Hard to trust my boyfriend

Dear Guys,

Backstory: My boyfriend of almost three years and I have trust issues. He was a major flirt in the beginning of our relationship—he used social media to flirt with exes even. After confronting him, he said he’d make an effort to stop. I was angry that he did it at all and will admit I did some ridiculous things subconsciously to get even, which backfired. He found texts in my phone of me flirting with guys, and a conversation with a friend in which he came over to my place. After explaining it was all innocent we moved on.

Currently: I found unopened box of condoms at his place. We don’t use any. He told me a really bad and dumb excuse. Weeks later he admitted he got them after a fight, preparing to be single in case we broke up. I didn’t speak to him for a week because I was upset. He then texts me telling me his friends planned a trip to Miami for a joint birthday and that he’s going too. He thought he was doing the right thing being honest, but I got pissed because Miami is the last place he should be going without me when I just found condoms. I haven’t spoken to him and noticed he started following new girls on instagram.

Looks like the girls were in Miami, too. What is going through his head?!


Dear Ajira,

As you know, trust is the cornerstone of relationships. Without it, most relationships either go up in flames or quietly smolder until the flame goes out. Either way, the end is inevitable.

Finding condoms is the least of your issues. The fact that he was so quick to buy them tells us that he has one foot firmly planted out the door, just waiting for the shoe to drop. The condoms you found are just his reaction to a relationship that he is not completely invested in, and maybe never was, based on what you’ve told us.

What about you? Are you completely invested in your relationship? Do you still love your boyfriend? What is your relationship built on? Do you feel it’s worth saving?

We advise you to do a thorough assessment of your relationship and decide if it’s worth fighting for. If you decide yes, then need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend and ask him if he still wants the relationship. If the answer is yes, then the two of you need to recommit and come up with a mutual plan to try harder to understand one another. This may involve the help of a professional—possibly a couple’s counselor—to help you work through some of the trust issues and begin to build a new foundation.

We truly hope you can work this out, but you both need to want it, then choose it, every day.

All the best,


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