Dog Therapy

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From: One of The Guys

This is a true story from a friend of mine.

He and his wife are in couple’s counseling. Not to repair any major damage, but to keep the communication open and help them understand each other better. He calls it a proactive approach, similar to exercising and eating right instead of going to the doctor for high blood pressure and adult onset diabetes.

So they walk into the office, and the therapist has a dog in the room.

Therapist: Don’t worry he’ll just lie here. If he causes any problem I’ll remove him.

My friend and his wife: That’s fine.

So the session goes on and the dog is actually a problem. He starts chewing on an empty plastic coke bottle causing a huge ruckus. Then the dog starts whining for a while. But the final straw is when the dog starts humping the therapist’s leg. Finally he removes him.

Therapist: I’m really sorry about that. Now my reputation is going to be ruined.

My Friend and Wife: Oh it’s fine. No worries. He wasn’t that bad.

I’m laughing as he’s recounting the story to me. He said the dog was sweet, but also kind of annoying too. Then it dawned on me.

Me: That was all a ruse.

Him: What do you mean?

Me: That dog wasn’t misbehaving.

Him: What are you talking about?

Me: The dog was the therapist.

Him: What? Have you lost it.

Me: NO, seriously. The dog was the therapist.

Him: Now I’m totally confused.

Me: Isn’t it obvious?

Him: You’ve lost me.

Me: Listen. First of all, the dog plays with the coke bottle while you’re talking. What does it mean? It could mean two things. He’s telling you to stop using your wife’s stuff or maybe just listen better. Next. The dog doesn’t stop whining. Well, remember how much you bitched last week because you had to go grocery shopping a few times. Maybe you should just be more agreeable. Finally. The dog starts humping the guy’s leg. He’s telling you to slow down. You need to warm up your wife before you try to get some action. You know, a little wine, some good conversation, maybe a back rub or a foot massage.

Him: It was a dog you moron.

Me: I’m just stating the obvious.

Him: Remind me not to share any more stories with you.

Me: I’m just saying, I don’t know a lot of women that enjoy being humped in the leg.

Him: I’m outta here.

What do you think your pet is trying to tell you?

What do you wish your pet would tell your spouse or partner?

Is there something you’d like to change about your partner but have a hard time telling him or her?

34 Comments on Dog Therapy

  1. Ahhhh! You guys are driving me even crazier than I was before. First you move while I’m away and then this latest post makes my head explode. What do I wish that my cat would say to my wife? I wish my cat would tell my wife to leave the toilet seat up. I’m tired of trying not to piss on it when I wake up in the middle of the night. It’s very stressful and shit.

    I wish my partner (in other words, wifey) would stop making sexual advances toward me when I blog and comment. I can’t concentrate properly. This is, after all, serious business.

    Btw, I like the new look. Kudos to the Guys.

  2. You know this could be BIG business, like reality shows and the works.

    The Dog Therapist

    My dog has to be fed on time. She likes routine and consistency. I guess she would be telling me to put my man on a schedule and give him a cookie at bedtime. Which would work quite nice since our schedules are so whack right now. The cookie would help his blood sugar (if it’s low) since he is diabetic. Hey, this could be an amazing improvement!
    Thanks dog (and guys).

  3. Oh YES, the dog was DEFINITELY the therapist!!! Wonder what it would have mean if the pup would’ve pissed on one of them?????

    Any ideas????

    I still can’t SUBSCRIBE to your goddamn Podcast.

  4. @Ashley…..No ideas on that one. Podcast subscription AND blog subscription should be ironed out today. Been crazy!

    @Angelia……We were thinking that. We’re definitely on to something. All guys need a cookie before bed.

    @Kelly……Advances while blogging? If only!!! Good for you. Can’t help w/ the toilet seat. Got the same problem over here. Thanks.

  5. Yay! Congrats on the new layout!! I love it! It looks really nice.

    I don’t have a pet…yet. But I totally see your point! That was an awesome twist! The dog WAS the therapist! *stares in amazement* This feeling of being misunderstood happens to me quite often, my friends usually stare at me when I tell something that is farfetched for them…but is it really farfetched? Sometimes the answers are hidden in things we take for granted.

    Take care!

  6. You’re turning into me! (How scary is THAT??) I totally thought that when I read through it before I got to the part where you said it. LOL.

    @Kelly…um….I think your wife is trying to tell you to get off the damn computer. When you choose the internet over sex it’s time to enroll in a 12-step program, dude.

    I don’t have a pet right now either. (Sorry, I’m with your wife and kids on this one.) I do, however, have an idea on the toilet seat issue. Just ask your wives (you and Kelly) if she’d rather clean up urine all over the seat or fall into cold water in the morning. Just to be fair, though I think you should put the seat up and then sit down in the cold water to show your solidarity if only once. 😀

    I am SO getting a hamster.

  7. I love the new layout. And not to mention that this post is enlightening. Perhaps the things that we would like to change about our partners are the things we need to change about ourselves first. And what we have wanted our pets to tell our spouses are exactly what we would have wanted them to tell us. 🙂

  8. @TJ……..You are one insightful young lady!! I have more superlatives for you too. 🙂

    @Elisa……..Yes, we are on the same page on this. A hamster may be the way to go, but I wonder what Hamster Therapy would look like. Didn’t I read about that in the tabloids sometime ago?

    @BK………..That is a good point. I think most of us wish we could change a lot about ourselves first. Maybe the message is to be more accepting in general.

  9. Err. I’m hoping we weren’t hearing the same thing about the hamster. Keep it away from open orifices. ((0.0))

    And toilets.

    Come to think of it…my last hamster kept running away. What was that telling my spouse?? “Run! Run while you still can! Don’t let her take you alive!” ?? The hell??

  10. @Elisa…….Ah, that’s it. Run, little hamster, run!

  11. Aww thank you ^_^. Oh I need to google ‘superlatives’ hehe. Have a lovely day and I shall send an email soon (In case another Guy reads this…this is for ‘One of the Guys’)

    @ Elisa: That is one scary hamster :|…

  12. i like the dog therapist, what’s his number? does he accept aetna?

  13. Dog therapist, maybe. Cat therapist, not so sure. You must have heard the saying that dogs have owners and cats have staff. Kelly’s cat probably wants the seat up for its own reasons.

    I really like the new look; the colours are awesome.

  14. Hi! It’s me! I have some dog stories, too. but I am at the library because no one has a computer I can use. In the meantime, here is a cat story: Mum has two cats. They pee in the house. I try to spend as much time outside as I can.

    I talked to my dog on the phone a couple of days ago. She didn’t have much to say because she is annoyed that she got left behind. I called again, but she wouldn’t answer the phone.

  15. I believe this story, because my therapist is a squirrel. Every day she tells me to relax and enjoy life.

  16. Fabulous new look to your blog and I love the Podcast. Putting a voice to the names is cool too. 🙂

    As far as dog therapy goes, our new puppy is smart and she is trying to train us as much as we are trying to train her. the solution is simple: accommodations, Just like in a relationship. we reward her good behavior with treats. In our marriage we do the same. You can figure out the rest….

  17. @TJ…………..Yes, superlatives are good!

    @Patty Punker………..He’d probably just be happy with a little extra chow.

    @Chris J…….Thanks. And you are so right. Cats are a whole different conversation.

    @Judie……….You’re too funny!

    @Nothing Profound…….I get the enjoy life part. I’m not so sure squirrels no how to relax.

    @Ask Cherlock………You’re a smart lady. What guy, or DOG, doesn’t love a treat. And what woman!?

  18. I would call it more on the edge of insanity, rather than funny. I am having to do things that I have dreaded for several years. Surprisingly, they have been much easier than I thought. I am taking each day one hour at a time.

    As for Precious, she is living off the fat of the land with Keil taking care of her. Things will change when we get home, though.

    I keep hoping Mum’s cats will fail to come home. She can’t even remember their names. Yesterday morning I opened the kitchen slider to sit on the patio until my eyes stopped stinging, and there at the door was the headless body of a chipmunk. Then I decided to go out the other door to the carport, and on the concrete lay the entrails of another small animal. I made Rod clean up the remains of both, but then in the early afternoon I took Mum out to sit on the patio and found the front half of a skink.

    Jesus wept.

  19. Ever see a squirrel leap from one tree to another, or sprint along a telephone wire. No doubts or worries there. They’re relaxed.

  20. @Judie……..I guess you do what you can do. Just your presence is huge. Good luck.

    @nothingprofound………No doubt they have no doubts. They never fall.

  21. Well…at least one of you knows I’m daft and imagine what my dogs my say to me and to each other all the time. Of course, they both have their own personalities.

    Ginger doesn’t say much except for, “Throw it” as she brings me every single toy she can find.

    Sophie is a little princess. She talks about her day and reminds me to tell her she’s pretty and to please rub her belly.

  22. @Lovy….we love the contrast. It’s nice to have a little diversity!

  23. LOL…I enjoyed that little scenario…then I began to think on a more serious note….

    It is funny or maybe not…when we have to use animals to clarify the needs and wrong doings of the human.

    That word ‘change’ is actually a pretty challenging word when talking about relationships. People only change when they want to and put a lot of consistent work into it. You can possibly force a change on another out of fear or repetitious training as we all have witnessed with animals and their owners.

    Bottom line…if it works…why not use it~

    Luv the new sexy look and I have you on my subscribe favorites~

  24. Sugar Snow // May 14, 2010 at 8:14 am //

    Enter your comments here… Depressing to think about either of my dogs as a therapist. The Pug is the stupidest dog on earth and doesn’t know her name. Yet. But she’s only 8. The Aussie mix is the smartest dog on earth but also the most jealous. Any show of attention to any other animal in the house gets you 40 pounds of Freckles on your lap. I think if my therapist did that, I would be enormously uncomfortable. On so many levels.

    The site looks great. Congrats!

  25. Thanks for the encouragement. I am visiting today at my sister-in-laws house. She has a very nice dog who is extremely polite. After I scratched him behind the ears, he thanked me profusely. Precious could learn something from Molly.

  26. @D……..This was meant as fun, but you’re right. People only change if they want to change. Although a bit of training can help. Thanks!

    @Sugar Snow……Seems like there’s much to learn there. Interesting combination.

    @Judie……..Thank yous seem to be going by the wayside. My wife and I are diligent about getting our kids to say thank you for even very small things. I’m amazed at how many times snacks are passed out at games and not one kid says a word. I’m always the coach/parent who says to the team, “What do you say to Mr/Mrs. So and So?” I’m just shocked that more parents aren’t on top of this. Maybe everyone is just too overwhelmed. (And don’t think for one second I’m on top of everything. Hardly!) This is just one of my pet peeves. Speaking of pets.

  27. Like your new look here. Our newest pup doesn’t bark much or say anything at all and it would be so nice if he could teach Bill to do the same :). My ears get tired sometimes.

  28. @Jude…….Funny. And thanks.

  29. Love the new website & blog GUYS!… That is one crazy therapy dog thing going on! I’m not sure what to say to it all except that you are RIGHT ON!

  30. YAY! Your site is working again and FABULOUS!

  31. @Meleah……thanks. Cross your fingers. Go daddy, our host, is having some major security issues. That’s been the problem.

  32. okay, fingers crossed for you!

  33. Wow, it’s hard to keep up with all the changes here, but everything is looking great! I think that dogs are really so perceptive. If my Golden doesn’t like someone is does make me wonder what his doggy senses are picking up that I haven’t noticed yet.

    I’ve heard so many people complain that their therapists just sit and listen, so who could possibly be better than a dog therapist, they’re better listeners than anyone.

    I think that my dogs and my husband have already conferred, because they seem to have the same attitude about me which is something like “We can overlook the occasional grumpiness and that constant need to keep us in line because we know that she loves us and cares for us–plus she feeds us really, really well.”

  34. @Meleah………..thanks.

    @Tina……….Thanks. You’re right, we need to listen to our animals more. And they are damn good listeners aren’t they. It sounds like your husband and dogs are pretty smart. And they know what’s good for them. YOU!

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