Are tall women an issue for men?

Dear Guys,

Why don’t tall women get lifted and carried by their men? (Why don’t they get attention?) Sure, I’ve seen tall women get attention and affection from men, but whenever there’s that cute short lady around, no doubt men give them little hugs and squeezes and wrap their arms around them etc. Some say tall women are intimidating. So why should tall women even bother trying to date if men find them to be inferior to short women?—judging by how shorter women get selected more times than tall women by all men. If the tall lady doesn’t make you feel as powerful on the inside or outside what do you men even see in them? And I’m not talking about their big hearts either.


Dear Racquel,

Thanks for your question. (And your concerns!)

This is not about tall women and short women, it’s about personal taste, and about men with confidence and men without confidence. But before we get into that, let’s be honest here. We’ve heard many women say they wouldn’t date a guy who is shorter than them. Maybe that’s not an issue for a petite woman, but for a women who’s taller than let’s say, 5’9″—the average height of a guy—it potentially lowers her odds of meeting a great guy by a huge margin. So from our perspective, this issue works both ways.

You’re right when you assume guys like to be manly, or at least the dominant physical presence in a relationship. Sure, some guys would be very happy to be a taller woman’s play thing, but most guys want to feel like they are in charge—in the bedroom we mean.

There’s not much more to say here. We’re assuming you’re a taller woman, so you need to either find a man taller than yourself, or a smaller guy—whom you’re still attracted to—that is confident enough to be involved with a taller woman. We found a site—we’re not endorsing it, just providing the info to you—that you might check out. ( A dating site for taller folks.

All in all, beauty is subjective. Confidence however, is universally attractive. If you’re a taller women who feels a bit insecure, or uncomfortable about her height, this will definitely come through to everyone you meet. So the solution to this problem—if there is one—starts with you. Accept your height, and others will follow.

Good luck and feel free to ask a follow up question. (Leave a comment in the comments section.)


ps. Please tell your friends about us. Thanks!

Other related posts: 

Can a guy’s taste really change? 

Do looks matter? 

I’m short and I don’t feel beautiful


6 Comments on Are tall women an issue for men?

  1. I am 5’5” and the guy I dated is 5’1”. We met on through online dating site. We made out on the first date and got really carried away. Also on our 1st date he mentioned that he saw one of my responses to the questions generated by the site. I checked the multiple choice answer that stated that I was willing to have sex after at least 5 dates. We had sex on our 2nd date. After that he stopped calling and started texting instead. Stopped taking me out on dates and we were just meeting for sex either at his house or mine once a week. He texted me every week twice a week to try to get together and meet up. I asked if he was having sex with other girls besides me and he said “no” but that he was still going out on dates with other girls. Everything indicated that he wasn’t into me until he invited me to spend Xmas with him and his family. He didn’t invite me for dinner though but for desert with him and his family. Also, he invited me Xsmas day not a day or a week before. I was so happy he invited me and I wanted to go but I was out of town and my flight was going to land too late to make it. I texted him to let him know and thanked him for the invite. The next day he texted me saying that he wanted to see me. I told him that I was too tired to meet because I was recovering from my trip and I needed to catch up on my sleep. He insisted and he came over in the evening. He then asked me what time my flight landed andI told him around 9 pm. He then looked upset and said that he was going to introduce me to his family as a friend. He then mentioned it twice that I was his friend. I was so hurt I didn’t say anything that day but I broke-up with him through text the next day. I wrote that I get it that he just wants to be “FWB” but I couldn’t put up with it because if I liked a guy I would eventually want to have him as a boyfriend… that we were not on the same page but It was fun… have a great life and happy new year! 7 hours later he calls me and tells me that he mentioned so much about being friends because girls are so into relationships. He also said that he thinks I am a great girl, fun, with a great attitude but he didn’t see us going long-term but just friends. I was upset and said that we were not really each others types but I didn’t mean it. I said that we had a lot in common and we could still be friends. Why not? (I also didn’t mean it). I then said that I had to go then he said that he was going to call me a week later which he never did. This happened a month ago and I can’t get over this guy. Everything indicated that he just wanted (FWB) then he invites me for Christmas and gets upset that I didn’t go…. Bottom line is… I still like this guy and I want to know if he just liked me as a fwb status or more. If the answer is more. Any tips to win this guy back considering we haven’t spoken for a month.

  2. @Danielle……..We can see why this is confusing, but you have to listen to his words, and take a look at his actions. Bottom line: He doesn’t see you as long-term potential. Our advice: Move on. This is just going to drain you and be more and more frustrating if you try to win him back, which we don’t see happening. Sometimes there aren’t great explanations for things, they just are.

  3. This blog made me think of my early 20’s, as I was rejected by the women who chased after the Alfa males and showed no more interest in me than glancing at a blade of grass next to the highway traveling at 75 MPH. And this made me think about my own personal experiences with tall women, a slightly different story from this blog, but same result due to being a Beta male.
    One 6’ tall girl, in a gym, talked to me with such a look of disinterested she couldn’t have looked or acted more uninterested if she had wanted to. I approached another, who I estimated being 5 foot 9 or 10 inches. She got angry with me for even asking her out and stuck her finger in my face informing me she didn’t date shorter men. On line, I met a girl 5’11”, and we worked out together once in my apartment complex gym, after that she did not return my two phone calls, there could be others, too, I just don’t remember them all. Now, you may say the rejections were because of my looks, that could be true, but as I approached girls closer to my height, my success rate went way up.
    This blog also made me think about the rejections by tall girls, and it angered me, but not at the time the rejection. Only years later, when I actually tallied them up, did I get angry. I was rejected not because I was fat, bald, ugly, deformed or had a rotten personality. No. The reason I was rejected by all of these women was my height. Not a one even bothered to put forth the effort to get to know me much less date me. (I did date one girl for 3 years when I was in college, who was 5’8”.)
    I did date three women who were significantly taller than me, two at 5’11” and one at 5’10”. (I am 5’8”) And all three happened to be 32 years of age, which is more than a coincidence and a tie in with this blog. No doubt, all three wanted a tall Alfa male, and lost, so a safe stable Beta male was the next best thing in their 30’s, for I certainly didn’t grow any taller and I doubt I got better looking. These women were past their prime and worried. I was in my late 30’s, at this time of my life, after being married for 10 years. It was also at this time, I could easily date younger women, and I did. When I was 38, my first girlfriend was 27, the next was 27 and the next was 24 who became my second wife. I never dated with any intent of marrying a woman my age. Younger women had no issue with me dating them, and I certainly had no issue dating them. I remember going to singles events and seeing very pretty women, who were my age, who I know 15 years earlier wouldn’t have given me the time of day. And even now, may have looked better than myself, but now it was me who had no interest in approaching them. I did not want to take time and money away from pursuing younger women. Why go old, when I could go young?
    I am now married and have 4 sons. I have 3 degrees, and I have co-authored 2 US patents. I could have provided a good life to any girl. I wanted a taller girl because of the physical turn on and to for fill one of my desires, yet not one single tall girl (in her 20’s) gave me a chance. I was turned down consistently and without a second thought. SO, IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN YOUR LATE 20’S OR EARLY 30’S WITH NO PROSPECT OF A HUSBAND OR CHILDREN, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. There were men like me, who wanted a leggy female, but they, like me, were never accorded the opportunity. (This also applies to average height women, too) And the reality is that the vast majority of tall women will not even consider a shorter man until it is too late. You would think it would be obvious that if you included shorter males in your suitor selection, your odds would increase of finding a mate, for there are a lot more short and medium height males than there are taller ones. So my advice would be to accept the advances of all men and get to know them. I, who would have relished the opportunity of having curvy broad hips and a tapered waist to hold all night and to make love to into the early hours of the morning, was never, not once, even given a chance to start a relationship. Thus, throw away the yardstick, for you may find someone like me, who would love to share his life and love with a leggy lady.

    During their 20s, women compete for the most highly desirable men, the Mr Bigs. Many will readily share a bed with the sporty, attractive, confident men, while ordinary men miss out. As Whiskey puts it at ”Joe Average Beta Male is about as desirable to women as a cold bowl of oatmeal.”
    ”I can’t believe how many men my age are only interested in younger women,” wails Gail, a 34-year-old advertising executive as she describes her first search through men’s profiles on the RSVP internet dating site. She is shocked to find many mid-30s men have set up their profiles to refuse mail from women their own age.
    Talking to many women like her, it’s intriguing how many look back on past relationships where they let good men get away because they weren’t ready. American journalist Kate Bolick wrote recently in The Atlantic about breaking off her three-year relationship with a man she described as ”intelligent, good-looking, loyal and kind”. She acknowledged ”there was no good reason to end things”, yet, at the time, she was convinced something was missing in the relationship. That was 11 years ago. She’s is now 39 and facing grim choices.

  4. @Frank….Thanks for sharing your perspective and story. It sounds like you’re doing quite well for yourself. That’s great. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all knew more about life, and what was important, when we were young? But question for you: If 5′ 9″ is the average height for a male in many studies (maybe 5′ 10″), it seems that 5′ 8″ isn’t that short to us. Could the issue have been less about being short, and more about certain women just wanting tall alpha males?

  5. Mr. 1
    If your theory were true, how is it that when I was in my 30’s taller women were interested in me? The 3 women I dated, I did not directly approach. In one case, I was interested in the taller woman’s shorter friend. The friend was not interested in me, so I then talked to the taller one.
    The tall alpha male stuff is to show that while they are in demand by women, there are only so many. To bet my life on dating women who are restricted to being 36DD-24-28, while nice is not the norm. I am not going to waste my life looking at only those women, unlike women who waste their lives chasing after a tall alpha and losing. This is my point. And you certainly have a right to choose who you want to date, but if you chase a fairytale and then end up with nothing, you have no one to blame but your self. Thus, my point to give all men a chance, you cannot measure a man’s character using a yard stick.

  6. @Frank…..We agree that it’s important for both men and women to look beyond a person’s physical attributes and see the person inside. But as you know, that comes with maturity, which often derives from setbacks and loss. Younger men and women don’t often have that perspective.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.

Maximum comment length is 1500 characters.