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Cheating Part 3: Inner Child

Readers,

Also check out: Part 2: I was Tiger   AND   Part 1: Cheating 

Search our archives for many more posts on the topic of cheating.

Or ask your own question. Go to the “Ask the Guys” page on our site and use the form there.

Thanks,
THE GUYS

 

Written by “Suburban Guy”

I think often of these lines from the song Woman by John Lennon:

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands…

Remember that “Rolling Stone” cover where a naked John Lennon is curling up at the side of a fully clothed Yoko? Most people find it disturbing. I don’t, not really, even though it’s not really attractive.

Here’s a link to the photo I’m talking about:

Rolling Stone Cover

I know what he’s trying to say, and I solute his bravery to be so open about it. In my opinion, most men, unless they have done inner child work of some sort (like John Lennon did), won’t admit the need they feel deep inside to be connected to a woman this powerfully. There is an inner child who yearns to be absolutely adored, protected, loved, safe. Don’t get me wrong. That’s not all we are in a relationship. We are also strong, spontaneous, and independent in many ways, but the inner child is there for most of us, influencing, driving, even pushing us to the point of frustration and in some extreme cases inappropriate acts.

Some men realize the inner drive of that child and are able to integrate it into life and relationships in meaningful ways. I’m still working on that personally, and I realized how much time and work it takes. But some men are blind to their inner child, and it hurts them and the people around them, often profoundly.

Abusive men are horrific examples of how a deeply wounded inner child can have a devastating impact. In order to appease the needs of their disfigured inner child, abusive men must absolutely possess the loyalty and attention of a woman. The slightest sign of rejection or “disloyalty” (read: a look, a hint of rejection, a sign of independence) sends them into fits of rage.

People who are compulsive cheaters have a similar problem, in my mind (ala Tiger Woods or Eliot Spitzer). For them, they need that feeling of having a fresh romance or intimate encounter, one where all barriers are broken down and the egos merge, essentially — temporary possession of the total attention of a woman. Once that feeling is gone, they start searching for it anew, sometimes the very next day. They are broken and searching for something that will fix them, even if only one night at a time.

To help frame this, let me switch and consider the opposite end of the spectrum — the male who knows his inner child and has healed it in many ways. First of all, this sort of man wouldn’t walk into a relationship that is basically wrong. He wouldn’t choose a woman who his inner child needs to “possess” or who gives his inner child the opportunity to rage the way it never could before. He would choose a partner who he enjoys and who “gets” him. Secondly, he would enjoy the closeness of a good relationship without depending on it. Sex would be an opportunity to share love, warm and gentle, not an attempt to satisfy inner emotional aches and pains. And, finally, he would first and foremost want to help his partner be happy, not because he is hoping to get anything in return, but just because love like that feels really good to give.

Sounds pretty good, pretty normal, right? Yet, how many men are there? I’m not, not yet. And if you check the web for info on marital unhappiness, infidelity, divorce, “sexless” marriages, etc, etc, I think you will come up with a good number on your own. It’s not high.

That brings me back to the naked and courageous John Lennon. With that photo and in many other ways, John was a pioneer on the emotional front,  experimenting with Primal Therapy among other things. Boy do I wish he were still around. We have Bob Dole for erectile dysfunction (odd, but actually pretty brave). If only we had John Lennon working for inner child dysfunction! I think it would help a lot of people to have all of this talked about more.

I wrote this article from a limited perspective. Being a guy, I get the male inner child. But I often wish I understood the female inner child more. I know it exists. Almost no human escapes having a childhood (or just a history) unscathed. What I don’t feel like I know is the shape the female inner child takes in a relationship. Love to hear your thoughts.

 

 

 


THANKS!!!!!

29 Comments on Cheating Part 3: Inner Child

  1. I think that the inner child isn’t so different between men and women. Depending on the degree of damage, it can be murderous, rageful, needy, demanding of unconditional love, and deeply hurt.

    Undealt with, it expresses itself in gendered ways – the abusive male you identify (there’s a range of cultural macho here); the “Cinderella” woman, always wanting a man to rescue her or the obsessive psychotic like the character in “Fatal Attraction.” There isn’t anything surprising about how we want to heal that child.

    I think the best bet is to assume that, to some degree, everyone feels needy and hurt and to proceed accordingly.

  2. I like your reference to John Lennon. I miss him too.

    Now, about this subject of cheating…
    It’s pretty cut and dry in my house. So that there is no misunderstanding, I let my husband know from the start – sex with anyone other than me is forbidden. If I learn about it, I walk.

    We have been happily married for many years. It is my thinking that either he is a genius at covering his tracks or he has never cheated. He has never given me a reason to leave. And neither have I given him such a reason. If I were one to cheat, I would have never married.

    I have heard enough of this subject. Everyone on TV is talking about it and now you guys are delving into it. John Lennon didn’t cheat on Yoko. (BTW, I follow Yoko on Twitter.) If you remember seeing them together – not just on that album cover – John was madly in love with Yoko and no one could turn him away from her.

    So, let’s change the subject.

    Which one of you guys is the Poker player?

  3. Just to clarify, I’m not saying that inner child issues excuse anyone from cheating, not in any way. I think cheating is a relationship killer, except in rare, rare cases where the couple finds a way to heal and move on. I’m just poking at the source of the problem, trying to shed light on it from an “inner” perspective. And, yeah, I agree things have gotten pretty heavy around here with this series. Time for a post about farting on a date or something.

  4. This is a fascinating post, guys, and I love the Lennon perspective. My mouth literally fell open at one statement (not saying which one) and I will have to give it much thought and study. Nothing wrong with heavy themes now and then!

  5. @ethelmaepotter………what, are you going to keep all THE GUYS hanging? “One of The Guys” Yes, it’s been a heavy week here at The Guy’s Perspective. Look for some fun and lighter topics the next couple of weeks. And if you decide to share, we’re definitely interested.

  6. Came in late for this discussion, not reading the first two parts, and will be back to read those also. I often see comments coming from this blog and been wanting to stop by and read. While I am in a hurry this evening I will at least say hello and chime in a little.

    I am not to sure how much the “inner child” controls our lives. I think that inner child is basically unresolved matters of the heart that came from early childhood. I might be one of the rare ones, or I might be one of the norms for my age bracket (I am in my early fifties). I had the basic all American “Leave it to Beaver”kinda childhood. Other then the fact I had a very controlling and abusive older brother, I cannot pin point any real healing that I need. If anything I have much more of a time trying to resolve the “I am 50 what do I want to be when I grow up” issue?

    As far as the cheating aspect that this post brought up, to many men I believe it stems from the old inbred hunter theory, where the hunt and chase is much more exciting then the capture. Our roles were always to take the chance and hence the danger of trying to catch our prey for survival. This instinct is still viable for many men, not for survival, as super markets have replaced the prey. Yet many men still crave, consciously or subconsciously the chase. Maybe it makes them feel vital and massages our egos to a point.

    Honestly if a pretty younger woman was staring at me say at a supermarket, first I would look around me to see if someone else was next to me that she might be staring at, second I would check to make sure I don’t have a huge stain on my shirt. Third I would smile back and feel great all day. You see it doesn’t take much to make our day. Not that we would act on anything or make a move. Along with age comes knowledge. But everyone, INCLUDING women want to feel attractive to others besides their loved ones. That is not disrespect just the human condition.

  7. Hey man, saw your blog linked to on Kelly Seal so thought I’d drop by. Glad I did. Enjoyed reading this post – off to explore more now. From one guy writing about this kind of thing to another – respect.
    *Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man’s Dating Diary*

  8. @Man Over Board — If you really are one of the souls who escaped childhood without any scars, then you are a rare person indeed. I bow to your inner peace, man!

    That said, I do know that a lot of people have a hard time acknowledging that even what seemed like “normal, everyday” childhood left them with issues. The dynamic of two giants with problems of their own raising a little totally dependent being is just too fraught with inherent dysfunction. I think one of the problems is that we tend to think that the only “real” problem childhoods involved sexual exploitation, physical abuse, or other “extreme” bad stuff. I grew up in a middle-neurotic family, and while it never reached that sort of extreme, there were a lot of things that left me wounded. I’ve heard this called “toxic parenting,” and it resonates for me. Not overtly abusive, but poisonous in insidious ways.

    Consider the simple case of the parents who have a baby to “get” love instead of having any to give. The child in this relationship learns to suppress their anger, frustration, fear, etc. in order to keep the “all important ones” from not loving them. In doing this, they reject a lot of what is very natural and inherent about their nature. They develop a life long habit of reading others needs and trying to meet them, etc. Just an example. The number of patterns is infinite, really.

    Frankly, I believe we’ve had it pounded into us “respect the parents,” so it’s hard to challenge the assumption that our childhoods were good. I think the key is to remember that a lot of parents are just people with wounded inner children too, passing it along without realizing it. We shouldn’t be afraid to be honest about how it made us feel.

    Once again — not challenging your statement, Man Over Board, just pointing out how I think people can be confused about this topic. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  9. I remember when that RS cover came out–and it was even more astounding for the time because men (at that point) were just learning to show their vulnerabilities–and the cover is just so blatantly vulnerable.

    I think we all have an inner child–both men and women–but women are much more likely to feel comfortable expressing their inner child than men are. From almost the moment of birth, men are socialized to believe they have to be the strong one. When a little girl cries, her mother comforts her. When a little boy cries, more often than not (particularly years ago), they hear, “be a little man and don’t cry” and part of getting in touch with your inner child–and being able to *express* that inner child is allowing yourself to feel vulnerable and emotional.

    The good news is that there are huge strides for both men and women as far as socialization goes. Men and women have made important steps to meeting each other so they may reach a point where women feel comfortable with their emotional strength and men feel comfortable with their emotional vulnerabilities.

    I really loved this post.

  10. @Melinda……thanks for your thoughtful comments. And in addition, men hopefully will make strides in ACCEPTING a woman’s emotional strength and women will make strides ACCEPTING a man’s emotional vulnerabilities. Just wanted to throw that in the ring. “One of The Guys”

  11. @Suburban Guy, great post. The Inner Child topic for me actually plays out in a very simple way: I often times behave like a child. Last night I was sitting on the couch and blasted out some gas and chuckled … my wife laughed and said, “You’re just a kid, aren’t you?” Pretty funny moment. I’m constantly cracking jokes like a kid would. As a father, letting your Inner Child (in the literal sense of the world child) express itself is a great way to connect with your kids. Plus it’s just fun to let loose like that. And my wife gets a kick out of it.

  12. “abusive men must absolutely possess the loyalty and attention of a woman. The slightest sign of rejection or “disloyalty” (read: a look, a hint of rejection, a sign of independence) sends them into fits of rage.”

    Um. YEAH. I just wish I had known that before I got into my last relationship. It was exhausting to try and deal with my EX especially when he would get crazy jealous and go into a fit of rage just because my BFF [who is a GIRL] would text message me. After SIX MONTHS of feeling like a HOSTAGE, I decided to break free.

  13. There’s nothing wrong, in general, with having an inner child, unless it hurts someone deliberately or not. Your inner child, I believe, is key to your creativity. But in regards to cheating on your spouse or mate, I think it shows a lack of respect to them and gives them a world of hurt in the end.

    If you want to be with someone else, talk it over with your significant other. Break up, with honesty and care and show respect.

  14. I don’t think a person who cheats is damaged or abnormal in any way. It’s simply a choice he or she makes. What the consequences will be, no one can predict in advance. We’re strange creatures, and we often react in unexpected and unpredictable ways.

  15. I think its completely obvious how fucked up my INNER child is!

    Bless who ever made M&Ms and cigarettes.

    Fuck it though, I’m fun, I’m a bad ass, and I’m awesome.

  16. @nothingprofound I find the perspective that we are all in control and just making rational choices very hard to buy. Sorry, but that just doesn’t fit with any of my experiences of myself or other’s behavior. It’s very convenient to believe that rational people make choices and pay consequences, but in fact nothing we do is really all that rational. Why? Not because we are “strange creatures” but because we are motivated by subconscious factors that are hard to see and painful to admit, factors that develop as a function of our emotional history.

    Sex addicts aren’t “making a choice” they are compelled, unable to resist. Same for abusers or co-dependents whose whole paradigm of life depends on having another to define them. No rational here, just emotion and history. Sorry. Just my sense for it. Truth is, society wants us to believe that “good people” make good choices and “bad people” make bad choices because that makes it easy to pass judgment and dole out punishment. Personally, I don’t think the human reality is anywhere near that simple.

  17. I am not sure if I am one of the rare ones or not. And I think your post is so well done and conceived. Yet I know I was blessed with and miss greatly, two fine people, that were my parents. Perfect they were not, yet the older I got the more perfect they became in my eyes. Not trying to gloss over other peoples hurts or issues. I got to care take my father for his last nine years of his life, when I had him move in with me after my mom passed and to this day, if I could be half the person they were, then I would am grateful.

    Of course with the passing of time, as Dylan once wrote the “times they are a changing”. Perhaps it was the lack of mass digital communication that led to much on my joy filled upbringing. Today it is hard to escape the tragedies that fill the many social outlets that bombard us daily. Yet the faults I have developed are my faults, none that I can remotely point to as my inner child.

    I only have to look my daughter who at 27 years old is a wonderful human being with one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. Of course I am prejudice, but if everything were to end tomorrow. I know I was a blessed man. And pray each day that in some small way I made this turbulent world a fraction better then when I entered it. I think that is the ultimate wish of any man.

    If I had a rare childhood, then I do have my parents to thank for that.

    Just thought what a perfect name for this blog. I am glad I found it. Thanks

  18. @Man Over Board Yeah, I sometimes feel like I paint the whole world black, but you are right. There is love and strength and beauty here too, in great abundance. In fact, the beauty of the “inner child” perspective on evil and “bad behavior” is that it respects the fact that there is inherently goodness and grace in all human beings. Some of us just have a lot of baggage that makes it hard to live the life we were meant to, a life of truth, simplicity and love. Sounds like you are in touch with that, and I think that is fantastic. I grow toward it myself every day. As a parent, I loved hearing about your pride in your daughter. I have two of my own and seeing them grow into people who have big hearts is all that matters to me. I agree, that’s the ultimate wish of any man or any parent.

    Oh, and we’re glad you found us to.

  19. @Kelly — I agree totally with your statement, and I think the truth is that we are forever children in some regards, just eventually “adult children.” When we are in touch with the joy and creativity and spontaneity of our inner child, we are in touch with the truth of our real selves. We didn’t start out broken, that’s for sure, and reconnecting with the simplicity and love that was once there, the “beginner’s mind” is what makes life worth living. It’s when we are just happy and we don’t know or care why. I remind myself all the time to move towards this sort of simplicity, innocence, joy – it’s what really matters (I meditate daily, and I find truth, simplicity and love to be its essential gift). Complexity is just the sh*t that happens on the way, not something to be clung to. As one other poster said, fart in front of your kids and laugh. Dance, sing, shout, be joyful. Avoid being serious at all costs (except when you need to be serious about healing from brokenness, ala the original post). Personally, I think that’s the magic sauce.

    Thanks for commenting!

  20. @Suburban Guy: You misunderstood me if you think I’m equating our power to choose with rationality and control. They are two completely different things. This is not about “good” people or ” bad” people, but about labeling people according to psychotherapeutic stereotypes. It’s a question of freedom and individual dignity. What I am questioning, and perhaps denying, is the existence of all these so-called subconscious factors. In my opinion they are theoretical and not actual entities, like penis envy or the Oedipus complex. Similar “subconscious factors” were used by psychiatrists for decades to label homosexual activity as deviant and abnormal due to so-called past emotional history. I’d be reluctant to take responsibility for so-called sex addicts behavior away from them and place it on subconscious drives and compulsions. I think we are strange creatures, not at all rational or predictable, and our tastes can’t be reduced to simple general formulas.

  21. @Surburban Guy: By the way, your comment above to Kelly is very beautiful and something I totally agree with. I’m sure our sense of life and fulfillment is very much alike, it’s just a philosophical difference.

  22. @Nothing Profound – Thanks for the thoughtful response. Somehow I knew you and I wouldn’t get into a battle but a thoughtful conversation about potential differences or just semantics. I share you hatred of psychological stereotypes and labels, and in fact my “knowledge” of inner child is not from books or study. It’s from experience. At one point in my life, I was suffering from all sorts of anxieties, yearnings, depressions, etc, and I turned to meditation. There I found an oasis but soon became aware that right next to that peace was a looming dark wall that I dared to touch let along traverse. Yet touch it I did (I believe going there is the natural course of human development). I was burned. Deeply repressed feelings left me stunned and more hurt than I was before. Yet, I somehow knew that there was no avoiding going back for more. And I did.

    I was continually amazed at the feelings that re-emerged, memories of past traumas, experiences, feelings like I could never have imagined experiencing, and of course that I had repressed since they were too hard to feel. I then started reading, everything from OSHO to Taoist writings to Alice Miller and saw the truth of my experience in all these perspectives, be they mystical or “scientific.” They all share three things: truth, simplicity, and love. Truth of realizing that unlike the shadow of a bird passing across a lake, leaving no trace when it is gone, our experiences leave traces, sometimes heavy dark ones. Belief that simplicity is the essential nature of human experience, diminished only by out lack of seeing the truth. And that Love is what we all seek, yet look for it in thousands of wrong places: Looking for love outside ourselves is like standing in a cave facing north waiting for sunshine.

    Hope that isn’t too heavy, but I wanted to see if I could express ot you that for me, the concept of inner child is not an academic one, but a discovery of pure experience.

    Enjoying the discussion. Hope you are too.

  23. @Suburban Guy: Not too heavy at all. I love to hear someone speak as you just have, with such feeling and poetry. And I congratulate you on all the progress you’ve made in your journey toward simplicity and self-discovery.

  24. What a rich discussion, I loved reading the post and all the comments.

    @Suburban Guy

    Thinking of your earlier comment “It’s very convenient to believe that rational people make choices and pay consequences, but in fact nothing we do is really all that rational. Why? Not because we are “strange creatures” but because we are motivated by subconscious factors that are hard to see and painful to admit, factors that develop as a function of our emotional history. ”

    The subconsious mind plays the biggest role in our decision making process and its the way we conduct that process that makes all the difference. Our emotional processes are really quite simple, it is our thought processes that mess things up.

    You mention an interesting point “Sex addicts aren’t “making a choice” they are compelled, unable to resist. Same for abusers or co-dependents…”

    My belief is the issue is not about a concious choice to be addicted to a substance, behaviour, emotion or whatever. Its more about a concious understanding and awareness of what our mental processes are that are holding us to our habits. What are the ideals and beliefs we’ve subconciously learned that are making us feel compelled to act out certain behaviours? There is a certain level of comfort we take from our habits, and the hardest part about changing behavior is learning to change the thoughts that form our patterns of thinking. Thats not so easy when we hold ideas we think are beliefs and are such a deep part of our identity.

    I think part of emotional responsibility is learning to understand there is always a reason for why we do the things we do and its important to keep our emotions balanced when we are trying to learn new ways of thinking and behaving. And even though we may have hurt ourselves or others, we can learn to understand there were/are valid reasons behind our behavior.

    Thanks for such a thought provoking article and discussion.

  25. @Lola — Thanks for the reply. Interesting perspective, and very cognitive if I read you correctly. This is a fascinating topic for anyone interested in the notion of mind and no-mind and what that means. I agree, most of our “suffering” as humans is a function of our minds, of our “wrong thinking” but I also have experienced first hand how emotional processes can be anything but simple. Storms of anger and frustration and need can come out of seemingly nowhere, and sometimes it isn’t until much later that perspective is regained. It’s a feeling of being “carried away” by emotion, which personally I happen to believe is a release of repressed emotion from potentially back as far as infancy (the more intense, desperate and “non-verbal” the emotion, the older it seems to be). Anxiety attacks, phobias, free floating panic, etc. are all related to feelings that are so old and so all encompassing that the adult mind literally “freaks” out trying to feel them again. I have a little history here, so this isn’t just theory for me either. I think addictions share the same roots.

    To my mind (pun?), the ability to maintain full awareness is the trick to be mastered. As one writer on the topic says (paraphrased): if a person can come to see their thoughts, feelings, and sensations (body) as clearly distinct, then a fourth emerges on its own: the witness at the center of all three. In my view, it is only being able to stand fully awake in the center as the witness that “reason” can be achieved.

    From this perspective, you can watch your thoughts spring up and tumble around without acting upon them. You can feel emotions bubbling up and brewing and let them run free without being ruled by them. And you can feel the needs of your physical body without automatically reacting (typically the easiest of the three to witness — hunger, arousal, sleepiness, aches, etc.).

    Another writer talks about this witnessing as “becoming less automatic.” I think that is the heart of it. So many people, and not just the extremely distressed, are in automatic mode, far from center, far from their witness. They are running, chasing, fleeing their emotions, feelings and sensations without really knowing why.

    For me, meditation is the technique I use to access my witnessing self, but I believe there are others. I also believe in “feeling everything and learning” which is as close to self-therapy as it gets, really. It has allowed me to work through lots of repressed stuff so it doesn’t knock me off center any more. I am often amazed when I pull myself out of my daily routine to witness for a moment, to engage the present moment (usually by “noticing that I’m breathing”), that there is so much going on “under the radar,” so to speak.

    So, back to my opening point about mind and no-mind – I think that witnessing is the “no mind” state that so many masters of so many disciplines speak of. It’s not a matter of becoming empty. It’s a matter of maintaining the witnessing perspective (note that this requires that the seas not be too rough to stay afloat, hence the need to feel and learn and clear away).

    Okay. Wow. There I go again, getting really heavy. I sometimes freak people out with this sort of talk at dinner parties (ask my wife), but I get the feeling that I’m among friends here — heavy thinkers seem to have come out in this discussion, and I think it’s fantastic. Don’t worry though — the post about farting on a first date is coming soon, I’m sure.

  26. @everyone……..well this is a fascinating discussion. I’m enjoying all the comments, rebuttals, comments on rebuttals, etc. Deep stuff and done in such a civil way… the way discussions are supposed to be conducted. I love it!

  27. @Suburban Guy

    Yes thats exactly how it feels – that horrible carried away feeling (I call it hysteria because thats honestly how I feel, hysterical as if something is going to explode). What I think creates that feeling is stress, so emotion accompanied by stress causes us to go into a kind of panic. I say the emotions are simple process only because if we train our subconcious mind to develop positive thinking habits then the matter of flowing emotion through (processing) becomes a lot easier. We learn we dont have to hold on to them which is what I think the worst problem is, as you said when you mention repressed emotion.

    Humans are so poor at processing emotion especially in Western culture but I think its even worse when we have psychologists and similar labelling us when we think and feel *incorrectly*.

    Emotion manifests in so many ways and the worst thing seems to be, if we dont know how to identify or process the particular emotion, it manifests as anger, anxiety or some other emotion or behavior so thats why I think retraining the subconcious mind is what really helps us to process the pent up feelings we hold inside. Our negative thought processes developed as a habit, so can positive ones.

    I love how you say “feeling everything and learning”, it is so very important that we learn how to feel our emotions and to validate them. When we dont its easy to see how we end up finding other ways to get our emotional needs met, some of those ways might even be destructive especially if our behavior is lead by our subconcious mind!

    Reading your comment makes me think a lot more about the way we ‘run from our emotions’. I have often wondered if we do this because we are taught from childhood (or learn in some way) what we feel is inappropriate. Coming from an unaffectionate childhood I learned early on being angry or mad, sad etc wasnt good and I had to learn to ‘get on with things’. The emotional neglect from my early years has had such a major impact in my life, to this day I still have many characteristics of an emotionally damaged person. I am getting better though learning about what makes me tick so I think that might be a plus.

    Ok Im going to stop because your discussion is so fascinating I can feel a page 2 of my comment coming on lol but I will say I totally agree with meditation. Without it I think I wouldnt have learned how to calm my anxiety. Thank you so much for your comments, absolutely fascinating and I love the way you make me think. I really appreciate this discussion, its not often I get the chance to bounce ideas off people so this has been a very enriching experience!

  28. @Lola – I agree. I’ve found the exchange about this post and related topics fascinating and very rewarding. It’s nice to know that there are people like you and others out there who not only don’t shy away from such topics, but as I do, see them as the topics that are really important.

    While I’ll avoid getting the fingers really flying here, I had to say how much I agree with your point about being taught from childhood not to fully feel. I absolutely think this is the case. One of the little exercises I read about and have used is to imagine the experience of having unconditionally loving parents, parents who were truly happy to have you, parents who told you that everything inside you was okay, that they loved taking care of you, were proud of you, etc. When I do this, I realize the enormous gap between what was and what might have been. We were all fully- feeling, creating, curious, loving, open (and occasionally sad and angry and needy) little beings once. Not all the same in many regards, but in this regard yes. Then things happened, like toxic parenting, and we became something else.

    I think the good news for all of is that while humans “save themselves” by repressing feelings that are too intense to tolerate, this is balanced by the fact that we can heal ourselves by “grieving” them later.

  29. So Mars& Venus really don’t apply? The inner child simply is what we turned into as adults. People can be abusive, have the desire to cheat, and whatever the chronillogical order is of how things happen or why we have certain characteristics.
    I have a great suggestion for the next topic it is expression through words by a song writer/ singer I manage.

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