I have a question about whether or not I’m being played by this girl that I adore. We have been off and on for quite a few months now and I’ve been struggling, trying to figure out if this girl loves me like she says she does. We dated about two months, but I broke it off with her because I didn’t trust her. Now we’ve been apart for about three months, but we’re thinking of getting back together. I’m not sure if this is the best thing. When I see her she acts like I’m the most important thing in her life, but other times she acts like I don’t matter. I try to please her, but I get the same actions and words. I am the one who has to call her. She often ditches me on days when I was supposed to see her. And I know she sometimes ignores my phone calls. I’m wondering if I should just give up and make a drastic change. Maybe you can help me figure out what’s going on.
Rob (17)

Dear Rob,

Thanks for writing and reading.

It’s clear to us that you really care for this girl and would love to figure out how to make this work. Obviously you wouldn’t still be hanging out with her if that weren’t the case. However, as much as you might be ready to be in a committed relationship, she might not be.

We’d like to present you with several scenarios of what might be going on. We can only help you see the big picture, but in the end you’ll have to make the call.

ONE: Your ex might be hurt because you broke up with her and not sure if she wants to be hurt all over again. This could cause here to act erratically. She’s protecting herself by mixing things up and throwing you off balance. This would explain why one minute she treats you like the love of her life and the next like a nobody. However, you mentioned that some of these behaviors were happening while you were dating, which makes us wonder.

TWO: She is young. Most seventeen year olds aren’t quite ready to be in a committed relationship. She wants to experience life, do some taste testing, and kind of go where the wind blows. Her frame of mind is probably closer to a “typical” seventeen year old, whereas you seem more stable and ready to commit, which makes you the exception. If you think this is the case and you really want to be with her, then you’ll just have to be patient and deal with her behavior. However, this could honestly take years. You might not even care by then.

THREE: She’s just not the right girl for you. You care for her deeply, you think she’s smart, cute/hot, funny, whatever, but she doesn’t feel the same way. She certainly likes you, but she also likes to do what she wants to do, which makes you feel uncomfortable. Ask yourself why did you break up with her in the first place? And has anything really changed with her? Or for that matter with you? Are you two really a good fit?

So think about these scenarios and see if one resonates more than the others.  And then ask yourself, “What do I really want from a relationship?” And once you visualize that, ask yourself if your ex really fits the bill.

Another thing to consider is, maybe it’s too soon for you to be in a committed relationship. It’s okay to experiment a bit. Look around. The world is a big place. You might surprise yourself and find someone who’s unexpectedly wonderful. Or maybe you could just be happy hanging with your friends and doing your own thing for a while.

After having said all of this, our initial reaction is, YES, you’re getting played. But you’re allowing it. You’re responsible for your own happiness, which means making good choices about the people you surround yourself with.

The biggest piece of advice we can give you is, trust your gut.

Yours,

THE GUYS

My daughter is at the, “I want to please Mommy and Daddy” stage. Boy do I love it! She is sweet as pie, in contrast with her brothers, whom I love very much too; but these days they are acting more like a sour candy; one that I can’t stop eating, but every bite makes my whole face pucker up in wincing pain.

Last Friday night my daughter and I went to the Daddy Daughter Jam Dance. I had a gig scheduled but I canceled that. I wasn’t going to miss this extra special bonding experience with my little, almost six year old “Love Bug.”

And boy did it live up to my expectations. We both got dressed up and went out on the town….well, to our local high school. We danced, laughed, made cupcakes, masks and generally enjoyed each other’s company. She also got to see a lot of her friends, and I got to spend some time talking with some of The Guys. After it was all said and done, I couldn’t have been happier to have canceled my gig. A special evening indeed.

I love my kids equally, but I don’t love them the same. Yes, they are all individuals having their own unique set of needs, but for the sake of this post, let’s just break them into two obvious groups. Boys and Girl.

Whereas I love my boys with fierce passion, I love my daughter with gentle intensity.

Whereas I smother my daughter with affection, I love my boys with  roughhousing in the living room; when I have them pinned so they can’t fight back, then I smother them with affection.

Whereas I’m happy just soaking in my daughter’s enthusiasm when she plays sports or when she’s with her friends, it’s ME reliving my childhood when my boys are playing or doing anything.

No need to say it. I get it. My boys are not me. And my daughter is not perfect. I’m aware of these things, so I consciously give to my boys what my daughter gets and vice versa. They all deserve to have many different relationships with me, not just one stereotypical one.

But let’s say I wasn’t aware of this, and I just let myself be completely spontaneous. It would look pretty much what I’m describing, because daughters are born with the key, and boys are born banging on the door.

If my daughter only knew how much power she had, she’d demand pretty much anything. My wife already says she does. Well, dammit, I can’t help it! Dads are just wired this way. I’m fighting it, but it’s hard. She bats those long lashes, or smiles with those dimples or gives me that extra special hug and I pretty much say, “Fine, sure, yes, OK, great, why not!”

I know it’s bad, but like I said, it’s wired in me; in us…all GUYS!

But I know what’s coming. Puberty. Hormones and boys, especially Bad Boyz!!!!!! Believe me, a dog knows a dog. This stage is called, “Daddy goes insane, turns into a lunatic, and walks around with gun in holster.”

But hold on!! Wait a minute! No more fast forwarding! I still have some time!!! I must stop projecting!!! For now, I’m going to soak it all in. Breathe every moment, and write it all down. Because when the day hits that my daughter is possessed by some internal demon called adolescence, I’ll need as much documentation as I can get, to remind me of that sweet little thing, eating her dinner without complaining, going to bed on time, cuddling with me every morning, and making me melt thirty times each day.

So I have a question.  How long do I really have before this bubble bursts? And I turn into that Guy, that Dad, that lunatic?

Hair(As defined by Webster): Any of the fine, threadlike outgrowths from the skin of an animal or human being.

Body Hair(As defined by The Guys): Any of the above mentioned hair that grows all the places we don’t want it to.

The topic of body hair was brought up recently at one of our round table discussions. Apparently a few of our comrades have recently been contemplating full body laser surgery, to remove their full bodied rugs. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And if you’ve ever seen the “40 Year Old Virgin” you’ll know what I mean. The hair waxing scene is one of the funniest moments in that movie.

But laser surgery!? Is body hair really that bad? Let’s examine the pros and cons.

On the pro side.

1. It keeps you warm. No  need to put on that extra sweater in the winter.

2. You can hide things in there. Like that piece of gold you don’t want to declare at customs. Very handy.

3. No need to buy a Halloween costume….ever!  The Wolf Man is always en vogue.

4. If you start going bald, you have a lot of real hair to use for the transplant.

On the con side:

1. It’s hot as hell!

2. Forget taking your shirt off at the beach.

3. Sweating is taken to a whole new level.

4. Did I mention it’s hot as hell!

5. And who knows what your partner is really thinking?

And that’s a question we’ll be asking later in this post. What does your partner actually think about this? And is it so bad to call for drastic measures?

Of course I wouldn’t know. I’ve had one chest hair in my time of this planet which I’ve diligently kept trimmed. Although there was a time when I felt the need to point it out to people, just to let people know I was capable of actually growing a chest hair. But I see I might be one of the lucky ones. For now.

I say for now, because body hair is something no man ever really escapes. Eventually hair will grow from every crevice in his body until he is consumed. And it’s already happening to me. Just the other day I looked in the mirror and I said, “Is that a hair growing out of my eye?”

However, the real question is, is there a double standard when it comes to body hair?

A guy can walk around with a carpet on his back and a furry woodland creature on his face and his partner just has to deal with it. But women jump through the proverbial hoop just to rid themselves of a little hair. Especially nowadays, hair seems to be WAY OUT. Here’s what I’ve witnessed, or at least heard about, in terms of women grooming themselves.

Waxing the hair under their lip.

The bikini wax and trim.

Shaving their underarms.

Shaving their legs.

The eyebrow pluck.

And then of course we have the various degrees of grooming when it comes to the private area.

The Brazilian

The French

The Landing Strip

The Isosceles

The Cardshark

And more………….

I mean talk about the pressure! This takes grooming to a whole new level. Women have always had to think about clothes and the way they look on the outside, but now they have to think about what’s going on under the clothes?!  That’s just too much!

For guys, we just have to brush our teeth, wash and comb our hair and put on clean undies. Expectations are low and as long as we’re clean and reasonably kept, we can get away with a lot.(I think)

But now the tables are turning a bit. Like I said, hair is going out of style, especially unseemly body hair. And some of The Guys are taking a hard look at themselves and realizing that maybe their little tree farm isn’t that attractive after all.

As for women, I for one don’t really care what they do with their hair. That’s their business. It’s certainly not a determining factor on why I would or wouldn’t date someone. (Although I’m not longer in the game, so it’s a moot point.) But I’m just saying. “The Patchouli” is certainly fine with me. (Look it up)

But as far as guys go, our body hair is just like the lawns we work so hard to keep immaculate. At the end of the day, the weeds will win out, and our body hair will eventually consume every inch of our bodies.

So I say to my Guys, save yourself some money. Forget the surgery and just let it ride. You’re actually trend setters, you just don’t know it yet. Because when it’s all said and done, even me, with my one hair on my chest, will become consumed by the looming forest.

Men: Do you think we should shave our body hair or remove it permanently? What does your partner say about it? Also, what kind of grooming do you prefer in your partner?

Women: Is there a major double standard going on with body hair? Do you care? How do you like to groom yourself? (Please share if you’d like) And how do you really feel about body hair on guys?

I think often of these lines from the song Woman by John Lennon:

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands…

Remember that “Rolling Stone” cover where a naked John Lennon is curling up at the side of a fully clothed Yoko? Most people find it disturbing. I don’t, not really, even though it’s not really attractive.

Here’s a link to the photo I’m talking about:

Rolling Stone Cover

I know what he’s trying to say, and I solute his bravery to be so open about it. In my opinion, most men, unless they have done inner child work of some sort (like John Lennon did), won’t admit the need they feel deep inside to be connected to a woman this powerfully. There is an inner child who yearns to be absolutely adored, protected, loved, safe. Don’t get me wrong. That’s not all we are in a relationship. We are also strong, spontaneous, and independent in many ways, but the inner child is there for most of us, influencing, driving, even pushing us to the point of frustration and in some extreme cases inappropriate acts.

Some men realize the inner drive of that child and are able to integrate it into life and relationships in meaningful ways. I’m still working on that personally, and I realized how much time and work it takes. But some men are blind to their inner child, and it hurts them and the people around them, often profoundly.

Abusive men are horrific examples of how a deeply wounded inner child can have a devastating impact. In order to appease the needs of their disfigured inner child, abusive men must absolutely possess the loyalty and attention of a woman. The slightest sign of rejection or “disloyalty” (read: a look, a hint of rejection, a sign of independence) sends them into fits of rage.

People who are compulsive cheaters have a similar problem, in my mind (ala Tiger Woods or Eliot Spitzer). For them, they need that feeling of having a fresh romance or intimate encounter, one where all barriers are broken down and the egos merge, essentially — temporary possession of the total attention of a woman. Once that feeling is gone, they start searching for it anew, sometimes the very next day. They are broken and searching for something that will fix them, even if only one night at a time.

To help frame this, let me switch and consider the opposite end of the spectrum — the male who knows his inner child and has healed it in many ways. First of all, this sort of man wouldn’t walk into a relationship that is basically wrong. He wouldn’t choose a woman who his inner child needs to “possess” or who gives his inner child the opportunity to rage the way it never could before. He would choose a partner who he enjoys and who “gets” him. Secondly, he would enjoy the closeness of a good relationship without depending on it. Sex would be an opportunity to share love, warm and gentle, not an attempt to satisfy inner emotional aches and pains. And, finally, he would first and foremost want to help his partner be happy, not because he is hoping to get anything in return, but just because love like that feels really good to give.

Sounds pretty good, pretty normal, right? Yet, how many men are there? I’m not, not yet. And if you check the web for info on marital unhappiness, infidelity, divorce, “sexless” marriages, etc, etc, I think you will come up with a good number on your own. It’s not high.

That brings me back to the naked and courageous John Lennon. With that photo and in many other ways, John was a pioneer on the emotional front,  experimenting with Primal Therapy among other things. Boy do I wish he were still around. We have Bob Dole for erectile dysfunction (odd, but actually pretty brave). If only we had John Lennon working for inner child dysfunction! I think it would help a lot of people to have all of this talked about more.

I wrote this article from a limited perspective. Being a guy, I get the male inner child. But I often wish I understood the female inner child more. I know it exists. Almost no human escapes having a childhood (or just a history) unscathed. What I don’t feel like I know is the shape the female inner child takes in a relationship. Love to hear your thoughts.

_______________________________________________________

A note from “One of The Guys”

I know we’ve been pretty serious lately. And since I’m all about balance, in life, in relationships and here on The Guy’s Perspective, I promise we’ll be discussing some “lighter” topics for the next few weeks.

However, if something comes to mind about the topic of cheating that you’d like to share with us, please do. As always we value your input greatly.

And feel free to ask THE GUYS any question you might have about guys, relationships or any other topic. We’ll answer you as thoroughly and thoughtfully as we can.

Email us at: advice@theguysperspective.com

And don’t forget to take some of THE GUYS home with you. Check out our Cafe Press store. (Scroll down to see some examples) For anyone that buys any of our merchandise, if you take your picture with it  and send it to us, we’ll put it up on our site and be sure to prop your site/blog as well.

THANKS!!!!!

5 years ago I was Tiger. Relationship, job, personal life completely in shambles. Unfathomable amounts of pain and horrendous feelings of betrayal for my wife, family and friends. Fast forward to today and the picture is that of a faithful spouse and dedicated father with career on the fast track. Relationship with my wife is more close and real than ever before.

Is “Love” Addiction Real?

From my experience, absolutely. As a serial cheater, I knew I was doing the wrong thing, tried to stop several times, but ended up going back to my “high” as a way of coping. The rush addicts get from their drug is chemically pretty much the same whether that drug is alcohol, drugs, sex or food. And it’s not uncommon to get one under control and then have another one rage out of control. Lots of books on this. Patrick Carnes has written oodles on the topic. I know that since I’ve treated my susceptibility as an addiction, it’s been under control ever since. If you treat something like it’s an addiction and then it stops, I think the question of whether it’s an addiction or not becomes secondary.

Can Guys Change or Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?

Guys can absolutely change … both externally and internally. Been to your 25^th high school reunion yet? If so you know the former is true. The internal changes are tougher. For me it was lots of therapy and TLC from spouse, friends and family. Guys’ (and gals’) brains get wired at a pretty young age and if the tendency to cheat gets wired in, it takes *a lot* of work to change that wiring, but it can be done. And it’s an ongoing process.

How Did My Wife Forgive Me?

I’m not sure how she did, frankly, so what I write below should not be interpreted as me speaking for her – just “best guesses” on my part. I do know that I am eternally grateful to her for taking me back and giving me a second chance. If the shoe were on the other foot, I hope I would show the same strength, character, courage and understanding and forgive her like she did me. We still have heated arguments over it (mostly me listening) and I definitely am still earning her trust back. Forgiveness for stuff like this is not a moment in time, but a long process which requires lots of discussion, reflection, listening etc. I think one key to her forgiving me was seeing how I was taking therapy and recovery program work very seriously. She also knew that I had a very strong track record of self-improvement and knew that I was determined to live a life of integrity and leave the underworld behind. When things first hit, the support of her family and an extremely talented therapist/counselor were absolutely critical in stopping the bleeding and establishing the desire to heal. My wife also knew the addiction/mental illness spectrum up close as several of our friends and family members have battled it for a long time. Her forgiveness has been transformational for both of us. I often wonder what our (and our kids) lives would be like if she hadn’t forgiven me. Her ability to forgive literally saved my life — I am forever grateful to her and love her more than ever.

Have You Had Experiences With This?

Have you ever taken someone back after a Tiger Woods like level of betrayal? Or have you (or some woman you know) been a female version of Tiger and been forgiven? My guess would be that cases like mine where forgiveness is granted are probably the exception not the rule.

These are the kind of topics that THE GUYS like to discuss. Meaningful topics that we can shed some light on and give our point of view.

But keep in mind, just because we’re all guys doesn’t mean we all agree, or that we’re cut from the same cloth. Guys are individuals too, we take umbrage with our portrayal as sports loving, skirt chasing, knuckleheads, who aren’t in touch with ourselves and our thoughts, feelings and emotions. In fact, we are all of those things, yes, complete knuckleheads too, combined in a dirty little package that we’ve been told, “cleans up well.”

So this week, THREE of THE GUYS will be giving their opinions on the topic of cheating.

As always, we welcome your thoughts and reactions. Feel free to disagree(we know you will), agree(we know you might) or share your personal experiences.

Part One:

From “One of The Guys”

Up until I read the “158 Pound Marriage” by John Irving, I thought cheating was pretty cut and dry. Cheating meant breaking your commitment with your girlfriend, partner or wife and having some sort of physical/sexual contact with another person. End of story. Cut. That’s a wrap!

But is it really that simple? This cheating thing?

That book got me thinking more about the subject and I began to ask myself questions that I no longer had the answers for.

For Example:

Is flirting cheating? Or wishing you could go home with another person even if you don’t take action?

Is it cheating when a person has an emotional connection with a friend that somehow competes with the current relationship that person is in?

Is it cheating to fantasize about having sex with another person?

What type of physical contact is cheating? A kiss? A full body hug? What?

Once I started digging deeper and talking to my male and female friends, I realized every single person has a different definition of what cheating is for them. I mean EVERYONE has their own set of rules.

Here is one example:

The Extreme Black and White

This friend of mine had basically broken up with his girlfriend, or I should say, she pretty much broke up with him. But they never actually had “the talk.”

He said to me, “But how do I know it’s really over?”

I said, “She left the country and moved back home. (To Europe) I think it’s OK to start dating again.”

He said, “No, I need to wait and officially break up with her.”

I said, “But who knows when that will happen. She doesn’t even answer your phone calls.” (Before email became the way to communicate.)

And sure enough, almost nine months went by before he actually talked to her and had the official “talk.” And by that time, she was already engaged to someone else!!! (Major eye roll by me. Duh!!!)

Another Example:

Mr. Cool

This buddy’s opinion was, if he and his girlfriend weren’t engaged to be married, he was free to do whatever.

I said, “But isn’t that cheating? Sleeping with other women? I mean aren’t you committed to her? Don’t you love her?”

He said, “Well, I guess so, but there are too many beautiful women out there for me to just be with one.”

I said, “Well, then why don’t you just break up with her and sleep around?”

He said, “Nah, I like having a girlfriend.”

I said, “So it must be OK if she plays the field too? You guys have an open relationship then?” (Of course, I have no idea what that really means)

He said, “Hell no!! If she ever cheated on me, I’d dump her so fast.”

I said, “Hmmm……………”

After having many more conversations like these two, I realized that WHY people cheat has everything to do with them, and who they are, and how they were raised, or weren’t raised, or what experiences have shaped them, and little to do with the person they are cheating on.

If they’re the kind of person that’s going to cheat, it doesn’t matter whom their with, they’re going to cheat. Simple as that.

But the last piece I’d like to touch upon is VOWS and how they play a part in cheating.

When two people get married they usually say their vows out loud in front of a few witnesses or possibly hundreds. And both people make promises to be true to each other on many levels.

So when discussing cheating, the question becomes, when are the vows actually broken?

Is it only when someone has sexual contact with another person that the vows are broken?

Or are they broken when someone pulls away emotionally?

I know guys who have cheated because their spouses won’t have sex with them. I’m not excusing this or condoning it, I’m stating a fact. In my mind, I think they’re cheating, but in their minds, their wives have already broken their vows, and now they feel free to explore other ways to get their needs met. I mention this because Guys discuss this a lot. And yes, over beers and a game. (That’s where the stereotypes come in.)

Of course, the whole time we’re talking about this I hear the voices of my female friends streaming through my head:

“Well why won’t they have sex with you?
What are you doing that’s causing them to pull away physically?
Do you ever just hug them without it leading to sex?
Or talk to them?
Or help around the house?
Or deal with the kids when they’re out of freakin’ control?”

But I don’t always say what I’m thinking. Sometimes it’s easier to just nod and watch the game.

But bottom line. It’s complicated.

So I’m wondering where do you stand on the subject of cheating? Please share. As always, THE GUYS and I want to learn from our readers too.

Next post: Straight talk from someone who’s been there and back! “Mr. Nice Guy”

To ask THE GUYS any question related to this post or anything involving GUYS or relationships, please email us at: advice@theguysperspective.com

In a world dominated by Oprah and The View, THE GUYS are doing their best to carve out a little piece of the pie. Seriously, we think there’s enough room to give our perspective on life, and the relationships that are so vital to us. And coming soon, THE GUYS very own weekly podcast!

Of course, if that isn’t enough for you and you’d like to take one of us home, well we can arrange that as well. We’re pretty easy as Guys go. Scrap that, all guys are easy, but you get our point. Of course you can’t just have ONE of us, you’ll have to take a few of THE GUYS home with you.

So here are your choices:

You can carry us close to your, um…..heart, with this Spaghetti Strap.

Or for a more casual date with THE GUYS, how about this Tee?

And why not drink us up? We’re very tasty!

It’s never too early to become one of THE GUYS. Not to be confused with “One of The Guys.”

And if your Guy has a hard time at the dinner table, why not give him an early birthday gift. Food will stick to this like glue.

And of course for any of you other GUYS looking to mix it up in the bedroom, we had these made especially for you. But your gal might want a pair too, so why not get a couple?

So there you have it. Please visit our Cafe Press store to help support THE GUYS. Your donation would be much appreciated and will help us continue to enlighten some of these other GUYS, and hopefully amuse and inform our female friends.

So take the plunge. Take a GUY home with you. It doesn’t cost much, and we promise, we won’t argue, disagree, or question anything you ever say. Better than a dog, cat or even some small children.

Thanks so Much!

THE GUYS

Coming in our next three posts we’ll be exploring that ever so explosive and touchy subject of CHEATING…………read three different guys’ viewpoints and experiences on the subject.

The first post we dipped back into time bringing you a piece of nostalgia from our childhood. “The Uniform”

The second post was all about expectations of that “coming of age” event called, “The Prom.”

Now from, “One of The Guys”

Well, this is going to be more of a stream of consciousness post. I’m just going to see where it goes. I like to do that sometimes. I might have a nugget of an idea, and then see how far I can develop it, similar to improvising on a theme when I play music. That’s what improvising is all about. Not knowing where the story is going, but still having some parameters to work with; basically the other musicians, the chord changes (if there are any) and the audience, because surely their enthusiasm or lack thereof dictates how the story is told.

And isn’t that the truth? Isn’t that what life is like? What being a person on this planet is like? One Big Blessed Improv Routine!! I mean seriously. We don’t know what the hell we’re really doing, where we’re going, what’s right, what’s wrong, who we really are. In fact by the time we THINK we’ve kind of figured it all out, we know the story is just about to conclude, and there’s no way to alter the ending.

I think about this a lot when I’m at home dealing with my kids. I try to give them parameters to work with, but I can’t control their own story as much as I’d like to sometimes. Why do I want to control it? Because this world is a scary place. And the older I get the scarier I think it is. Now don’t get me wrong. I work hard to see the beauty in all of it too, and I try not to let my fears paralyze me, or my kids. But now that I do have a family, life somehow seems more precarious, more fragile.

I remember being a bold teen, walking down the city streets alone, and not being scared of anything. Ignorance is bliss.

BUT NOW?

Now, the freaking squirrels scare the crap out of me. I think to myself, if one of those little ferocious beasts actually attacked me or the kids, I don’t think I could fight it off. Seriously! Could you? What if all the squirrels in the world decided to attack at once? We’d all be TOAST!

What does this mean besides that I’m nuts?

It means that we all have to trust in “the order of the universe.” Trust that the sun will come up…..at least occasionally where I live. Trust that darkness will come so we can rest. Trust that our kids will learn their own lessons and grow from them. And trust that the damn squirrels will stick to the trees.

So as I navigate through this world, it’s clear to me that I’m not alone. That no matter how nutty my thoughts are, I know I can just search, “Nutty Thoughts” on the web and find about a million people who think exactly as I do. (I’m not sure if that’s comforting or not, but it’s still amazing)

So what’s the lesson.?

We need to stick together, that’s what. We need to try to understand one another and realize that we all have so much more in common than we don’t.  We need to realize we all care about our families and we all want our kids to grow up and be happy and have opportunities. We all want to sit back and watch a game and root for our team without being castigated or threatened. We want the simple things too. A nice meal with a friend OR by ourselves. A quiet time to think. A good run, or walk. A night out to watch a concert. Some alone time with our honey. Or maybe time to read a cool blog, or find some cool new app on our iphone. (I don’t have one yet) We all just want to live and enjoy the time while we are here. Have fun. And maybe try to figure out where we’re headed after our time is up on this planet earth. Or maybe not.

Sure we’re all unique and that’s what makes this place so damn cool! But until we start acknowledging our similarities, we can’t celebrate our differences, to use a common PC expression. (Don’t get me started about being PC)

And let’s be honest, who the hell isn’t scared shitless of squirrels?

Take some time to check out these great sites. They cover all the things you might be interested in: Politics, Art, Philosophy, Religion,Parenting, Travel, and lots of humor! Enjoy!

Ask Cherlock

Astronomy for Everyone

A Little Girl Talk

Out of Context: Pieces for a Life (aphorisms)

Artistry Infaux

Applause for a Cause

Decaffeinated Coffee

Footsteps (Travels and Journeys)

Jeans Musings

Mad Kane

SuperMommy to the Rescue

Sugar Snow

Superficial Gallery

TJ Lubrano

The Suss

Virtual Synapses

Writing to Survive

Part three will be coming soon.

From: “One of The Guys”

Where I went to school, there were only two proms; a junior high prom (7th-9th grade) and a senior prom. Expectations were huge for both proms, but I can only speak for the guys. It was the night where we hoped inhibitions might be cast aside, at least for one special night, and maybe we’d somehow convince our date, usually our girlfriend, to go where she had never gone before.

But it wasn’t like that for me. Far from it.

In 9th grade I started dating a very nice girl probably around May. So it was a “no brainer” that I would be going with her to the Prom……Well, ah.., NO!! She had already committed to a friend of hers, not a boyfriend, and she felt that she should keep that commitment. She was a lot more mature that most of the people at the school and she probably did the right thing, but not necessarily something that most 9th graders would have done. And to me, it was a drag.

So I ended up going with a close friend of mine who also didn’t have a date and we had a good time. But it was awkward seeing my girlfriend dancing to “Stairway to Heaven” and “Freebird” with another guy. And the night, while fun, never turned into that magical night that I had dreamed about.

My junior year in high school I started dating a senior in the spring. I have no idea why she liked me because her previous boyfriend had been the captain of the football team, but she did. So we started dating.

At this point, I was still pretty green, but she wasn’t, which made the whole thing even more baffling to me. I was like a human playing with a vampire, which honestly scared the crap out of me, even though I liked it too.  We were still together in June, so she asked me to go to the senior prom. Wow! All THE GUYS thought I was THE MAN! (If they only knew.)

Once again the anticipation grew and grew. However, I wasn’t steering this ship. It was clear she was in charge, picking the color of my tux,  the restaurant we ate at and the after hour party we attended. I was like a stick adrift on a river, just merrily floating to and fro. But this is where it gets blurry for me. Somehow the night just went from bad to worse and we ended up breaking up. Seriously!! We broke up on Prom night! And looking back on it, I’m sure she was still in love with this former captain of the football team who had arrived home from college the week before. I found out later, he had been wooing her since he arrived. Who could resist, right? (Sarcasm)

But I rebounded fast  from that traumatic evening. And of course, I still had my senior prom to go to. That was going to be great!

Well the spring came around and I was single, having broken up with a girl in February. But as luck would have it, I started dating a great girl in May and now I had a date. Phew, close one!!

Ahhh….NO!!!…………Deja vu……my girlfriend had already committed to going with someone else and once again she felt she should honor that commitment. What is up with these girls!!!???

So now I had no date………Well…….. (And you’re gonna love this)

My 9th grade prom date, as I mentioned before had moved away to Texas in 10th grade. However, she kept in touch with a lot of people from our high school still, and her girlfriends told me she would be back in town during our prom. They said I should ask her because she would love to go. And since I didn’t have a date, I thought it sounded like a good idea.

I don’t need to go into details. We had fun. And I was glad I went. But really, let’s be honest. I’m pretty sure I’m the only guy on the planet that this happened to…….. TWICE!

We’d love to hear about your prom expectations and experiences!
Please share!

And take some time to browse through some of these great sites.

Adventures of Starting Over

Date Girl Diaries

Beaming Balance

I Should a Been a Stripper

Luvem or Leavem

The Lola Vibe

Kelly Seal

It’s all a matter of Perspective

Love Skeptic

LionSlinger

Naughtie Scribe

Self-Esteem Blog for Women

Symphony of Love

Self-Help Wellness

The Life of Annie

Without Dash

Advice Goddess

Chaotically Calm

The Blogess

At My Soiree

Next Post: In our third installment of this miniseries we’ll be covering…..well, it will be a surprise…..and of course we’ll be highlighting our last group of great sites.

However, we’d like to do more than just stroll down memory lane. We’d also like to recognize some of you, our readers, who we’ve connected with since entering the world of blogging. For the next three posts, we’ll be sharing stories from different stages of our lives, and at the same time we’ll be recognizing some blogs that we love and follow that also share some of these same types of stories and experiences…….well at least in some way. We took some liberties of course.

So here we go. Let’s start with the early years. A first person account.

In first grade I knew I was going to be a baseball player. I knew it in my bones and I knew it in my mind. And if you stood close enough to me, you could smell the scent of leather, dirt and grass oozing from my pores.

But I wanted to show the world how much I loved it. So I begged my parents to buy me a baseball uniform. When my Cleveland Indians uniform arrived in the mail, I was in heaven. I had never seen something so beautiful….well except in those magazines I used to find in the attic….. but I digress…….I ripped off the packaging and immediately put in on, and like some strange hermetic seal, it bonded with my body.

In fact, and this is the complete truth, I wore that baseball uniform to school every day! I mean, every day in first grade! I was so serious about this that I would hide the uniform in my bottom drawer of my dresser on the weekends, for fear that if I put it in the dirty clothes bin, it would not be washed and ready for school on Monday.

Of course for some reason I never noticed that all the grass and dirt stains were gone come every Monday. My mom later told me that she used to sneak in and grab the uniform and wash it every weekend, and then put it back. That’s very funny to think about now.

But looking back I’m amazed that my parents actually let me wear that uniform every day. I mean, what did the other parents think? Did they have to endure the stares and recriminations of other parents at the school? Or maybe they just didn’t give a shit. Good for them I say if that’s the case.

So I think about that uniform and wish I still had it today. It represented unbridled love, passion, and all the possibilities life had in store for me. But if I close my eyes, I can still feel every fiber of that uniform even today. And it’s a good reminder to me, that every day brings new moments to cherish, and new possibilities. And as I smile, remembering, a few layers of stress fall away, still smelling like baseball.

So now we’d like to recognize some of the blogs that recount stories of childhood, or give us insight into the world of parenting. Or, maybe just other blogs about personal experiences.Check these great sites out!

(And remember, in the next two posts to come, we’ll have more sites for you to explore. We won’t forget our loyal readers and fellow bloggers. But there’s a lot of you that we love, so be patient! Enjoy!)

Psycho Carnival

Momma Mia Culpa

The Mommy Blog

One Crazy Brunette Chick

Always Musing

Barbara’s Meanderings

Red Head Ranting

Bueno Baby

Darwin Fish 2

Moe Daily

Ethel Mae Potter

Grammology

Just Bloggled

Missi Mi

The Madness of Me

Ordinary Woman

Stuperhero Extraordinaire

When a Southern Woman Rambles

Windshield Thinking

Stupidation

Rambling Brooke

Melindaville

Momversation

Next Post: Life in the world of Dating and Relationships

…… and more blogs THE GUYS love and follow!