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Is he hiding me from his family?

I've been dating a man from a different culture for the last year. I think he's serious about me but I still haven't met his family. What does this mean?

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20 Comments on Is he hiding me from his family?

  1. It means it’s probably not going anywhere. Sorry.

  2. Dear Guys,

    I have been seeing a guy in his mid 50’s for 2 years (I am 48). In the beginning he was asking me to be exclusive, wants us to build something, etc. A month into it I find out that he is seeing his ex-wife (divorced 14 years) and had been seeing her for two years (she found my number in his phone and called me). He told me it was all a mistake, she read more into it than what it was, etc. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but something kept bothering me about him, I just had an inner sense that he was not honest about things. We continued on for several months, and one day I told him how I felt about him, and he said “Well, its all about sex for me.” So, I broke it off and for two months he was gone, then he leaves a note on my car saying he misses me, he is sorry, please give him another chance. I did, but things just didn’t feel right inside. I finally point blank asked him if he was seeing other people and he (defensively) said “No. Why do ask me that?” I let it go (foolishly) and tried to believe him, but things he said just did not add up. Finally, I did a low-down thing and went into his e-mail and found out he was seeing not only his ex-wife, but had some deep relationship with another woman and also had slept with some woman he barely knew. I was so hurt, confronted him, and he was mad that I went into his e-mail. I broke it off, but he kept coming back to me wanting to get together, etc. I did, but never trusted him again. Recently, after being together 2 times a week or so, he just disappears for an entire month. I didn’t call him, I just tried to move on and then again, he calls me and gives me another line about “us”. We spend two nice days together, and he disappears again, no word for three days. I finally called him because I was tired of this, and I told him if he was going to keep coming in and out of my life, to just leave me alone so I can move on. He said “O.K., I will, I will.” I just started crying and hung up. Why do guys do this? Why keep lying over and over !
    for 2-ye
    ars? Just to get sex? He was obviously getting it elsewhere, why keep hurting me? I didn’t think men in their 50’s would still play this game. I am 48 years old and I feel crushed like I did when my first boyfriend hurt me at 16! He kept it going, not me. I backed off. He just kept coming around like a bad penny (but yes, I let him back in). So my question is, is he just a cad? A 55 year old player? Or, do you think it is my fault for letting it happen and being so naive and forgiving? I know I have been stupid, but I loved him. Please give me some advice. Thank you.

  3. I have been seeing a man (we are both in our early 50s) since I was divorced 18 months ago. I have known this man (never married, no children) for over 21 years (used to work together) and up until we started dating, we were only friends.
    Over these past 18 months – we have spent increasing time together and have spent nearly every night together over the past 10 months. We have taken 6 trips together and I have learned that I am the ONLY woman he has EVER introduced to his family. I do know that he has has several long term relationships And there have been two women he has wanted to marry but due to differences in cultural backgrounds, his mother refused to meet them. She is now deceased but in the beginning of our courtship, he drove me to the cemetery to show me her grave and i have since met his father, sibs and extended family). After staying together all of this time, now we have decided to sell each of our homes and buy a new place together. Seems so wonderful, right?
    I am very aware that I have insecurity issues and am working on that in therapy; however, sometimes I find that I am concerned about certain situations and am unsure if this is insecurity/needless anxiety OR if this is truly something to be concerned about.
    1) Whenever I say I love him, he will say “that’s so sweet of you to say,” later explaining that he doesn’t know how to talk about feelings and adding that because he is with me 99% of the time (when we are not working), that should let me know how he feels.
    he did, however, say that he loved me ONE time. Is this true – that some guys just cannot talk feelings? I am aware of my neediness but at the same time, am I blowing this out of proportion?

    2) This is the real upsetting issue. He has a female friend of approximately 25-30 years. They have never dated or been physical; she is mArried with a child and he knows the husband, too. Once a month or so, they go out – along with a few of HER female friends – they all like to drink and my man does not so he is their designated driver. He always tells me when they re going out and he always comes back to my house after. This entire situation makes me literally sick. Yes I have trust issues as well but is this something a secure woman would accept? I work on Saturday evenings so this is why I am not included although he’s said that if I didn’t work, I could join. I have met all of his male friends/wives except for this small group. I have told him that I don’t like it but that I will not tell him what to do (once or twice) but feel that I cannot keep saying it repeatedly.
    I try to help myself by thinking that he was not in a relationship with her before, so why now? She has not met his family either. I know he dated a few of her friends (not relationships, just dating) in the past and I obsess about this as well. He has told me that this girl is his link to his old neighborhood pals (he is not involved with social media) and that its all innocent and in fact would not be jealous if I went out with a bunch of guy friends because he trusts me. So – I know I am insecure/needy/trust issues and I am very diligently working on resolving these BUT I would like to know (from a MAN’s perspective and/or from a secure person’s perspective) if I really am making something out of nothing here. Thank you.

  4. Hi Guys,

    Well, that much I figured out! Did you want to tell me to just grow up already and get on with it? 🙂

    My question to you was, do you believe this man acted like a shallow and selfish user for lying and manipulating me TO BEGIN WITH? Or, do you listen to me and think, “Geez-us lady–get a clue!”? Further, do you see this type of behavior as how men “are” and that women would be wise to understand this and act accordingly?

    I feel like men make excuses for themselves and other men for their really crappy behavior and expect women to simply accept it because “that’s just how you are!”

    Have you ever read any books by Ann Nouri regarding narcissism? If not, you should. It would give you a really good perspective on how women view men that do these things–it’s quite a different point of view! Thanks, and happy hunting (JK)! –Buffy

  5. @Buffy…..No, we weren’t saying grow up. We were saying, it’s not going to happen with this guy. It’s hard to read his mind. Was he manipulating you, or kidding himself at the beginning? Some people fall in love with the idea of love until they have it and then realize they don’t want it. We don’t know. But the bottom line is: Move On. And we’re not making an excuses for this sort of behavior. But understand it’s not just men who act like this. We’ll check out your book recommendation. Thanks for trying to enlighten us further. All the best.

  6. catherine // May 15, 2013 at 11:11 am //

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, and still hasn’t told his dad about us. I must say I am bothered by it and have confronted him about it, he just says, there isn’t any need, it doesn’t make a difference whether I tell him or not. I don’t want to put pressure on him and tell him what to do, but am I over reacting and just wait?

  7. @Catherine…..We can understand why you’re upset. Does he give you any sort of explanation why there isn’t any need? Does he explain? That might be a place to start. Is it because he’s hiding you, or is it because he’s hiding his father? That’s the question.

  8. Hi guys, I just want to know if this guy still likes me…His name is Jake and we use to date, we dated for almost a year until he broke up with me. You see, there was this girl that was involved in our relationship, she claimed to be his “best friend”. She would always go up to him grab him by the arm and say “Hi Jakey”. At first I didn’t mind it, but then after with all the cheek squeezing, and baby talks it really got to my nerves. Her name was Angela. And Angela has a reputation of being a home wrecker, she has a boyfriend but cheats on her boyfriend with other girls boyfriends. And I know this, because she’s done this to a few of my close friends. And having her talk to Jake? I’m obviously going to be concerned..So I talked to Angela myself, I told her I don’t know what her intentions are but she better stay the hell away from Jake e.t.c and I also mentioned to her that I don’t like her at all. She responded ” Ok Leanna, I’m sorry I’ll stop talking to Jake” When she said that, I honestly thought she was going to stop talking to him, no. Ya she continued talking to Jake, and made up lies. ” Leanna yelled me in the halls ( ok the yelling part was true) she’s crazy she was also throwing pennies at me. And she got all her friends to yell at me in the halls too, like why is she so mean Jake? ” After she said that Jake comes to my locker furious.. he starts yelling at me ” Why would you yell at Angela? She’s done nothing but been nice to you.” Then he starts yelling at me and asking me why I asked my friends to go after her, and questioning me about throwing pennies at her. What the hell. For one, I talked to Angela at the back of the school ALONE, second I never threw pennies at her. When Jake got mad at me he didn’t talk to me for 3 days, when I see him in the halls I try to say hi and he turns the other way with Angela. He’s with her all the time. When Jake was ignoring me and hanging out with Angela, he seemed really happy. He was always smiling, and laughing. I thought that since he’s always with her, always having a “great” time.. Always standing up for her, well he did go on her side even though she was lying.. Jake liked Angela. When Jake started talking to me, I asked him if he likes her and I told him to be honest with me and he said he doesn’t like her she’s just a good friend and that he likes me. When Jake said that, for some reason I didn’t believe him. The thought of Jake and Angela really got to me. Jake and I started getting into a lot of arguments and one day he broke up with me. And asked to still be friends, I said ok and we never talked ever since. But since we go to the same school, we’re always bumping into each other. And when we do see each other, we always have awkward eye contact. I don’t want things to be awkward, but they just are:/ A few days I was talking to one of my friends and she said that Jake told her that he only broke up with me because he got fed up. About me thinking he liked Angela.. What does this mean?

  9. Uh well hi, this is my first time on this site and I just have a short question that I would like your opinions on. So I’ve been talking with this guy for a couple weeks now and it’s becoming more and more obvious we like each other. About a couple weeks before I started talking to him I started the recovery process after being someone who self harmed (cut myself) for four years. I’ve been seeing a therapist weekly but I’m much happier now and have been clean for over a month. Do I need to tell him about my recent past before we get serious at all? Or my scars aren’t very noticeable, should I just let it be..? I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been lying or keeping things from him if he finds out later on.
    Thanks(:

  10. @Jess……You’re not obligated to tell him anything. We certainly wouldn’t go there until the two of you were very serious and in a committed relationship. And if that happens, you may actually want to confide in him. But you’ve got a ways to go before that. Keep seeing your therapist and stay healthy. We’re rooting for you! Good luck.

  11. Hi

    Recently I my ex fiance and I have spoken. We were engaged 25 yrs ago bad break up. He looked me up on internet, then I emailed him. I am single and he is married 2 teenegers. He asked for a picture. I emailed him one. His reply was WOW you look great. Then he said I scared him, and it was because he had been thinking of what could have been between us.

    Since then I have emailed 2 times and no response. What do you think?

    Thanks

  12. @Des……He’s fishing. He’s curious. Who knows what else? However, he’s married. Don’t get involved with a married man, physically or emotionally.

  13. So me an this older guy started up over a year ago, its been a tough ride we fall out make friends fall out again an so on, every time I say some thing he doesn’t like he cuts me out of his life ie, deleting an blocking me untill I make some sort of effort to make it better. He starts a conversation then ignores me at times, just feels like games all the time that I have fell for in the past I think he quite likes me making a prat out of myself, up till about 2 months ago I made a effort to make things right between us but no more jumping through hoops, which has really seemed to annoy him, an has done some pretty desperate things to get a reaction from me which I have not given, I deactivated my account to try to move on a few weeks ago he then messaged me I replied only for him then to ignore me, I left things there an still didn’t react, reactivated my account last week where he then starts posting constantly about being away but only once he has seen I’m active on there, I knew it was for my benefit but as much as I would have loved to have spoke an made things right I just couldn’t, I feel like I need to stand my ground, an if he wants me in his life then just do it, but I could feel myself weakening an it upsetting me so thought it best to deactivate again till I’m feeling stronger, but I just had a feeling he would then delete me again an yes he has, as much as I know it was never going to work I still feel quite hurt! Do I give him the satisfaction of confronting him? Thank you

  14. I’m so confused. I’ve been talking to this guy for 2mouths and at first things were great like we would go on dates and just chill at mine or his house and watch movies and have sex and all that stuff but he would always tell me he was sacred of hurting me. I di everything for him and he knows I do. I’m prob the only friend who band over backwards for him. We were fine up until 2 weeks ago where he started to change like he would be nice one min and mean the next min and he started to push away saying we need to be just friends that’s it but he still aways wants to chill and if I don’t want to chill he gets all mad, he even gets mad when I bring up to him ppl are saying ur using me for ride and sex. He’ll get mad about every little thing like if plans change, or if I say something he does nit like. I know he has a bad past with his ex she really hurt him but I’m at a point I don’t know what to do I really like and care about him but I’m sacred of getting hurt he does not understand this like he’s not the onlyy one who had a bad past with thier ex. What do I do? What does this mean? I’m tired of getting hurt

    Confused .

  15. Bashley Shull // October 8, 2013 at 12:53 pm //

    Im been fuck with guy for a year now he player and say he want to settle down but wen he breck off with me he holler at my friends and say to me he still want to be friends with me and he say all its is just sex with himand im his sexual need but i went to all his games and been seen with him and i hang with his family but he say im just sex and shit and he lets me keep my pillow at his place and then he say he dont like me like that

  16. chocolate chip // October 12, 2013 at 1:49 pm //

    Hello, um I know you guys are probably really busy with a whole bunch of love life questions and what not but I would tremendously appreciate it if you helped me out. Ok , well I’m a freshman in high school and ive been talking to this guy for about 2 months he is also a freshman. He became my best best friend and i can talk to him about anything and everything. We hang out in the same group of friends. We talked on Facebook everyday and now he has a phone we still talk eeveryday. He throughs in some flirty emojis once in a while.For his birthday (last month) we went to the movies just the two of us and he payed for everyrhing and he was really sweet. Our friends kept teasing us that it was a date but im not sure since he didnt try anything. His in my class and i always catch him staring at me but he has no facial expression. My friend thats close to him says he likes me and wants to ask me out. But he hasnt so far, but last night i was texting him how i didnt wanna go to homecoming with out a date and he said he would go with me, even though the last time we were talking about it he said he wasnt gonna pay $35 for a dance. So i was like u thought you said you would pay that much and he said ill dp it for you. Everyone knows i like him and they keep telling me ge likes me too, but i dont know if. i want to date him, because he is my first guy friend but I think I’ve fallen for him. He always finds a way to sit or stand next to me amd go places with him like tutoring or to the park and onky just me and him. And whenever like upperclassmen or other guys try to talk to me pr stare at me he gets really close to me and stares them down kinda. Like this one guy was like dang and he looked me up and down and asked if i had a boyfriend. Then he came and closer and told me to walk the opposite way and just stared at the guy.Do you guys think he likes me ? Is he only asking me to homecoming as a friend or more than that? Should I act causual at the dance with him or act like were more than friends? Thank you, for taking the time to read this i deeply appreciate it.

  17. Little Lilly // October 15, 2013 at 7:20 am //

    Guys, I’ve recently moved into my boyfriends house after dating him for two years. I know for a fact that he has a profile on a site to talk to other women. When I’ve asked him about it, he said they mean nothing. why wouldn’t I be ‘enough’ for him, we are active together, yet his need for more astounds me. is this typical ‘guy’ behavior?

  18. hey i need a clarification…. i have been friends with a guy since my 10th grade… at that time i had a crush on him.. but i didnot know about his feelings.Now we are in college and are still in contact. Recently i confessed about my feelings to him.But he denied having any feelings for me and said that being from a conservative family he can not have a romantic relationship, so i stopped talking to him. But after that he tried to contact me saying that he wants our friendship to retain. I could not say no to him.So for last 4 months we are in touch though texts almost on regular basis but recently our nature of relationship kind of shifted to friends with benefits( in short sex chat over texts)… he seems to really care but i am confused.Does he really like me or he is just for sexual pleasure? What should i do? do i continue? I know its complicated but i will be grateful if you give a reply to this post. P.S. he never had a girlfriend.

  19. Pinkkisses // January 15, 2014 at 9:04 pm //

    I have a question rather than a response.

    I’m 29 and have really strong feelings for this “guy friend”. He lives in NY and I live in Washington, DC. Now just about every other month I’m making a trip to see him…. he has yet to come down to see me. I want more from it than just me making and putting all the effort into making it work. When I ask him what he wants he tells me that he would love to ” change our relationship status”, but the distance is the only thing keeping us from being together. What more can I do to show him that I’m about him and truly want to be with him. What should I do.

  20. @All the Women out There…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

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