Thanks for responding. If this post goes on the site, just keep it anonymous.
I was in a long-distance relationship. I live in southeastern Michigan and was dating a man who lived in Cleveland (2.5 hours away). I am 21 years old, live at home, and am finishing up my bachelors degree. He is 28, owns his own house, car, and has a steady job. He comes from money, and my family has always been on the poorer side. This was both of our first serious relationship.
Anyway, we met online, and talked as friends for a little over a year before we met in person. After that, I developed a crush, and we started taking it more seriously, and after three months of talking, we started dating. Everything seemed so perfect. He was so sweet and kind to me, and swept me off my feet every chance he could. I met his family after dating for two weeks, and his friends after two months. They all loved me, and told him how much happier he was with me than when he was single. He met my family and friends after two months, and my family felt the same way. They loved him.
I will admit, things got serious all too quickly. We could only see each other on weekends, so we always spent the whole weekend together. It felt as though we’d been together for years when in reality the whole thing lasted six months. We made plans for me to move in with him, and he was fine with that until he told his parents and coworkers, (He has no siblings) and they gave him their opinions. They said that our relationship would change, and get a lot tougher. This caused a lot of doubts in his mind.
On March 10, he called me saying that we needed to take a break. That lasted three days before we reconciled. We were together for about three weeks until he called again and said that we were breaking up. He said that he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship, and that he wanted to see other women. We tried being friends, but on April 17, we resorted to no contact. He had blocked me on all social media, and on his phone. The only way to reach him was to write him a letter (which I didn’t). He did tell me that he was going to see a therapist about his commitment anxiety. It had caused him to miss some days of work and countless hours of sleep.
No contact lasted around three weeks. On May 11, he called me saying that he wanted another shot, and wanted to fix our relationship. He said that he only said he wanted to see other women because he was scared. We even set up a date for later that month. Everything seemed normal again, and we both seemed happy. Until one day, he stopped talking to me cold turkey. The only time he contacted me was to cancel the date we had set up. He said that he felt comfortable talking to me, but wanted to see his therapist again to make sure he was ready to see me.
May 29, after his therapist appointment, I asked him how it went. He said that it was over for good, and that he was interested in someone else, that he finally has closure, and that he didn’t feel the same about me anymore and that he wanted me to move on to someone else. Again, we tried being friends, but couldn’t, so three days later we went no contact again. I was blocked on everything.
I heard through mutual friends that he was talking about our relationship on twitter, saying that long-distance relationships don’t work, relationships where the economic status is different doesn’t work, and that you can’t force yourself to be with someone if you know it isn’t right. To me, this sounds like he’s still trying to convince himself that he’s made the right decision. I don’t believe him when he said he had interest in someone else, because he’s lied before, and there is zero evidence of it. And recently, he’s unblocked me. Not contacted, but opened up lines of communication.
I know that the economic situations bugged him. He didn’t want me to be completely dependent on him when I moved there, just in case we broke up. But I feel that for the most part, his fear of commitment and the opinions of others were the biggest factors in his decision.
I plan on moving to Cleveland for grad school, so my question is, do you think that he would want to get back into a relationship with me, or is he just done for good? Just looking for a male perspective on what he’s feeling or thinking.
Thank you!! (sorry for the novel, complicated situation).
It’s hard to say whether he’s done for good. Your guy seems easily influenced, either by friends, family, therapist, whomever. This is a major red-flag in our minds. It’s possible he’s still open to a relationship with you, and that he’ll contact you again once you’re in Cleveland, but whether or not anything will come of it, that’s a whole different question. In fact, it’s more than likely that if you do get back together with him, he’ll eventually start questioning the relationship, and then he’ll break up again. We don’t see him changing anytime soon.
Honestly, this comes down to you. Do you really want to deal with a man who can’t make up his mind about you? And a man who can’t reconcile the fact that he comes from money and you don’t. Sure, economic status can impact a relationship, but so can a thousand things. The fact that he sees your contrasting economic status as an insurmountable hurdle is perplexing to say the least. You may think he’s worth it now, but we can guarantee that if he keeps waffling, you’ll grow resentful. You deserve someone who loves and respects you the way you love and respect them. Not some guy who can’t make his own decisions. It almost sounds like he’s the 21 year old and you’re the 28 year old.
We don’t doubt that he has some great qualities, but the bottom line is, it should be easier than this. Yes, relationships are hard work, but they shouldn’t be early on. That beginning stage should be blissful, light, easy, fun. Not that those elements are lost as time goes by, but just, the reality of fusing two people’s lives together can sometimes be more challenging than initially thought. (Although totally worth it.)
So what do you think?
We think you need to take more control here and make up your own mind about this, and stop wondering whether or not he’ll come back. The real question should be: Do you want him back if he does ask you for another chance?
Of course, this is all speculation. All of this will be moot if he’s already moved on, but hopefully we’ve clarified a few things for you
Let us know if you have any follow-up questions.
ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!