I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of two years. I believe that when we’re together he loves me very much but I wonder whether I’m being a fool and whether he cheats on me while he’s away. I am generally pretty sexual but sometimes worry that I’m not exciting him enough. Do men like very rough sex? Should I try doing some unusual things? Would it help? Sometimes I am genuinely just too tired to be exciting but I worry that he’ll get bored with me. I really want to make it work.
Thanks for your question.
The fact that you’re asking these questions makes us wonder if there is something else going on with your relationship. Do you trust your boyfriend in general? Do you believe he’s as devoted to you as you are to him? Has he hinted that he’s not satisfied sexually? Has he given you any reason to wonder or suspect him of cheating?
The reason we ask all of these questions is this: If the foundation of your relationship is solid, then you can slowly work on the details. However, if the foundation is not solid, then trying to make the sex more exciting is not necessarily going to fix the crack in the foundation. Meaning, if he’s cheating on you now, it’s likely he’s going to cheat on you no matter how hot the sex is.
But let’s get to your specific questions. Men like what they like. A lot of how they like to have sex depends on their personality. It’s hard for us to say what he wants. And honestly he should be communicating that to you. Has he? Has he asked you to do some things that you’re not completely comfortable with? Do the two of you talk about what you want? NOTE: Sometimes a person can become more comfortable by taking incremental steps with someone they love AND trust. Still, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with. Has he pressured you?
You know Betty, you can certainly try to spice up your relationship, but he’s been with you for two years. By now he should know what he has. And if you’re not enough for him then it’s not going to matter what you do. Remember, don’t settle or compromise to get someone to love you. We’re sure you have plenty of great qualities to offer without having to step too far out of your comfort zone.
Do you have any questions? If so, leave them in the comments below. If you want to have a more in-depth discussion we suggest you try our private service, Ask a Private Question. Read testimonials on our Relationship Advice/Coaching page.
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