily.
What are your great childhood Halloween memories?

Ask the Guy’s BLITZ!
This week we attempt to answer 10 great listener questions in 20 minutes all while giving them the weight they deserve.  Do we make it?  Listen and find out!

And…
As always if you have any comments, kudos or criticisms let us know.  You can also share your stories in any of our segments including:
Pet Peeves
Father Stories
Are We the Only Ones
Youth is Wasted on the Young
The Truth
Stream of Consciousness
Ask the Guys
Call our voicemail line any time 24/7 at 347-855-GUYS (4897) or click the Contact Us
tab on The Guys Perspective website.

The Relationship Guy  by Saelen Ghose (Originally published in The MetroWest Daily)

Here’s an interesting concept: let’s all slow down to build relationships, by speeding up the pace of communication. This doesn’t make sense to you? Well, it didn’t for me either, that is, until I met Matt Lauzon, the CEO of Gemvara, the fastest growing online jewelry store in the world.

Sept 17 @saelenghose I signed up for Twitter today so I could follow Matt Lauzon and see why he uses it religiously. 

Lauzon is a bit too young to be a dinosaur, but that’s exactly what he is. By using modern forms of communication—social networking, more specifically Twitter—he is bringing back some of the core values we seem to have lost in this me-centered, steroid-amped, “bigger is better” world. In fact, Lauzon cares so much about connecting with actual human beings that he’s encouraged, no, rather demanded, that each of his “Gemvarians” get on board with his list of Core Values. And top on that list: build meaningful relationships with everyone you touch. At this point it’s clear he’s not your typical CEO of a multi-million dollar company—more like a CRO: Chief Relationships Officer.

Sept 18 @saelenghose I learned something new on Twitter. RT stands for Re-Tweet: giving credit to the person who said it first. 

“Is this guy for real?” I ask myself, not in a sarcastic or condescending way, but more of “I’m blown away” type of way. But here he is, quietly, but energetically explaining who he is and how he runs his company. Actually he doesn’t need to explain either because they are one and the same. Matt Lauzon is Gemvara. And Gemvara is Matt Lauzon. He’s building a brand where there are no boundaries. “There used to be a personal life brand and a business brand,” says Lauzon. “Some CEOs aren’t comfortable with this approach. A lot of people say I’m giving away too much by showing what I’m going to launch. But our fundamental belief is that we are going to be authentic and transparent and that’s a way to build credibility in a relationship.” I joke, “Really what you are selling is trust, not jewelry.” Lauzon stares at me, and then jumps up to write it down. I don’t realize it at that moment, but this is my first Re-Tweet.

Sept 16 @saelenghose RT @mattlauzon Funny how as a kid you dread hanging with your parents but as you get older you look forward to it.

Matt Lauzon is much younger than I am. Or rather, I am much older than Matt Lauzon, so when I discover his Tweet late one night about his parents, my heart warms. As a parent of three children myself, I can only dream that my kids will be announcing to the world their connection to me in some futuristic social networking fashion as Lauzon Tweets about his parents now. “My heart warms” is an understatement, more like my eyes moisten, and I have a strong urge to wake my kids and hug them.

Sept 13 RT @mattlauzon Enroute back to Boston. Committed to staying connected with different offices. Constant communication is so important.

Gemvara is not just an online jewelry destination; it is a family of people committed to building relationships, which includes the people employed by Gemvara, the new customers that consider Gemvara their jeweler, and the many followers on Twitter and other social networking sites that just want to be be part of something different, something moving, something groundbreaking—a throwback, if you will, to a time when people did business face-to-face.

The beginnings of Gemvara (www.gemvara.com) actually began with Paragon Lake, Lauzon’s first company which he co-founded while still an undergraduate at Babson. “I was fascinated by mass customization and ecommerce, so I started the company with a friend. We saw how disconnected it seemed that people couldn’t get exactly the jewelry they wanted.” So Paragon Lake filled this void by using web-based technology giving customers the ability to create their own personalized jewelry. “We launched in 50 jewelry stores. Our initial plan was to connect stores and online business. But what we realized is that you had to work directly with customers to build relationships. It was hard to work through local jewelers because they had their own way of doing things.” Born from that realization was Gemvara.

Lauzon launched Gemvara in March of 2010. Since then the business has grown exponentially to the point where Lauzon needed a bigger space to run his operations. In the last few months he has moved his company from its incubator space in Lexington to its current location in the heart of the financial district in Boston.

So I ask him, “Let’s say I wanted to buy my wife a ring. Take me through the steps.” I wasn’t actually in the market for a ring, but after sitting with Lauzon and listening to him speak about his company I’m almost ready to break out my wallet and become a customer. He tells me that I could pretty much create any piece I want, choosing from the many choices of gems, precious metals, and accessories. Their rendering technology allows customers to virtually create the piece of their dreams. After the customer is satisfied with his or her creation, Gemvara uses several manufacturers right here in the USA to make the jewelry. By not housing inventory, Gemvara is able to pass along savings to customers.

Sept 20 @saelenghose If jewelry equals relationships and relationships equal Gemvara then it would only follow that jewelry equals Gemvara. 

While Lauzon is explaining his company to me he suddenly jumps up to draw a graph. I smile to myself. He definitely is authentic. Lauzon draws while explaining how people make decisions about purchasing products. “Initially, the decision comes from an emotional place. ‘I want to surprise my wife with a gift.’ Then it moves to a more rational place. ‘Is this good quality? Am I getting a deal? What’s the return policy?’ Then it moves back to an emotional place. ‘Is this the best gift I can get her?’ He continues. “Most companies spend 95% of their time and resources on the rational part of the decision. But we’re about building relationships, so we focus on the emotional. We spend a lot of time talking to customers on the phone, email, or live chat, about things that have nothing to do with jewelry.”

It’s clear that Lauzon is sincere. Every time we talk about the nuts and bolts of his company the conversation reverts back to building relationships. At one point while discussing why he uses Twitter to stay connected to people he pulls out his phone. “For example, my mom knows what’s going on with me. She reads my Tweets.” As he tries to explain what he means, he pauses and says, “It’s so, um….” He pauses again, mind churning. “That would be funny. We should get my mom on the phone and have her describe how Twitter works for her. She would be so excited. Or would that be a weird thing to do?” I stare at him and think, “A loyal and loving son. If he’s not careful I’m going to hug him too.”

Sept 22 @saelenghose  If you have no idea what Twitter is, join, just to follow @Matt Lauzon #Gemvara (# marks a keyword in a Tweet.)

As I wrap up our interview I ask him what’s in store for the future. He talks about doing another “Pay it Forward” event like the one he organized on a lark with friends in June of 2011, called Ruby Riot. (“Pay it forward” being when you don’t repay the person who did something nice for you. Instead, you do something nice for someone else.) Lauzon and some friends organized this event hoping people from all walks of life would come. “We just asked that everyone commit to doing at least one good thing for someone else. And over 900 people showed up. There were so many people, a second location opened up for the people waiting in line. I’d like to do more stuff like Ruby Riot. I’m passionate around the Innovation District, and the startup scene here in the Boston area. I’m trying to facilitate more people being successful here.”

And so it comes back to building relationships. Lauzon and Gemvara are the same, intertwined by a united goal of building a community, a family. This is easy for Lauzon because it’s his life, his job. CRO: Chief Relationships Officer.

Sept 24 @saelenghose  I’m a believer. #Gemvara

Thank you listeners for your support over this last year. While we’re putting together a bunch of new shows we thought we’d replay a few memorable moments for you.

We start off with a Pet Peeve segment from Episode 9: Food Porn, Friends with Benefits, School Dilemma. Gordon Ramsay may be evil.

Next we continue with Father Stories from Episode 4: Endings, excess, and envy Sai makes amends with the neighbor.

Next up The Truth. Cucch brings a stumper with three stories about social media from Episode 15: Getting played, The Truth, India

We conclude with THE MEAT. Cucch shows how much he knows about football. Well, kind of. Episode 11: Customer Service, football, and listening

If you’d like to ask us a question about guys, call us at: 347-855-GUYS(4897). Also call if you’d like to share a Father Story, Pet Peeve, or leave a comment.

You can also ask us a relationship question, which we’ll answer either on our podcast or on our Ask the Guys page.

And leave us a five star review on itunes. We’d appreciate it. Thanks!

TGP Episode 35: Memorable moments from episodes 1-34 [ 33:55 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Check out our You Tube Channel. Getting Played. Please Subscribe and leave us a comment.

Contest: We reveal the name of the winner!

Vignettes: A few humorous stories from a recent road trip.

The Truth: The anti-social network. Cucch spins a few yarns. Does he finally trip up Sai?

Father Stories: Journey to India.

Ask the Guys: Boyfriend Daddy, Long term feelings, Confused

THE MEAT: Getting Played

Next Episode: It’s all things creepy. Please share your creepy stories, or anything you find to be creepy. Or share your favorite Halloween stories, or anything about Halloween that you love or hate.

Call us at: 347-855-GUYS or leave us a note on our website, at The Guy’s Perspective dot com.

TGP Episode 15: Getting Played, The Truth, India [ 42:16 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago. I love it! Of course this irritates my wife to no end. She says, “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys, talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick. We like  having the work  done for us. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s ever so painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men, at insurmountable odds, under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd, that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more miscommunications via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many of these situations arose because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, humor are all lost when the written word isn’t carefully laid on the screen; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person is truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or just recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body. But I’m hoping I’m making some progress as my years tick away on this planet.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical, but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or one of my kids, is that they should feel like the only person in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.

What do you use social networks for?
How do you like to communicate?
Should relationships be conducted via social networks?

Check out podcast #8! On this site, and on itunes. Subscribe!

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago and now I hardly ever talk on the phone. Of course this irritates my wife to no end. “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys. Talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick, and instead enjoying the work being done for them. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s even more painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men at insurmountable odds; under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more problems with communication via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, and  humor all get lost when the written word isn’t carefully crafted; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person was truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical; but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or my kids, is that they should feel like the only one in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.
How do you think technology fits into personal relationships?

How do you use it?

What do you like about it?

What do you dislike about it?

Where do you think it’s headed?