Why would he tell me about his cheating?


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Hi Guys,

I have had an ongoing affair with a long time friend going on 10 years. He is married but we see each other regularly. I have no illusions that we have anything “more” ahead of us than what we have now and I accept that fully. So far no drama. But what I want your insight on is this: the last time I saw him he told me he had joined a “cheater’s site” last winter, and got to know one woman there quite well over several months, but that in February he decided to end this budding new affair as he already has everything he wants and needs, between his wife and me.

Guys, WHY would he tell me such a thing? Again, I have no illusions that I’m the only one he’s cheated with or that I am somehow extra special to him, but I just can’t grasp why he would tell me this?!


Dear Lisa,

Yes, we can see how you’d be confused by this. We have a few possible explanations.

  1. Although you say you have no illusions for anything more, it’s possible he feels the need to hammer the point home. Maybe he feels something has changed and that he senses that you’re wanting more?
  2. You are someone he feels comfortable confiding in. Who else is he going to tell? He can’t tell his wife. He probably can’t tell his friends. So he has you and you alone.
  3. Maybe he thought he was complimenting you in a weird way. Like, “I tried this new woman out but she’s not as good as you.”

The things is Lisa, there are no rules here. We don’t know him personally, but it seems to us that his main focus is getting his own needs met. Which is why he’s cheating on his wife in the first place. If you really think about it, why would he be any different with you? And that includes talking about other women.

So are you thinking about ending things?

What do you want from a relationship? (What are you getting from this?) We’re just curious.

All the Best,


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