Women and Sex

“Women and Sex” by Isabel Kane

Women want sex as much or more than men do.  Yes, I know I am spitting in the face of common wisdom but I know this to be true and here’s why. 1. I am a woman who has experienced this over and over and over… and 2. My female friends report the same phenomena.

I first noticed this in my own relationships, but just assumed it was me. Then the subject started to creep in when my female friends and I would talk about men and relationships. The majority of them had the same feelings; women want more sex, and their men were being coy. Curious now, I started to pose the question to both men and women.  “Do you think women want sex as much or more than men?” Men; “No.” “That hasn’t been my experience.” Women; “Of course.” “Yup.”

The men were reticent, no elaboration was forthcoming, but the women! “He tells me he’s tired.” “He doesn’t like it when I make the first move.” “He gets mad if I try to seduce  him too often.” “He asked me why I like sex so much.” “Why do you think I have two men in my life?”(Seriously, the last two statements are actually true).

So what exactly is happening here? Is the stereotype wrong? Are sexual relationships between women and men changing? Is there something in the water? Now, to be fair, this doesn’t apply to all women and all men; I am (unscientifically) tracking an apparently growing phenomenon here, stay with me.

I started to look for commonalities in the women who were telling me this.  Most were comfortable with their sexuality, confident, and had a certain, ahem, level of experience sexually. And all were in committed, loving relationships (even if there are two men).   Women want sex, but still need the emotional connection; we are still women, after all,  that hasn’t changed.

But could it be that in reality men are threatened by a woman who knows what she wants in bed, isn’t afraid to ask for it from the man she loves, and wants lots of it? Is it a control issue? A fear of poor performance? Perhaps the belief that men want more sex than women was born in the same place as the myth of prince charming, soul mates, and “you complete me” doody. And we all know how dangerous those particular illusions can be in a relationship.

Maybe the stereotypes are  wrong, maybe men want the right to tell their woman they are tired or just not in the mood sometimes without being thought of as “unmanly.” Maybe women do want sex as much or more than men but don’t want to be rejected by the men they love. I really don’t know, but the women of the world are looking for real answers here. So come on, men, help us out, go beyond the stereotype and tell us what’s happening here. Because the truth is, we LOVE our men, we LOVE having sex with our men. And we want more.

Isabel Kane is a freelance writer.

Please leave a comment and join the conversation. What’s your opinion? Tell us about your experience with this subject.  

3 Comments on Women and Sex

  1. I think a great deal of why this is happening is due to the stereotype that men are the ones thinking about sex.

    For newer relationships, the men are afraid to initiate it too often as they feel the girl might feel offended or that he is only going after her for sex.

    For older relationships, either the guy is uncomfortable with the woman being so sexually charged or that some might feel that the women are doing it just to please the guy which is not what they are looking for.

  2. @Isaac…..Thanks for joining the conversation. Good points. We’ve seen this happen in newer relationships. Guys are often unsure about the best way to proceed when sex enters the picture. But it seems your main point is that there is confusion when it comes to sex, and the expectations around sex. Men aren’t sure what women really want, and women aren’t sure what drives men. So what’s the solution? Is there one?

  3. It’s a total myth that women don’t want sex. I think we’re conditioned by thousands of years of the “women who like sex are sluts or whores” attitude. This has left men typically in the role of sexual aggressor.

    The shift of it being OK for women to like and ask for sex is so recent that it’s going to take awhile for our conditioning to catch up.

    So yes, I think men are confused about these new sexual roles and can feel threatened when women initiate sex.

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