The Guy's Perspective

For about four years in my twenties I didn’t own a TV. Those were my pseudo intellectual years where I was consuming every book I could get my hands on, making up for teen apathy. I didn’t really think much of it. I was too busy trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up. That was pretty damn time consuming.

But now, years later, I do in fact own a TV;  mainly because I love watching sports.

Yes, I’m a book loving, information seeking guy, who is also stereotypically into competition and sports. The thrill of conquest, or at least watching conquest, is hard wired into my brain along with the millions of other men around the globe. If we had our first choice, it would be us out there on the field or on the court, but since life has taken us in different directions, we’re satisfied to live vicariously through our heroes, or anti-heroes. (There’s that hero word again!)

But this post wasn’t going to be about that. I had something completely different in mind.

I was watching the football playoffs on TV and shouting at the refs for not calling a particular penalty. I kept yelling, “Just throw the flag!” At the same time, my boys wouldn’t stop arguing about some silly little toy that neither had played with since they were four. (They’re now nine and seven.) I kept telling them to knock it off, but they just wouldn’t stop. What is up with boys??? And then they turn into men. (A topic for another time.)

Then it hit me. I needed to go out and buy two yellow flags to keep on my person at all times. And two for my wife. What if we started running our house like a football game?  A game where we’d be the referees.

Here are the rules:

1. Father or mother both carry flags.

2. Penalties include, but not limited to:  fighting with siblings, not listening to parents, bouncing balls off walls, picking nose and putting on table while we’re eating, throwing shoes anywhere and everywhere when coming home from school, not flushing toilet with large poop in it, whining about homework and piano practice, etc.

3. Flags can be thrown for any of these infractions.

4. Once flag is thrown everyone must freeze.

5. Said parent announces to house what the infraction was and how the penalty will be assessed.

6. If this direction is not followed, a second penalty will be assessed.

7. (And this is the best part) Whomever the penalty is on, must pick up the flag and hand it back to parent….. and then apologize. (I love that!!!)

And the fringe benefit to this? I won’t even need to own a TV anymore. Because instead of watching, I’ll actually be part of the game…..or more like in charge. Sweet!!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Tags: competition, conquest, fighting, flags, guys, kids, penalties, referees, rules, sports, television, TV

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 7:50 pm and is filed under Essays, Humor, guys, parenting, relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.