Archive for the ‘parenting’ Category

Daddies and Daughters

Monday, March 15th, 2010

From “One of The Guys”

My daughter is at the, “I want to please Mommy and Daddy” stage. Boy do I love it! She is sweet as pie, in contrast with her brothers, whom I love very much too; but these days they are acting more like a sour candy; one that I can’t stop eating, but every bite makes my whole face pucker up in wincing pain.

Last Friday night my daughter and I went to the Daddy Daughter Jam Dance. I had a gig scheduled but I canceled that. I wasn’t going to miss this extra special bonding experience with my little, almost six year old “Love Bug.”

And boy did it live up to my expectations. We both got dressed up and went out on the town….well, to our local high school. We danced, laughed, made cupcakes, masks and generally enjoyed each other’s company. She also got to see a lot of her friends, and I got to spend some time talking with some of The Guys. After it was all said and done, I couldn’t have been happier to have canceled my gig. A special evening indeed.

I love my kids equally, but I don’t love them the same. Yes, they are all individuals having their own unique set of needs, but for the sake of this post, let’s just break them into two obvious groups. Boys and Girl.

Whereas I love my boys with fierce passion, I love my daughter with gentle intensity.

Whereas I smother my daughter with affection, I love my boys with  roughhousing in the living room; when I have them pinned so they can’t fight back, then I smother them with affection.

Whereas I’m happy just soaking in my daughter’s enthusiasm when she plays sports or when she’s with her friends, it’s ME reliving my childhood when my boys are playing or doing anything.

No need to say it. I get it. My boys are not me. And my daughter is not perfect. I’m aware of these things, so I consciously give to my boys what my daughter gets and vice versa. They all deserve to have many different relationships with me, not just one stereotypical one.

But let’s say I wasn’t aware of this, and I just let myself be completely spontaneous. It would look pretty much what I’m describing, because daughters are born with the key, and boys are born banging on the door.

If my daughter only knew how much power she had, she’d demand pretty much anything. My wife already says she does. Well, dammit, I can’t help it! Dads are just wired this way. I’m fighting it, but it’s hard. She bats those long lashes, or smiles with those dimples or gives me that extra special hug and I pretty much say, “Fine, sure, yes, OK, great, why not!”

I know it’s bad, but like I said, it’s wired in me; in us…all GUYS!

But I know what’s coming. Puberty. Hormones and boys, especially Bad Boyz!!!!!! Believe me, a dog knows a dog. This stage is called, “Daddy goes insane, turns into a lunatic, and walks around with gun in holster.”

But hold on!! Wait a minute! No more fast forwarding! I still have some time!!! I must stop projecting!!! For now, I’m going to soak it all in. Breathe every moment, and write it all down. Because when the day hits that my daughter is possessed by some internal demon called adolescence, I’ll need as much documentation as I can get, to remind me of that sweet little thing, eating her dinner without complaining, going to bed on time, cuddling with me every morning, and making me melt thirty times each day.

So I have a question.  How long do I really have before this bubble bursts? And I turn into that Guy, that Dad, that lunatic?

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Posted in Essays, Ideas, guys, kids, parenting, relationships | 22 Comments »

The Uniform

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

This is a different kind of post today. This is the first installation in a three part miniseries where we’ll share some memorable moments in our lives.

However, we’d like to do more than just stroll down memory lane. We’d also like to recognize some of you, our readers, who we’ve connected with since entering the world of blogging. For the next three posts, we’ll be sharing stories from different stages of our lives, and at the same time we’ll be recognizing some blogs that we love and follow that also share some of these same types of stories and experiences…….well at least in some way. We took some liberties of course.

So here we go. Let’s start with the early years. A first person account.

In first grade I knew I was going to be a baseball player. I knew it in my bones and I knew it in my mind. And if you stood close enough to me, you could smell the scent of leather, dirt and grass oozing from my pores.

But I wanted to show the world how much I loved it. So I begged my parents to buy me a baseball uniform. When my Cleveland Indians uniform arrived in the mail, I was in heaven. I had never seen something so beautiful….well except in those magazines I used to find in the attic….. but I digress…….I ripped off the packaging and immediately put in on, and like some strange hermetic seal, it bonded with my body.

In fact, and this is the complete truth, I wore that baseball uniform to school every day! I mean, every day in first grade! I was so serious about this that I would hide the uniform in my bottom drawer of my dresser on the weekends, for fear that if I put it in the dirty clothes bin, it would not be washed and ready for school on Monday.

Of course for some reason I never noticed that all the grass and dirt stains were gone come every Monday. My mom later told me that she used to sneak in and grab the uniform and wash it every weekend, and then put it back. That’s very funny to think about now.

But looking back I’m amazed that my parents actually let me wear that uniform every day. I mean, what did the other parents think? Did they have to endure the stares and recriminations of other parents at the school? Or maybe they just didn’t give a shit. Good for them I say if that’s the case.

So I think about that uniform and wish I still had it today. It represented unbridled love, passion, and all the possibilities life had in store for me. But if I close my eyes, I can still feel every fiber of that uniform even today. And it’s a good reminder to me, that every day brings new moments to cherish, and new possibilities. And as I smile, remembering, a few layers of stress fall away, still smelling like baseball.

So now we’d like to recognize some of the blogs that recount stories of childhood, or give us insight into the world of parenting. Or, maybe just other blogs about personal experiences.Check these great sites out!

(And remember, in the next two posts to come, we’ll have more sites for you to explore. We won’t forget our loyal readers and fellow bloggers. But there’s a lot of you that we love, so be patient! Enjoy!)

Psycho Carnival

Momma Mia Culpa

The Mommy Blog

One Crazy Brunette Chick

Always Musing

Barbara’s Meanderings

Red Head Ranting

Bueno Baby

Darwin Fish 2

Moe Daily

Ethel Mae Potter

Grammology

Just Bloggled

Missi Mi

The Madness of Me

Ordinary Woman

Stuperhero Extraordinaire

When a Southern Woman Rambles

Windshield Thinking

Stupidation

Rambling Brooke

Melindaville

Momversation

Next Post: Life in the world of Dating and Relationships

…… and more blogs THE GUYS love and follow!


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Posted in Essays, guys, kids, parenting, relationships, sports | 32 Comments »

Easy Motivation

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

This post is not about kids. It’s about what motivates people, and in particular, GUYS! But I have to set the table for you. So pretend you’re at a party and people start talking about their kids. Inside you’re rolling your eyes, because nothing could be more boring than hearing people go on and on about their kids. Even the people who HAVE kids can’t stand it. So bear with me here. I’ll unfold this quickly.

I was at a party last night with some of the GUYS. A few of us were discussing our kids’ obsession with the Wii. (For those of you living in a cave for the last five years, the Wii is a gaming system that has swept through every household containing one or more small beings.) Anyway, I was saying that I use the Wii as a carrot, to get my kids to do all the things I want them to do. Now let’s be clear, I can get them to do all of those things without the Wii, but it eliminates the freakin’ whining, complaining, crying, whimpering and any other “ing” word you can think of.

This method of parenting is not in any book about raising children. BUT, we all know that theory is much different than practice. I can guarantee that every parent with the means has used the TV at least once, as a way to get their kids to stop screaming, running, yelling or beating on each other. (There’s those “ing” words again!) And more importantly, give themselves a much needed BREAK!!! That’s not written in any of the books either, but when you’re in the trenches, you do what you need to do to survive.  All in moderation.

Anyway, like I said, this post is not about kids.

So I’m at the party and I’m “reading” the room. I could have filled a glass with all the water coming out of people’s eyes during that discussion about the Wii. So in order to save the night I open my big mouth and say, “This is exactly the same as when GUYS are hungry for sex.”

Silence……uh oh……I did it again…..crickets……..uncomfortable body movements…….then one slight smile……another……..one head bob in agreement…….then more crickets……a few look aways…….no more signs of  approval ……damn…….still nothing………..shit, I ruined the party……..my wife is going to kill me……..we’ll argue……but who cares……….the make up sex will be great………oh god………..take me away Calgon……….finally someone chimes in……….I’m saved……. (note to self, KILL other GUYS)

“Exactly,” I hear this person say. I don’t know him. He’s not one of THE GUYS, but I immediately love him and want to buy him a gift certificate to his place of choice. Or give him a big guy hug. (See previous post for explanation on why I didn’t go that route.)

I look around at some of THE GUYS, with that look that says, “WTF DUDE! WHAT…you don’t got my back?”

Then finally one of  THE GUYS says, “When I want sex, my wife could basically ask me to do anything and I’d do it. Take out the trash. Clean the dishes. Put the kids to bed. Take out the neighbor’s trash. Go to the pharmacy to pick up a late night prescription. Promise to visit her folks next weekend. Take out the other neighbor’s trash.”

His wife is in the bathroom. I make a mental note to tell her everything. I don’t like to get left high and dry. (Seems like an appropriate metaphor for the topic at hand.) Payback will be sweet. Although, like he said, he won’t care because men are in an altered state when the hormones are raging and their bodies are churning inside. When this happens, GUYS can be controlled by any remote available. Easily programmed and then easily manipulated by any button our partner wants to push.

This is no secret!!

It’s just something people don’t bring up at parties. Well, most people that is. But hey, somebody had to save the night, and it might as well been, “ONE of THE GUYS.”

So what am I saying? I’m not saying what you think I’m saying. It’s never a good thing to make it obvious you’re controlling someone. So be subtle about it. We don’t do well if we know that you know. So just be coy about it, and we’ll pretty much do what you want.

So mommies… Let your kids play the Wii. It is pretty cool. And it might be a good time to get reacquainted with your hubby. That is after he takes a shower. That’s a lot of garbage to be taking out.

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Posted in Humor, Ideas, Relationship Humor, guys, parenting, relationships | 25 Comments »

The Alpha Male

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

It came to my attention that my seven year old son is the alpha male in his class. My wife and I would never use this terminology to describe him, but it was used by one of the other parents in the class.

Sure we think he’s wonderful, smart and cute, but all parents think that about their kids. And yes he’s a good athlete, but so are countless other boys and girls in his school and around the world.

But somehow he’s risen to a place where the boys follow him around and the girls giggle and stare. The funny thing is, he’s clueless. He isn’t basking in it, in fact he’s embarrassed by it. At least he’s embarrassed when my wife and I ask him about the girls. More on that later.

So what’s up with the alpha male? Is there a unique combination of qualities that make up the top dog, or is it just some sort of energy that makes it happen?

THE GUYS and I have always been surprised and intrigued by this phenomenon. Which Guy at a party or bar, emerges as the alpha? Which guy do the girls/women swoon over? Sometimes it’s obvious who it will be, and at other times it couldn’t be more puzzling. So what it is?

Here is our list. And keep in mind that different stages of life require different qualities to be the alpha. Also, we’re not describing what qualities we think guys should possess, but just what helps them rise to be alpha male.

Elementary School

1. Big
2. Good Athlete
3. Cute
4. Loud

High School

1. Cute
2. Good Athlete
3. Has own Car
4. Rumors of large member
5. Tall and/or big
6. Loud mouth party guy
7. “Bad Boy”
8. Confident

Adulthood

1. Good Looking
2. Lots of money
3. Famous
4. Tall
5. Funny…..no, really funny!
6. Smart….and turns that into a profit
7. Large member
8. Has cute girlfriend or wife
9. Rumors of lots of money
10. Confident
11. Add yours here. What do you think? Or what did we miss?

So back to my son.

We were all sitting having dinner together, which doesn’t happen as much as we’d like. Everyone was feeling quite cozy and happy. My daughter crawled up in my lap and said she wanted to marry me. So cute! Then my boys said they wanted to marry my wife. So since the topic of marriage and girls and boys was being thrown around, my wife mentioned to my son that some of the girls in his class thought he was cute.(She heard this from other parents.) She was just joking around with him. We didn’t expect him to get THAT upset.

But, he left the table crying. He was also mad and was yelling too. Then when my wife went in to talk to him he said angrily, “I feel like saying the F word!” (Discussion of the F word has been part of our house the last few weeks, since my oldest heard it on the bus.) Then all of a sudden I hear, “FUCK!” Now, I know this isn’t really funny, but the way it went down was just too hysterical. So I start laughing out loud. I mean he’s 7 and has no idea what it means! Soon my oldest son and my daughter were laughing too. My daughter had no clue what we were laughing about, but she joined in anyway. Of course my seven year old hears us and gets even madder. Then he says the funniest thing to my wife,

“And I’m definitely not going to marry you now!”

Now, I’m doubled over laughing. I mean, he’s being so serious. Please don’t scold me. I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but sometimes these moments just have to be enjoyed. And yes, I went in and talked to him and apologized. Of course I tell him later that he should be glad I laughed instead of grounding him. All is good. We explained that we weren’t trying to make him feel bad by telling him girls liked him. And at some point he might actually like that girls like him. But my wife and I both promised not to bring it up again. And he promised not to use the F word.

I never was the alpha male. I think there were some moments where I was close, possibly first Lieutenant, but never the top, top. I was always jealous of the top guy; in fact all guys are.

But now I see that things at the top aren’t always perfect either, especially if you don’t want all the attention.

The things you can learn from a 7 year old!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

PS. Thanks for all your support. All my stomach tests came out normal. I’m thinking I may have an allergy or something. Seeing the doc on Tuesday to go over things.

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Posted in Essays, Humor, Ideas, Relationship Humor, parenting, relationships | 17 Comments »

Just Throw the Flag!

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

For about four years in my twenties I didn’t own a TV. Those were my pseudo intellectual years where I was consuming every book I could get my hands on, making up for teen apathy. I didn’t really think much of it. I was too busy trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up. That was pretty damn time consuming.

But now, years later, I do in fact own a TV;  mainly because I love watching sports.

Yes, I’m a book loving, information seeking guy, who is also stereotypically into competition and sports. The thrill of conquest, or at least watching conquest, is hard wired into my brain along with the millions of other men around the globe. If we had our first choice, it would be us out there on the field or on the court, but since life has taken us in different directions, we’re satisfied to live vicariously through our heroes, or anti-heroes. (There’s that hero word again!)

But this post wasn’t going to be about that. I had something completely different in mind.

I was watching the football playoffs on TV and shouting at the refs for not calling a particular penalty. I kept yelling, “Just throw the flag!” At the same time, my boys wouldn’t stop arguing about some silly little toy that neither had played with since they were four. (They’re now nine and seven.) I kept telling them to knock it off, but they just wouldn’t stop. What is up with boys??? And then they turn into men. (A topic for another time.)

Then it hit me. I needed to go out and buy two yellow flags to keep on my person at all times. And two for my wife. What if we started running our house like a football game?  A game where we’d be the referees.

Here are the rules:

1. Father or mother both carry flags.

2. Penalties include, but not limited to:  fighting with siblings, not listening to parents, bouncing balls off walls, picking nose and putting on table while we’re eating, throwing shoes anywhere and everywhere when coming home from school, not flushing toilet with large poop in it, whining about homework and piano practice, etc.

3. Flags can be thrown for any of these infractions.

4. Once flag is thrown everyone must freeze.

5. Said parent announces to house what the infraction was and how the penalty will be assessed.

6. If this direction is not followed, a second penalty will be assessed.

7. (And this is the best part) Whomever the penalty is on, must pick up the flag and hand it back to parent….. and then apologize. (I love that!!!)

And the fringe benefit to this? I won’t even need to own a TV anymore. Because instead of watching, I’ll actually be part of the game…..or more like in charge. Sweet!!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

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Posted in Essays, Humor, guys, parenting, relationships | 10 Comments »

Screw PC!!

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

Over the summer I asked my daughter what she was looking forward to most about kindergarten and one of things she said was the bus ride. For my older boys the bus ride has represented a new found independence that has been exhilarating for them. My daughter could sense that as well. Her first taste of freedom. Ahh, so good!

For the most part the bus ride AND kindergarten have lived up to her expectations, but a few recent incidents have gotten my blood boiling.

One day a bunch of six grade boys got in trouble at school, which means they had to wait until all the kids boarded the bus, which also meant they ended up having to sit with the kindergartners in the front. That in itself was probably not the best idea, but for the majority of kids it would have been fine. However, apparently not for these six grade boys.

They started talking to my daughter and making jokes. She is pretty cute, but most kindergartners are. Anyway, one of the knuckleheads says, “So and so will give you a kiss if you give him a high five.” Now right there I’m alarmed. Luckily my daughter is pretty smart and tough, two brothers and all, and she says, “NO!”

Good for her. But bad for these boys. I call the principal the next day and have a meeting with him. Maybe this was all in fun, but I don’t care. I tell him in no uncertain terms that this should not be going on. He agrees. And he speaks to the boys and explains to them why that was not OK. He calls me and says he believes they just didn’t get it and now they understand. OK, I was a boy once and I know how clueless I was.(Hitting the girls I liked with snow balls in the head?!) So, I try to move on.

But NO! The very next day some boys in first and second grade starts teasing my daughter and yelling to the back of the boys that she kissed so and so. She’s saying in her little kindergarten voice, “It’s not true!” “It’s not true!”

Now I’m livid, but still trying to keep cool about it. This should not be happening! Generally I’m not one of these parents that makes a stink about every little incident. But when it comes to older boys and my five year old daughter, forget it!

I make another phone call to the same principal. He calls the other principal. (Two different schools ride this bus.) Another discussion ensues. Problem resolved. I hope.

But I’m still pissed off!! And I don’t trust completely that it’s over.

Let me fill in for one second. I believe that most problems are better resolved between kids, but this just feels different to me. As a parent we constantly have to critique every situation and ask ourselves, “Should we intervene?” In most cases the answer is no. Let the kids work things out for themselves. And in most cases, that’s what I do.

More back drop: I also have two boys who are a little older than my daughter and who ride the bus too. Now you’re probably wondering, what are her two older brothers doing while this is going on? Me too?!!

I pull my boys aside and ask them this very question. Although to be fair, they’re only in first grade and in third grade. And they’re just as clueless as the other boys.

They say, “Dad, we didn’t even know this was going on.”

They ride in the back of the bus having a grand time. They’re in their glory back there! But I say,”You need to look out for one other. That’s what brothers and sisters do.”

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve only gotten into one fight in my life and that was over in about five seconds. Stupid!  I don’t avoid conflict, I just avoid fights. I would never want to put my boys in harms way either. But a united front can go a long way in “solving” a problem. Most of the time, the threat is enough. So I pull my third grader aside and I say to him. “You have my permission to take care of the situation if negotiating doesn’t work.”

I know, I know. But dammit sometimes talking isn’t enough. I don’t want him to get in a fight. Absolutely not!  And do I want him to “use his words first?” Of course I do!! I expect it. And do I want him to seek adult help after he tries to resolve the problem. Absolutely!

But you know what, sometimes you just gotta say, “SCREW PC!”

The world of kids hasn’t changed that much in the last thirty years. It can be as cut throat  and nasty as the adult world, or worse. And sometimes a thinly veiled threat is what it might take for a little kindergarten girl to enjoy her first bus rides to school.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

ps. At this time there have been no threats reported on bus number 13!

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Posted in Essays, kids, parenting, relationships | 14 Comments »