Posts Tagged ‘kids’

The Uniform

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

This is a different kind of post today. This is the first installation in a three part miniseries where we’ll share some memorable moments in our lives.

However, we’d like to do more than just stroll down memory lane. We’d also like to recognize some of you, our readers, who we’ve connected with since entering the world of blogging. For the next three posts, we’ll be sharing stories from different stages of our lives, and at the same time we’ll be recognizing some blogs that we love and follow that also share some of these same types of stories and experiences…….well at least in some way. We took some liberties of course.

So here we go. Let’s start with the early years. A first person account.

In first grade I knew I was going to be a baseball player. I knew it in my bones and I knew it in my mind. And if you stood close enough to me, you could smell the scent of leather, dirt and grass oozing from my pores.

But I wanted to show the world how much I loved it. So I begged my parents to buy me a baseball uniform. When my Cleveland Indians uniform arrived in the mail, I was in heaven. I had never seen something so beautiful….well except in those magazines I used to find in the attic….. but I digress…….I ripped off the packaging and immediately put in on, and like some strange hermetic seal, it bonded with my body.

In fact, and this is the complete truth, I wore that baseball uniform to school every day! I mean, every day in first grade! I was so serious about this that I would hide the uniform in my bottom drawer of my dresser on the weekends, for fear that if I put it in the dirty clothes bin, it would not be washed and ready for school on Monday.

Of course for some reason I never noticed that all the grass and dirt stains were gone come every Monday. My mom later told me that she used to sneak in and grab the uniform and wash it every weekend, and then put it back. That’s very funny to think about now.

But looking back I’m amazed that my parents actually let me wear that uniform every day. I mean, what did the other parents think? Did they have to endure the stares and recriminations of other parents at the school? Or maybe they just didn’t give a shit. Good for them I say if that’s the case.

So I think about that uniform and wish I still had it today. It represented unbridled love, passion, and all the possibilities life had in store for me. But if I close my eyes, I can still feel every fiber of that uniform even today. And it’s a good reminder to me, that every day brings new moments to cherish, and new possibilities. And as I smile, remembering, a few layers of stress fall away, still smelling like baseball.

So now we’d like to recognize some of the blogs that recount stories of childhood, or give us insight into the world of parenting. Or, maybe just other blogs about personal experiences.Check these great sites out!

(And remember, in the next two posts to come, we’ll have more sites for you to explore. We won’t forget our loyal readers and fellow bloggers. But there’s a lot of you that we love, so be patient! Enjoy!)

Psycho Carnival

Momma Mia Culpa

The Mommy Blog

One Crazy Brunette Chick

Always Musing

Barbara’s Meanderings

Red Head Ranting

Bueno Baby

Darwin Fish 2

Moe Daily

Ethel Mae Potter

Grammology

Just Bloggled

Missi Mi

The Madness of Me

Ordinary Woman

Stuperhero Extraordinaire

When a Southern Woman Rambles

Windshield Thinking

Stupidation

Rambling Brooke

Melindaville

Momversation

Next Post: Life in the world of Dating and Relationships

…… and more blogs THE GUYS love and follow!


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Posted in Essays, guys, kids, parenting, relationships, sports | 32 Comments »

Easy Motivation

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

This post is not about kids. It’s about what motivates people, and in particular, GUYS! But I have to set the table for you. So pretend you’re at a party and people start talking about their kids. Inside you’re rolling your eyes, because nothing could be more boring than hearing people go on and on about their kids. Even the people who HAVE kids can’t stand it. So bear with me here. I’ll unfold this quickly.

I was at a party last night with some of the GUYS. A few of us were discussing our kids’ obsession with the Wii. (For those of you living in a cave for the last five years, the Wii is a gaming system that has swept through every household containing one or more small beings.) Anyway, I was saying that I use the Wii as a carrot, to get my kids to do all the things I want them to do. Now let’s be clear, I can get them to do all of those things without the Wii, but it eliminates the freakin’ whining, complaining, crying, whimpering and any other “ing” word you can think of.

This method of parenting is not in any book about raising children. BUT, we all know that theory is much different than practice. I can guarantee that every parent with the means has used the TV at least once, as a way to get their kids to stop screaming, running, yelling or beating on each other. (There’s those “ing” words again!) And more importantly, give themselves a much needed BREAK!!! That’s not written in any of the books either, but when you’re in the trenches, you do what you need to do to survive.  All in moderation.

Anyway, like I said, this post is not about kids.

So I’m at the party and I’m “reading” the room. I could have filled a glass with all the water coming out of people’s eyes during that discussion about the Wii. So in order to save the night I open my big mouth and say, “This is exactly the same as when GUYS are hungry for sex.”

Silence……uh oh……I did it again…..crickets……..uncomfortable body movements…….then one slight smile……another……..one head bob in agreement…….then more crickets……a few look aways…….no more signs of  approval ……damn…….still nothing………..shit, I ruined the party……..my wife is going to kill me……..we’ll argue……but who cares……….the make up sex will be great………oh god………..take me away Calgon……….finally someone chimes in……….I’m saved……. (note to self, KILL other GUYS)

“Exactly,” I hear this person say. I don’t know him. He’s not one of THE GUYS, but I immediately love him and want to buy him a gift certificate to his place of choice. Or give him a big guy hug. (See previous post for explanation on why I didn’t go that route.)

I look around at some of THE GUYS, with that look that says, “WTF DUDE! WHAT…you don’t got my back?”

Then finally one of  THE GUYS says, “When I want sex, my wife could basically ask me to do anything and I’d do it. Take out the trash. Clean the dishes. Put the kids to bed. Take out the neighbor’s trash. Go to the pharmacy to pick up a late night prescription. Promise to visit her folks next weekend. Take out the other neighbor’s trash.”

His wife is in the bathroom. I make a mental note to tell her everything. I don’t like to get left high and dry. (Seems like an appropriate metaphor for the topic at hand.) Payback will be sweet. Although, like he said, he won’t care because men are in an altered state when the hormones are raging and their bodies are churning inside. When this happens, GUYS can be controlled by any remote available. Easily programmed and then easily manipulated by any button our partner wants to push.

This is no secret!!

It’s just something people don’t bring up at parties. Well, most people that is. But hey, somebody had to save the night, and it might as well been, “ONE of THE GUYS.”

So what am I saying? I’m not saying what you think I’m saying. It’s never a good thing to make it obvious you’re controlling someone. So be subtle about it. We don’t do well if we know that you know. So just be coy about it, and we’ll pretty much do what you want.

So mommies… Let your kids play the Wii. It is pretty cool. And it might be a good time to get reacquainted with your hubby. That is after he takes a shower. That’s a lot of garbage to be taking out.

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Posted in Humor, Ideas, Relationship Humor, guys, parenting, relationships | 25 Comments »

Just Throw the Flag!

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

For about four years in my twenties I didn’t own a TV. Those were my pseudo intellectual years where I was consuming every book I could get my hands on, making up for teen apathy. I didn’t really think much of it. I was too busy trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up. That was pretty damn time consuming.

But now, years later, I do in fact own a TV;  mainly because I love watching sports.

Yes, I’m a book loving, information seeking guy, who is also stereotypically into competition and sports. The thrill of conquest, or at least watching conquest, is hard wired into my brain along with the millions of other men around the globe. If we had our first choice, it would be us out there on the field or on the court, but since life has taken us in different directions, we’re satisfied to live vicariously through our heroes, or anti-heroes. (There’s that hero word again!)

But this post wasn’t going to be about that. I had something completely different in mind.

I was watching the football playoffs on TV and shouting at the refs for not calling a particular penalty. I kept yelling, “Just throw the flag!” At the same time, my boys wouldn’t stop arguing about some silly little toy that neither had played with since they were four. (They’re now nine and seven.) I kept telling them to knock it off, but they just wouldn’t stop. What is up with boys??? And then they turn into men. (A topic for another time.)

Then it hit me. I needed to go out and buy two yellow flags to keep on my person at all times. And two for my wife. What if we started running our house like a football game?  A game where we’d be the referees.

Here are the rules:

1. Father or mother both carry flags.

2. Penalties include, but not limited to:  fighting with siblings, not listening to parents, bouncing balls off walls, picking nose and putting on table while we’re eating, throwing shoes anywhere and everywhere when coming home from school, not flushing toilet with large poop in it, whining about homework and piano practice, etc.

3. Flags can be thrown for any of these infractions.

4. Once flag is thrown everyone must freeze.

5. Said parent announces to house what the infraction was and how the penalty will be assessed.

6. If this direction is not followed, a second penalty will be assessed.

7. (And this is the best part) Whomever the penalty is on, must pick up the flag and hand it back to parent….. and then apologize. (I love that!!!)

And the fringe benefit to this? I won’t even need to own a TV anymore. Because instead of watching, I’ll actually be part of the game…..or more like in charge. Sweet!!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

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Posted in Essays, Humor, guys, parenting, relationships | 10 Comments »

It’s all in the Name

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

I may have written about this before, but here goes again. The pressure is mounting. It’s 2010, the kids are one year older….can’t use that excuse anymore….and everyone but me wants a dog.

I tried selling them on fish or a hamster or maybe even a rat. I hear they’re in vogue these days. But they’ll have none of it. It’s a dog or nothing.

Actually I like dogs. I grew up with one. She was smart, cuddly, fun and I played with her a ton. But let’s face it, I didn’t really have to take care of her, and neither did my brother or sister. My mom pretty much did everything.

In my current situation, since I’m home more days than my wife, it will be me, picking up poop, walking the dog and tending to her needs. I can barely take care of myself and the kids…and sometimes my wife, how can I handle another mouth to feed and another butt to wipe!! Well hopefully I won’t have to wipe her butt, but you get my meaning.

The other thing is, these four legged beings are damn expensive! I know how pricey those vet bills can be. What am I going to say? “Sorry kids,  we just can’t fix “Fido’s” leg. Too expensive. She’ll just have to limp the rest of her life.” I’ll be whipped and chained and hung up over the fireplace if I take that stance. So what’s a poor guy to do? Help!!!???

So, I guess this is it. Hmmm…..

But there is a solution to this whole dilemma. Here’s how it’s going to go.

Me (To my family): Just throw me a bone and maybe I’ll go along with it.

My wife: So what do you want?

Me: I want to name her.

The kids: NO!!!!!

Me: I name her, or no dog.

Everyone(After a LONG pause): Fine.

Me: So I’m going to name her “Peeve!” (Pause) That’s right you heard me, “Peeve!”

Everyone: What??!! What kind of a name is that? That’s lame!

Me: No it’s not.  That way when my friends come over and they say, “What’s your dog’s name?”  I can say, “This is my pet Peeve.”

Everyone: Ahhh!!! 

And you know what, that just might be worth the extra mouth to feed.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

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Posted in Essays, Humor, Relationship Humor, relationships | 19 Comments »

Magic

Monday, December 14th, 2009

About a month ago my five year old daughter said to me, “Daddy is Mickey real?”

She was referring to the one and only Mickey Mouse. She went on to say, “Laura at school said Mickey isn’t real?”

I said, “What do you think?”

She said, “I think he’s real. He’s magical. But I don’t think Goofy or Donald or any of those other characters are real.”

I said, “Why?”

She said, “Because they don’t have tongues. They can’t eat without a tongue. But Mickey has a tongue. I think he’s real.”

I smiled inwardly. Seemed like pretty solid reasoning to me!

Then about a week ago my seven year old son lost his tooth.
I said, “We can’t forget to put your tooth under your pillow for the tooth fairy.”

He says, “Dad, how big is the tooth fairy?”

I say, “I imagine very tiny. I’ve never seen her myself.”

He says, “But how strong is she?”

I say, “I don’t know.”

He says, “Well she must be strong to carry all those coins around.”

Note to reader: We give the kids  coins when they lose their teeth.

I say, “Well she’s just magical.”

That seemed to satisfy him and he nodded in agreement, happy that she would be bringing him something later that evening.

And then just yesterday, this same son says(I have another older one), “Dad, how does Santa deliver presents to every house in the world in one night? That must be like 50,000 houses!!”

I laughed, in spite of myself. (Yes, blatant rip off of the poem.)

I say, “I have no idea how he does it.”

He says, “Well his bag of presents must be as big as this house!”

I say, “Yes, it must be magic.”

He says, “That’s what I think.”

I’m amused and delighted by his perception of the world. Grossly underestimated, but  huge and wondrous to him!

The concept of magic lives large in my kids as it does in most kids. Lucky for them. Believing in things we can’t see or touch is something adults have “unlearned.” Sure, many of us have spiritual or religious faith, but do we really believe in that which we have to actually imagine?

What makes the holidays so special besides the giving and receiving is the magic that surrounds it, embraces it, and brings it alive. Viewing this magic through my children is wonderful, but I want to believe it all myself.

A world with Santa, The Easter Bunny, Mickey Mouse, The Tooth Fairy and any other fantastical creature is certainly a world that is a lot more fun. It’s a world that is less certain, but more open to new possibilities and experiences.

I constantly get caught up in the day to day grind. And to a certain extent I have to. Work, kids, sports, bills, chores…the list goes on and on. But it’s during these conversations with my kids that I realize the world is so much bigger and more magical than I can ever understand. And that’s a world we can all create by just allowing ourselves to wonder, just a little.

Am I saying, we should all believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy? Not really, but I am saying, leave a little space for the possibility of  magic.

Because it’s everywhere!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Do you believe? Do your kids believe? How do you feel about magic in general?

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Posted in Essays, holidays, relationships | 14 Comments »

Curiously Keeping Current

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

It was about two years ago when I realized I had become obsolete.

One day, while my kids were talking and laughing with their friends,  I listened and smiled in the background. I enjoyed their laughter and banter. But my smile soon faded when I realized I had no idea what they were talking about. I had no idea whom they were referencing and what they were alluding to. All the cool things I used to do and know were clearly no longer cool, replaced by all these new things. In that moment,  I realized I had become a dinosaur and it frightened me. I didn’t like knowing I was headed down the path of the Dodo Bird or the great Woolly Mammoth.

I winced and weighed my options.  I could either GET CURRENT or become extinct. I chose the former and got to work.

First I took stock of everything I had kept up on. Let’s see, I knew who was president. I knew about American Idol and all the reality TV shows. I managed to know what an MP3 file was somehow, and….um……that was basically it. So now I made a list of all the areas I needed to get up to speed in: music, technology, sports, art, the internet and current lingo. That was a good start. WOW, that was a ton of stuff to consume!

But the hard part was still in front of me. Where was I going to get the “right” info? The rest of THE GUYS were as clueless as me. I realized I had to find the source.  And then it suddenly became clear to me. The source came in the form of young people! They were up on all the current trends. They were the demographic SETTING all the trends. So my education began.

Being a teacher helped me a ton in my quest to become current. I had access to all the young minds I could ever want. I just needed to keep my trap shut so I could learn from all of them. And that’s what I did. Sure I gave my lessons, but at the end of each session, I’d ask a few open ended questions to find out about them, and what they were up to. My questions ranged from the general, “What’s going on in your life?” to the specific, “What can you tell me about…so and so?”

I was amazed at how well my inquiries were received. The simple act of asking a question immediately opened up channels that seemed so impossibly closed. What I was doing unintentionally, was acknowledging their expertise  and thus leveling the playing field. What was once a monologue became a dialogue, which was so much more interesting and educational for both of us!

The long and short of all this is, over the course of a year, I slowly caught up to the present and became “current” and had a ton of fun doing it.

So I fast forward to the present.

These days, I work hard to keep current and stay curious. I attempt to listen as much as I can and learn from the young people who surround me, including my own family. And I keep the lines of communication open. That’s my best ally to avoiding the path of extinction, and my best ally to having a solid relationship with the people I care for the most.

And you know what?  My kids are now including me in their fun conversations.  And even better, I  understand what they’re saying!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Have you kept current? Please share your discoveries!

A special bonus. Here are some cool things that some of my younger friends are up to. Be sure to check out their talent.

War Tapes (The best Doom Pop group on the planet)

Louise Rose Designs (Cool custom jewelry and accessories)

Astonishing Tales (Intelligent, introspective and catchy)

Project Erik (Slick animation on You Tube)

Kira Jeannee (Piano music that will move you)

Titanic Piano 14 (Funky, jazzy piano that rocks)

Rock of Main St. (The coolest venue for young bands)

72FA4UTSM74

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Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, Ideas, Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

The Latest Green Energy

Monday, November 16th, 2009

From “ONE of THE GUYS”

I learned something this past weekend. But let me back up for a second.

I’m always cold and I hate it. When summer turns to fall my house takes on a chill that doesn’t let up. It’s that time of year when the house is actually colder than it is outside. So while everyone’s enjoying the leaves as they’re turning every sort of shade and the kids head back to school, excited for bus rides and recess, I’m shivering in my house, wearing about four layers of clothes. But I refuse to turn on the heat. It’s too early and gas is expensive. And I’m cheap.

So imagine my utmost surprise this weekend when things took a turn in my favor. My oldest son, who’s still in elementary school decided he wanted to have a sleepover. At first it was going to be a few kids, but the list kept growing and pretty soon it was ten kids. Suffice it to say, it was wild! But an amazing thing happened! Our house got warm. No really, I mean seriously hot!

This is the conversation I had with my wife.
“Honey, did you turn the heat up?”
“Nope.”
“Well were you just baking some brownies for the kids?”
“No.”
“Well, why is the house so hot?”
“I have no idea.”

I actually had to take off two of my four layers. And I was more than comfortable.

Then I checked the thermostat. It was at 72 degrees!!! I kid you NOT! A full ten degrees higher than it had been for the last two weeks!! It still hadn’t dawned on me what the heat source was until I was getting all the kids tucked away for the night. I had the late shift. My wife had done a ton of work getting everything prepared for the party, so I agreed to be the graveyard attendant. So while my wife was happily snoozing,  I was up dealing with the little monsters. Half the boys were so tired they could barely keep their eyes open, the other half were so tired they were loopy. But all of them complained that the room was too hot!  It was steaming, like a sauna!! I actually had to open a window and leave it open the whole night!! That’s when it dawned on me.

I JUST FOUND THE HEAT SOURCE!!!!

Wow……now I was excited. I was just trying to figure out how I could bottle that heat and use it for six months out of every year. The solution appeared slowly, like an apparition materializing out of the dark night. And I figured out what I needed to do. Why hadn’t I thought of this earlier??

My wife and I needed to have more kids. A lot more!! We have three, so we needed to bump it to TEN! Seven more pregnancies. That didn’t seem so bad. It would probably take about ten years or so. We could do it. The thought of being warm for the rest of my life thrilled me. I was sure  I could convince my wife she wouldn’t mind being beautifully plump for another decade. But then my happy daydream came crashing down. I realized the chink in my plan. It was me. I was the chink. For I was fixed! I had no more kids in my future. And if my wife got pregnant, she’d have some explaining to do!

Damn, I didn’t think that one out entirely. Doomed to be cold for the rest of my life.

But I guess in the end I could  just turn up the heat. GAS, is just a little bit cheaper than seven more kids headed to college.

Nah….. forget that,  I’m moving to Florida.

BBpluto

I guess it really is about how you look at something isn’t it?

Are you always cold?

What are your sources for heat? (Yes, I’m inviting it all!)

Any more kids in your plans?

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Posted in Essays, Humor, relationships | 15 Comments »

The Vicious Cycle

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

So we were over at Momversation. Yes, we admit it. We like to know what the Moms are up to. It keeps us current.

Anyway, they were talking about kids of Reality TV and how awful it is. And while we totally agree that the exploitation of kids for money is appalling, we also need to admit to some complicity. 

In the old days "movie stars" were revered and looked up to. But it was simple and pretty straight-forward. Stars were on the big screen or the little screen and that is where they stayed. Today, we not only want them on the big and small screens, we want a piece of their lives too. And if we can't get theirs we want ours. Sure we've all dreamed of stardom at one point or another, but with reality TV and other outlets we all have a chance. Really??

We call it the Vicious Cycle. And it's out of control. Here's how it works.

1. People dream of fame. But they don't want to actually work at something to be good enough to get famous. So they think up ways of becoming famous. One way is to objectify themselves or act completely idiotic for laughs. Another way is to exploit their resources. Translation: Use their kids!

2. Enter reality shows. These shows look for people to open their lives for the rest of the world to see.

3. And boy do we watch!! The numbers get higher and higher each year. We are curious! This is an extreme form of rubber necking from the comfort of our own homes. Pretty cool!

4. Soon other networks get in the act and they produce shows that just TALK about the reality stars.
That's an interesting concept. Shows about other TV shows! Weird.

5. And we watch those too!

6. Now the magazines get in the act too. The paparazzi get paid big bucks to follow these reality TV stars around. Now everyone's making money hand over fist. Sweet!

7. And we buy those too! They're so fun to read. We call them our vacation treats. Along with a candy bar and a few other goodies, we gobble these up to enjoy on the road. OK, we'll admit, they're pretty good while doing our morning "duty."

8. So now everyone's making money and the reality kids start to feel entitled. They start behaving worse than they already did before they got on the show. And they're being encouraged by their parents. Nice!!

9. So now more networks, get in the act and more and more people are being recruited to do more extreme shows and more invasive shows.

10. Finally these kids grow up and continue to live their dream. They get their own reality shows and the vicious cycle begins again.

That is if they don't end up in jail, rehab or worse….dead!

WOW! we feel like we're missing something here??!!

THE GUYS

ps. Are you part of the vicious cycle? How do we change this? Or do we care?

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Posted in Current Affairs, Essays, The Guy's Horizon: Commentary on the Future, pop culture | 13 Comments »

Division of Labor

Monday, October 12th, 2009

"ONE of THE GUYS" gives a first person account of life at home.

Division of Labor

My wife and I have our own “bank” accounts. These are not
the typical accounts that hold money, but they are vitally important to our
grand partnership. We call them our "Division of Labor" accounts. These accounts
don’t build slowly over time as one would think, but they rise and fall dramatically
with each day. But let me not get ahead of myself. I need to go back in time and
explain how our bank accounts came to be. Back to a time when the concept of
"Division of Labor" didn’t even exist for us.

Infatuation. We meet at a party. We fall in love, kind
of.  One of us thinks the timing isn’t
right. She’s bent on traveling the country. I say I’ll tag along. At this point
I’ll do anything to convince her I’m worth keeping. I start cooking for her. I
bring her over soup when she’s sick. I do HER dishes, while mine are stacked
high at my apartment. OK, I do mine when she comes over, but only then. I have
no clue that the balance of power is slightly out of whack. I’m doing everything
and I’m happy!!

My persistence seems to pay off. Soon she decides to stay in town after
all. That was a close call. Thank goodness I don’t have to leave my job, my
friends and my hamster. But at this point I’ll do anything. I’m STILL
doing everything. I’m driving her around, shopping for her, even accompanying
her to the laundr-o-mat. (I said ACCOMPANY…, even I have limits.) Then one day
the strangest thing happens and it rocks my world. She bakes me a cake and says
she’s done fighting me off. Now what do I do? Now she starts cooking for me.
She helps me clean my apartment. She even helps me shop for clothes. I’ll tell
you what I do? I get scared. But not too scared I guess. We move in together.
Of course she only moves in with me because I promise her a ring.

Six months go by. No ring. I’m planning on getting the ring,
but we have more important stuff to worry about. We sit down and divide up the
chores. Now that we’re living together, she isn’t going to tolerate my dishes
being left around the house and my clothes littered on the sofa, floor and bed. We get a dog. Well she gets a dog. I consent. All I ask is that she pick up the dog's poop BEFORE I mow the lawn. So
we are happy. She shops for food. I cook. We clean dishes together. I pay the
bills from the joint checking we just opened. I cut the lawn. She vacuums the
house. I clean the bathrooms.

Well not really. What really happens is: We both shop for
food AND we both cook. She vacuums and cleans the house. I sometimes do the
bathrooms, but usually I forget. No seriously, I do forget. I don’t think about
it until I see bacteria actually swimming in the toilet. I cut the lawn and do
other yard work. I pay the bills and deal with the money. Seems OK, right. So
far, so good. Neither she nor I are resentful. We both see that the other person
is trying and that’s really all we ask of one another. Well, maybe awareness
too. She wants me to be aware that although, I’m supposed to clean the
bathrooms, I’m not really doing it. I want her to be aware that worrying about
the money is bigger than sitting down once a month and paying a few bills. Our
"Division of Labor" accounts are beginning to appear, but still without much
volatility. So what pushes them over the edge?

I get the ring. We get married. We have our first baby. He's huge! Then
our first house. It’s tiny! Then our second baby. Then a bigger house.(I’m fast
forwarding here) Then our third baby. Now the negotiating begins for real. Or
what is it when people are “talking” really loudly? Oh yeah, arguing! Almost
every single argument is about who’s doing what, or who isn’t doing what? Or
who’s doing more or who’s not doing enough? And looking back, most of our
arguments are caused by about three hours of sleep a night. We’re beat!

Our D.O.L. accounts are now a permanent part of our lives
and our chores have increased tenfold. We now have, diaper duty, night time
duty, coaching duty, shopping for kids duty, going to the doctor with kids duty
and babysitting duty. And of course all the other chores have now increased
exponentially. The bathrooms now have to be cleaned once every three days,
mainly because of the inability of our boys to hit the appropriate target. The
credit card receipts have quadrupled along with the number of bills. The house
is bigger, so the cleaning is more cumbersome. And we’re slightly older, more
tired and bored. Not bored with each other, but bored of doing the same chores day
in and day out.

So now when I go out with my buddies to play tennis or
basketball, my wife’s account rises. I know she’ll be withdrawing funds soon to
have lunch with friends. If she does movie night with the girls or leaves me at
home an extra day with the kids, she knows I might withdraw for a “quiet” night
with her at some point. This little game works for us, but only because
we both know the other person is trying. It’s impossible for us to divide
everything equally. It’s ridiculous to even attempt it. How can you compare
say, taking on the worry of money, to cleaning the house? It’s like trying to
compare Tiger Woods to Michael Jordan. They don’t DO the same thing. So this is
where awareness comes in. We both try to be aware of what the other person is
doing and this acknowledgment is often enough.

The bottom line is, we respect one another and do our best
to do OUR share. It’s not always even but we always try to be fair. And so our
bank accounts rise and fall, just as our heartbeats do. The infatuation phase
may be over, but we still love each other deeply.

And somehow no one’s cashed out..yet!

"ONE of THE GUYS"

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Posted in Essays, relationships | 31 Comments »