Guys just can’t get a break these days. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Bad parenting, infidelity, you name it. But the final knock out punch was when I heard that Tiger Woods had now joined the club of cheaters. Not Tiger! Please say it aint’ so!
This news rocked my world. Not that I follow celebrities and athletes and their various extra-curricular activities too much. But Tiger….Well, he’s Tiger. I’ve always rooted for him in all aspects of his life, on and off the course. He’s always been so unique, so talented, so cool.
But now what? The GUYS and I have been working hard to promote men as emotionally stable, self-aware beings. This news hardly helps our cause. I mean, Tiger??!!! I keep thinking it’s a bad joke, but apparently it’s far from that.
Tiger’s famous, with all the money in the world, a beautiful wife and two healthy children. And he’s the best golfer in the world, which is what he’s probably envied the most for. So how can he have any possible motivation to cheat? How does this even enter his psyche?
But let’s ask the bigger question, “Why do men cheat in general?”
Chris Rock famously said, “Men are only as faithful as their opportunities.” I get the joke, but I’m not so sure it really applies. Men cheat because they choose to cheat and because something is missing from their lives that they aren’t aware of. It’s not men who cheat, it’s individual men.
But it doesn’t hurt to at least look at the list that is most often cited for why guys cheat:
Guys crave variety.
Guys want more excitement, which includes chasing skirts.
Guys want to do things sexually that their wives don’t want to do.
Guys want to experience the “First” sensation again. First kiss. Love at first sight. First everything.
Guys get bored easily.
Sure those may all true, but mainly they’re just excuses. And I’ve talked to enough women to know that they want these things too.
The real reason is, these guys have never learned how to live in the real world. Instead, they live in a fantasy world of their own creation. And what a fun place to live.
Imagine a place where you can have love and security. You can have your ego stroked 24/7. You get unconditional love. Lots of money and toys. Sex anytime you want with anyone you choose. AND you have no responsibilities except making yourself happy. Wow, what a play land that is!!!!
However, therein lies the problem. These cheaters are not happy. They spend their lives searching, chasing, looking, only to find dead end after dead end. For them it’s all about the future, not THE NOW. But happiness comes from within. The rest is all about choice. What choices do I want to make? And how do my choices impact the people in my life?
Tiger is left to deal with the aftermath of his bad choices. I feel sorry for him, but I feel more sorry for his wife and kids. What a mess!!!! But this cheating thing isn’t a guy problem it’s a people problem. It’s individuals who haven’t evolved past an egocentric view of the world. And our society is feeding into that more and more. Everyone’s looking for instant gratification, instant success, instant fame. But it’s all just a facade. A cover up.
It’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to feel down or depressed. I’m not talking clinically, I just mean we constantly try to cover up uncomfortable emotions with stimuli, instead of exploring where the emotions are coming from or just experiencing them. Every emotion is part of the human experience and that in itself is wonderful.
I’m still rooting for Tiger. I’m still rooting for him to wake up and take a hard look at himself. Maybe it’s too late to fix the mess, but it’s not too late to make changes going forward.
And as far as the rest of us GUYS, we all have to make individual choices and stop making excuses for ourselves and our buddies. So ladies, don’t give up on us.
Because what would you do without us?? (OK, you don’t have to answer that)
“ONE of THE GUYS”
Excellent post, GUYS. I do not feel sorry for Tiger Woods, but then I don’t feel sorry for anyone who cheats and then it hits the fan. A person either has good character or they don’t. What I will never understand is why a person stays married but cheats time after time? Is it because of the alimony/child support issues, or as in Tiger’s case, an image issue? A simple, “I don’t love you anymore so here’s the deal” would be much better all around. Do guys know that women cheat too? For some reason it doesn’t get the play that guys do, but they are out there, believe me.
I can’t feel sorry for Tiger, or any other cheater. I agree with most of your post, but I think one component is missing. Some men cheat because they simply can. There isn’t a real reason for it, ask me how I know. The funny thing is that if Tiger thought his wife was tipping on him, he’d instantly become more attentive and focused on her. Something about another man sampling what you think is yours can make a cheater indignant. Of course as soon as the threat is over, they’re back to their cheating ways. Don’t get me wrong, women can be just as bad. However, it’s been my experience that when a woman cheats she’s looking for a replacement. When men cheat it’s because their playstation is on the fritz (wink).
Excellent post, Guys! I do feel for Tiger, not because he was caught, but because his infidelity has become a number one topic of conversation around the world. Celebrity comes with a price, and the right to privacy is a big part of that price. His poor family will also have to pay the privacy price, and he will have to live with that shame.
And as for that Chris Rock quote, I had no idea he’d said that! I thought my husband came up with that one.
He has no right to privacy! NONE!
Don’t forget competitive drive. There’s something about these elite athletes that they can’t turn off. It’s something about the need to win and conquer. It leads them to gambling, infidelity, and all kinds of bad choices. Wilt Chamberlin had it. Magic Johnson had it. Walter Payton had it. Michael Jordan had it. What those guys didn’t have was the “Gentleman Golfer” image. Tiger is venturing quickly into Mike Tyson territory… where nothing I hear about him will shock me any more.
10 women so far? Does that put him on the back 9?
Thanks for a great post. I am a woman, and I have also been a cheater. In fact, it was usually me who cheated in my relationships.
I don’t do that anymore.
I don’t think I could connect sexually, or should I say, I did not know how to be intimate. I don’t want to play the victim here, but sometimes things happen in our childhoods that make us disconnect from intimacy and love. Not knowing I was disconnected, I craved sex…and it was much easier with men that I didn’t know well.
It’s taken me a long time to climb out of that horrible little box, and I’m not the same woman anymore. But when I watch Tiger, all I can think of is I wonder….is he having the same issues?
I don’t know much about his upbringing–none of us do–but we’ve all heard tales of how his father pushed him into golfing long before he had a choice. His childhood was taken away. Sort of like Michael Jackson. Now, if you believe Michael was a pedofile or you don’t (and I don’t) it was quite apparent he wasn’t capable of muture and intimate relationships.
I think Tiger was crying out for help. And this might have been the best thing that ever happened to him.
I had hoped this tabloid story would turn out to be false. You said it best-”he’s Tiger!” Why would he do this? Its very disappointing.
As for the cheating aspect, I agree that its not men (or women!) Its individuals that cheat. Selfish ones! There are good people out there. Its really too bad our society can’t focus on them for a change.The best things in life are acheived through hard work, dedication and time. None of this instant crap. Like instant coffee-its not as satisfying and leaves a bad taste in your mouth!
wow….excellent post. Seriously. Very well said.
I did a post a while back that dealt with celebs and relationships, and I think I may do an updated on because it applies to so many who have disastrous relationships whether it’s infidelity or just a string of troubled to relationships. I think that the big ego that makes them so successful needs to be checked at the door when it comes to their relationship (which I know is easier said than done).
I was very very affected at the news when it came out. Not that I ever idolized Tiger Woods. But just because the news and the gory details were so hurtful, I felt. As a woman, I myself was hurt hearing all those…wome…talk so blatantly in the open about their affairs with T.W. as if they were born without brains, without a heart, and without a soul. As if the only parts of their bodies is a vagina.
It was all too hurtful.
And now the toll is up to 11???
Not all men are like Tiger. I know that. And I think that most men are disgusted by him.
I think that he is a cheater, because he thinks that the money he has gives him the right to.
Having too much money without the strong character and upbringing and value and soul- is a path to destruction.
It IS all too devastating. But. He is just one man. Who happens to be good at playing golf and so everybody knows him. He doesn’t represent manhood. Not at all.
I wonder how his parents raised him. Where is he from? The slums?
Me too I’, rooting for Tiger and his family and that both men and women determine how to learn to commit to monogamy in these conditions..I’ve been married three times thus it took me awhile to learn how to stay married so there’s not judgement we all have a lot to understand and the information never stops changing and you have to commit to staying in touch with each other and growing together rather then one moving forward and the other not. It’s no easy road to a successful and long marriage however, it can happen although we need a real overhaul on standards and I’m not sure we’ll ever really see it..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
I wonder how many men could withstand the constant offers of sex that celebrities get. In the seventies, a friend of mine (male) was in a moderately famous rock band. It was unbelievable how much sex he was offered all the time; he loved every minute of it, but even he was shocked by the sheer number of women who threw themselves at him and the other band members.
Maybe it’s ego and competition as others here have suggested, but I really do wonder how people would fare in the same situation.
Having said that, I think Tiger needs to get his house in order and figure out how to handle the situation, and I feel sorry for his family.
I honestly don’t have a clue ….why do men cheat what a Mess! ..But then I do feel sorry for him as well as his family… I suppose I will agree with Chris Rock, “Men are only as faithful as their opportunities.”. May God help him thru all this …
It’s so refreshing to hear men talk like this and condemn cheating. Every man I’ve ever dated that has cheated has offered those same excuses for their behavior and it’s BS. Even the ones who haven’t cheated have offered those excuses for their friends who have. I’m glad to know that not all men are the narcissistic a**holes I’ve encountered.
Most men and women in our culture “cheat” at some point in their lives. It’s almost unrealistic to expect them not to. It might be even more worth asking why some people don’t. I’d love to hear the answers to that.
@ChrisJ….that certainly would be tougher. Like anything, the more options you have the more things you have to say no too. My sense is the people who aren’t going to cheat, still wouldn’t, but the people who are on the fence, might jump off quickly. And those who already were going to cheat, well they’re in playland.
@nothingprofound……I’m not sure what you mean by “cheat.” If you just mean cheat in general, then maybe, but if we’re talking about cheating on a partner, I have to say it’s less than half. But that’s just the info I’ve gathered over the years with all THE GUYS. But of course you’ve polled a different audience.
Sorry I’ve been MIA — I love the new site but you no longer update on blogger blog roll
Anyway back to the post -> very well said!! I to have always been a Tiger fan but at this point I feel so sorry for his wife (soon to be ex) and his kids. I’m sure living in the public eye comes with lots of pressure but come on, did he seriously think he wouldn’t get caught??!!!