So, I know this guy at work. We’d been getting friendly, chatting, walking to our cars together, a little bit of flirtiness going on. I think I was beginning to really like him as a person. Then we were at this party together and I ended up going back to his place, chatting and then we slept together. I messaged him twice afterwards to hang out on separate occasions—my friends pressured me into doing it—but he didn’t see the message til it was too late and then the second time he had something else going on. After this, he became less chatty, not as flirty and seemed like he was avoiding eye contact. Was I too desperate sounding? I also learned that he was being quite flirty with another girl at work and that he’s been known to be this way with others, so maybe I wasn’t anything special.
Now after a month, he’s back to his normal flirty self and we’re back to having our solid conversations. But he hasn’t made any effort with me outside of work. I’m waiting for him to show initiative. But maybe no sign is also a sign. What do you guys think? Is it a case of him not being attracted to me or not just not wanting a relationship?
Thanks for your question.
We see this as pretty straightforward so we’re going to cut to the chase. He is not on the same page as you. It’s hard to say why since we don’t know him, but the most likely reason is because he’s not interested in a relationship with anyone at the moment. We won’t go so far as labeling him a player, or rather a “playah” but if he’s not, he sure is exhibiting the symptoms of one, at least at this stage in his life. To be fair, he’s entitled to do what he wants to do, but with one simple qualifier. He needs to be HONEST with the women he’s hitting on. Seems to us that he’s been a bit gray in this regard.
So where does this leave you?
First of all, his recent interest is all part of a four part cycle. 1. Flirting. (Foreplay) 2. Sex 3. Temporary loss of interest. 4. Renewed interest after a few weeks to a month…..cycle then repeats.
Our advice: Keep your relationship purely a work relationship. Otherwise you’re just going to get hurt, or become angry and resentful.
A Word On Communication: We are NOT proponents of the hooking up trend that seems to be more and more pervasive in the dating culture. Why? For one, the obvious reasons. (Health Risks.) But that aside, there are emotional risks involved too. What we’re saying is, we’d recommend much more communication before you sleep with any guy. We’re not saying that you should have a heart-to-heart on the first date. But if you don’t have a pretty good sense of how serious he is BEFORE you sleep with him, you’re setting yourself up for this very scenario.
Thoughts? Follow-up Questions?
ps. We highly recommend you check out our ebook, “Inside Your Guy’s Mind.” Besides being a fun and quick read, it’s full of good info about guys. The way we think. Why we behave the way we do. What we value. What we need. What we think of relationships. There are also specific chapters on Long Distance Relationships, Breakups, Friends with Benefits, etc. etc. (NOTE: If you do pick it up, we’d very much appreciate a great review. That helps us on Amazon. Thanks in advance.)