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He keeps pushing me away; should I even bother?

Hi Guys!

I met a great guy through an online game a few months ago who lives just a few hours away. We began as close friends, “gossiping” and confiding in each other as sort of a side-kick duo, but I began to grow feelings for him and eventually told him how I felt. He was shocked, but was rather accepting and began to reciprocate quite a bit, saying such cute things, complimenting me and so on.

As we continued to speak more, he told me that it was impossible for him to have any sort of relationship at the time because he was still torn about his girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend while he was abroad four years ago. His ex was also his first, and he believed she was ‘the one.’ He told me he felt something for me as well, but the reason he wasn’t capable of being in a relationship was because he couldn’t truly return my feelings. For that reason, not only did he not want me to grow any more fond him, but he himself didn’t want to develop further feelings for me. He said he received a text from his ex a few weeks ago and that a part of him indeed still loved her and ‘might’ go back if the opportunity arose. I told him that he deserved far better than someone like that, and that accepting her would make him look like a fool.

I told him that I was willing to help heal the hole his ex had made in his heart, but he was still headstrong about having my feelings suppressed for the sake that I am not hurt. He then began a process of pulling me closer to him through sweet words and gestures, and then as if someone flipped a switch, he pushed me away again, almost to the point of trying to get me to hate him. I have genuine feelings for him as we’ve shared a lot about our lives and troubles with each other. I was willing to stay at his side and show him what true love and loyalty is like, though he refuses to accept me and take that chance.

Should I wait until he’s ready to forget her? Or should I just forget about him?

Thanks,

Karen

Dear Karen,

Thanks for question.

We agree with you. This guy deserves much better than his ex. But, if he’s willing to give her a second chance, even after she cheated on him with his best friend, he’s definitely still in love with her, or at least thinks he is.

And therein lies the predicament. Should you stick around long enough for him to figure out that his relationship with his ex is going nowhere? Or should you cut bait and move on now?

We really can’t answer that for you, but here’s something for you to consider. He’s obviously blinded by the feelings he has for his ex, but if he really saw you as someone with long-term potential, he probably wouldn’t be pushing you away to the extent he is. Maybe he’d still be honest with you about his feelings for his ex, but he’d be giving you more mixed-signals than he is. (Sweet gestures is one thing, but if he was really into you, it’s likely he’d be making the moves on you, all the while telling you he wasn’t sure.)  You say he’s been sweet to you, but has he tried to kiss you? Or tried to be physical with you in any way?

Bottom Line: It’s unlikely that the reunion with his ex will turn into something long term. That said, will you be the woman he falls for when that relationship doesn’t work out? We’re not so sure based on how he’s treating you. To us, it seems he was happy to have you as a friend, even someone to flirt with. That is, until he realized you were really into him, and then he realized he had gone to far, and needed to push you away to create some distance between the two of you.

We’re sorry, but we’re just trying to be honest. We’d like to hear your thoughts. Leave us a comment below or ask a follow-up question.

Take Care,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks. @TGPBuzz  (Read our e-reports about the seven most frequently asked questions.)

 

 

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