Posts Tagged ‘fighting’

Conflict, Grudges and Politics

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Conflict is part of every relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything. Sure, we’d like to find someone who is on the same page as us when it comes to children, religion, politics or our favorite sports team. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s still plenty to argue about; think money and sex.

For many years we’ve all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And that may be true, but it’s not the reason people have conflicts in their relationships. It’s more often about HOW the two people argue and whether it’s constructive or not. When it’s not, often there’s a grudge holder in the mix that has a hard time letting go.

So what constitutes fighting badly?

1. Getting off topic and bringing up the past.

Dragging old arguments into new ones is just bad, bad, bad. But so easy to do! :) Politicians are good at this.

2. Comparing the other person to someone they know you don’t like.

This is will escalate the discussion into a fight faster than you can say……Dick Cheney.

3. Hurling insults or swears.

Like calling each other a Sarah Palin. There’s no reconciliation after you go rogue.

4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.

Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.

5. Holding a grudge.

Hmmm……..I’m not even going there on this one.

By the time you get to number 5, the discussion/argument/fight is over for one person, but not the other. The second person clings to the problem obsessively, preferring to be right over resolving the conflict. Sometimes, this only lasts for a short while and they they come to their senses. Sometimes it goes on forever and it gets brought up in the next argument, and so on.

This is the kind of argument that goes on in Washington every day. Bad fighting and grudge holding run in perpetual motion 365 days of the year. But we actually now have a president who’s trying to break the cycle and get down to the basic task of fixing this broken country. It’s a shame both sides can’t just work together.

And although, I stand behind the president, there are many on both sides who won’t let go of some of their grudges. For change to happen and problems to be solved, we need at least some of these people to forgive and forget.

But if that can’t happen, we can at least do our best to take care of our own business. We can take care of our little kingdoms scattered across this country. Because in actuality, we aren’t from Venus or Mars, but from this little planet called Earth.

ALL OF US!

THE GUYS

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Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas, pop culture | 16 Comments »

Just Throw the Flag!

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

For about four years in my twenties I didn’t own a TV. Those were my pseudo intellectual years where I was consuming every book I could get my hands on, making up for teen apathy. I didn’t really think much of it. I was too busy trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up. That was pretty damn time consuming.

But now, years later, I do in fact own a TV;  mainly because I love watching sports.

Yes, I’m a book loving, information seeking guy, who is also stereotypically into competition and sports. The thrill of conquest, or at least watching conquest, is hard wired into my brain along with the millions of other men around the globe. If we had our first choice, it would be us out there on the field or on the court, but since life has taken us in different directions, we’re satisfied to live vicariously through our heroes, or anti-heroes. (There’s that hero word again!)

But this post wasn’t going to be about that. I had something completely different in mind.

I was watching the football playoffs on TV and shouting at the refs for not calling a particular penalty. I kept yelling, “Just throw the flag!” At the same time, my boys wouldn’t stop arguing about some silly little toy that neither had played with since they were four. (They’re now nine and seven.) I kept telling them to knock it off, but they just wouldn’t stop. What is up with boys??? And then they turn into men. (A topic for another time.)

Then it hit me. I needed to go out and buy two yellow flags to keep on my person at all times. And two for my wife. What if we started running our house like a football game?  A game where we’d be the referees.

Here are the rules:

1. Father or mother both carry flags.

2. Penalties include, but not limited to:  fighting with siblings, not listening to parents, bouncing balls off walls, picking nose and putting on table while we’re eating, throwing shoes anywhere and everywhere when coming home from school, not flushing toilet with large poop in it, whining about homework and piano practice, etc.

3. Flags can be thrown for any of these infractions.

4. Once flag is thrown everyone must freeze.

5. Said parent announces to house what the infraction was and how the penalty will be assessed.

6. If this direction is not followed, a second penalty will be assessed.

7. (And this is the best part) Whomever the penalty is on, must pick up the flag and hand it back to parent….. and then apologize. (I love that!!!)

And the fringe benefit to this? I won’t even need to own a TV anymore. Because instead of watching, I’ll actually be part of the game…..or more like in charge. Sweet!!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

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Posted in Essays, Humor, guys, parenting, relationships | 10 Comments »