Not a Good Time for a Relationship?

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Dear Guys,

So my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. That whole week he was getting in fights with his parents and picking fights with me. He would always use the “this is why I didn’t want a relationship” card when we fought. I would calmly say I’m not going to fight with you and that would be the end of it. He would be mad for a few hours or a day and then would get over it, or so I thought.

This situation kept reoccurring so eventually I got sick of it and told him that he had to choose what he wanted. He kept saying I don’t know what I want until eventually he said the timing for the relationship wasn’t right and it’s not what he wanted. The day after he promptly blocked me on all social media and treated me like I didn’t exist. Two weeks later I contacted him and he apologized and said he felt terrible for hurting me. I accepted his apology and said it’s fine because you did what was best for you and maybe we are just meant to be good friends.He responded by saying you never know what’s going to happen in the future and maybe we will get back together.

A few days later it was my birthday and I got drunk and mistakenly drunk texted him thinking it was my friend. He got mad and when I realized what I did the next morning I apologized and he said he didn’t care and that I wasn’t making this easier on either of us. It’s been two weeks since that happened. Am I stupid for waiting on him? Should I just move on? I love him and bought he was the one for me and I’m just lost on what to do. Is he going to possibly come back? Or did he just say all that stuff to make me feel better and use me as a backup plan?

Thanks,

Megan

Dear Megan,

We’re sorry you’re going through such a tough time. Breakups are difficult enough, but when you feel that you’re being given mixed signals, it can make things even harder. We hope you’ve surrounding yourself with people who care about you during this difficult time in your life.

That said, we’re not convinced he’s given you mixed signals. Yes, he said, “you never know and maybe we’ll get back together” and we can see how you’d interpret that as him saying he might want to try again. He might be, but if so, it’s more of a safety net, rather than a choice to be with you because he can’t live without you. Which is why it’s important to understand what he’s not saying.

  1. He’s not saying that he’s in love with you.
  2. He’s not asking you to wait for him.
  3. He’s not saying that you’re the woman he wants to spend his life with.

From what you’re describing, it sounds like a familiar approach to breaking up. First, guy stirs the pot. Picks fights. Complains. Says he doesn’t want a relationship and never did. Second, he says he’s confused. Third, he breaks up. Fourth, he blocks you. Fifth, he apologizes and gives you hope. Sixth he flips back to moving on. All of these stages are typical of a breakup. Unless he has another woman lined up, he’s going to feel sad and lonely at times. He’s going to miss the sex. He’s going to second guess himself. But those are pretty typical of breaking up.

If he doesn’t come crawling back to ask you for a second chance, we’d say that you need to think about a life without him. Of course, that’s just our opinion, and this is your choice. What do your friends think?

Thoughts? Follow-up questions? (Leave in the comments below.)

Take care,

THE GUYS

Read more dating and relationship advice about breaking up from THE GUYS.

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