Dumped by text

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Dear Guys,

I was dating this guy for about 6 months. Things were going good, we were enjoying each other’s time and he was someone I could be open with. Then out of the blue I get this text message saying:

“I just got back from office. I am barely able to finish this text I’m so tired. But it’s important we communicate. I have something to share with you. Met someone that I like and I wanted to give it a fair chance. So I have to be true and fair to myself, you and her. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to continue seeing each other for now. I would like us to remain friends but after a bit of time has passed and I feel comfortable in my relationship. I hope you find it in you to be happy for me and wish me well. It is what I would do.”

It was totally out of left field. I was so hurt. This happened about a month ago and I am still hurt and confused about it. I am 33 and he is 45. This is not something I would have expected from an older man.

My question is, what would make a man break up with somone via a text message? Why did he do that? I gave him no reason to think I am crazy.

Confused and hurt,


Dear Fatisha,

Thanks for your question.

We are as taken aback by this as you are. A 45 year-old guy should know better. We’re sorry.

So we discussed among ourselves the question: Is there ever a time when it’s okay to break up via text?

We could agree on only one scenario:

If a couple uses texting as their primary mode of communication, then it seems reasonable—although still odd to us—that this particular couple could conduct a breakup via texting. Otherwise breaking up in a text message is completely irresponsible and shows a total lack of respect.

We know you’re hurt and sad, but hopefully as time goes by you might realize that this man showed his true colors the day he broke up with you. He used the quickest and easiest way to extricate himself from your relationship and then had the gall to ask for your blessing. This shows how little he valued your relationship, and much about his lack of character and values.

We’d like to think that most people face their challenges head on. They admit if they were wrong. They apologize when warranted. And they don’t avoid those difficult conversations even when they know how unpleasant they are going to be. Clearly your man does not live his life this way. So Fatisha, is this the kind of guy you want to have a long term relationship with? Think about how many challenges life throws at us. Don’t you want someone in your corner who’s got your back? Someone you know you can count on when things get tough? Someone who has your best interests in mind?

Hopefully in your next relationship you have will be a true partnership.

Hang in there,


ps. Leave us a follow up comment and/or question in the comments section. We’ll respond there. Also, let your friends know about us. Thanks!






64 Comments on Dumped by text

  1. @CB……Hopefully you’ll get some other responses from people in similar situations. Our guess is he has been lonely, and you’ve always been an emotional support to him. He also suspected that you might still be open to him, and who knows, maybe he was testing the waters to see how he felt. However, the fact that he said he didn’t want to give you the wrong impression does speak volumes. If he really wanted to try again he probably wouldn’t have said that. Our advice: Let him continue to lead. We worry that you’ll try to be friends with him but only because you’re hoping he’ll come around. All that’s going to do is keep you in an emotional holding pattern. (We may have already said this to you.) Your call of course. GOod luck.

  2. Thanks for the response. About the wrong impression comment – he said he didn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. I took it as he didn’t want to leave the impression that the only reason he contacted me was for physical reasons. It didn’t occur to me that he meant he didn’t contact me for any other reason than to apologize. So your perspective was one an enlightening one. I did have someone do that to me before, come back to apologize and immediately wanted to resume the physical only to leave again. And again. This guy has never behaved in a disrespectful way (other than the text). My intention in meeting up with him really was to see how he was doing and if his life had improved. I had no expectations of any physical contact. He initiated it. But I will take your advice and tread carefully. Thanks again!

  3. So the guy came back in the office and its been three weeks now. the very first day, he greeted me with a smile and i responded without any emotions. i took your advice and have been acting very professional. did not talk to him at all and focused on my work. i sent him a very formal email as i was required to and immediately received a very long response about work and idea of one on one meeting regarding upcoming assignments (he is my second line boss). he is also behaving professionally and does not talk to anyone. however i caught him looking at me several time everyday and the moment i see he turns his face.I am completely professional although inside i am going through emotional turmoil and mixed feelings. just wanted to give you an update.It is one of the most difficult situations i have ever been.

  4. @Sasha…..Thanks for the update. Keep us posted. And hang in there!

  5. Hello Guys, I was dumped by text message also 3 months ago. It was totally out of left field and needless to say, it blindsided me and left me dumbfounded. My ex (39yrs) and I (35yrs) had been in a committed long distance relationship for almost 4 years.He’s in the military but was and has been stationed in the states since before he and I first met. Everything was blissful in the beginning as they often are, but the last year of our relationship was emotionally rough for the both of us. He got into a bit of trouble with the military (disciplinary issues like speeding tickets, reckless driving, and arriving to duty late). Things became increasingly difficult for him and he was later diagnosed with PTSD. He was in danger of being chapter-ed out of the military because of all of this and was stressing a great deal. We rarely got to see one another so communicating via text was usually how we corresponded. After his duty he’d call sometime, but I didn’t stress that too much because I still respected his need to be able to do things that’ll help him relax and I didn’t want to cause him anymore stress that he was already enduring. I pretty much let a lot of things slide that I normally wouldn’t let go by without addressing them in any other relationship: not calling or texting me for weeks or a month at a time, not calling me on my birthday or even a card, and not giving me anything for Christmas or Valentine’s Day even though I got gifts to give him that would make him smile. Fast forward to March of this year, the last time he came to see me; he drove 5 hours for a surprise visit after I told him I wasn’t going to ask him to come see me anymore because he hadn’t come the last 4 times I asked. I was extremely happy to see and I thanked him for going above and beyond to come see me. things went smoothly for us for 2 short weeks and then he went back to not texting, calling, or emailing. I tried calling him but got no response…finally he responded days later saying he’s been unable to contact me and threaten to call it quits with me because I had texted him and gotten him into trouble. I mean, how was I suppose to know, if he didn’t tell me, that he wouldn’t be able to contact me for a while. He just one night said “babe, I’ll call you right back” and disappeared for weeks again. I ended up backing off and not trying to contact him, then on Mother’s Day he texted me to wish me happy mother’s day and to say he hopes all is well and that he still loves me. I thanked him, responded with a “I love you too” and then heard nothing else from him until I texted him on Father’s Day to wish him a happy one. This was his response “thanks, I’m doing okay just going through alot right now. We need to have a talk real soon”. I had a bad feeling so I told him to just say it and not keep me wondering. He responded “I don’t think things are going to work anymore, it’s not you, you did nothing wrong, its me”. I asked was it someone else and he told me that he had met someone else, that they started as just friend and never has sex (as if I needed to hear about their dealings). He also said that he didn’t want to hurt anyone, that’s the last thing he wanted to do was to see me hurt. He then texted “I LOVE YOU I really do” and ” I want you to remain my friend…my best friend” I couldn’t believe my eyes, I asked him why couldn’t he call and tell me this…all he replied was that he just couldn’t. He then said he wasn’t getting out of the military in Aug as he had planned and was enlisting into another branch for 2 years and didn’t know where he’d be station. I initially agreed to the friendship but ended up emailing him a few days later I’d want to be his friend and I couldn’t be friends with him and still be in love with him. I wished him well, threw in a few of my subtle inside jokes that only he’d and I’d understand and told him good-bye for good. The issue is, after 3 months I’m still wondering what happened, if he’d ever really loved me, is there a chance of him coming back, and should I even take him back if he did. I mean I love the guy still but I am healing the hurt that he left me with. Maybe he got spooked at the prospect of me expecting marriage (which I wasn’t) after almost 4 years maybe he felt pressured, or was it loneliness and wanting someone closer to him. I don’t know. I’m still lost and confused by it all. What do you guys think. A friend told me that I devalued myself in his eyes by being so accommodating and a push over. Is that true? I hope I didn’t talk too much, just had to get it all out I guess. What do you guys think?

  6. Dear guys,
    My ex recently broke up with me vua a text mesaage. We have dated begore about 5 months ago. We broke up for 3 months and I wanted to get back togwyher woth him because he is my forat love and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doybt. I am 17 and he is 21. Wheb we got bavk together about a month ago I xoulsnt ve happiee. O suspecred that something was wrong and he twlls me I xant gwt over rhe past I’m jot rg

  7. Dear guys,
    My ex recently broke up with me via a text mesaage. We have dated before about 5 months ago. We broke up for 3 months and I wanted to get back together with him because he is my first love and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I am 17 and he is 21. When we got back together about a month ago I couldnt be happier. I suspected that something was wrong and he tells me I cant get over rhe past I’m not right in the head for you goodbye. My heart is broken and I cant move on im stuck. Why couldnt he tell me to my face or atleast a call.

  8. Dear Guys, an update on my situation. I have been trying hard to be professional with the colleague who split up.I am really mad now as he is been trying to flirt on me again. and i recently found out he is a polygamous and has two wives. he recently married to the second wife. It is legal in the country, however not acceptable socially any more. I hate him and want so mad at him. its hard to not react when he is still trying to get friendly and lovely with me.what should i do now.

  9. @Sasha……We’re sorry. Clearly the guy is a player. We’d tell him to stop immediately. Tell him you do not like his flirting or appreciate it. If he doesn’t stop you have two choices. 1. Deal with it. 2. Go to his superior and tell him/her that this guy is harassing you. Of course if you do that several things could happen. 1. He could be disciplined. 2. He could be fired. 3. You could experience a backlash and other co-workers who like him will treat you poorly. 4. The superior might blame you and then you could be disciplined or terminated. Since we’re not part of your work environment it’s hard for us to say, but it’s always best to consider all options before you take action. Good luck.

  10. Dear the guys’
    I had been dating my boyfriend for about two or three months. He was always a real sweetheart and always told me I was beutiful. But there was one thing that was really making me uncomfortable. Everything in our relationship was moving was too fast. We were making out within a week, and within a few more he wanted to grope me. Then a week later he wanted to touch me down there. I said he could but I knew it wasn’t right. So I told him I wanted to slow down. He agreed but I could tell he was not happy about it. I asked him if he thought I as going to slow and he said a little. He always asked me if I wanted to go back up but I always said no. One day we had talked a little about sex and that made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn’t do it anymore so I decided to break up with him. But I was afraid because i’ve seen him when he gets mad. So I did the worst thing a girl could ever do…I broke up with him through a text. He texted me back saying, “It’s okay.” But the next day he approched me on the computer, gave me the present i had given him last week, and then walked away without a word. My friend said she had talked to him and he had said that he was dissapointed in me for breaking up through a text. Now I feel so terrable. What should I do?

  11. Holy cow I just saw this now. (Apparently I’m a few years behind.) My ex-husband informed me he was leaving me (and the kids) and that there was someone else in his picture…he “informed” me…VIA EMAIL. He couldn’t be present in our marriage (wasn’t doing anything with me or the kids, even skipped out of “family” things, near Christmas) and wasn’t present in it’s dissolution either. Eventually (once I wrapped my mind and emotions around it) I gave him what he wanted…six years later he still emails or messages me on Facebook to tell me he loves me and I was the love of his life and why did he throw everything away. At this point all I can do is delete and sigh him away. I have no respect for him (even as the father of our children) and can’t work up enough empathy to give a darn.

  12. Thank you Guys, your advice is always helpful.People have started talking about the player’s secret second marriage and he is quite defamed now.I hate him and do not talk to him at all. I am in the process of getting the better job soon and will be in a better position to get event with him. during last 8-9 months, i have gain much more respect due to my hard work and professional attitude. As well as i am very well connected in town as well. feeling confident and can easily get event with him. He has no power to affect him.Since i will move on to the next job,I am in a powerful position. I want to give him a big lesson after all i work for women rights and empowerment.

  13. Hey guys

    I’m bewildered. My Macedonian boyfriend of 8 months dumped me via text. This came after a normal day of lots of texting and normal behaviour from him. This was a man who loved me and considered me to be his ‘life partner’. To provide some background however, I hadn’t met his parents and asked nicely when that would happen. He advised one week earlier that he was going to introduce me in a few weeks, that he was then wanting to move in together. I’m Jordanian. At approximately 9pm of that same day I tried calling him and he rejected call it seemed. Then came the text, ‘this is the last time I was to contact you. From here on I can’t talk to you anymore. I’m sorry that I led you on but I need my life back’. I was shocked. He was fine the whole week and I did not see him getting distant. In fact, that same day he asked if the both of us could do something the following night or Friday. This came out of nowhere. Ordinarily I asked for further explanation, if it was really what he wanted, and he texted the following, ‘we don’t have a future together and it better that we just stop talking. My family situation is not going to change, I can’t be the one for you. If I can’t have that it’s not fair on me and it’s not fair on you. There isn’t going to be an us so better to let you go your own way. I’m sorry but it’s better this way. ‘ baffling. So this was Wednesday night. On Friday he sent email in response to question of ‘is this really what you want” question. The email said following,’ You know what I want.

    I just don’t want to drag you through this any further. My parents don’t want to meet you and it makes me incredibly angry and sad. But I don’t have the power to do my own thing yet. I don’t want you to keep waiting, I don’t want to feel like I’m holding you back or not able to meet your expectations.

    I don’t know what else to say, the reason I wanted to keep it brief is because I don’t want to draw out any more hurt.

    My situation just doesn’t permit me to be with you. It breaks my heart and I’m sorry.’

    I presume it’s because I’m Jordanian but the fact he ended it via text and won’t return call makes me think that’s not the real reason. Could you guys help me?

  14. @Melissa……We’re sorry. Via text is not a very admirable way to break up with someone. And frankly, this should give you some insight into his character. From what you describe he seems somewhat “cowardly” just by the way he lets his parents run his life, and by the fact that he wasn’t man enough to talk with you face-to-face. We realize that we probably don’t understand all the cultural implications going on here, but at the same time, “what’s right is right.” There is a right way to do things and there’s a wrong way. Our advice: As hard as this may be you’re going to have to try and move on. You may never actually get the answers you’re seeking. (Why he actually broke up with you.) Yes, there could be more going on here and maybe he’s using his family as an excuse to break up with you, but the bottom line is, he isn’t going to change his opinion. Basically: He’s not the right guy for you. We are sorry. Take care. And thanks for your donation.

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