He said he didn’t want children; now he wants kids

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Dear Guys,

I have a rather odd dilemma that I can’t seem to find any insight on. Everything I read is all about the guy changing his mind and not wanting children. My situation is the opposite. The entire time my husband and I dated we were on the same boat of not wanting children and our mutual dislike of children in general. We’ve been married now for almost four years and he’s now making strange comments about having a baby. For example when he sees me taking my birth control he’ll say, “You don’t need that.” I tried talking to him about it and can’t really seem to get a definite answer.

My question is why would a man deadset on not having children, and not even liking children, now all of a sudden be contemplating having a child? I’m very confused and worry what will happen if I don’t give him a child. Basically will he leave me to find a woman who will give him a child? We are in our early 30’s.


Dear Monica,

It’s pretty simple really, and quite positive, at least from our perspective.

The fact that he wants a child now, is all about wanting a child with YOU specifically, not all of a sudden liking children. He loves you and respects you and those feelings have opened him up. Now he sees that raising a family with you would be quite meaningful and probably really fun.

This is not as unusual as you might think. Lots of people who don’t like kids, have their own and love them very much. There’s a big difference. In fact, we’d go so far as to say that most people really just love their own kids. (We know that might not be the popular opinion but from our experience that’s quite accurate, even if no-one admits it.)

Will he leave you if you still don’t want to have kids?

That’s hard to say. Our guess is probably not, but that’s not a guarantee. Here’s what we suggest: Think about what we said. And then if you realize that maybe you’re somewhat open to it, or at least open to discussing, then broach the subject again. Casually. Something like, “You know I was thinking about some of your comments about kids. Can we talk about it? I’m not sure about where I stand anymore. Are you saying you’re open to it? I might be.” (Obviously in your own words. And we’re sure you can come up with something better, but that’s the general tone we’d suggest.)

Finally, there are plenty of couples who are happy without having children. But, there’s also something quite special and fun about having a family. We encourage you to at least have the conversation. And if nothing else, that will help you get back on the same page with your husband.

We hope this helps a little. Let us know if you have any foll0w-up questions. Leave below in the comments.

Take care,


ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks!


For more Relationship Advice involving kids/parenting read HERE.

3 Comments on He said he didn’t want children; now he wants kids

  1. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question, your response was very helpful, I have talked to my husband further and you were right, it’s not that he all of a sudden wants a child, it’s how he feels about me and our relationship that has opened the door to the idea of having children. He understood my fear of losing him if I remained against having children while he decided he wanted them, he has reassured me that would never be the case, because he wouldn’t just want a child, he would want our child. It’s a lot to think about but we still have a few years left to make the final decision. I do agree with the things you said about loving your own kids, I have no doubt there, on either mine or my husband’s part. Thanks again for your help.

  2. @Monica….We’re glad we were able to help. And it’s good that you had a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband. PLEASE keep us posted on what you decide. All the best to you and your husband. ps. We hope you’ll spread the word about us. Thanks! FYI: We also answer questions privately via email.

  3. @Monica – I realize this comment is a little late but there is an awesome Reddit thread called r/childfree that has discussions of couples that choose to be child free and their interactions with people who do and do not agree with their choices. It’s a very interesting subreddit and I highly recommend. Best of luck!

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