Being Needy

Neediness is not the most attractive quality. Women especially, seem to run as far and as fast as they can when the smell it on a guy. And I certainly can’t blame them. Neediness smacks of desperation.

Of course this is harsh and not always true. Neediness comes and goes. And it changes through the course of any relationship. Every person has moments of neediness and that’s certainly normal. Like,Β  “Please tell me you still love me even though you are texting your new personal trainer every night about your workouts!” And, “If you would you just tell me you still find me attractive occasionally, I’ll stop pestering you about how fat I look!”

But even then, when it seems perfectly reasonable, no one likes it. It’s like a fly that keeps bombarding you while you’re on a peaceful walk. It ruins everything.

So I’ve been feeling needy lately. Not for the reasons mentioned above. It’s because I’ve been sick for a while. First a fever, then this cough that keeps getting worse. Then that finally subsides and the fever comes back. Then I get a sinus infection, take some medicine for it and my stomach turns inside out. It’s been one thing after the next! I guess that’s how it goes.

I actually don’t get sick much, but when I do I’m a baby. I hate being sick. Even when my fever is only 99.5 I feel like total crap. My kids could have a 102 degree temp and they run around like it’s their birthday. Me, I just can’t function at all.

Anyway, I guess my wife senses my neediness and I can tell it annoys her. She does her best to be sympathetic but it’s clear my neediness is certainly NOT why she married me. Fine, I get it.

But my doctor’s office! That’s another story.

I called to make an appointment. They didn’t even call me back. I had to call back twice just to make an appointment. What,… are guys not allowed to be sick until they turn 55 or something? I mean c’mon. I know about racism and sexism, but until now I had never heard of Desperationism. I mean isn’t that against the law or something?

So I’ve learned a valuable lesson these last few weeks. The next time I’m feeling vulnerable, sensitive, sick or just queasy, I’m going to keep my mouth shut. It seems to be the best way to get what you want.

Was it with the strong, silent type? They never go out of style.



12 Comments on Being Needy

  1. I am so sorry you haven’t been feeling well. And the doctor’s office you called stinks!

    I like it when my husband needs me. It’s that nurturing thing, I guess, but then we don’t have kids running around. On the other hand, he NEEDS to know that I need him. If he thought I could do everything without his opinion, he would be crushed.

    It is perhaps a matter of degrees. Clingy versus needy. But I’ll tell you something: I do cling to him. I just don’t smother him. Those are my thoughts and I’m stickin’ to ’em. Now, get better and have some chicken soup.

  2. Ah, you poor baby. I’m being serious here; I know my remarks are usually tempered with sarcasm, but you actually NEED some pity right now. Just a little, because too much can go to a man’s head and the NEEDINESS can drag on and on and on…
    What I am suggesting is that perhaps the wife offers minimal sympathy because she has seen milking-the-illness behavior before. Not necessarily in you; perhaps her father or brothers, or maybe she’s even read horror stories about the men who abuse spousal sympathy.
    Askcherlock makes an excellent point: clingy versus needy versus smothering. I married (I know, my fault) a clinger, who has since morphed into a smotherer, and let me tell you: needy is a picnic comparatively.
    And you, dear GUY, are right on the money about kids versus US when illness strikes. I remember, as a child, running around like normal with my nose dripping buckets; now, a slight cold knocks me flat on my back. Are we wimps? No, we’re just getting OLD. Sorry.

  3. I guess we will all have our downtimes. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem to others as long as we don’t go to the extreme. I’m sure you are far from the extreme. Hope you get well soon.

  4. Hoping that you are fine now πŸ™‚ . Happy new year to you πŸ™‚

  5. I hope you’re better now.

    It’s not so bad to be needy when you are in need (sick). Neediness all the time for no apparent reason is what’s hard to deal with in anybody.

    Your doctor’s office does, indeed, suck.

  6. Hands you a warm blanket, tissues, panadol, water and the remote controls to the tellie and sound system. Ive found its the best place to put a man when hes unwell and even the moaning becomes considerably less. If theres one thing Ive learnt about you guys and illness …. the two dont mix. You will fight a raging bulll with your bare hands, have it rip gashes in your arms and you will brag about the man scars that will remain but a sniffle? OMG you may as well be undertaking a quadruple bypass that could kill you.

    To me … exxagerated neediness is uglier than sin, a mans neediness when hes ill .. well thats just too darn cute and funny, especially the tougher not so metrosexual types. I dont know how one could be annoyed with it really… unless of course its ALL the time.

    Hope you get better soon.

  7. I’m sorry you feel so bad and often the sympathy comes from mom or gram, thus, gramma is saying aweeeee hope you feel better soon and this was a very good post.

    Dorothy from grammology

  8. Not sure if this is the case with your wife, but when my husband gets sick (aka “MAN FLU”) it’s not his “neediness” which annoys me. If anything, I love it when my husband needs me and openly communicates such.

    What’s annoying is that I (bolded) could be so sick that I have to drive myself to the emergency room and yet life must go on, things must get done, people still require me to do my normal tasks. Yet, when my husband gets so much as a sniffle, the world comes to a screeching halt. A man is ill. He must rest. He needs care. Alert the media!! LOL!

  9. Thanks everyone for you kind words and well wishes. Getting back to normal….I hope!

    I know that part of the lack of sympathy I get is that life doesn’t stop with me being sick. The kids still need what they need. Damn them!! πŸ™‚ Food, clothes, homework help, driving to games, etc.

    And yes, it certainly is a double standard. Women aren’t allowed to get sick and if they are, they still have to do all their motherly/wifely duties.

    Yes, if GUYS were the ones to give birth our species would have died out centuries ago!!! We’re just not that tough!

  10. I’m the ultimate stoic when I get sick. Just want to self-medicate, watch movies and be left alone. When I’m well it’s a different story. Then I just want to take long walks, write aphorisms and be left alone.

  11. I’m so sorry that you haven’t felt well lately. I do hope that you feel better soon. I’m sure that your wife feels the same way. As for your MD office, try another.

  12. I find needy guys really repulsive, escpecially those who are constantly asking for phsyical attention. Sex is another story, but guys that want to cuddle, kiss, hug or hold hands feels like high school all over again. It’s definately a sign a co-dependence. But, if a guy has a legit reason for being needy, like he’s seriously ill, then that behavior is appropriate, At least until they’re feeling better!

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