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Am I his personal booty call?

Dear Guys,

I apologize in advance for this being long. I’m not usually the relationship type and I typically don’t over analyze interactions or the possibility of a future with someone. I met a guy Friday before last on Tinder…I’m not proud of it, but I was bored and thought why not. I went over to his friends’ house and we all had some drinks and I ended up staying the night and slept with him.

I figured it was just a one night stand so in the morning I was kind of surprised when he asked if I wanted to run out to his house with him to get some stuff for his friend’s kid’s birthday party. We went to his house and a couple of stores and he asked me to help him pick out a gift. We went back to his friend’s place and I said “OK well I’m going to go” and he said “You’re not coming to the party?” I said, “I didn’t know I was invited” and he said “You are now.” So I went and his friends and I hit it off and I helped the mom set up the party and the mom actually asked me to help her light the candles and other things.

Afterwards I said I had errands to run, not that I didn’t want to be around him I just didn’t want to wear out my welcome. He asked if I wanted to go to his house to watch a movie when I was done so I said okay. I stayed the night at his place again and since he had to leave for a business trip the next morning I offered to take him to the airport.I dropped him off and got a call 20 minutes later that his flight was canceled so I offered to give him a ride back home. I offered to take him to his rescheduled flight in the morning and he said that’d be great. He’s been gone almost a week and he texts me when he wakes up and throughout the day and calls me almost every night. So I apologize that’s a lot of shit….I don’t normally get attached so I think that’s my problem right now that I feel like I’m starting to care.

My dilemma is that I slept with him on the first night and since it was supposed to just be a one night stand and I wasn’t supposed to care I played into him saying I’m just his personal whore. He said he knows I’m full of shit but likes it anyways. I know if he didn’t at least enjoy my company and conversation he probably wouldn’t talk to me as much. However he has mentioned a couple of times that I need to find a girl for a threesome and I’m not entirely sure if he’s serious. So that makes me think it’s just a booty call. He asked if I was okay with it and I said honestly I’m not sure because it could potentially complicate things. My rule is don’t have a threesome with someone you care about or could care about. Is this just a booty call to him? I feel like perhaps he’s just being nice so he can ensure he’ll get laid when he gets back into town. I’m so sorry this is super long. We never talk about sex on the phone just about how our days were and politics and news and what not….I’m probably over analyzing and I don’t know if I want something with him I just don’t want to risk getting attached if I mean nothing to him.

Thank you so much for your time and again I apologize that this is so long.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Thanks for your question.

Up until the part where you mentioned the threesome, we were thinking that maybe your initial tryst could actually blossom into something more than casual sex. Now it’s hard to say. But let’s take a look at this from the beginning.

We know you had no intention of falling for this guy when you agreed to meet up with him. But now that you’ve started to, you need to do a complete 180 if you want to see if there’s any potential for something more than casual sex. Clearly he’s fond of you and enjoys hanging out with you beyond the bedroom. However, your instincts are right. Guys are pretty smart when they know they have a chance to get laid. His hormones are raging. He might be very attracted to you, but guys go especially wild when they’re having sex with a new woman. That’s all they can think about. And they’ll do anything to keep it going for as long as they are on that high. Maybe he’s a nice guy, but he’s being extra nice because he knows you’re eating it up, and you’ll keep having sex with him.

You’ve already put yourself at a disadvantage since you slept with him on the first night. But don’t beat yourself up. It happens. What you need to do now is pull back and talk to him about what’s going on. Let him know nicely that you don’t plan on being his personal whore, even if you joked about it. Tell him you’d really like to get to know him more beyond the bedroom. You’ve got nothing to lose really, except an easy hook up. If he freaks out, or says he’s not interested, well, then you’ll at least know where you stand, and you’ll be able to make an informed decision about how you want to proceed.

Our advice: Slow this down. See if there’s any potential for something more. (If that’s even something you want.) Be honest with him. And try to gauge his responses. (Remember, he still might be telling you what you want to hear, in hopes that you’ll continue to have sex with him. You’ll have to figure that part out.) And finally, NO THREESOMES. That is a bad idea. Now, and always. (An odd number always means someone will be hurt.)

We hope this helps. Keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us, or whoever else. (Be on the lookout for our brand new site coming soon!)

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