We’ve been asked over and over:
Are guys predictable?
Do they act a certain way if they’re into a woman, and a certain way if they’re not?
Is there a time when a guy might give off mixed-signals even if he’s way into a woman?
What are the telltale signs that a guy has deep feelings for a woman?
Do mixed-signals mean he’s not that into you?
These are all good questions and they all deserve an answer.
What’s good about being predictable is that it’s honest and absent of game-playing which we tend to loathe on many levels. We believe in the direct approach. For example: Asking a woman to lunch is safe, but it could raise a question in the woman’s mind: Is this a friendly lunch or is this a date? Whereas, asking a woman to dinner is a pretty clear message. It says: I’m interested in you, enough to spend my evening with you. If you say yes, I’m assuming you feel the same, at least enough to give up your precious time to see if we like one another.
Of course, we know that some guys do believe that games are a necessary part of dating. These guys think: If I give away my hand too early I’ll lose her interest. Those would be guys who wait to call, don’t answer their text messages, go MIA for a period of time, and who observe the “safety in numbers” approach. (Having more than one woman helps to get the one woman you want.) This group of guys is often referred to as players, or rather ‘playahs.’ But it’s possible that they’re just smart, and know that feigning disinterest is a way to gain interest. This group of guys could also be called ‘bad boys’ and that’s a topic for another time.
That said, if a guy is shy, possibly lacks confidence, or he’s young, inexperienced, he also might give off mixed-signals without even trying, or without realizing it. He might be so worried about rejection that instead of using the direct approach he uses the safe approach. Lunch dates. Coffee. Daytime Walks. Friendly texts. All good stuff, but all very gray to the woman who is possibly looking for some sort of definitive message that this guy likes her.
So, yes. guys are predictable, only to the extent that, if you know guys, you can predict their behavior. Which basically means, that if you’re not a guy, then no, they are not predictable.
What are the telltale signs of interest? Could be a variety of things, but those things usually come in the form of willingness to do anything to spend time with the woman he has his sights set on. He’ll offer to fix something, drive her to work, let her borrow his car, borrow money, play with her kid, take her out to eat, cut her lawn, bring her soup if she’s sick, listen to her problems, make himself available at all times of the day. However, this doesn’t mean if he’s not doing these things he’s not interested. (See above) Shyness, lack of confidence, inexperience, age could cause a man to give off mixed-signals.
In conclusion: Not just in relationships or dating, but in life, we believe the direct approach is best. It’s fast, conclusive and clean. But if the man in your life is not using this approach, you might have to. We believe knowing is much better than not-knowing even if it can be painful at times.