My middle guy and I play this pumpkin counting game around Halloween. We drive around town and count all the pumpkins we see. Well actually, he does the counting and I sip my coffee and nod in encouragement. It’s a win, win. I get to relax, enjoy his company and drink my favorite cup of Joe. He gets to work on his number skills and get excited about Halloween.

The most we’ve ever counted is around 100 or so. But just today he was telling his brother about it, and he said, “Oh, this is where dad and I drive to play the pumpkin counting game. The last time I counted like, 276!”

I’m thinking, “Ahh……276 you say?!” But who am I to get in the way of boys and their one-upmanship games. This kind of stuff goes on day in and day out in my house. I don’t know where the boys learned to exaggerate, but they do it with the best of them. They’ve never heard me do it…..

Ahem…..Cough…cough…choke….choke…….

Ok, fine, so I’ve told a few tales in my life. Guys are notorious for this. It starts at an early age, with boys telling how many of this or that they have. But it quickly spirals into more complex descriptions.

“You should have seen this dog! It was bigger than a polar bear, with teeth that were like screwdrivers!”

“Oh really? A polar bear you say? With screwdriver teeth? How about a gorilla with fangs bigger than ten chain saws!?”

“Totally dude!” said with all seriousness and sensing no sarcasm.

But as boys mature into men and they “evolve” and well, change, somehow the exaggerations just get more……exaggerated!

Here’s one I heard in the past year.

“You should have seen Lebron dunk last night! I saw him do this dunk from half court!”

“Half court? Really! Amazing!” said with all seriousness. This time no sarcasm.

All THE GUYS  know it’s an exaggeration, but we don’t care. It makes the story so much more interesting. And we all somehow agree that it’s OK, at least to the level at which we deem appropriate and allowable. This level is unwritten, but we all know where it is. Anything beyond that and the Guy gets called out, and we go to You Tube to confirm.

So let’s sum this up.

1. Boys exaggerate. Anything goes. The word infinity is used a lot. Or whatever word that is currently being used as THE MOST. Gazillion comes to mind too.

2. Guys exaggerate too, but only to an agreed upon level. Anything beyond that is a crime.

So what do guys do next? They resort to exaggerations that can’t be confirmed, so they think. Alpha Male exaggerations.

This is called Bedroom Mythology.

“You should have seen her (Fill in with whatever)! Amazing! The best I’ve ever seen!”

OR

“You should have heard her scream. She said I was the best ever!”

I could go on, but you get the picture. Lots of “bests” thrown in for good measure. Of course what guys don’t realize is that the world works in circuitous ways.

His girlfriend is friends with the sister of his bosses accountant. Who also just happens to do her taxes too. Somehow the real story leaks out during a touchy audit in which the Real Member is exposed as a sex toy aptly named, “Big John.” This particular toy was deducted as a loss, which of course we all know was really a big gain. A big, NO, NO all around!

And somehow all of his buddies find out the truth! Busted!!

Because this is what guys do. They exaggerate as far as they can go without getting caught. If you give them an inch, they’ll shoot for two. So all of a sudden a modest 5 becomes 6 and then 7. Oh, c’mon…minds out of the gutter! I’m talking about how many hamburgers I ate the other day!

So I know that 276 pumpkins will, day by day, rise to over 1,000. But it’s part of being a boy. They need those skills to live in a world where bigger is always considered to be better. At least in the eyes of…….um….everyone.

Anyway, what exaggerations have you told, or have been told?

“ONE of THE GUYS”