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Bob the Vegan is back!

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After we get the first twenty review on itunes, we’re having a drawing. The winner gets to pick whatever they want from our merchandise page. We’ll gift wrap it and ship it to you!

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Bob the Vegan

For those of you that haven’t seen this series, we introduced this back in the fall of 2009. We’re going to be posting some of the more memorable skits in this series. Today’s skit is the very first Bob the Vegan we ever wrote!

And we’d like to qualify this post by saying, the ideas expressed in this skit do not necessarily reflect the opinions of THE GUYS. We think people should decide for themselves what lifestyle works and doesn’t work for them. No seriously, we’re not kidding! …..Really, we’re serious!!! Oh, forget it. Let’s get on with it.

Bob the Vegan Episode 1: The backyard BBQ

Bob and girlfriend arrive. Rich and Dave are cooking on Rich’s deck.

Bob: Hey guys what’s up!

Rich and Dave together: Hey Bob.

Bob: I’d like you to meet my new girlfriend, Torrie.

Rich and Dave: Nice to meet you.

Torrie: Nice to meet you too. (Pause) Hey, do you mind if I use your bathroom?

Rich: Sure no problem. Turn left when you get in the house.

Torrie: Thanks. (She goes in the house)

Rich: Wow Bob, she’s smokin!

Dave: Totally!!

Rich: So what does she see in you?

Bob: I have NO idea.

Dave: Are you guys ready for some food! Hamburgs,
Hotdogs, Steak, Chicken. We got it all.

Rich: Sounds great.

Bob: No thanks.

Dave: What do you mean no thanks? You love meat! And we’ve
got everything!

Bob: I know, but no thanks. I’m a vegan now.

Rich: A virgin!? But I thought you said….

Bob: I didn’t say virgin you goob, I said vegan.

Dave: What’s a vegan. I’ve never heard of it.

Bob: It means I no longer eat meat, dairy or anything that comes from an
animal.

Dave: Are you messing with us?

Bob: No, I’m serious.

Rich: That’s crazy. When did you start this?

Bob: (Says quietly) Listen guys, this is killing me. Just
smelling this meat is making my insides explode. But don’t make a big deal
about it. Torrie was insistent that I become a vegan. I’m OK about it. Don’t say ANYTHING! I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

George arrives.

George: Hey guys. What’s up?

All: Hey George.

Dave: George, did you know Bob’s a vegan?

George: (To BOB) So you’ve been lying all these years??!!

Bob: You guys are idiots! Listen George, I want to tell you about my girlfriend.

George(cuts him off): Hold on Bob, I’m starving… Dave, let me
help with the food. Who wants what?

Torrie returns.

Bob: George this is my girlfriend, Torrie.

Torrie: Nice to meet you.

George: Nice to meet you too. Ladies first. What would you like to
eat Torrie?

Torrie: I’ll have a hamburger.

Bob, Rich and Dave: WHAT??!!!

Rich: I thought you and Bob were vegans.

Torrie: I never said I was a Vegan. This is just my way of balancing things out.

Rich: How so?

Torrie: Well since the beginning of time, men have treated women like meat. Calling us “Toots” and “Honey” and grabbing at us like we’re cattle. So I figured it’s time to even the score. If I’m a piece of meat, Bob’s a vegan. Sounds like a fair swap to me.What do you think Bob?

Bob: Sounds fair to me.

Rich and Dave and George: Ouch!

9 Comments on Bob the Vegan is back!

  1. Great post, Guys! I have known a few Vegans, but they never stayed that way for long. Torrie says it best when she talks about the “meat market”! Oh, so right. 🙂

  2. It appears as though Bob is completely whipped and does as he is told. I have zero respect for people like that- male or female. Torrie seems to stereotype all men with her last comment. The first sentence that comes out of her mouth in that comment- “Well since the beginning of time, men have treated women like meat” would really piss me off if I were there, in that scenario.

    She would be completely out of line. It would have been more accurate of her to have said “some men” or “a few men” or something like that.

    In fact, there are quite a few women like her who also suffer or delight from Misandry. Misandry is the hatred of males as a sex, as opposed to misogyny, the hatred of women. I never could understand why either type of hatred or discrimination exists, pointlessly. It’s incredibly unjust and cold.

    As for Vegans, my opinion is that it’s their lifestyle choice. I won’t try to argue with them or berate them for it. It’s just like any other lifestyle choice. With that said, though, if I’m grilling some meat and someone comes up and tries to force me to stop cooking some burgers because they’re offended by the smell, then they’re in for one hell of a rude awakening from me. Because that’s my lifestyle choice… not to mention my dinner. 🙂

    Sorry… I get a little over passionate with some subjects. If you wanna hit me on the head with a spatula, I’ll understand. lol.

    Great post, Guys!

  3. Enter your comments here…

    This is funny. I don’t need to read any deeper meanings into it than it is just funny. Looking forward to reading more.

    We have a classic English sit com called the Royle Family. The son brings his girlfriend home and announces at teatime that she is a vegetarian. Grandma then in a loud whisper asks the mother ‘Barbara, can she have wafer thin ham then, there’s not much meat in that’

  4. I LIKE Torrie! Bob, your a VEGAN now, and NO CHEATING!

  5. Are they going to barbecue Torrie in the next installment? That’s what I would feel like doing if I were Bob’s friend. 😛

  6. So that’s how it all began huh? Bob sounds like a real push over and Torrie is a biatch!! I just hope he got a little tail for being so good to animals. 😉

  7. It works pretty well in my house… I don’t eat food with a face and/or capable of having children and my hubby is a nice piece of meat. All good!

  8. Kudos to Torrie! That was pretty funny!

  9. That shit was funny!

    I happen to like being a piece of meat… Not just ANYONE can act like i do and get away with it… And so ‘fair play’ comes back to bite me in the ass… Or smack it, whichever!!

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