Imagine a stairway. The step at the top represents your expectations for Mr. Right. At the bottom step is Mr. New Guy, a dude you’ve gone on a few dates with. You’re waiting on the top step for New Dude to start climbing. He doesn’t move so you find yourself slowly descending one step at a time, making compromise after compromise, until you’ve reached the bottom step. As women, why do we lower our standards to stay in a committed relationship?
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: “We went out on two dates and now he’s just been texting me around 10pm to see if I want to come over. Should I?” “We dated for three months and he never committed to me and now he wants me back. Should I go back to him?” “I think he’s cheating on his girlfriend with me, but I don’t know what to do about it.” It may not be obvious, but all of these women have the same problem. They are all compromising their values to keep a guy around.
Would you do the same?
Let’s find out. Take out a piece of paper. Write down a list of things you would like in a boyfriend. “Calls me a couple times a week”, “texts me to say he’s thinking about me”, “takes me out on the weekend,” are a few examples. Now, make a list describing the behavior of that new guy in your life. “Might be cheating on me,” “afraid to commit,” “tells me I’m needy.” Why do our standards, listed on the first sheet of paper, change so dramatically once we meet someone new?
Back to the stairway. We tell ourselves Mr. Right doesn’t exist, and that our standards are too high, so maybe if we take a couple steps down and lower our standards, we will get closer to Mr. New Guy. In reality, if we stayed on the top step, Mr. New Guy would start climbing the stairs, realizing he needs to work to get our attention and behave in a certain way to earn our respect. Quickly, Mr. New Guy becomes Mr. Right. If you started seeing a guy recently or are on the lookout, tell yourself to stay on that top step, and if the guy is worthy of your time, he will meet you there.
And frankly, the view at the top is quite lovely.
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