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He doesn’t want to label relationship

Dear Guys,

So I met this guy on Tinder (ugh, I know right) about two months ago. We had a few really great dates. He texted me non-stop, always picked me up and paid and seemed like a really genuine guy! But when I said I kinda wanted to be exclusive a few weeks in, he agreed, but said he “didn’t like labels”…

I went away for the summer and we texted regularly but less and I said let’s not be exclusive. (Because it’s not like we can see each other at the moment anyway). Now I feel like maybe he’s lost interest. He said he missed me a few times and always replies to my messages but I feel like I’m always initiating the conversation.

I’m moving back so I could be seeing him in person in a month or so. Should I just ignore him until he messages me first? Am I crazy being insecure about it? Why isn’t he texting me as much as before and am I texting too much? I want a serious relationship but what did he mean when he said he didn’t like labels? Is it time to cut my losses before I get too emotionally invested?

Lily

Dear Lily,

He agreed to be exclusive but his qualifier was, “I don’t like labels.” You can guess what the means as well as us. He’s saying, “Sure, I’ll be exclusive, but it’s not really the way I roll. I like to be free and easy and just see how things go.” Translation: “This exclusivity isn’t really going to work for me, but for now, it’s cool.”

What’s really puzzling us, is your statement to him: “Let’s not be exclusive.” Were you worried that he didn’t want a serious relationship so you decided to make it easy for him? Did you want to seem like the laid-back girl? Women sometimes think that being “chill” is the way to go. (We’re not saying you were doing this, but it’s still good information to have.) They think, “If I’m just the “cool chick” he’ll see how great I am and come around. The thing is, if the guy doesn’t already think it from the get go, it’s unlikely he’s going to change his mind. Which brings us to your current situation.

It’s not the best sign that communication is waning, and that you are the only one initiating texts. That said, it does seem premature to cut things off until you get back. We know it’s hard and you’re feeling nervous about it, but why don’t you pull back on texting him for now and see if he steps it up. When you get back, and actually see him, you’ll get a better sense of what to do. Who knows, maybe he’ll realize how much he missed you and decide he really wants to be exclusive. However, if he starts the ‘cool surfer talk’ about not liking labels and such, and if he doesn’t put forth effort to communicate with you or take you out, then at that time you can reevaluate.

What do you think? Any follow-up questions? Leave us your thoughts/questions in the comments section below. You must be Logged In to do so.

Take care,

THE GUYS

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Read more Relationship Advice and Dating Advice: Long Distance Relationships

2 Comments on He doesn’t want to label relationship

  1. Thanks for answering my question guys, it’s like you read my mind! I’ll let you know how it all turns out!

  2. @Lily…..Glad we could help. Definitely keep us posted. Take care.

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