I just had a baby and my husband joined a dating site; should I stay or go?

I just recently found out my husband joined a dating website and made friends with another woman. He tried to lie to cover it up but finally admitted it. I chose to continue my relationship with him. Then I found another website link to a different dating site. He said he didn't know where it came from. Really?? We have sex only once a month because he's been getting himself off with porn. His excuse for no sex is that he has a very low sex drive. Now I'm starting to wonder if I should stay or go. He won't go to counseling with me. What do you think? "Emma"

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

11 Comments on I just had a baby and my husband joined a dating site; should I stay or go?

  1. hey guys,

    well i had a boyfriend. we were going our for 1 year and 8 months. were both 17 and he is a a senior and im a junior now. well we stared getting into disagreements about a year and 6 months into our relationship. we always solved it. he started talking to old friends and started changing back into his old habbit which is being an ass and wanting to be alone and not give a flip. before we broke up he was the same guy i know. but the last time we hung out we got in a disagreement but it was solved. later we were by ourselfs and i asked him what was up with him. why did he have this weird attutuide. he said i dont know i woke up one day and just had this attutuide. he didnt know why. he said he felt alone and he didnt know why. he felt like he had to be alone do his own thing and do his own steps. i txted him later on saying if you need space ill give it to u cz i know your head is not in the right spot and when your ready im here. three days pasted and i called him and he told me that he needed to ride solo. i called him the nexted night asking why and he said he feels he needs to start taking his own steps. i asked him does he have feeling for me still. he didnt know. he said he doesnt have answers to alot of things. i told him that i will be there for him because his happniess matters to me. also that ill wait for him to get his mind straight and if he wants we can pick things back up. he told me he loves me thru out our relationship. he told me that im the only girl for him only because i get him. most girl would not be able to put up with his attitude but i could.

    my question is, do you think i did the right thing by saying ill wait for him. and do you think there is a chance that we could get back together. also should i just let things happen and not get my hopes up.

  2. @Yolly…….Honestly, once a break up like this gets set in motion, it doesn’t usually go back to the way it was. We’re not saying it can’t happen, but he broke up for a reason, something he’s been thinking about for a while now. (Even though it’s news to you.) Something’s missing for him. He’s not feeling how he wants to feel. He doesn’t want to make you feel badly, and doesn’t like to see you upset, so he tells you he’s not sure what’s going on. But we think he does. He’s trying to move on. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for him, or telling him you’ll wait, but understand that there are no guarantees, and that waiting will only keep you in a holding pattern. Of course you have to do what you think is right. Thoughts? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with your friends. Thanks.

  3. 1ofTheVoicesNurHead // February 4, 2013 at 12:55 pm //

    By no means do I have ANY insight to the workings of the male mind (who the Hell does right? lol), but I can offer advice and tell you of my situation. I recently broke things off with my bf of 3yrs. For nearly 2.5 of those yrs, I had NO INTEREST AT ALL in sex with him. I found myself any excuse possible. We went from having sex numerous times weekly, to maybe once in 10-12wks. That sounds bad I know. While I don’t know what your husbands’ issue could be. It sounds to me like it’s possible that he’s feeling old, or undesirable, or bored. Men can’t seem to grasp the idea that they can actually come speak to us and revive the spark. It seems like they only feel validated by some new person that doesn’t know everything about them yet.I don’t know if any of these appy, but this is where the distance in my previous relationship started. He started finding fault with EVERYTHING i did. He drank constantly. It was difficult to be turned on by a man smelling like the Bud Lite factory. He was never wrong, about ANYTHING. It was always my fault. Was REEEEALLY bad in bed, lack of experience or confidence. I don’t know…but I became repulsed by the thought of touching him, even slightly. Please note, my repulsion didn’t start until after verbal abuse did. I don’t know if any of this helps, but woman to woman, you deserve better then waiting around for hubby to get off dating site then come lay beside you like a cold dead fish. How would you respond if it was 1 of your friends in this situation? I know in my mind I would question the fact he said it was 1 site, then you found another…that makes him a cheater AND liar. Move on honey…he ain’t worth it

  4. Hi guys, wanting some clarification. Started a fuck buddy arrangement 3 years ago. Initially it was a fuck and fly deal. Then as the months went by we started talking and asking questions about each other. He pulled away for a bit then got back in touch. We were/are so comfortable around each other & the sex is mind blowing. Anyway, the more I got to know him, I started to get attached. After about a year, one night we had a few drinks and spent the night talking & having a laugh. We ended up sleeping together & it was by far our best effort. When he was getting ready to go I realised just how much I liked him & the wall went up & I switched off. I later texted him and apologised for getting all weird on him. After no response for a few weeks I called him. He said he didn’t even notice my weird behaviour. I felt a bit stupid and wanted to explain that I really wasn’t a psycho lol so I emailed him and told him I’d develop feelings for him. That I was aware that wasn’t part of the deal, but wanted to know if it was mutual & either way I enjoyed meeting him. Again no response. About 6 months later he started texting me, just a hi, how are you? I didn’t respond. Over the space of about a month he text me 3 times. The 3rd time I told him not to contact me anymore. 2 years have past. The other night I had a disastrous date with a guy, so after a few drinks I emailed my old f/buddy. He text me back that same day and we texted for about an hour and a half catching up about everything from our families to the footy. I’d run out of things to say so said I was heading to bed. He cheekily asked if there was any room for him & he came over. It was like old times, but he was more open & the mind games were gone. We stayed in bed for about an hour just talking (post sex). He then had a shower as usual. Before leaving he kissed me & gave me a hug, (which he has never done) & he text me on the way home to say he’d left the singlet he had worn under his top in my bathroom. I found that odd cause he left it on the towel rack, but hung the towel on the shower. Don’t know if I’m reading too much into it. Anyway I responded that he would have to come around for another workout to pick it up another night & he wrote back deal. I guess I am wanting to know if he likes me? He knew exactly how I felt and bolted without a word or acknowledgment. So judging by his actions he’s just not that into me, but would a guy go through all that just to get laid? A girl would look at all the ‘signs’ & say he must like me, but that mustn’t be the case. Can I get a guys perspective please?

  5. @Ginny….To us, it sounds the same as it always has. And yes, a guy would do much to get laid. And he probably assumes the 6 month hiatus has erased any possible weird expectations on your part. Of course he’s wrong. Our advice: Move on. This isn’t going to be good for you in the long run, no matter how good the sex is. Good luck.

  6. Hi guys, im 24 and came out of a serious relationship six months later i met this guy and we both just wanted to have someone to chat to laugh and have fun with.so we hung out had fun and waited to have sex, quite a bit after we met we had sex it was good for the both of us fun and we were joking and laughing after about stuff and talking about sstuff we like he wanted to stay over and then we laughed chated in the morning then he said ill text u as he always did and we talked about everything and anything. he said he really likes me alot nd we talked before sex everyday. he seemed alot more huggy and kissy after sex and i was the same. sex hasnt made me feel anything more as we both know what this was.so my question is why hasnt he contacted me in 4days just after we had sex. it cant be that he thinks ive fallen for him because he knows i dont want some serious relationship i just wanted to have fun, and he was the only one acting different by being all kissy. he wanted no string friendship with fun which he has.so why dont this whats the fun in having sex ones tht u enjoyed?im confuse. i want to give him space but dont get why he needs it, has he fallen for me and doesnt want to say? i want to text him and say i just wanted to have fun and sex hasnt made me fall for him, or changed anything.should i? what will he think and do u think i will get a reply? thank u bex

  7. Sorry rewritting as below is a little hard to read :)
    Hi guys, im 24 and came out of a serious relationship six months later i met this guy, we decided to meet up for a drink, both really nervious but excited, we eneded up chatting and laughing for 6 hours and we both just wanted to have someone to chat to laugh and have fun with.so we hung out had fun we would speak to each other everyday and most of the time he would be the one starting the chats. After a week of knowing each other he told me he had a one yr old kid, he said he didnt want to put me off of him because of it and hopped i still liked him ( he seemed really worried) i said its fine, and he was happy and that he said he really likes me as im funny, clever, down to earth, upfront about things like him and really stunning.the first time he came over after hours of chatting i said i wasnt gonna have sex, adding im not ready just forplay and fun and waited to have sex if i let it ever happen. He did thats fine if it happens it will feel right when and if it does, he said that most people just want to jump into having sex without getting to know each other.quite a bit after we met we had sex it was good for the both of us fun and we were joking and laughing after about life and talking about movies we like. he wanted to stay over so i said ok. next morning we had sex again, laughed chated in the mornin, i joked about him being busy and how he isnt very good at deciding what hes doing, he said dont be like that but i said really i was joking i understand having a kid and working full time is hard work and if he wanted to see me he would but maybe he took that bad even though i said three times it was a joke.then we chatted for an hour or two more and hungout got ready and had a long hung and kiss goodbye, he said ill text u as he always did and we talked about everything and anything. he said he really likes me alot and we talked before sex everyday. he seemed alot more huggy and kissy after sex but i didnt feel any different so acted the same joky, would cuddle if he hugged me and had alot of laughs.sex hasnt made me feel anything more as we both know what this was.so my question is why hasnt he contacted me in 4 days just after we had sex. it cant be that he thinks ive fallen for him because he knows i dont want some serious relationship i just wanted to have fun, and he was the only one acting different by being all kissy. he wanted no string friendship with fun which he has.so why do this whats the fun in having sex ones tht u enjoyed?im confuse. i want to give him space but dont get why he needs it, has he fallen for me and doesnt want to say? i want to text him and say i just wanted to have fun and sex hasnt made me fall for him, or changed anything.should i? what will he think and do? Do u think i will get a reply? thank u bex

  8. Hey Guys
    I am now 24 and been in a relationship with a guy for over a year and I’m crazy about him. No matter what he does I forgive him. 6 months into our relationship his ex got in touch and when i was away they met up & had exchanged some dirty messages. I was pretty quick to pick up on his change of attitude and confronted him, he denyed it, i presented proof of messages and he then realised he had lost me. I ignored all calls and he came to my house in tears, completely devastated and begging me to forgive him. I spoke to her and she confirmed nothing happened, he told her to go home when she tried it on with him as he had said he was single. I then forgave him and we were great for months, until last week when i seen this ex in a pub she had said he had turned up at her house crying after me & him had a fight, wanting to talk to her, she thought it was about something serious but he wasnt saying anything so sent him home. I have this week asked him about this and he says he hasnt seen her or spoken to her in ages. Now who do i beleive my boyfriend who has denyed it before or his ex that doesnt want me to tell him its come from her?! Is she playing games or is he? I am so confused!! and i dont want to loose him. I love him so much it is crippling me just the thought of being without him.

  9. @Jess…..Who do you believe? The answer is all about consistency. Your boyfriend has a history of this sort of thing. We tend to believe her, but it’s hard for us to say. You’d know better than us. What will say to you is, don’t settle. We’re not sure what you’re forgiving him for, but that worries us. It means the balance of power is way off. And relationships need a balance of power to survive. He’s got it all, and that’s a recipe for disaster. He’s already taking advantage of you, and it will continue unless you start asserting yourself.

  10. I really don’t know who to believe. We took a break when I found out the last time they met up so I could get my head straight and then I found out he was on a dating website. He said its because he thought I was never going to forgive him but to start chatting to other girls. Anyway long story short, I forgave him for meeting his ex and being on date site when we were on a break. Things went great after that. we were out one night in the same club and I was with the girls dancing and he was with the lads at the bar and his walked in and went straight over to him, dragged him off to talk so I obviously went over to see what the hell was going on. He reassured me it is me he loves and nothing is going on, so because of that I cant say I 100% trust her as they were only together 6-8 months, why is she still wanting to talk to him and meet him now? Its nearly 2 years since they broke up. She does say he use to meet girls whilst they were together but I am now wondering is it him that cant be trusted or is she causing shit to make me feel insecure to maybe get him back?
    I have noticed he does have all the power, but i think its because i am so scared to loose him i am doing as im told. And I know i can find love elsewhere because i have done it before but I love him & I dont want to let go but I also don’t want to be insecure or paranoid.

  11. @Jess…..Relationships are scary because there is always something to lose. But the fastest way to lose a relationship is to capitulate to every whim or demand of your partner. Being strong and assertive is attracted. We’re not saying be bossy, or change who you are, just make it clear that you’re not going to accept any sort of shenanigans. You’re worth more than that. Trust us: You don’t want to be in a relationship where you feel paranoid or unsure. Trust is everything.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*