The Looming Forest

Written by:  “One of The Guys”

Hair(As defined by Webster): Any of the fine, threadlike outgrowths from the skin of an animal or human being.

Body Hair(As defined by The Guys): Any of the above mentioned hair that grows all the places we don’t want it to.

The topic of body hair was brought up recently at one of our round table discussions. Apparently a few of our comrades have recently been contemplating full body laser surgery, to remove their full bodied rugs. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And if you’ve ever seen the “40 Year Old Virgin” you’ll know what I mean. The hair waxing scene is one of the funniest moments in that movie.

But laser surgery!? Is body hair really that bad? Let’s examine the pros and cons.

On the pro side.

1. It keeps you warm. No  need to put on that extra sweater in the winter.

2. You can hide things in there. Like that piece of gold you don’t want to declare at customs. Very handy.

3. No need to buy a Halloween costume….ever!  The Wolf Man is always en vogue.

4. If you start going bald, you have a lot of real hair to use for the transplant.

On the con side:

1. It’s hot as hell!

2. Forget taking your shirt off at the beach.

3. Sweating is taken to a whole new level.

4. Did I mention it’s hot as hell!

5. And who knows what your partner is really thinking?

And that’s a question we’ll be asking later in this post. What does your partner actually think about this? And is it so bad to call for drastic measures?

Of course I wouldn’t know. I’ve had one chest hair in my time of this planet which I’ve diligently kept trimmed. Although there was a time when I felt the need to point it out to people, just to let people know I was capable of actually growing a chest hair. But I see I might be one of the lucky ones. For now.

I say for now, because body hair is something no man ever really escapes. Eventually hair will grow from every crevice in his body until he is consumed. And it’s already happening to me. Just the other day I looked in the mirror and I said, “Is that a hair growing out of my eye?”

However, the real question is, is there a double standard when it comes to body hair?

A guy can walk around with a carpet on his back and a furry woodland creature on his face and his partner just has to deal with it. But women jump through the proverbial hoop just to rid themselves of a little hair. Especially nowadays, hair seems to be WAY OUT. Here’s what I’ve witnessed, or at least heard about, in terms of women grooming themselves.

Waxing the hair under their lip.

The bikini wax and trim.

Shaving their underarms.

Shaving their legs.

The eyebrow pluck.

And then of course we have the various degrees of grooming when it comes to the private area.

The Brazilian

The French

The Landing Strip

The Isosceles

The Cardshark

And more………….

I mean talk about the pressure! This takes grooming to a whole new level. Women have always had to think about clothes and the way they look on the outside, but now they have to think about what’s going on under the clothes?!  That’s just too much!

For guys, we just have to brush our teeth, wash and comb our hair and put on clean undies. Expectations are low and as long as we’re clean and reasonably kept, we can get away with a lot.(I think)

But now the tables are turning a bit. Like I said, hair is going out of style, especially unseemly body hair. And some of The Guys are taking a hard look at themselves and realizing that maybe their little tree farm isn’t that attractive after all.

As for women, I for one don’t really care what they do with their hair. That’s their business. It’s certainly not a determining factor on why I would or wouldn’t date someone. (Although I’m not longer in the game, so it’s a moot point.) But I’m just saying. “The Patchouli” is certainly fine with me. (Look it up)

But as far as guys go, our body hair is just like the lawns we work so hard to keep immaculate. At the end of the day, the weeds will win out, and our body hair will eventually consume every inch of our bodies.

So I say to my Guys, save yourself some money. Forget the surgery and just let it ride. You’re actually trend setters, you just don’t know it yet. Because when it’s all said and done, even me, with my one hair on my chest, will become consumed by the looming forest.

Men: Do you think we should shave our body hair or remove it permanently? What does your partner say about it? Also, what kind of grooming do you prefer in your partner?

Women: Is there a major double standard going on with body hair? Do you care? How do you like to groom yourself? (Please share if you’d like) And how do you really feel about body hair on guys?

27 Comments on The Looming Forest

  1. Very interesting! Laser work sounds not that fun…

    I’m not sure if there is a major double standard. In general, I think women have this general need to feel clean and hairless. It makes them feel prettier and more confident. Of course it plays a role that guys like this smooth soft feeling…but to say that women only shave/wax/pluck to please the guys…I don’t think that’s the case. We also mustn’t forget that there is this huge message from the commercial/fashion world that less hair is much better. There are a lot of things to be taken into consideration that feed the unconscious. (yes, having a break from my thesis now and therefore my comment is kinda…well thought through hehe.)

    Personally, I like things clean for myself. So wax/shave, luckily no plucking needed ^_^. The brows stay nicely in shape…for now.
    For guys, I don’t mind hair…in moderation. I still want to see the face and body…

    Awesome read as always!!

    Have a nice weekend! Ciao!

  2. I am with you on saving the money and just forget about the surgery. But if the day comes when I am requested to, I think it is only fair to explore the options since I appreciate the smooth skin on women.

  3. Dagnammit, I almost choked on my coffee while reading this. Hilarious!

    [Do you think we should shave our body hair or remove it permanently?]

    – If it’s there, then it’s there for a purpose, but I always believed that if something makes you feel uncomfortable, then you might as well remove it. Certainly, not all the hair that grows out of the human body necessarily deserves to be treated like an object of inconvenience, but not all should be revered as well.

    [What does your partner say about it?]

    – None. Fortunately, hair grew on my body at the right places and at the right time.

    [Also, what kind of grooming do you prefer in your partner?]

    – No armpit hair. Period.

  4. There was hair poking out of your eye? OMG, I couldn’t stop laughing for that. Hair sure is a big thing to think about… lol
    Wonderful post Guys!

    Have a great Sunday!:)

  5. @TJ……..I’m glad you’re taking a break. Love your comment. And thanks for some insight into the world of TJ. Wink, wink!
    But seriously, you’re right, it’s not just the commercial/fashion industry, it’s all of us. And it starts young. We have to teach our girls to be confident in who they are, apart from how they look.

    @BK……..for me, it’s all good. Smooth skin, hair, whatever. So yeah, save the money!

    @Ryhen…….good to have you back! Yes, it’s all about what makes us comfortable. Of course the question could arise, WHY are we uncomfortable? Is it nature or nurture? Like TJ said in an earlier comment, what’s causing us to feel this way? Glad you’re set up “correctly” for your partner!! 🙂

    @Mr. Stupid……thanks! You enjoy as well.

  6. I think men should look like men and not little boys. I ain’t shavin’ nothin’!

    Well, except maybe some occasional “manscaping” below decks, just to keep things presentable.

  7. LOL GUYS!!! As a woman I shaved and waxed and plucked and threaded (that’s another eyebrow treatment).But I was never too hairy and as I got older it got less and less. But I like a little hair on a man’s chest and even a little on the back isn’t bad, but not like the wolf man.:) I think a little is very sexy and men shouldn’t wax it all off. I do think if the hair is bothering you then trim it. But laser can be very painful. My daughter had the full body thing done and she had to go back five or six times for the full thing. It’s also expensive and unnecessary if you don’t need it.

    Good for the guys who accept a woman as she is. But there has to be a way to tell the sexes apart, don’t you think? Shaving is good, but beards are also good if they aren’t scratchy. Men should look groomed and clean, period.:)

  8. Great post GUYS! (again!) I think I go both ways here…. but mostly, I’d choose a guy WITHOUT hair over one that does. Maybe because my guy has very little & I’m so in love with him.
    I do think its a little weird that I have more body hair than my husband, but mostly from the prospective that I have it – NOT that he doesn’t. (Its not like I’m growing a beard or anything – you probably wouldn’t notice) I do really like his smooth chest though. It feels good. Kinda like when your GUY kisses you right after he shaves…yum!
    So…I vote to LASER it OFF! …at least the back!
    For me, I enjoy pampering myself once or twice a year by getting a bikini wax or a fresh upper lip & brow. As for the more “delicate” areas….I like to change it up with the season. A little trim can feel real good under the jeans if you know what I mean!

  9. @bluzdude……good for you!! Yes, let’s be men, right!

    @Barbara…..thanks for your opinions. It helps a lot! And thanks for the info on laser surgery. We’ll try to keep ourselves groomed.

    @GoGo…………..thanks for the info on your private grooming. Interesting info! Your guy sounds like he’s lucky.

  10. How do I really feel about body hair on guys. Hmm. Well, I’ve been with very hairy men and I’ve been with men who are nearly (naturally) hairless. I must say, I prefer the hairless. There’s nothing worse then snuggling with a guy and putting your face on his hairy chest and getting tickled! My current boyfriend even shaves (is this too private) down THERE. I must say, I like that too.
    Is there a double standard? Well, of course there is. Most women I know do a lot of the grooming you mentioned. For me, I do lip, eyebrow, and legs. Never armpits…don’t have much there and I think it’s creepy….and nothing down THERE. (I guess if I was like some of my women friends who grow it up to their belly button or down their thighs, I would. But it grows only in the place it’s supposed to grow. My boyfriend has cut it, however. If he wants to do that, I have no problem with it.)
    Grooming down THERE is my brother’s favorite topic. He believes that women today over a certain age…roughly 35…do NOT groom down below unless they have a real problem. It wasn’t in style when we were growing up. But women under the age of 35 ALL do it. My brother quizzes every woman he meets on this topic, just to prove his age theory. Even women he’s met for 30 seconds. A little embarrassing. But over the years, I’ve discovered his theory is correct. You’d be hard pressed to find a 20 year old girl that doesn’t cut it into some kind of a strip or something like that.
    Thanks for another fun post.
    P.S. How many guys are there, anyway?

  11. As much as I like the feeling of being clean and hairless, it’s a pain in the ass. However, I feel I only have myself to blame for any pain and suffering I endure as a result of hair removal. No person has ever put any pressure on me one way or the other. In fact, I have come across more people that wish I would keep my hair in the private region which always startles me a little because it’s certainly not the mainstream ideal.

    Also, I really respect people that go against dominant culture and keep things natural. Just having the guts to say “This is me as I was made. Take it or leave it.” and actually MEANING it implies a sort of bravery that I just don’t possess.

  12. I really don’t care if women have body hair, as long as it’s not around the nipples. My friend had a girlfriend he was boinkin’ in the dark one night. Suddenly, he raises up, allowing moonlight to shine through the window and there he sees that she has a dozen or so curly black hairs around the ol’ nips. Other than this, this high school girl was pretty hot at the time. Not because her nipple hairs were making her hot but…

    Anyway, my friend was so traumatized, by the sight of her booby hair, he got up, abruptly, and said he was feeling ill (actually, he was), all of a sudden, and had to leave. So he did and that was the night their short relationship ended. Later in life, this girl was admitted into a mental institution. No kidding. But I seriously doubt it was because my friend walked out in the middle of their “doing it”.

    Now, I feel that there’s nothing wrong with a guy having hair on his chest. I’ve got a hairy chest and my wife loves it. A real turn on for her. Got hair on my back, too. But the rest of the world will just have to deal with it. Besides, I think it makes me look more cuddly, like a teddy bear. But a woman with hair on her chest… No thanks. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Glad I could share. 🙂

    What a nice, light, amusing post.

  13. I am totally picturing the GUYS sitting around a ’round’ table like fucking monkeys picking through each others body hair!!!

    Ewwwwwwww! This Crazy Brunette totally could have lived without that specific brain fuck!

    Let’s see… Okay, well I shave everything. I see no need to have hair all over my vag. Why would this be necessary? What the fuck was it put there for in the first place? I shave my legs, my arm pits, and my eye-brows… That’s another story entirely. (Maybe I’ll tell you when I’m not angry with you!)

    I don’t mind hairy men. Don’t get me wrong, because I’d much rather be screwing someone GROOMED.

    PS. I don’t like finding hair in places that I don’t have any!

  14. @Lovy………maybe things are changing, and people are starting to like the natural look again. This hair removal craze has me dizzy!

    @Cathy………there are many guys we consult with, but three actually write the articles. “One of The Guys” (ME), “Suburban Guy”, “Mr. Nice Guy”
    That’s very funny about your brother, but is he single? Because it sounds like this is his way of breaking the ice before he goes in for the “kill.” And no, you didn’t share too much! Love it.

    @Kelly……that’s a funny…..and sad story. Yes, that might have been a bit alarming. I did have a friend who went out with a woman who had a lot of hair on her face/cheeks. It wasn’t a beard, but it was headed in that direction. Anyway, she was very attractive though, so he went for it anyway. I was 100% supportive of that decision. Thanks!

    @Ashley……Don’t be mad at us. THE GUYS love you! 🙂 And yes, we want to hear that story sometime. Groomed seems to be the consensus.

  15. Oh…now this is a very sensitive subject (no pun intended) 🙂
    LOL@ bluzdude….
    Personally as in a one woman’s opinion….whats good for the goose is most definitely good for the gander!

    I doubt either partner wants to be distracted by stray hair follicles…noting is more unsexy that having to floss while in action or worse yet leaning over and spitting or choking up a furball.

    Seriously though…I think it is a respect for your partner to at least do a mild trim~

  16. @D…..funny! Yes, like you said, a mild trim just to keep the forest at bay.

  17. I’ll keep this simple (no offense): If you want to get laid on a regular basis, some “manscaping” is DEFINITELY required.

    But not TOO much. Unless you’re a porn star. Or a swimmer training for the Olympics. Otherwise it’s just creepy.


  18. Oh – and top places we DON’T want to see hair are ears, nose, shoulders and back.

    Use your discretion for the other areas…. but like I said, don’t go crazy. (see part 2 of my last comment)

  19. @Charlene…….that’s what I think! And that’s what I told the other Guys! But I get the creepy thing too. Shaving the whole area might freak out someone you didn’t know so well… your doctor during your physical exam!! And yes, we’re all over the ears, nose, etc. Tough to keep up with the weeds though!

  20. Splendid post Guys and I have just gone to catch on the other’s. All my hubby care’s about is simplicity, I mostly get my eyebrow threaded, so I don’t end up looking like a high school gal with bushy eyebrows. It’s nice to see well groomed men out there …. I don’t think they however need to spend so much time and money doing soo like us women …..

  21. @Fatima……..thanks. We try hard to keep well groomed, but sometimes it just gets away from us. Appreciate your thoughts.

  22. I don’t mind a guy with a fair amount of body hair. But then I like my men like lumberjacks. I shave my legs and my armpits. Not so much in the winter but in the summer I do. Not because I want to impress a man but it’s and either or kind of thing. I don’t have the patience to grow it out and it itches when it gets too long. And, I’m not European.

  23. Me and my guy are both groomed but I think I have a thing about hair in general. I dont mind it too much on men but I’ve always trimmed, waxed etc but it was never really about look for me. It was just another part of my life I could control. The weird thing is, the more I groomed the less hair grew back so I dont know what Im going to do when it disappears for good LOL :/

  24. Women: Is there a major double standard going on with body hair? Do you care? How do you like to groom yourself? (Please share if you’d like) And how do you really feel about body hair on guys?

    Yes, I do think there is a double standard. And, yes, I am very diligent when it comes to removing and maintaining MY own body hair. As far as how I feel about man hair? Well I dont really mind it, unless we are dealing with EXCESSIVE body hair. And by excessive, I mean caveman like. I think some guys could use a little ‘manscaping’ in certain areas. And, I definitely appreciate a man that waxes his BACK. At least in the summer time!

  25. Hairs are good as long as they are in moderation. An excessive hair will make one appear like a beast.

  26. @Jen……lumberjacks huh? Well I guess we can’t compete! 🙂

    @Lola…..I’ve never heard of hair not growing back. In my experience it always grows back thicker. I hope it doesn’t completely disappear, at least not on top. Down there, well, that’s a different story.

    @Meleah…..Funny! Yes, there are some cavemen over here. I’ll definitely relay the message. Thanks for that!!

    @Den…….and we certainly don’t want to be beasts!

  27. I had never thought about it being a double standard before but you may be right. I shave my legs and underarms – because not doing so is just plain gross – and the bikini area to! and I wax my eyebrows. And all Marine has to do is shave his face….. yeah not really fair. But guess thats part of it. Luckily he’s not to hairy. If I guy is really hairy I say wax. But not sure I would recommend the extremity of laser surgery!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

Maximum comment length is 1500 characters.