Bob the Vegan: The Handyman

This is episode #4 of the second season of “Bob the Vegan.”

Read the first three episodes to get caught up.

Speed Dating

The New Job

The Boss

Episode 4: The Handyman

Bob is meeting up with Dan and George.

Bob: Hey Dan, nice to see you.

Dan: Nice to see you too. (They do the man hug)

Bob: Ever since you moved in with Victoria it’s been radio silence.

Dan: I know, I’m sorry man. It’s just, she’s keeping me busy. She’s such a freak!

Bob: I’m assuming, that’s “freak,” as in Freaky!

Dan: You wouldn’t even believe me if I told you.

Bob: You’re right, and I don’t want to know.

Dan: Suit yourself……..hey, I thought George was coming too.

Bob: He said, he’d be here, so I’m sure he’s just running late. You know he started his own business as a handyman?

Dan: Really!?? I didn’t know! So cool! Hopefully that will keep him busy. It’s sad about Amy and him breaking up.What’s the latest on that?

Bob: It looks like the divorce is going to go through in a month. He’s pretty bummed, so don’t bring it up. I want to have fun tonight. It’s been a while since we’ve had a guy’s night!

Dan: Here he comes now……Yo, George!

George: Hey guys, sorry I’m late.

Dan: Hey old buddy, it’s been too long.

George: Way too long!

(They do the man hug too. Bob as well)

Dan: So George, how’s the new job. I didn’t know you were a handyman now. In fact I didn’t know you could fix anything??

George: Yeah, I learned from my Grandpa. He was a handyman too. It’s fun. But I’ve got to tell you what’s been happening.

Bob: What do you mean?

George: Let’s get a beer first and I’ll tell you about it.

They order. The drinks arrive.

Bob: So what’s going on?

George: OK. So I’ve gotten a few small jobs  in town. The usual stuff. You know, painting, hammering, etc. Well anyway, I get this call to do a job in the Heights. You know, the ritzy, snooty suburb about twenty minutes west of town.

Dan: Yawn.

George: What?

Dan: Is this going to be some lame work story?

George: Will you please chill and listen!

Dan: Fine.

Bob: And??

George: So I show up at this big ass house. A woman answers the door. She was probably in her early 50s. Very nice. Great shape.  Apparently her sink was clogged or something.

Bob: Her sink’s clogged?

George: Yeah.

Dan: Hmm…..this is getting more interesting.

George: No, it wasn’t like that. Her ACTUAL sink was clogged. So I’m working and she’s chatting away. Recently divorced. Her ex was a businessman. Traveled a ton and cheated on her in every state. So I’m nodding along, but by now I’m really just trying to fix the sink so I can get out of there. The conversation is starting to make me a bit nervous. So I finish up and start to pack up my things when she says she almost forgot that her washing machine has been acting up and would I mind taking a look at it. She says she’ll pay me for my time. So I say fine.

Bob: OK, I’m nervous to know what’s coming.

Dan: I’m not. This is better than I thought.

George: ANYWAY……so we head down in the basement and we go into this small room where the washer and dryer are. She says, that it’s not spinning properly or something like that. So I put down my tools and I’m looking inside the washer for a minute. When I turn around to get a tool to tighten a screw, she’s completely naked.

Bob: WHAT!!!

Dan: I knew it!

George: It’s even better. She comes over and leans against me and says she’ll pay me whatever I want.

Bob: Are you serious?

George: Yep.

Dan: Nice!

Bob: So what did you do?

George: What did you think I did?

Bob: I hope you you thanked her for the offer and got the hell out of there.

Dan: Are you nuts Bob!! Please tell me you took her up on her offer George!

George: You damn right! I hoisted her right up on the washing machine. I guess it was never broken, because she turned it on while we were doing it. Seemed to make her go crazy! And I wasn’t arguing.

Bob: You are crazy.

George: No, I’m not. And still I haven’t gotten to the best part.

Dan: What?? What??

George: She paid me five bills for my time.

Bob: Five hundred dollars!!!

George: Well, I did fix the sink. And technically the washer too.

Dan: Wait, let me get this straight. You were there for what, two hours. You did a little work and got laid. And on top of that you got paid half a grand?

George: All true.

Dan: SWEET!!!!! High five my man! (They slap hands)

Bob: So now you’re a gigolo?

George: Oh c’mon Bob. No harm, no foul. She was happy as hell. I was happy as hell. She’s loaded. I’m broke. What’s wrong with that?

Bob: You had sex for money! That’s what’s wrong. And you took advantage of a poor divorced woman.

George: Bob, you need to stop being such a goody, goody boy, or we’re going to kick you out of the sewing circle.

Bob: Fine, but this is trouble in the making.

Dan: Bob, I see no harm in this. George had some fun. And he made some serious coin doing it. So I say, good for you George!….. When are you going back?

George: And now for the best part. I’ve been going every Thursday for the last three weeks!  I do some chores around her house and then we go at it. She loves doing it in whatever part of the house I’m working in. I guess the smell of construction and sweat makes her horny.

Bob: Nothing good is going to come of this.

Dan: Oh lighten up Bob, it’s all good. This is exactly what George needs. Let’s have another beer! Maybe talking about work isn’t so bad.

George: So Bob, how’s the coffee shop?

Bob: Don’t even go there.

5 Comments on Bob the Vegan: The Handyman

  1. Very interesting read! 🙂

  2. LOL!!!!
    I say, good for George!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why the hell not?

  3. Very witty article! Love your creativity and the various characters. I’ll stay tuned for the next chapter!

  4. LOL…All I can say is when the going gets good….enjoy 🙂

    Love the story GUYS 🙂

  5. Thanks. We hope to see you back. Happy Holidays!

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