Conflict is part of every relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything. Sure, we’d like to find someone who is on the same page as us when it comes to children, religion, politics or our favorite sports team. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s still plenty to argue about; think money and sex.
For many years we’ve all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And that may be true, but it’s not the reason people have conflicts in their relationships. It’s more often about HOW the two people argue and whether it’s constructive or not. When it’s not, often there’s a grudge holder in the mix that has a hard time letting go.
So what constitutes fighting badly?
1. Getting off topic and bringing up the past.
Dragging old arguments into new ones is just bad, bad, bad. But so easy to do! 🙂 Politicians are good at this.
2. Comparing the other person to someone they know you don’t like.
This is will escalate the discussion into a fight faster than you can say……Dick Cheney.
3. Hurling insults or swears.
Like calling each other a Sarah Palin. There’s no reconciliation after you go rogue.
4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.
Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.
5. Holding a grudge.
Hmmm……..I’m not even going there on this one.
By the time you get to number 5, the discussion/argument/fight is over for one person, but not the other. The second person clings to the problem obsessively, preferring to be right over resolving the conflict. Sometimes, this only lasts for a short while and they they come to their senses. Sometimes it goes on forever and it gets brought up in the next argument, and so on.
This is the kind of argument that goes on in Washington every day. Bad fighting and grudge holding run in perpetual motion 365 days of the year. But we actually now have a president who’s trying to break the cycle and get down to the basic task of fixing this broken country. It’s a shame both sides can’t just work together.
And although, I stand behind the president, there are many on both sides who won’t let go of some of their grudges. For change to happen and problems to be solved, we need at least some of these people to forgive and forget.
But if that can’t happen, we can at least do our best to take care of our own business. We can take care of our little kingdoms scattered across this country. Because in actuality, we aren’t from Venus or Mars, but from this little planet called Earth.
ALL OF US!