What’s acceptable in a long distance relationship?

Dear Guys,

I’m in a long distance relationship. And I want to hear some open opinions from other men… I want to make this work. I’m a girl and I adore night walks. Sometimes til very early in the morning. I can’t invite my guy because he lives cities away but I sometimes invite a male friend to chaperone. Tonight we aimlessly walked and then hit up a McDonalds. By the time I came home it was 4 am. As a guy… Is this unacceptable? I really love night walking. It calms me down when I’m over stressed… But should I not? I was very open with my guy and told him where I was etc… I messaged him my whereabouts and told him I’d message when I got home. However, as a guy would you feel insecure?

Anna

Dear Anna,

Insecure? Maybe. Uncomfortable. Definitely.

First of all, there’s nothing inherently wrong with what you’re doing. In fact, the quiet of the night can be quite calming. However, have you heard the expression, “Nothing good happens after midnight”? Okay, maybe that’s not an expression, but from our experience, anyone who is not situated somewhere after midnight is asking for trouble. And walking alone at night, woman or man, is not the smartest of practices. Maybe you’re mitigating the risk by asking your guy friends to chaperone you, but still, there is inherent risk with walking at night, depending on where you’re walking.

Obviously your long distance boyfriend is having an issue with this. Well, you know the ironic thing? If he lived in the same town as you it would be even harder for him. No guy would want their girlfriend to leave the house at 2am with some other guy, innocent or not. And it’s unlikely that he’d want to chaperone you every evening you wanted to do this. So the very fact that you’re in a long distance relationship actually makes this easier.

And so what are the issues that your guy might be having. (Or us for that matter.)

  1. This is not sustainable. Maybe night time walks is going to be something you do your whole life. Which means, at some point, you’re going to have to arrange your schedule to accommodate this habit. That said, it’s one thing for you to do it, it’s quite another to need a chaperone every evening. That means that someone else is going to have to have the same schedule as you. Your partner might have a day job, or like his sleep, or just won’t be that into it after a few times. And asking all sorts of different guys is not going to fly with your partner
  2. Any guy who agrees to chaperone you in the middle of the night is probably interested in you as more than a friend. Sure, a friend might do it once or twice for fun. But any guy who does it repeatedly, either has the same need as you, or is interested in you and wants to show you what a great guy he is. Your boyfriend is aware of this.
  3. There’s risk in being out in the middle of the night, chaperone or no chaperone. It’s just a fact. Of course, this depends on where you’re walking. Some cities are safer than others. Some areas are safer than others. Some places are safer than others.
  4. He might wonder why you need to do this particular activity, at least on a regular basis? That could make him question what’s going on in your head. Why are you so stressed?

Look Anna, we do understand the draw of this particular activity. But if you’re looking for activities to help alleviate stress, there are many to choose from, and most happen during the day. Your night time walking may alleviate stress for you, but we do see it causing more stress for the rest of the people in your life, especially your partner.

Thoughts? Feel free to share in the comments section below. And let us know if you have any follow up questions. Also, leave in the comments section.

THE GUYS

For a lot of great information about guys, read our book, “Inside Your Guys Mind,” available at Amazon. Click the tab/link above. Right on our sit.eps.

 

 

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