This Guy is Hot and Cold

Readers,

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Hi Guys,

So I met this guy through a dating app and he gave me his number and we started texting and talking on the phone for about a week or so. He lives about two hours away from me and we met up and had dinner, went back to his place to watch a movie and hooked up. After that I didn’t hear from him for like two weeks. I texted him twice and after that, stopped. After about three weeks I sent him a message on Facebook trying to figure out what happened because I don’t like to leave things open ended. He called me not five minutes later stating that he had had the flu and was really busy with work. (He’s an attorney for the state he lives in.)

Anyway about a week later we got together again and hooked up. I’ve heard from him periodically but only after I text him and he’s always got an excuse. He’s either sick or his sister is staying with him, etc. What’s the deal? Is he not interested and do I just need to bite the bullet and be done? We have a ton of fun when we are together and he opens up and talks about his life so I’m just confused on what’s going on with him. Plus I’ve texted and been straight like do you want to end this and got no response.

Kathryn

Dear Kathryn,

We understand your confusion and that you’re looking for some sort of consistency from him, maybe he even clarification of how he feels or what he wants. But from the way he’s acting, he wants to keep things just as they are. Undefined. Unclear. Open-ended. Go-with-the-flow.

And that’s the issue with these types of arrangements. By nature they are undefined, which is often just fine at the beginning. However, as you can see, that comfort doesn’t last long.

He’s not looking to change the arrangement. In fact, he’s right where he wants to be because he’s not emotionally invested.

So you have two choices:

  1. Stay the course. See him when you do. Have fun, but keep your expectations for anything else, low.
  2. Move on and look for someone who’s interested in giving a relationship a try.

That said, there is a third option. The next time you see him you could have a heart-to-heart talk with him and ask him what he wants. No guarantees of course, but at least you’ll know where you stand.

Thoughts?

Take care,

THE GUYS

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