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Bob the Vegan 2: Speed Dating

Back Story:

Bob and Torrie are still together. Bob is now living with George and Dan.

George was married, but is splitting up with his wife. Actually he was kicked out.

Dan also had to move out of his parents’ house for certain transgressions.

Bob and George are at a speed dating luncheon.

Bob: George, why did you drag me here? If Torrie finds out she’s going to kill me.

George: C’mon Bob. I didn’t want to look like a loser coming alone.

Bob: Well, what do you think everyone’s here for? Everyone is single and alone. That’s the point!

George: Well, it’s just comforting having you here. I know you’ve got my back.

Bob: OK, I guess. One thing’s for sure, this will be interesting.

Moderator: OK folks, let’s get started. I think you know how this works. You get 5 minutes with each person. Try to get past small talk as quickly as you can. That way you can get a good sense of who the person really is. OK, are we ready?

Everyone nods.

Moderator: OK, here we go!!

Bob and George sit down with at different tables. We start with Bob.

Bob: Hi, how are you? I’m…..

Woman:(Cuts him off) How much money do you make?

Bob: Excuse me?

Woman: The moderator said, skip the small talk, so I am. How much money do you make?

Bob: You aren’t even going to ask me my name?

Woman: Nope. It’s not important. All that’s important to me is how much you make. Don’t waste my time if it’s less than six figures.

Bob: Wow, you’re a pleasant sort aren’t you? What’s your name?

Woman: (Ignores him) So do you make six figures or not?

Bob: Well, I happen to be an aspiring artist who…..(She cuts him off again)

Woman: Well good for you….. Next!

Bob: What do you mean next?  How do you know I don’t make six figures?

Woman: Oh please. You’re an artist! And look how you’re dressed. No chance!

Bob looks down at himself.

Bob: What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?

Silence.

Bob: You’re really not going to talk to me?

Silence.

Bob: (Sarcastically) Boy, I’m so happy to have met you……..(Note to self) Kill George!!

Meanwhile George is having a grand time. WE catch them in mid-conversation.

George: Well your job sounds like a blast. Except your boss of course. He sounds like a real piece of work.

Angie(His partner): Well he got “HIS” in the end.

George: What do you mean?

Angie: Well I told you my boss had been hitting on me since I started working there. He just wouldn’t leave me alone. So one night we had an office party. I slipped a little extra something in his drink. Then I held his hand and led him into his office pretending I was going to give him what he wanted.

George: You are bad!

Angie: Well, I’m still getting to the good part.

George: That wasn’t the good part?

Angie: No….So once the drugs kicked in, he passed out I cranked the Air Conditioning so it was freezing in there. I pulled down his pants and let him lie there for a bit. You know SHRINKAGE……Then I took some photos.

George: Really? Uh…..

Angie: Yep. Then I put the pics on the work online bulletin board.

George: But couldn’t you get in trouble for that?

Angie: Yeah, except he can’t remember a thing. And no one else saw anything. He’s also too embarrassed by the whole thing to even say anything. The pictures weren’t very flattering if you know what I mean.

George: Ummm…..I guess so…….

Angie: I just don’t like sleazy guys. You know the type. Always checking out women. Maybe into porn. Cheat……I’d do a lot worse if I caught my boyfriend cheating or something.

George gulps……..

Angie: But, you seem like a nice guy. So what are your interests? What do you like to do with your free time?

George: Uhh…….

Moderator rings bell

Moderator: OK, next table.

Angie: Nice to have met you. I’m going to mark you down as someone I’d like to see again. Hope you do the same.

George: Uh, yeah sure. See ya.

George gives Bob a look. Bob nods in pain. They meet another seven women each. An hour goes by.

Moderator rings final bell.

Moderator:Thank you everyone. Please put your cards in the box and we’ll let you know if you have any matches. Good luck!

Bob and George get out of there fast.

Bob: Thank god that’s over! Out of the hour we were there, I must have sat in silence for half of it.

George: What?

Bob: Forget it. So did you meet anyone interesting?

George: Yeah, interesting, but Psycho!……Sorry Bob, this was a bad idea.

Bob: Don’t think you’re getting off that easy. You owe me big time.

George: Fine, I’ll buy dinner.

Bob looks at him with that “this better be good” look.

George: OK, Yes, I’ll take you to your favorite restaurant, “Sprouts Paradise”

Bob: All is forgiven.

5 Comments on Bob the Vegan 2: Speed Dating

  1. Kudos to Bob for being such a great wing-man, and for dealing with that money obsessed woman in such a polite manner! I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from calling her names, like GOLD DIGGING JERK-OFF! And poor George! He sure met up with a real-live CRAZY person!

  2. Sorry about it but reading this really tickled me. Poor Bob, but I must say he was really gentleman to put up with a stuck up lady like that. It sure seems fun to be in a speed dating. 🙂

  3. That was hilarious. You nailed that scenario. You perfectly described a typical speed dating thing. You’re either gonna get a total freakazoid or a superficial money-hungry bitch. Glad I’m done with the dating crap. Thank freakin’ God! Hahahaha.

  4. Ha! I will be happy to share more with you…I have a lot of good speed dating scenarios. Some people really need some lessons on how to date and what’s appropriate. Oh, and that they are sometimes completely insane. Would I have a drink with someone who might slip something in it and then take pictures to post online? Classic!!

  5. I knew there was a reason I never wanted to try speed dating!! Poor Bob.

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