Searching for answers

Every morning we check to see who’s searching for THE GUYS. We’re curious to know what type of information people are looking for. Unfortunately many people come to our site and leave immediately because we aren’t providing the information they are seeking. So we’d like to address that here, by answering the last batch of  “search questions.”

Here are ten recent searches in no particular order. We’ll do our best to address each one.

1. “Lick my boyfriend’s feet”

Now let’s clarify.  Does he want you to lick his feet and you don’t know how? Or do you want to lick his feet and you’re not sure how to ask him? Either way it’s not something we recommend doing on the first or second date, especially if he’s just getting over a case of athlete’s foot, or hasn’t filed down his corns. You might want to broach the subject after a few glasses of wine; make that a few bottles.

2. “How to tell if you’re being played”

Didn’t we answer this already? Read it here.

3. “Finding a guy who can handle my neediness”

The fact that you’re asking the question should tell you something.  No man or woman truly wants to be with someone who’s needy. Sure we can all feel needy from time to time, especially when the balance is off in our relationship, but if you’re a needy person and you know it, maybe you need to ask yourself, “Why am I so needy?” Address that first and then come back and visit. You might find some other answers you’re looking for here.

4. “Alpha males and chores”

Are you saying your man doesn’t want to do chores because he’s an alpha male? If so, who anointed him? But honestly, we really don’t care who he is. Tell his butt to get up and pull his weight. However, the bottom line is, if you married this man BECAUSE  he was an alpha male, good luck. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. Sorry.

5. “Alpha males never marry”

What’s with the alpha male questions? OF COURSE the stereotypical alpha male gets married. And then he cheats with strippers from Vegas. Sound familiar?

6. “Bad things happen to comic book guy”


7. Best way to paralyze a person

Um, excuse me? Did you just ask what we think you asked? We’re not sure what’s more alarming, the question, or the fact that Google sent you to our site.

8. “Blow job from a guy’s perspective”

C’mon, this is not a “How-to” site, although maybe it should be. (We’ll percolate on that one.) As for your question, we think you can figure this one out on your own, or by watching the 20 million videos covering the topic.

9. “Guy did not hold the door for me.”

Is this your boyfriend or some random guy? It’s our feeling that common courtesy is on the downswing, mainly because people are so busy, stressed and wrapped up in their own worlds to notice the other people around them. If this is your boyfriend just say to him, “If you don’t hold the door for me, I won’t lick your feet anymore!” That should do the trick.

10. Dating two guys at once

Not sure what you’re looking for here. Permission?

And there you have it. Please feel free to add to any of our explanations. And if you truly have a question for THE GUYS, please email us at:

Happy Licking!!

34 Comments on Searching for answers

  1. hahaha I love it!! Yeah it amazes me some of the keywords I have been told that lead to my site… I’m like “REALLY??” lol

    Good list and I like how you answered the questions. And the person for feet licking….. gross – find a new fetish! lol 🙂

  2. LOL! And I mean… LOL! I would LOVE to know how “Bad things happen to comic book guy” ended up at your site and also am concerned that a search for “Best way to paralyze a person” led here.

    On that second one… if it matters, I do criminal defense!

  3. Dating 2 guys at once? How do you decide who picks up the check?

  4. Hahaha. Funny post. You’ve got some weird ass searches going on for your site. Especially liked #8. “Not a “how-to’ site. 🙂 Are they that twisted that they think this is a porn site?

  5. I’m also curious as to “how to paralyze someone” led to your site. Also, what creepster is looking for that?

    This happened to me about a year ago (maybe less). My old landlord had two rottweilers and I blogged about what a “fucked” up situation it was (for many reasons). When I checked my stats, someone from the UK had gotten to my site based on a google search: “how to fuck a rottweiler.”

    The only logical conclusion: People in the UK like fucking rottweilers.

  6. @E……..I agree. There are plenty of fetishes to choose from that’s for sure.

    @Larissa…..We wrote a post, “Moves that Paralyze” so I’m hoping that’s it. Otherwise, yes, we might have to call on you.

    @Bluzdude…….Good question. Don’t even get us going down that road.

    @Kelly…….The minute “GUY” is in the title, porn comes to some people’s minds. Interesting.

    @Faux Trixie………That is a logical conclusion. Hey, ya learn something new every day. And that’s funny.

  7. male or female — needy people suck. how do you paralzye people? let’s start with sarah palin’s pie hole.

  8. “Best way to paralyze a person”

    The internet is a scary place sometimes. Probably has something to do with all the alpha males running about.

  9. @pattypunker……..Amen!

    @LovyBoheme……..Yes, you are probably right. Someone needs to put them on a leash.

  10. HAHAHAHAHA! I am SOOOO past all this! But of course I did not get past it without a lot of pain and anguish. In the end, we are responsible for our own fulfilment.

    p.s. Can you please read my latest blog and tell me if it flows? I had an afterthought and I am not sure if I connected everything.

  11. Feet licking. Really? People need to know how to lick feet? Suck the toes for god’s sake. Women are silly.

  12. It baffles me the kinds of things people search for! “Best way to paralyze a person”? What the eff is WRONG with people?!

    Also, what is wrong with Google’s algorithms that these questions direct people here? Some sort of sick joke, perhaps.

    Love your answers!

  13. @Judie…..Your post was great! Well written.

    @Cassie……Seriously! Feet licking?? Toe sucking is more like it.

    @Lifeofadoctorswife……The only thing we can come up with is that we did a post entitled, “Moves that paralyze” Obviously Google didn’t read it. Damn!

  14. Oh yea!! I’m a happy girl! I knew you would help me out on this! We need to listen more to our senses! Listen,you people out there! Close your eyes and let your own self help you solve your issues! Did you close your eyes? Do you feel better? YES! We are all such wonderful and perfect beings! We are ALL blessed!

  15. “No man or woman truly wants to be with someone who’s needy” SERIOUSLY!!!

  16. Well, Jen from Redhead Ranting could help with number eight, right Jen?

  17. @Judie…….Yes we do.

    @Meleah…….Sad but true.

    @Katherine……….Not sure she’s seen it yet. We’ll have to ask her.

  18. It was really fun to read this and interesting to see the search terms on how some people were ending up at your site. 😀

  19. I love your answers. Could not agree more on the needy thing. I’d tell her to get a dog but even dogs get turned off by super needy chics. 🙂

    I wonder how people find my site. Hmmmm.

  20. @BK…….yes, amazing, huh?

    @Date Girl…….I left you a message on your blog. That’s funny about dogs, but I think you’re absolutely right.

  21. Nothing like the whiff of desperation and neediness to make one run for the hills. BUT, neediness can be in the eye of the beholder—a man for whom any commitment is too much might tell a woman that she is too needy. And then the poor woman internalizes it. God, men are such assholes. 🙂

    Blowjobs from a guy’s perspective could be more than a how-to. I read that as, potentially, how important they are to a guy or what they feel like to a guy, assuming that could ever be described in any way other than “YAY! GOOD!” And hopefully, the thought process is the same for the woman. THERE is a blog subject for you.

  22. These are truly hilarious! I am also amazed by some of the search terms I found out there.

    For example, I wrote a blog post once about my first experience with therapy at age 12. It was called “Guinea Pig Therapy”–well, you would not believe how many people there are out there who are actually really looking for a therapist for their guinea pig or hamster!

    The longer I live, the more people amaze me.


  23. @bluzdude: If you date two guys at once, whoever picks up the check is the first one to get his feet licked.


    Guinea pigs, hamsters, rottweilers…somehow this leads to a question about the proper care of a fire lizard, but that is eluding me right now.

    I read this again today and laughed again.

    And I DO have a question….how do you find out what searches led to your blog??

    My Indian name should be “Big Words Confuse Me”

  24. Feet licking and etc etc, wow the questions certainly remind me that life is stranger then fiction. And how you answer is usually brilliant..

    Dorothy from grammology

  25. least your queries have some humor to them.

    I do not even want to repeat some of the sick things that come up involving my woman’s site…I really do have to shake my head a few times and it is really scary to even think that these people are serious in what they are searching for.

    I also wonder ta times where the heck Google gets their match from~

    Fun yet somewhat scary topic~

  26. @Sugar Snow……Maybe that is a post in the making. No pun intended.

    @Elisa……Proper care of a fire lizard?? Somehow that’s funny, even if we don’t get it. 🙂

    @Dorothy…..Yes it is! That’s where we get all our stories.

    @DorothyL…..Yes, what’s up with Google sometimes. I know it’s just a big “machine” and a bunch of algorithms, but who the hell is programming it.

  27. Interesting, I guess getting older has its advantages, you know most things, and do not have to ask embarrassing questions… haha… but some of these questions… I mean really…

    Anyway, great post, thanks for sharing. Thanks also for leaving a kind thought on my last post.

    Have a stunning weekend.

  28. Oh my GOD!!!! This was too fucking hilarious!!!!! My daughter was like,
    “Mom, what so funny?”

    1. Okay, so I wouldn’t lick a guys fucking feet unless somebody offered me a substantial amount of money, thank you!

    2./3. Those are dumb 19 year olds who don’t know what the fuck is going on! How fucking dumb are you????

    4. We addressed this in your GUYS last post I believe. But, I do everything around here, he’s not an alpha male though! Can you see ME being married to an ALPHA male??? What’s the ALpha female called? THAT should be your next post!

    5. And?

    6. I TOTALLY love the comic book guy!

    7. Hmmmm, maybe they meant like during an attack or something??? Go for the balls!!

    8. Like I care, I’m having a cock rammed rammed down my throat.

    9. You better hold the mother fucking door for me and carry my grocery bags and hold my elbow/hand when we’re walking. I’m a fucking lady, and I expect to be treated like one. Even by strangers! If you are a man, you hold the door open and let her walk in first!

    10. How 5 or 6??? Jeez! Hello, if you’re going to do it might as well go for the gold bitch!

    How’s that GUYS?

  29. ROFL. This post almost tore me a new a-hole. I can’t believe people would ask these kinds of questions. Did you get the stats from analytics? If so, then I guess many people out there are really searching for answers on these matters and you guys are responsible to bring them to the table. I mean, c’mon, if someone wants to know how to get a blowjob and/or paralyze a person, consider it high priority. Someone’s life could be at stake here.

    Btw, I have a solution for the feet licking issue. To anyone who wants his feet to be licked by his lady, one should use it to eat a kentucky fried chicken. That should do the trick. Or perhaps spray some axe cologne on it.

  30. Great post. And you have a few new topics to work with!

  31. @Colin………Thanks and you as well.

    @Ashley……OMG, you are damn funny! #8…..had us cracking up.

    @Ryhen…….Yes, from Analytics. Totally horrifying and hysterical at the same time. And great tips. Hopefully enough people will read your comment!

    @Chris……..Thanks, and yes we do.

  32. Your blog always answers questions and entertains. I have an award for you at my blog.


  33. Love it.

    It’s funny… my biggest search phrase used to be “He’s an asshole but I love him” but once I stopped writing about my first husband, those hits stopped coming. (“I lost 180 lbs of ugly fat! He still calls though…)

  34. Yeah, I can’t help it. I’m fucking awesome!

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