Archive for the ‘Current Affairs’ Category

« Older Entries

Stream of Consciousness

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

This is part three of our miniseries, recognizing some of the sites we love. Check them out at the bottom of this post.

The first post we dipped back into time bringing you a piece of nostalgia from our childhood. “The Uniform”

The second post was all about expectations of that “coming of age” event called, “The Prom.”

Now from, “One of The Guys”

Well, this is going to be more of a stream of consciousness post. I’m just going to see where it goes. I like to do that sometimes. I might have a nugget of an idea, and then see how far I can develop it, similar to improvising on a theme when I play music. That’s what improvising is all about. Not knowing where the story is going, but still having some parameters to work with; basically the other musicians, the chord changes (if there are any) and the audience, because surely their enthusiasm or lack thereof dictates how the story is told.

And isn’t that the truth? Isn’t that what life is like? What being a person on this planet is like? One Big Blessed Improv Routine!! I mean seriously. We don’t know what the hell we’re really doing, where we’re going, what’s right, what’s wrong, who we really are. In fact by the time we THINK we’ve kind of figured it all out, we know the story is just about to conclude, and there’s no way to alter the ending.

I think about this a lot when I’m at home dealing with my kids. I try to give them parameters to work with, but I can’t control their own story as much as I’d like to sometimes. Why do I want to control it? Because this world is a scary place. And the older I get the scarier I think it is. Now don’t get me wrong. I work hard to see the beauty in all of it too, and I try not to let my fears paralyze me, or my kids. But now that I do have a family, life somehow seems more precarious, more fragile.

I remember being a bold teen, walking down the city streets alone, and not being scared of anything. Ignorance is bliss.

BUT NOW?

Now, the freaking squirrels scare the crap out of me. I think to myself, if one of those little ferocious beasts actually attacked me or the kids, I don’t think I could fight it off. Seriously! Could you? What if all the squirrels in the world decided to attack at once? We’d all be TOAST!

What does this mean besides that I’m nuts?

It means that we all have to trust in “the order of the universe.” Trust that the sun will come up…..at least occasionally where I live. Trust that darkness will come so we can rest. Trust that our kids will learn their own lessons and grow from them. And trust that the damn squirrels will stick to the trees.

So as I navigate through this world, it’s clear to me that I’m not alone. That no matter how nutty my thoughts are, I know I can just search, “Nutty Thoughts” on the web and find about a million people who think exactly as I do. (I’m not sure if that’s comforting or not, but it’s still amazing)

So what’s the lesson.?

We need to stick together, that’s what. We need to try to understand one another and realize that we all have so much more in common than we don’t.  We need to realize we all care about our families and we all want our kids to grow up and be happy and have opportunities. We all want to sit back and watch a game and root for our team without being castigated or threatened. We want the simple things too. A nice meal with a friend OR by ourselves. A quiet time to think. A good run, or walk. A night out to watch a concert. Some alone time with our honey. Or maybe time to read a cool blog, or find some cool new app on our iphone. (I don’t have one yet) We all just want to live and enjoy the time while we are here. Have fun. And maybe try to figure out where we’re headed after our time is up on this planet earth. Or maybe not.

Sure we’re all unique and that’s what makes this place so damn cool! But until we start acknowledging our similarities, we can’t celebrate our differences, to use a common PC expression. (Don’t get me started about being PC)

And let’s be honest, who the hell isn’t scared shitless of squirrels?

Take some time to check out these great sites. They cover all the things you might be interested in: Politics, Art, Philosophy, Religion,Parenting, Travel, and lots of humor! Enjoy!

Ask Cherlock

Astronomy for Everyone

A Little Girl Talk

Out of Context: Pieces for a Life (aphorisms)

Artistry Infaux

Applause for a Cause

Decaffeinated Coffee

Footsteps (Travels and Journeys)

Jeans Musings

Mad Kane

SuperMommy to the Rescue

Sugar Snow

Superficial Gallery

TJ Lubrano

The Suss

Virtual Synapses

Writing to Survive

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Humor, Ideas, guys, relationships | 35 Comments »

Where are my pants?

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Lately I’ve been having this strange sensation. After leaving the house and arriving at wherever I’m going, I say to myself, “Did I remember to wear pants?”

Seriously! I actually check myself to see. Although, by the time I arrive at my destination it’s probably a bit too late.

I’m not sure what this is all about, but it’s somewhat alarming. And it seems to be part of a trend, rather than an isolated incident. I think it’s probably due to the fact that my head is so overwhelmed with life I can barely stand. Like all of you, I’m trying to juggle a family, a job and my own personal journey. This is tough to do, very tough. In fact the only way to survive this is to get rid of things.

Picture yourself on a hot air balloon that is descending quickly because of too much weight. What do you do? You start chucking stuff over the side. What goes first? Things that you brought that you really can’t use on a hot air balloon. Maybe a toaster, baseball bat, your knife collection or whatever furniture you thought would make the ride more cozy.

I’m not saying that my pants would be the first thing to go, but maybe it’s because they are something I really do need, that I fear I may have forgotten them. This is similar to dreams where you can’t find your classroom for your final exam, or forgetting to put your newborn IN the car, but instead leaving them on TOP of the car.

So many sweet moments come and go every day and I’m panicked that I’m missing them. Or I fear that they’ll never actually stick in my memory and then be long forgotten in the sea of lost moments. To me, that is TERROR, far scarier than any horror movie. Because memories are what make every wonderful moment last forever.

So maybe it is time to get rid of some things that aren’t important and “unclutter” my brain. That way I’ll be more PRESENT in everything that I do! And maybe I’ll actually start remembering things again.

And if this “uncluttering” process requires some sort of sacrifice, then why not My Pants! It seems like a small price to pay to get my memories back.

What would you be happy to sacrifice so you can remember again?

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas, guys, relationships | 27 Comments »

Personal Space Invaders

Wednesday, February 10th, 2010

Our world is changing fast, especially from a technological standpoint. The ability to communicate with anyone around the world has become as easy as turning on the faucet. Cell phones, email, skype and social networking sites all provide access and make the world essentially a smaller place.

So is this a good thing? We say yes for the most part, because with a larger market there are more opportunities. However, this also comes with new forms of abuse.

Privacy has taken a nose dive. It’s easy to find anyone on the planet. And if you ever had dreams of getting off the grid, you were born a century too late.

But people have been ignoring personal boundaries for a long time. These are people who either aren’t aware of personal space or ignore it to serve their own purposes. We call these people,

PERSONAL SPACE INVADERS.

They come in many forms. Some are completely harmless and others are actually quite dangerous.

Let’s take a look at these people in all their mutations.

Close Talkers: Maybe coined by the great Seinfeld episode….These are the people who cozy up to you during a conversation and spray you with saliva bombs and other debris. They are usually completely harmless and are actually quite chummy. But if you know you’re going to encounter one, plan accordingly. Bring an extra change of clothes and a face mask.

Touchers: These are people who touch to accentuate their point. It’s a way to bond. Now in some cases this is sweet and nice, but often it can get to be too much. How do you know when it’s too much? By the bruises on your arms or back the next day. But honestly they do mean well in general, unless they are really a Groper in disguise. You’ll know this when they apologize for accidentally missing your shoulder.

Big Huggers: They are in the Touchers family, but they actually have an agenda beyond bonding. Generally the rule of hugging is similar to the rule of hand shaking. It should be somewhat equal. We hate it when some GUY tries to show how manly he is by squeezing the crap out of our hand. C’mon MAN! Firm is one thing, but this is not a contest. These Big Huggers often get a thrill out of feeling another body close to them, so they squeeze and squeeze. Once again they are generally harmless, but best avoided. And they are everywhere!

Phone Solicitors: These people drove the wagons west and carved the way for the rest of the technological abusers. They call us any time of day and night with no respect for privacy or family time. Now sure, it’s their job, but at some point they might need to ask themselves, “Is it really OK to call on a Sunday night at 9pm?” There is such a thing as Karma….we think?
The general populace has been able to combat them with a variety of measures including the answering machine and caller ID. But it’s still maddening that they even make the attempt. And when you ask them to put you on the DO NOT CALL list, they are polite and sweet, but then their colleague calls you the next day feigning innocence. MORAL: Don’t answer your phone.

Spammers: We’ve been inundated with Spammers lately. We’re not sure what they are actually gaining from their actions, since we delete them as fast as they post. But they are so annoying, like persistent flies or mosquitoes, feeding off our blood.
If anyone has any advice on what Captcha to use, etc. please let us know.
Otherwise we wish we could set up a new sort of Octagon, where the Phone Solicitors and the Spammers could fight to the death. And the rest would be fed to the Stalkers.

Stalkers: These people range from creepy to dangerous and every level in between. Who are they? Possibly spurned lovers, crazies, people who are angry with their life or jealous of someone else’s life. Either way, they use every means possible to unsettle their target. It’s like a home invasion that goes on in perpetuity.
These people are savvy and smart too, using sites like Facebook to assume the identity of their target and then infiltrate his/her world. (Yes, this just happened to “Another One of The Guys.”)
They are very difficult to get rid of.

So, what to do about all this?

All of this technology allows businesses and yes even Bloggers to expand their brand and reach a wider audience, but reaching a wider audience can also mean more problems. But that shouldn’t stop any of us. We can’t let these people slow us down! So keep your radar up and don’t let them get to you.

How do you combat these Personal Space Invaders?

THE GUYS

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas, The Guy's Horizon: Commentary on the Future, guys, relationships | 23 Comments »

Conflict, Grudges and Politics

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Conflict is part of every relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything. Sure, we’d like to find someone who is on the same page as us when it comes to children, religion, politics or our favorite sports team. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s still plenty to argue about; think money and sex.

For many years we’ve all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And that may be true, but it’s not the reason people have conflicts in their relationships. It’s more often about HOW the two people argue and whether it’s constructive or not. When it’s not, often there’s a grudge holder in the mix that has a hard time letting go.

So what constitutes fighting badly?

1. Getting off topic and bringing up the past.

Dragging old arguments into new ones is just bad, bad, bad. But so easy to do! :) Politicians are good at this.

2. Comparing the other person to someone they know you don’t like.

This is will escalate the discussion into a fight faster than you can say……Dick Cheney.

3. Hurling insults or swears.

Like calling each other a Sarah Palin. There’s no reconciliation after you go rogue.

4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.

Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.

5. Holding a grudge.

Hmmm……..I’m not even going there on this one.

By the time you get to number 5, the discussion/argument/fight is over for one person, but not the other. The second person clings to the problem obsessively, preferring to be right over resolving the conflict. Sometimes, this only lasts for a short while and they they come to their senses. Sometimes it goes on forever and it gets brought up in the next argument, and so on.

This is the kind of argument that goes on in Washington every day. Bad fighting and grudge holding run in perpetual motion 365 days of the year. But we actually now have a president who’s trying to break the cycle and get down to the basic task of fixing this broken country. It’s a shame both sides can’t just work together.

And although, I stand behind the president, there are many on both sides who won’t let go of some of their grudges. For change to happen and problems to be solved, we need at least some of these people to forgive and forget.

But if that can’t happen, we can at least do our best to take care of our own business. We can take care of our little kingdoms scattered across this country. Because in actuality, we aren’t from Venus or Mars, but from this little planet called Earth.

ALL OF US!

THE GUYS

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas, pop culture | 16 Comments »

Just hold the damn door!

Saturday, January 9th, 2010

THE GUYS and I have noticed an alarming trend that seems to spreading across this great nation. This trend has little to do with politics or money. It has little to do with religion or any of the other hot button topic being  fiercely debated by our government and by the people.

It has to do with common courtesy.

Chivalry isn’t dead. In fact it’s very much alive. Guys will generally go out of their way to hold a door or carry a bag  for a woman. And certainly they’ll stop their car for a woman trying to cross the street. Although that’s likely due to the fact that they just want to WATCH the woman cross the street, but still they stop.

But when it comes to Guy on Guy, that’s a whole different ball game. (Sorry we couldn’t help ourselves.)

We’re not sure what this is all about really. We wonder if this trend is due to the general insecurity of many guys who think it might make them look gay or weak to extend courtesy to another guy? But it’s happening believe us.

You have to watch closely for this. It’s not overt. To use a football analogy since it’s the opening weekend of the playoffs, it’s like a slight push when a receiver goes up to catch the ball. It’s just enough to knock him off balance so he doesn’t make the catch, but not enough to really hurt him. And certainly not enough for the official to call a penalty.

So this is a call to take notice. You can find out a lot about a Guy by how he treats other Guys.   How?

Because Guys travel in packs. The Old Boys Network, The Geek Squad, The Fraternity Brothers, The Poker Gang, The Tennis Club, etc. These groups often give us identities that we like to project to the rest of the wolves. They help define us and give us territorial jurisdiction. (You see we’re all really still in high school.) So if you can find a Guy who is willing to extend a hand to a lone wolf that may have stumbled into his territory, well then you’ve found your mate for life. He’s probably a good Guy through and through. One who’s confident and comfortable in his own skin.

But if he’s not willing to do that, the least he can do is hold the door while he kicks the guy into the street.

Now is that too much to ask?

THE GUYS

What have you noticed lately about courtesy that you’d like to share with THE GUYS?

And for questions of almost any nature, email us: advice@theguysperspective.com

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, guys, relationships | 16 Comments »

Short Staffed

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

I love going to the bank in my town. The obvious reason is, it makes me happy to deposit money. But the behind the scenes reason is, the young women working there are very friendly and quite cute. After I leave, my day is just a little better.

I don’t keep secrets from my wife. Even if I tried, I’m terrible at deception. She thinks my bank forays are funny. She rolls her eyes when I say I’m going to do errands. She knows this includes a visit to my favorite brick and mortar institution. But she also knows I’m invisible to the young cuties. I know this too. No matter how cool I try to be, I still drive up to the drive thru in my silver mini van. Yes, I’m invisible.

Just yesterday I was there and one of the “girls” was eating something. I asked her how her lunch was. She laughed.

She said, “We’re short staffed today so we don’t get lunch. I have to eat while I work.”

I said, “Well that’s a drag.” (This is me trying to be cool)

She said, “Yeah, but at least it was free. The manager of the Chinese place across the street is a customer and he brought over lunch for all of us.”

I said, “Sweet.” (Me still trying to work the coolness)

She said, “Have a nice day.”

As I drove off, I started thinking about how unfair that was. I mean she shouldn’t lose her lunch just because they’re short staffed. That seemed pretty lame. Then it dawned on me. This is perfect. I love this. This is going to be my new catch phrase. Short staffed.

When my kids come from school demanding a snack or dinner I’m going to say, “Sorry, we’re a bit short staffed today. You’ll have to fend for yourselves.”

Or when my wife asks me to go grocery shopping I’m going to say, “Yeah, that’s going to be tough. You know, short staffed and all.”

I mean is this perfect or what?!!! I love this. This works in any situation:

For the neighbor who bugs you about your leaves blowing on their lawn.
For the friend who wants you to help him with his computer.
For your mother that wonders why you don’t call her every day.
For THE GUYS who bug ME about responding to questions.

It’s the perfect saying for all occasions. And I give all of you permission to use it whenever it suits you. Just give me and THE GUYS credit when appropriate.

However, GUYS, please don’t be unclear on the concept.

If your girlfriend or wife or partner is feeling a bit randy and wants to get busy, but you’re not feeling it at the moment, that is not the time to say:

“I’m a bit short staffed.”

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Humor, Ideas, Relationship Humor, Uncategorized, relationships | 18 Comments »

The Evil Librarian

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

I took my five year old daughter to the library last Friday. In fact, every Friday morning we go together. It’s our morning to hang out, just the two of us. I love it. But I hate the library.

We live in a nice town with resources. The library is up to date and modern, but it just aint’ hip. In fact it couldn’t be more un-hip!  Why?

The librarians are evil.

Where do they get these people? I mean, even the people at the DMV are friendlier.

Here’s my latest exchange with one of the Evil Librarians. Keep in mind that I start off being extra friendly. I’ve dealt with her before. Similar to the check out people at Kmart. I always feel like it’s my job to make THEM feel good.

My Encounter

I’m just standing there waiting for her. She’s on the computer and she puts up one finger for me to wait a minute. (Already I’m annoyed.)

Librarian: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I looked up a book on the reference computer and it wasn’t coming up. I checked it out about six weeks ago so I think you have it here.

Librarian: Let’s take a look.

We walk over to reference computer.

Librarian: What’s the title?

Me: “Spaceship under the Apple Tree” (It was one of my favorite books as a kid. I want to read it to my kids.)

She types it in. Many books come up, but not that title. She tries again. Nothing.

Librarian: Obviously you’re way off on the title.

Now I’m really annoyed.

Me: Actually. No. That’s the title of the book and I’m pretty sure I checked it out six weeks ago from this branch.

Librarian: What’s the author’s name?

Me: Slobodkin. Louis Slobodkin.

She types it in. It comes up on screen. She’s annoyed that’s it right there. I’m annoyed that I didn’t just type in the author myself. Or just stayed home.

Librarian: Oh see, you spelled spaceship wrong. It’s really space ship.

There was a space between “space” and “ship.” It’s an old book, so maybe it was spelled that way when it was written. (I looked it up when I went home and it’s one word in Webster’s. But who cares!)

Me: That shouldn’t matter really.

Librarian: Well it does.

Me: Well Google wouldn’t have cared.(I know this is ridiculous, but I’m so pissed I didn’t know what to say)

Librarian:(Looking at computer screen) I don’t want to continue having this fight with you.

Luckily so far it’s all been quiet. My daughter is out of ear shot, but the librarian helper is nearby listening. But she stays out of it.

Me: Well you started it. (Now I sound like a complete idiot, but I’m in that pissed off state where I can’t think. (AKA: George Costanza)

Librarian turns and just stares at me with the most evil look ever. I’m sure many people have cowered under that icy glare. But not me. I finally get my wits about me.

Me: Well I don’t like being insulted.

At this point the librarian finally realizes she’s being a total bitch and that I’m actually a “paying” customer. I can see she’s struggling with what to do. I see her face change and she backs down.

Librarian: Well I didn’t mean it that way. I hope you know that.

Me: OK

But it’s not OK. WTF!!! She totally meant it that way. She’s done it to me before and to some of my friends in town. Half of the librarians there are like that.

The fact that I pay a lot of taxes is not the point really. What’s most relevant is how sad this is. What a waste! Not a waste of resources, but potential. The library could be such an inviting place, especially the kids section. A place where kids gather and build a community. A place where they can explore the magical world of stories and books. A place where they could learn how to use resources, so they can be resourceful. A place they could be excited to visit. It certainly was for me as a kid.

So I leave with my daughter’s hand in mine. I’m sickened and upset, but trying not to show it. Then my daughter looks at me and says, “Daddy, can we go to Dunkin’ Donuts?”

And at that point I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than share a doughnut with my daughter. And all is right again in the world. At least for that moment.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Please share your library or librarian stories. Good or bad.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas | 17 Comments »

Curiously Keeping Current

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

It was about two years ago when I realized I had become obsolete.

One day, while my kids were talking and laughing with their friends,  I listened and smiled in the background. I enjoyed their laughter and banter. But my smile soon faded when I realized I had no idea what they were talking about. I had no idea whom they were referencing and what they were alluding to. All the cool things I used to do and know were clearly no longer cool, replaced by all these new things. In that moment,  I realized I had become a dinosaur and it frightened me. I didn’t like knowing I was headed down the path of the Dodo Bird or the great Woolly Mammoth.

I winced and weighed my options.  I could either GET CURRENT or become extinct. I chose the former and got to work.

First I took stock of everything I had kept up on. Let’s see, I knew who was president. I knew about American Idol and all the reality TV shows. I managed to know what an MP3 file was somehow, and….um……that was basically it. So now I made a list of all the areas I needed to get up to speed in: music, technology, sports, art, the internet and current lingo. That was a good start. WOW, that was a ton of stuff to consume!

But the hard part was still in front of me. Where was I going to get the “right” info? The rest of THE GUYS were as clueless as me. I realized I had to find the source.  And then it suddenly became clear to me. The source came in the form of young people! They were up on all the current trends. They were the demographic SETTING all the trends. So my education began.

Being a teacher helped me a ton in my quest to become current. I had access to all the young minds I could ever want. I just needed to keep my trap shut so I could learn from all of them. And that’s what I did. Sure I gave my lessons, but at the end of each session, I’d ask a few open ended questions to find out about them, and what they were up to. My questions ranged from the general, “What’s going on in your life?” to the specific, “What can you tell me about…so and so?”

I was amazed at how well my inquiries were received. The simple act of asking a question immediately opened up channels that seemed so impossibly closed. What I was doing unintentionally, was acknowledging their expertise  and thus leveling the playing field. What was once a monologue became a dialogue, which was so much more interesting and educational for both of us!

The long and short of all this is, over the course of a year, I slowly caught up to the present and became “current” and had a ton of fun doing it.

So I fast forward to the present.

These days, I work hard to keep current and stay curious. I attempt to listen as much as I can and learn from the young people who surround me, including my own family. And I keep the lines of communication open. That’s my best ally to avoiding the path of extinction, and my best ally to having a solid relationship with the people I care for the most.

And you know what?  My kids are now including me in their fun conversations.  And even better, I  understand what they’re saying!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Have you kept current? Please share your discoveries!

A special bonus. Here are some cool things that some of my younger friends are up to. Be sure to check out their talent.

War Tapes (The best Doom Pop group on the planet)

Louise Rose Designs (Cool custom jewelry and accessories)

Astonishing Tales (Intelligent, introspective and catchy)

Project Erik (Slick animation on You Tube)

Kira Jeannee (Piano music that will move you)

Titanic Piano 14 (Funky, jazzy piano that rocks)

Rock of Main St. (The coolest venue for young bands)

72FA4UTSM74

Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Football vs. um..Football

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

Every Sunday THE GUYS gear up for a day of bone crunching hits, dazzling moves, clutch plays, irate coaches and crazed  fans. Yes, we like our football as much as the rest of this country does. It’s absolutely become America’s pastime, supplanting baseball long ago as the sport we obsess over.

Football used to be just for men, but that’s changed. Men and women plan parties around the weekly Sunday lineup. We know some women who actually like the games(we love that), but even the women that don’t care, seem to enjoy watching their husbands or boyfriends revert back to little boys, screaming at the TV, slapping five, doing the touchdown dance and all sorts of other foolery. It’s just a fun time, and that’s what we like in this country.

What else do we love about football? We love Office Pools, Fantasy Football and Rivalries galore. We love BBQs and parties. We love bonding with our neighbors and old high school buds who are still die hard townies. All of these things bring us closer together. It’s even a day that the hometown team erases the worst of political rivals. At least for three hours!!!

Finally, don’t forget the biggest attraction. The game is fast and it’s violent. Oh c’mon, it’s true. It’s wired in us. Predator vs. Prey. The hunt. Spears, knives. You name it, it’s in our blood. And we love blood!

So why does the rest of the world not give a crap? Let’s examine this issue.

Baseball is played in almost any country where there’s dirt. Basketball has spread faster than any virus could ever. Hockey…..well hockey’s hockey. But football? Not really. In fact the minute football dips it’s bruised foot in the Atlantic or Pacific, it’s washed back to shore with the rest of the rotted wood, oil spills and condom wrappers.

The real reason is because the rest of the world likes the “Other Football.” Yes, we can hardly say the dirty word……Soccer!

Don’t get us wrong. Soccer is a beautiful sport requiring such skill it’s beyond us! Many of the professional soccer players can do things with their feet that we only dream about doing with our hands. (Shh….don’t tell our wives that or we’ll be replaced fast than you can say, Little Jimmy!)  But somehow soccer hasn’t caught on here.

What you say, not caught on???? Yes, we do admit it’s the fastest growing sport in the country. Every kid, three and up, plays. And the opportunities to play are astounding. If you’re a nine year old kid in a suburb, at any given moment, you could sign up for at least three teams. Now that’s scary. You certainly can’t do that with football. Every kid has dreams of playing soccer in college. Well we should say every parent has dreams of their kid getting a college scholarship, even thought they still don’t know what “Off  Sides” really is.

In addition, soccer has crept into our lexicon. Anyone ever hear the term,  “Soccer Mom?”

So why do we stick by our guns? Why? Three reasons.

1. Professional soccer players are a bunch of whining fakers, and we’re  being nice here. Every single time another player gets near enough to create a gentle wind current, the guy grabs his ankle or leg and rolls around in pain like he’s a fish out of water.This is hardly what America is about. We don’t show our pain. We pretend to the rest of the world that “It’s all good!!!” We can’t have our professional role models showing the rest of the world we’re a bunch of wimps. That just doesn’t cut it.

2. The games don’t move fast enough. Yeah, the ball is flying around like a pinball on crack but it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s one big Bubble Boy game. The ball only breaks the bubble once or twice a game. Scores of 1-0 are common place and considered great by the rest of the world. Here in America we like our numbers big, like our servings. We’re all about extra, extra. Supersize us!! We want 27-24, or 56-0 or 33-31!The hell with 1-0. That’s like getting four fries and no shake. We just won’t have it.

3. We just don’t understand the game. We alluded to this earlier. Nine out of ten parents couldn’t tell you what off sides is, or the difference between a goal kick and a corner kick. And what happens when the ball goes out of the sideline. And what is “stoppage time?” And it goes on.

Sure we don’t really get football either. Most people have no idea what those Fat guys on the line are really doing, and the fact that they have the most important jobs on the field. But nobody cares. We don’t need to know about blocking patterns or who’s in motion or all the complicated play calling. We’re all about “Faith” in this country. If the announcers tell us it’s a complicated scheme, and if they tell us this coach is a genius and that player is intelligent, we believe them. We love being told what to believe because we don’t really care. We just know football is exciting and fast moving. That’s good enough for us.

So while the rest of the world is visiting their Sunday shrines or resting from their Saturday homages, we’re going to be paying our respects to our TVs in numbers so much greater than voters, it’s even scary to think. Which brings us to our final point.

The easiest way to get this country back on track is to hand it over to the NFL. Talk about erasing our debt and getting us back on track.  Sure, there’s no such thing as a sure thing, but the NFL is about as close it gets. And that’s a cozy thought in this world of violence, disease and uncertainty.

Who would have thought that one of the most violent sports on the planet could be a source of comfort? But oddly enough it is. It puts us all at ease, at least for one day out of the week. And since Sunday is traditionally the day of rest, somehow this works for us.

So whomever your team is, or whomever you’re rooting for, we say GO TEAM. We’ll be rooting along with you in America’s Church.

We can always pick up our argument tomorrow! ENJOY!

THE GUYS

Who are you rooting for today? Or whom do you root for in general?

Any soccer fans?

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Humor, Uncategorized, pop culture, sports | 13 Comments »

The Vicious Cycle

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

So we were over at Momversation. Yes, we admit it. We like to know what the Moms are up to. It keeps us current.

Anyway, they were talking about kids of Reality TV and how awful it is. And while we totally agree that the exploitation of kids for money is appalling, we also need to admit to some complicity. 

In the old days "movie stars" were revered and looked up to. But it was simple and pretty straight-forward. Stars were on the big screen or the little screen and that is where they stayed. Today, we not only want them on the big and small screens, we want a piece of their lives too. And if we can't get theirs we want ours. Sure we've all dreamed of stardom at one point or another, but with reality TV and other outlets we all have a chance. Really??

We call it the Vicious Cycle. And it's out of control. Here's how it works.

1. People dream of fame. But they don't want to actually work at something to be good enough to get famous. So they think up ways of becoming famous. One way is to objectify themselves or act completely idiotic for laughs. Another way is to exploit their resources. Translation: Use their kids!

2. Enter reality shows. These shows look for people to open their lives for the rest of the world to see.

3. And boy do we watch!! The numbers get higher and higher each year. We are curious! This is an extreme form of rubber necking from the comfort of our own homes. Pretty cool!

4. Soon other networks get in the act and they produce shows that just TALK about the reality stars.
That's an interesting concept. Shows about other TV shows! Weird.

5. And we watch those too!

6. Now the magazines get in the act too. The paparazzi get paid big bucks to follow these reality TV stars around. Now everyone's making money hand over fist. Sweet!

7. And we buy those too! They're so fun to read. We call them our vacation treats. Along with a candy bar and a few other goodies, we gobble these up to enjoy on the road. OK, we'll admit, they're pretty good while doing our morning "duty."

8. So now everyone's making money and the reality kids start to feel entitled. They start behaving worse than they already did before they got on the show. And they're being encouraged by their parents. Nice!!

9. So now more networks, get in the act and more and more people are being recruited to do more extreme shows and more invasive shows.

10. Finally these kids grow up and continue to live their dream. They get their own reality shows and the vicious cycle begins again.

That is if they don't end up in jail, rehab or worse….dead!

WOW! we feel like we're missing something here??!!

THE GUYS

ps. Are you part of the vicious cycle? How do we change this? Or do we care?

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, The Guy's Horizon: Commentary on the Future, pop culture | 13 Comments »

« Older Entries