My Colleague Used Me For Sex


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Dear Guys,

I’m feeling rather raw.
I’ve just been used for sex by my work colleague.
Even worse he lives with someone.
I found out last week.
He knew I wanted a relationship because I was clear from the start.
Now I have to face him every day.
I sent his girlfriend screenshots of him and his messages even asking me to marry him.
I’m hurt and feeling very used.


Dear S,

We are so, so sorry.

It’s okay to feel the deep emotions you’re feeling but don’t let them take you down. You trusted a man and he ended up betraying you. He did a shitty thing. But this is more about what he lacks rather than what you lack.

Here’s what we suggest. And obviously, this is completely up to you.

  1. When you see him around the office, instead of letting the negative emotions consume you, see if you can feel sorry for him. Why? Because honestly, he must be pretty insecure and sad to do what he did. And if not for him, for his girlfriend. You dodged a bullet. She didn’t.
  2. Reaching out to his girlfriend or being nervous around him just gives him power. See if you can get to a place where you keep your power and don’t surrender it to him.
  3. Focus on doing positive things, fun things. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you.
  4. Learn from this. Were there signs that you ignored? If not, reflecting back, what might you have done differently? Anything?
  5. Don’t let this change who you are and make you scared of having a relationship in the future. (Not all guys are like this.)

Hang in there and let us know if you any other follow-up questions.



Read more relationship and dating advice about infidelity. 

3 Comments on My Colleague Used Me For Sex

  1. Tristan Shout // April 19, 2018 at 6:38 am //

    A guy’s perspective here…
    This bloke clearly knew exactly what he was doing. He’d still be a two-timing bare-faced liar and still be duplicitous to this day, had he not been found out. He may well be insecure, but he is most certainly a user of women, and he does not deserve the sympathy you suggest the lady should afford him.
    The only mistake this guy feels he has made is allowing himself to get found out.

    S – the rest of the advice is sound. Just move on and give him a wide berth, resisting any overtures from him to “remain friends”. Real friends don’t behave like that. You don’t need people like him in your circle.
    I’m sure there’s someone out there for you for whom you will not just be a notch on the bedpost.

  2. @Tristan….Thanks for your perspective. Good stuff.

  3. Nah. The guy knew he’d be found out, he just didn’t CARE. Some guys are definitely shitty but so are some women. Hope this doesn’t skew her perception of all men.

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