Conflict, Grudges and Politics

Conflict is part of every relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything. Sure, we’d like to find someone who is on the same page as us when it comes to children, religion, politics or our favorite sports team. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s still plenty to argue about; think money and sex.

For many years we’ve all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And that may be true, but it’s not the reason people have conflicts in their relationships. It’s more often about HOW the two people argue and whether it’s constructive or not. When it’s not, often there’s a grudge holder in the mix that has a hard time letting go.

So what constitutes fighting badly?

1. Getting off topic and bringing up the past.

Dragging old arguments into new ones is just bad, bad, bad. But so easy to do! 🙂 Politicians are good at this.

2. Comparing the other person to someone they know you don’t like.

This is will escalate the discussion into a fight faster than you can say……Dick Cheney.

3. Hurling insults or swears.

Like calling each other a Sarah Palin. There’s no reconciliation after you go rogue.

4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.

Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.

5. Holding a grudge.

Hmmm……..I’m not even going there on this one.

By the time you get to number 5, the discussion/argument/fight is over for one person, but not the other. The second person clings to the problem obsessively, preferring to be right over resolving the conflict. Sometimes, this only lasts for a short while and they they come to their senses. Sometimes it goes on forever and it gets brought up in the next argument, and so on.

This is the kind of argument that goes on in Washington every day. Bad fighting and grudge holding run in perpetual motion 365 days of the year. But we actually now have a president who’s trying to break the cycle and get down to the basic task of fixing this broken country. It’s a shame both sides can’t just work together.

And although, I stand behind the president, there are many on both sides who won’t let go of some of their grudges. For change to happen and problems to be solved, we need at least some of these people to forgive and forget.

But if that can’t happen, we can at least do our best to take care of our own business. We can take care of our little kingdoms scattered across this country. Because in actuality, we aren’t from Venus or Mars, but from this little planet called Earth.



16 Comments on Conflict, Grudges and Politics

  1. Well, I don’t know whether this is funnier than wiser, wiser than poignant, or just plain good advice! I’m giving it five stars for all of the above!

  2. Precisely! We live in a world of differing opinions which is the root of all conflict. I’m looking forward to the day when science can enable us to communicate with each other telepathically, and with the advancement of nanotech, I’m pretty sure it will not be long for that to happen. Even the sun is currently giving us a hand to activate our dormant psychic abilities. When we get to that point, I guess it will not be that hard to resolve all our differences. Heck, the other guy will be able to read my thoughts even before I can call him a George Bush. Message sent.

  3. Learning how to calmly and respectfully discuss one’s differences is one of the most important skills in life. Plus it’s enormous fun to be exposed to new ways of thinking, to hear what others have to say. By being indignant and narrow-minded we’re depriving ourselves of this great pleasure.

  4. You have made wonderful points here. Very often in arguments, I have been seeing point 1, 2 and especially 5. In fact, point 5 brings on all the other points. If we do not hold grudges against someone, I believe we will be able to hold a conversation with the person calmly.

    And in order for change to occur, we need to come together and share common ground.

  5. Point well made! Weather people agree with our current president or not they need to realize HE IS the president and even if they don’t agree with him should try to respect him and at least hear what he has to say.

    Also I like the top 5 list! lol I think we are guilty of this from time to time. At some point though I like to agree to disagree. 🙂

  6. Very well said. I agree with ALL of these points! People dont HAVE to agree with each other, but they SHOULD listen to each other!

    This made me laugh out loud:

    4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.

    Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.


  7. Excellent post, Guys! I wish those in Washington would read this and make Cliff notes on men (and women) behaving badly.

    Out of all the issues on your list, I think holding grudges is one of the biggest impediments to peace, whether it is our own realms or the world. Holding grievances leaves people stuck in neutral and there is no going forward.

  8. I agree about the five points of fighting badly. I would also note that it does not help to argue endlessly after both parties have made their points. The real gift or talent you can bring to the table in such conflicts is the ability to at least try to see the other’s viewpoint. If you achieve that, that could be the start of a real understanding and possibly diffuse the conflict/arguement/war or whatever.

    I also need to mention that it’s going to take more than a little over a year for Obama to clean up the mess that Bush made during 8 years in office as president


  9. @Ethelmae….Thanks!!

    @Ryhen……..telepathically would be sweet. But of course, then we wouldn’t need a comment section on our blogs. Or a blog for that matter.

    @nothingprofound…..couldn’t agree more.

    @BK…..people just don’t know how to resolve conflicts. And too often things escalate before people realize there is a common ground. Sad.

    @E…..I wish they could just let Obama do his thing. I mean if Bush gets to have 8 yrs! Are you kidding me??!!!

    @Meleah……thanks. Glad you liked that one.

    @askcherlock….you are so right. Wish we had the answer, but we just report the news!

    @kelly…….I agree. Obama should get 8 yrs just like Bush. I’m confident he could fix a lot in that time. One year is not enough for sure!

  10. Oh have I been there for every single point however, recently (a few years ago) i realized how conformational this made me in general and that my gears were always in high looking to have to defend myself. After a conversation with my husband we both began to realize life could be so much sweeter if we were gentler at the start, kinder in words. And like a miracle each of us worked diligently on being careful not to hit most of the pitfalls you mentioned it really worked it took time and now I am a more peaceful person and so is my husband. We work hard and still catch ourselves and when that happens we stop and rethink our of luck this is a good one and we all can always improve ourselves if we think about it. Regarding politics, it’ll never have because the art of bipartisanship is a thing of the past and control and power prevail..

    Dorothy from grammology

  11. @Grammology…..more couples should work towards being more gentle and careful. “Now I’m a more peaceful person.” That sounds good!

  12. HUM!!!!! One should always remember it is not always about ME ME ME….Listen Listen willing to agree to disagree. Great advice GUYS!!!!

  13. I disagree!!!!!!!!! My opinion is the ONLY opinion around her mister(S)!!!! If Mama ain’t happy and all that shit!

    MEN do not know the meaning of ‘compromise’, that is why all the political jargon was thrown in… Love you guys!!!!!

    Don’t forget I’m awesome, so I get to say shit you don’t like!

  14. @renee….thanks.

    @ashley…..yes, please go for it. It’s all good. But we know how to compromise, we just like to dig our heels in sometimes. Sometimes we just need a carrot to entice us!

  15. Sometime I need a new pair of a heels to entice me…

  16. I like cheese.

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