He wants more than friends with benefits

Read More: Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on Friends with Benefits

Read: e-reports on Friends with Benefits for some useful information

Dear Guys,

Okay, so a good friend recommended this site to me so I’m resorting to you guys.

My problem is, I have this really, really awesome “Friends with Benefits”  going. We’ve been in this arrangement for a little over than three months now and the sex has been going great between us; it’s fun and sizzling and most definitely something we look forward to at least two or three times a week. But the relationship is confusing. I’m pretty sure he’s starting to develop some feelings for me. I don’t want to go there. How do I tell him this without him hurting him? Or can I tell him I don’t want anything more than the sex, without him leaving me and cutting off the FWB relationship? Because, really, it doesn’t matter if you think it’s selfish, I really love the sex with him. He’s really awesome and all that but I don’t wanna be exclusive to him; I’m just not ready for a relationship. But I want him around. Help me, please? :(

Sadie

Dear Sadie,

Thanks for your question. Well this is an interesting twist on Friends with Benefits. Typically it’s the woman who decides she wants something more, and wonders if it’s possible. Question: Is it something about this guy specifically, or is it that you just want to date around? How old are you?

This is actually a pretty easy question to answer. Your FWB might want a relationship with you, but if you tell him you’re not interested in more than sex it’s very unlikely he’ll cut you off. And if  you’re having sex as often as you say, he probably doesn’t have another FWB going. (Although it’s possible, but unlikely) Which means, you’re his pipeline to a good time. He’d be the rare guy who would stand his ground and decide to remove himself, just because you don’t want anything more serious.

We never make any guarantees, but this is as close to one as we can make. Our suggestion: Don’t say anything unless he brings it up. If he does, stroke his ego, tell him how great the sex is, and then tell him you’re not ready for a committed relationship. He might be hurt a little, but his biggest concern will be if you’re having sex with someone else as well. That’s the only glitch to this plan. He will definitely not want you having sex with anyone else. Guys are pretty flexible with the emotional piece, but they like exclusivity when it comes to sex. (For the woman, not them. Yes, a double standard) So you’re on your own with how you handle that. We always recommend the truth.

Good luck and be safe out there,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Share on Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz.

 

 

21 Comments on He wants more than friends with benefits

  1. Hi guys, thank you so much for posting my question. It sure is something about him, and yes I want to date around, although I haven’t had much luck about that yet. I’m 24. So far, he hasn’t brought it up yet, nor any ‘i love you’s were mentioned, thankfully, but i can feel it from him you know, even without him saying it.. I have to say that he’s the only one I’ve been having sex with for two whole months up to now after the first month we became FWB. So I’m pretty much suspecting that he thinks I wanna be exclusive because of that but really it’s just the sex and it’s really hard to find someone as good as him.. Is this wrong, I mean do you think maybe in some way I’m unintentionally leading him on by spending all the sexy time with just him?

  2. @Sadie…..Well, if it’s true what you’re saying, then you’re not the typical young woman. Like we said, it’s usually the woman who develops feelings in this type of situation not the guy. If he’s not going to take the risk and express his feelings and ask you where you stand, then you’re not leading him on. Leading him on would look like this: He told you he loved you and you said you weren’t sure, and that you’d just like to just see how you felt as things progressed, even though you knew deep down that he wasn’t a long-term prospect. (Or that you weren’t interested in anything serious with anyone.) Do you see the difference? So for now, you’re All Good. But when the topic does come up please be honest. That’s always the best policy. (And be careful out there if you decide to be intimate with anyone else. That’s our paternal side talking.) Take care. And thanks for sharing our site with all of your friends.

  3. Haha no, guess I’m not the typical young woman.. Okay. Thank you so much for your advice guys. :) I’ll recommend this site to my other friends too.

  4.  I met this guy at a halloween party, we ended up having a great connection and as I learned more about him I started thinking he is everything I want in a man.. Smart, sweet, talented musician, good looking, wordly (actually born in another country and lived in others),ect. He ended up coming to my house and hanging out the next night and we talked for hours.. the tv didnt come on… When ended up hanging out a couple more times before he went back to school as he was working on finishing up his third degree. When he left i realized  I was already infautated and prayed that if he wasnt “real” then god wouldnt let him contact me again. Well i got a text.. He said a lot of sweet passionate things and I immediately felt like I was in the middle of a Romance Novel.. I was on cloud nine.. We continued texting but at the end of the week he texted me and said that he coulnt persue a long distance relationship because after the last one he promised himself he wouldnt have another.. So as I plummited off of cloud nine I wondered what his angle was because he never asked for sex or made any moves at all.. Then a week went by and I wanted to get something back from him so I facebook messaged him and he texted me back an appologized for ending things like he did and then we started talking again.. I ended up going to see him a week later and things were going great .. he bought me a present and told me that he had to get it because when he saw it he thought of me.. the weekend got cut short because he had to take care of something urgent in his hometown.. he explained the situation.. I kind of had a break down because leaving like i had to triggered something from a preevious relationship… I was amazed at how caring and sweet he was with the situation and he ended up expressing his feelings towards me.. everything seemed to be going fine and then he was supposed to come see me!
      .. he e
    nded up making some excuses of why he couldnt see me and then that weekend he ended things via text again saying that we needed to slow things down and just be friends…  The next week I needed something for a portfolio for work because i had made him a flyer for his band and he had the updated copy.. I got an immediate call back and from that call we started talking again.  This time around he was calling me more than once a day and wanted to come in and the week for my birthday weekend.. My friends and I were actuallu planning on going up to his college town to watch the football game and so we got to hang out that weekend, I stayed with him on friday night and then I rode with him back to my home on sunday.. everything was fine sunday night.. Monday night he kind of had a meltdown and we talked it out and then tuesday was my birthday and he went to dinner with my family and I..so he met the parents… made polite conversation .. he bought me an expensive present .. which was a big deal because being a college student he was low on funds.. The rest of the week went well I was having a hard time reading him because some days he would ask for space and some times he wondered why i wasnt jumping his bones when I got home from work.. so I was confused… Then on saturday we were having a birthday/ ugly christmas sweater party.. we were all drinking and having a great time…at one point he said that he was going to walk his friend out kissed me on the head and said I’ll be right back… he ended up leaving my party without telling me and didnt come back until 4pm  the next day… he said it was because he was blackout drunk and I could kind of see that becuase he was still al little drunk when he came to get his things the next day.. We had a long break up conversation the next week and everything over… I was of course devestated I had never been so excited intereseted and felt so strongly about a person in my life.  Last weekend I saw him for the first time since we ended things. He was in town playing!
      music a
    t a local bar.  we ended up talking and then he kissed me .. The next day I found myself wanting him really bad.. I actually persued him … we ended up hooking up .. we were clear on our intentions about not getting back together.. it was however nice to talk to him about life and I always love just being around him. …. Do you think he ever really liked ?  Do you think there is a chance that we could legitamately be friends after everything?.. Im really hung up on him
    Thanks
    ~Cristen

  5. @Cristen…….It sounds like he is/was into you, but not at the same level that you are/were into him. And honestly, we’re not sure if you were ever in a relationship, more like a few quick stops and starts. Our advice: Move on. A friendship isn’t what you want, and becoming friends with him isn’t going to make him want to enter a relationship with you, it’s just going to make you frustrated and confused. The only way the two of you will be together is if he decides on his own that you’re the girl for him.

  6. Thanks for the advice.. yeah we werent in a relationship technically … but I couldnt figure out how to phrase it . so I used the word loosely as to explain the relationship we had not that we were in a relationship.. if that makes any sense…. I would never plan on persuing him .. I just have to figure out how to be as interested in other guys as i was and still am in him. its tough
    Thanks again

  7. So, I’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years with the guy I’m (sort of) seeing now. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. Right before we broke up, another man came out of no where into my life (who I’ve know for a couple years now but recently just got closer to). He agged me on to breaking up with who I was with, wanted to spend time with me, sent me cute text messages, and really seemed just all about me. Once my ex and I finally broke up and and this guy started talking more. And we ended up having sex. Once that happened, he still texted me the next day and continued to keep in contact with me. But he stopped with all the “cute” messages. And eventually just stopped talking to me. (For about 4 days). I’ve had a few talks with him about these changes I’ve noticed. And he said I was over thinking it. He is quite confusing. One day he seems all about me. Says he wants to be with me and can’t wait until I’m his, and then the next day ill get nothing from him like that at all. Atleast via phone. We only have out a few times a week and it’s normally at night…I can’t tell if he’s feeling me out and seeing if I’m date worthy or if he’s just trying to get in my pants and play the “game”. But every time were around each other, he always cuddles with me, holds my hand, is considerate, we get intimate, he’s also introduced me to his co workers, and friends, and I’ve met his father. Just all around great in person. He hasn’t taken me out yet, but keeps saying he’s going to. Last night we were texting back and forth and he just blatantly asked me if we could be friends with benefits. I sort of agreed. But I didn’t really respond to the question. I ended up seeing him and we had sex. But we met up and a party and the whole time we were there he was around me, holding my hand, hugging me, kissing me. The whole 9 yards. I just don’t get it. Why would you do that in public if you want to be friends with benefits?? And why after saying everything he said about wanting to be with me and telling me how perfect we are f!
    or each
    other would he want to be friends with benefits?? I am so confused my stomach is in complete knots over all the worrying I’ve been doing. (Which is a common occurrence for me since I’m a worry wart and worry about anything and everything.) did I scare him off? Am I not good enough? What’s going on. It’s really starting to piss me off haha. Please help me.

  8. @Tay…..You didn’t do anything wrong. Seriously. So stop your worrying. The only thing you did was misinterpret what he wanted. He wants sex from you, plain and simple. Otherwise he wouldn’t have suggested a FWB arrangement; instead he would be taking you out and talking about the future etc. All this cuddling and hand holding is just a way to get in your pants. Sorry. We hate to be the ones to say it. Our suggestion: Move on. He’s not the guy for you. You deserve much better than this. And don’t do the FWB! Please. It’s a very bad idea. He’s playing you.

  9. My partner and I broke up two months ago over trust issues, now we are friends w benefits. We were so in love before. How can he not love ne, we planned our whole future ans baby etc

  10. @Shaz…..It’s hard to say. But having a FWB arrangement with him isn’t going to get him back. Stop having sex with him and see if he’ll talk about your relationship and consider starting over.

  11. I am going to try to explain this the best I can. I was in a relationship with a guy for about three years. When I met a new friend. Even my boyfriend could tell I had an instant crush on this guy. At first I introduced my new friend to one of my girlfriends and they went out on a date. I got jelous and started texting my new friend in a flirting way until we started sexting. I told my friend and she was hurt but she understood I really liked my new friend. Well I took it a step farther and gave my new Friend head while I was with my boyfriend. The next week I broke up with my boyfriend. Then I started seeing my friend every day for atleast an hour or more a day. Sometimes I would bring my friend that went on a date with him sometimes I would be alone. Every time I was alone me and my friend would have oral sex. This went on for about a month and my new guy friend sent me a text one morning saying that if I wanted sometime my girlfriend could help me give him head. This hurt me right down to the core because it made me jealous and I really care about my new guy friend. We have really bonded. He even bought me pink glasses to match his. I didn’t text him all day and that night I got a text saying he was only joking and he only wanted me to have his cock. So things went back to normal even though he knew I was hurt. About another month of every day visits. Texts all the time. He started inviting me to his band practices. Finally he told me he trusted me and I told him the same thing. About three weeks later we had intercourse for the first time. And that’s where I sit now. I can’t get it out of my mind. The only thing is… we have never kissed. When we hang out he sits in a chair 3 feet away from me. He has not been in a relationship for 8 years. He is constantly giving me random nicknames. He chooses when we do or don’t play around. He drives me crazy. He is on my mind all the time. The day after we had sex for the first time, we hung out like normal, I tried to get something started and he said no! he said it was sunday and he took a day of no sex. He seriously drives me crazy. I don’t wanna make the wrong move with him, or try to pressure him into anything.
    I guess my question is. How do u think he feels. I mean we have bonded so much I know he thinks as me as one of his best friends. And he winks and flirts all the time. But that we have never kissed thing really is bothering me. I have sucha big crush on him I am afraid of making the wrong move. Please help me. What do I do to get to the next step? Do I want that step? Why am I afraid? How does he feel?

  12. @Sahara……We almost hate to tell you our opinion, but it’s important you hear a guy’s perspective. We know what he’s getting from this but we’re not sure what you’re getting. Think about it. You’re giving him oral sex almost every time you see him. Is he reciprocating? Doubtful. We imagine things were kind of the same during intercourse. And the fact that he doesn’t kiss you tells us that he doesn’t see you as girlfriend material. Basically, you’re in a FWB arrangement. It couldn’t be any more perfect for him. He gets sex with minimal effort and whenever he wants it. He doesn’t have to do anything himself, and he knows he can see you whenever he feels like it. He also has a friend he can talk to if he needs that. You’re servicing all his needs. And all you’re getting is, confused and hurt. Our advice: Move on from this situation ASAP. This is going nowhere. We’re really sorry to be the ones to tell you this. Take care.

  13. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 years ago. He broke up with me because he said I had changed but couldn’t understand why. The reasoning behind why I changed was because I found out he had texted his ex-girlfriend for a month some inappropriate things you don’t say to a person you aren’t dating. Nothing physical ever happen, between them and it was over for a while by the time I found out. I choose to keep what I knew to myself the last 3 months of our relationship because we were going to Europe with his family and I thought I could just forget about it because their was no contact between them. By the end of our relationship I couldn’t stomach him, everytime I saw him on his cell phone I thought he was talking to her, and their was no trust on my end anymore. I became bitter and mean towards him and he couldn’t understand why. So the night he broke up with me, he cried and expressed that I had changed but he couldn’t understand why. I was stupid cause that night I just told him we would take a 2 week break and we would sit down and talk to resolve all of the issues. 2 weeks later he expressed through texting that he just wanted to be friends, I was angry because I wanted to sit down and talk about everything before we’d make any decisions. about a week and a half later his sister-in-law’s mother passed away from lung cancer, being I was very close to his family especially his nephews and niece, I attended the wake and funeral which was the first we had seen each other since our break up. He stood by me and we walked side by side, he even gave me the rose he had and took my carnation because he knew I loved roses. He thanked me for attending and appreciated the flowers I sent, and I was hurt by his want for just friendship so I just said I didn’t do any of it for him but for his nephews and sister-in-law and his brother. And then I finally asked him to get coffee with me so we could talk, so two days after we went out to talk. It was awkward at first but once I started talking about everything I knew and why I changed, I saw his 5’10 stature fell to 2 inches. I had never seen him break down other then the night we broke up, but this night he really cried. He apologized over and over saying he never meant to hurt me, that she meant nothing, that he knew how great he had it, and he finally admitted that he messed up. We left that night with the air cleared but still uncertain where our relationship would go. A week later I spoke to his sister and she had said he told her, he really messed up this time. For the next month we spoke not so often but by Christmas we agreed to try a Friend’s With Benefits relationship, but we were like friends who hung out and talked on a very regular basis and happen to have a physical relationship. This lasted us close to Valentines Days when I wrote out all my feelings for him, I basically at the end told him its either we get back together or we go our separate ways in life and cut off all contact. And he said “I’m not saying we won’t ever get back together but right now I’m just not ready”. We went our separate ways for about 4 weeks, when I suffered a tragedy and he reached out to me. We started talking once again on a regular basis and within 2 weeks started hanging out also and even spent Easter morning together. Now his friends and I didn’t end on good terms, but he still asked me when it was 4 weeks into us talking again to attend his best friends grandfathers wake with him. That night his friends completely alienated him because I was there. It hurt me to see that since I believed that his friends didn’t need to like me but they needed to respect him. About a week after that night he expressed that we were just friends, once again he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We once again went our separate ways because I didn’t believe we could be friends, this lasted about 2.5 weeks until he broke his ankle at a soccer game. We started talking again and I was once again there for him, things lasted 2 weeks cause I just couldn’t be around him. This silence lasted us 3 weeks until he saw photos on Facebook of me out on my uncles boat and he broke the silence and of course I gave in. We talked for a week and I really told him at this point how I felt. I told him to forget about me, I was tired of his games, to lose my number to forget about us, I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He expressed that he was sorry, that he didn’t want to end things this way but if this is what I wanted he couldn’t stop me. So our silence last about 18 days, when he commented on a Facebook post I had. And this time I told myself if I was going to start talking to him that I had to give this friendship a shot, and stop forcing the whole relationship thing. So we started talking very regularly again and seeing each other about twice a week. We became physical again, and when hurricane sandy happen he came by a couple of times and we were there for each other. And even though I was trying to see other people, he was always in my heart. He’s my best friend, we’re always there for each other through everything. But in November a couple of weeks after Hurricane Sandy, he lied to me about where he was. When I caught him in his lie I asked why he lied because that was one of the conditions for us being friends to always be honest with each other, he said he didn’t want to disappoint me because instead of doing homework he was at his friends house. He confided in me about many things, and since he was never one to express his feelings I felt we had really grown since our break up. He gave me a Fossil watch as a gift for Christmas being I had helped him with some stuff for school. But I always felt in the back of my mind that he didn’t appreciate me always being there for him, that he knew no matter what he could do whatever he wanted and would know I’d be there always. For the next couple of months I went on dates but nothing matched my feelings for him, I talked to him about my dates and he laughed and always said why rush anything. So in mid-April I finally decided to just cut him off completely with no explanation and no contact. During the two weeks we didn’t speak, I received 16 text messages from him and facebook comments, likes on photos, and posts (something he hadn’t done since we were together). He begged to know what was wrong, why I wasn’t speaking to him. Two weeks later I finally contacted him, I never really told him why I was ignoring, just that I was busy. We walked right back into our normal routine, seeing each other twice a week and talking almost everyday. In June I was honored for my community service during Hurricane Sandy, he attended my award ceremony and had asked his parents, sister, and his niece and nephews to attend. Unfortunately he was the only one to attend because the night before his older brother was in an accident. At the end of the ceremony he was upset that he didn’t get to see my parents and sister to say hello because we left so abruptly, but that next time he definitely wouldn’t miss the opportunity. That week I offered to babysit his niece and nephew while his parents and sister could visit and be with his brother in the hospital. His parents always liked me and even offered for me to stay for dinner but I politely declined being I thought it would awkward for the four of us to have dinner, something we hadn’t done in almost 2 years. My ex had said he would’ve been fine with me staying over for dinner. After that day his nephews asked his sister-in-law if I was their aunt, and when their uncle and I would get married. She always just said that no matter what I’d always be a part of their family and life. During the next few weeks I’ve felt like he was putting me on the back burner, that I was his last option, because he knows I’ll always be there when he needed. We then at one point had a very funny conversation about why he still cares or worries about me. Friends don’t sit around concerned about how much sleep you get, or not stressing yourself out over work, or going to the doctors. And I said I ultimately cared and worried about him always whether we were friends or not. When we didn’t speak I thought and worried about him, and then he asked if I thought he didn’t do the same for me. I answered by saying that I didn’t like to assume he did, he replied by saying that he of course did especially when we didn’t speak that’s when he cared and worried most. During this summer we see each other every Tuesday night and have and will be attending country concerts together. We have a great time, and when we’re home we are affectionate and hold hands and always kiss good night. But I know for the last few weeks he has been preoccupied with issues with his house, his brothers recovery, and being with his friends (who now I’m slowing starting to get a long with since I see them Tuesday nights and at concerts). And I think I’m becoming a little too needy and I want to cut that cycle off, I have also in the last few days been going through a lot of problems with friends and family and I took out my anger on him because I was upset he was going to hang out with his friends instead of me. And I’ll admit I have gotten jealous of him doing that and he’s known when I’ve been upset about it. I vented to him what I have been going through and he gave me advice but I still felt so stupid for treating him so poorly because that’s what I did to him when we broke up. This upcoming week his cousins from Massachusetts will be visiting and we will all be attending a concert together with his friends. I sometimes feel like he does take me for granted because he knows I’ll always be there. And currently neither one of us is seeing anyone and just having fun. I don’t want to lose him and he doesn’t want to lose me but we are getting older he’ll be 31 and I’ll be 25, and we never thought 2 years that we would still be in the place. We had expected this to go on for a couple of months and that’s all. Both of our family adore us together, they love seeing us together with his niece and nephews and we both make each other happy 90% of the time. I feel like we already have the relationship minus the title and commitment. So what should I do to get him on the road to think commitment. We’ve been through everything life has thrown at us, and I like to think we’ve come out on the other side. We’ve grown as individuals. So i’d like to hear what you all have to say about our situation and what I should do.

  14. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 years ago we had been together 2 years, and had discussed eventually getting married and having a family one day. He broke up with me because he said I had changed but couldn’t understand why. He still loved and cared about me very much but couldn’t understand why wasn’t able to lately make me happy. The reasoning behind why I changed was because I found out he had texted his ex-girlfriend for a month some inappropriate things you don’t say to a person you aren’t dating. Nothing physical ever happen, between them and it was over for a while by the time I found out. I choose to keep what I knew to myself the last 3 months of our relationship because we were going to Europe with his family and I thought I could just forget about it because their was no contact between them. By the end of our relationship I couldn’t stomach him, everytime I saw him on his cell phone I thought he was talking to her, and their was no trust on my end anymore. I became bitter and mean towards him and he couldn’t understand why. So the night he broke up with me, he cried and expressed that I had changed but he couldn’t understand why, he asked if we could stay friends because he didn’t want to lose me. I was stupid cause that night I just told him we would take a 2 week break and we would sit down and talk to resolve all of the issues. 2 weeks later he expressed through texting that he just wanted to be friends, I was angry because I wanted to sit down and talk about everything before we’d make any decisions. about a week and a half later his sister-in-law’s mother passed away from lung cancer, being I was very close to his family especially his nephews and niece, I attended the wake and funeral which was the first we had seen each other since our break up. He stood by me and we walked side by side, he even gave me the rose he had and took my carnation because he knew I loved roses. He thanked me for attending and appreciated the flowers I sent, and I was hurt by his want for just friendship so I just said I didn’t do any of it for him but for his nephews and sister-in-law and his brother. And then I finally asked him to get coffee with me so we could talk, so two days after we went out to talk. It was awkward at first but once I started talking about everything I knew and why I changed, I saw his 5’10 stature fell to 2 inches. I had never seen him break down other then the night we broke up, but this night he really cried. He apologized over and over saying he never meant to hurt me, that she meant nothing, that he knew how great he had it, and he finally admitted that he messed up. We left that night with the air cleared but still uncertain where our relationship would go. A week later I spoke to his sister and she had said he told her, he really messed up this time. For the next month we spoke not so often but by Christmas we agreed to try a Friend’s With Benefits relationship, but we were like friends who hung out and talked on a very regular basis and happen to have a physical relationship. This lasted us close to Valentines Days when I wrote out all my feelings for him, I basically at the end told him its either we get back together or we go our separate ways in life and cut off all contact. And he said “I’m not saying we won’t ever get back together but right now I’m just not ready”. We went our separate ways for about 4 weeks, when I suffered a tragedy and he reached out to me. We started talking once again on a regular basis and within 2 weeks started hanging out also and even spent Easter morning together. Now his friends and I didn’t end on good terms, but he still asked me when it was 4 weeks into us talking again to attend his best friends grandfathers wake with him. That night his friends completely alienated him because I was there. It hurt me to see that since I believed that his friends didn’t need to like me but they needed to respect him. About a week after that night he expressed that we were just friends, once again he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We once again went our separate ways because I didn’t believe we could be friends, this lasted about 2.5 weeks until he broke his ankle at a soccer game. We started talking again and I was once again there for him, things lasted 2 weeks cause I just couldn’t be around him. This silence lasted us 3 weeks until he saw photos on Facebook of me out on my uncles boat and he broke the silence and of course I gave in. We talked for a week and I really told him at this point how I felt. I told him to forget about me, I was tired of his games, to lose my number to forget about us, I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He expressed that he was sorry, that he didn’t want to end things this way but if this is what I wanted he couldn’t stop me. So our silence last about 18 days, when he commented on a Facebook post I had. And this time I told myself if I was going to start talking to him that I had to give this friendship a shot, and stop forcing the whole relationship thing. So we started talking very regularly again and seeing each other about twice a week. We became physical again, and when hurricane sandy happen he came by a couple of times and we were there for each other. And even though I was trying to see other people, he was always in my heart. He’s my best friend, we’re always there for each other through everything. But in November a couple of weeks after Hurricane Sandy, he lied to me about where he was. When I caught him in his lie I asked why he lied because that was one of the conditions for us being friends to always be honest with each other, he said he didn’t want to disappoint me because instead of doing homework he was at his friends house. He confided in me about many things, and since he was never one to express his feelings I felt we had really grown since our break up. He gave me a Fossil watch as a gift for Christmas being I had helped him with some stuff for school. But I always felt in the back of my mind that he didn’t appreciate me always being there for him, that he knew no matter what he could do whatever he wanted and would know I’d be there always. For the next couple of months I went on dates but nothing matched my feelings for him, I talked to him about my dates and he laughed and always said why rush anything. So in mid-April I finally decided to just cut him off completely with no explanation and no contact. During the two weeks we didn’t speak, I received 16 text messages from him and facebook comments, likes on photos, and posts (something he hadn’t done since we were together). He begged to know what was wrong, why I wasn’t speaking to him. Two weeks later I finally contacted him, I never really told him why I was ignoring, just that I was busy. We walked right back into our normal routine, seeing each other twice a week and talking almost everyday. In June I was honored for my community service during Hurricane Sandy, he attended my award ceremony and had asked his parents, sister, and his niece and nephews to attend. Unfortunately he was the only one to attend because the night before his older brother was in an accident. At the end of the ceremony he was upset that he didn’t get to see my parents and sister to say hello because we left so abruptly, but that next time he definitely wouldn’t miss the opportunity. That week I offered to babysit his niece and nephew while his parents and sister could visit and be with his brother in the hospital. His parents always liked me and even offered for me to stay for dinner but I politely declined being I thought it would awkward for the four of us to have dinner, something we hadn’t done in almost 2 years. My ex had said he would’ve been fine with me staying over for dinner. After that day his nephews asked his sister-in-law if I was their aunt, and when their uncle and I would get married. She always just said that no matter what I’d always be a part of their family and life. During the next few weeks I’ve felt like he was putting me on the back burner, that I was his last option, because he knows I’ll always be there when he needed. We then at one point had a very funny conversation about why he still cares or worries about me. Friends don’t sit around concerned about how much sleep you get, or not stressing yourself out over work, or going to the doctors. And I said I ultimately cared and worried about him always whether we were friends or not. When we didn’t speak I thought and worried about him, and then he asked if I thought he didn’t do the same for me. I answered by saying that I didn’t like to assume he did, he replied by saying that he of course did especially when we didn’t speak that’s when he cared and worried most. During this summer we see each other every Tuesday night and have and will be attending country concerts together. We have a great time, and when we’re home we are affectionate and hold hands and always kiss good night. But I know for the last few weeks he has been preoccupied with issues with his house, his brothers recovery, and being with his friends (who now I’m slowing starting to get a long with since I see them Tuesday nights and at concerts). And I think I’m becoming a little too needy and I want to cut that cycle off, I have also in the last few days been going through a lot of problems with friends and family and I took out my anger on him because I was upset he was going to hang out with his friends instead of me. And I’ll admit I have gotten jealous of him doing that and he’s known when I’ve been upset about it. I vented to him what I have been going through and he gave me advice but I still felt so stupid for treating him so poorly because that’s what I did to him when we broke up. This upcoming week his cousins from Massachusetts will be visiting and we will all be attending a concert together with his friends. I sometimes feel like he does take me for granted because he knows I’ll always be there. And currently neither one of us is seeing anyone and just having fun. I don’t want to lose him and he doesn’t want to lose me but we are getting older he’ll be 31 and I’ll be 25, and we never thought 2 years that we would still be in the place. We had expected this to go on for a couple of months and that’s all. Both of our family adore us together, they love seeing us together with his niece and nephews and we both make each other happy 90% of the time. I feel like we already have the relationship minus the title and commitment. So what should I do to get him on the road to think commitment. We’ve been through everything life has thrown at us, and I like to think we’ve come out on the other side. We’ve grown as individuals. So i’d like to hear what you all have to say about our situation and what I should do.

  15. @Jaimie…..We responded on the post: Is my boyfriend still into me.

  16. @Jaimie…..We responded on the post. Is my boyfriend still into me.

  17. need some advice // September 9, 2013 at 7:44 pm //

    Hi guys!
    A little help here.. I’m basically tying to figure out how to approach my current friends with benefits situation. Might be a bit long but I’ll try my best to summarize.

    Almost one year ago I met a guy at a bar and we started hooking up about once or twice a week. It was very business-like, I’d text and he’d come over and stay for a few hours and leave.

    Then I would say about four or five months ago our connection changed. We started doing a bit of collaborative work together, opening up to each other and hanging out outside of the bedroom with each other’s friends and working out together. We see each other every other day at LEAST. I’ve been to both his best friends birthday parties, met his dad a few times, gone to his house, and he even wanted me to meet some of his family when they were here for his sister’s wedding. I got the sense he almost wanted THEM to tell him “Yeah she’s cool date this chick!” From my end, he’s met my best friends and just came to my hometown with me for the weekend and we stayed at my cousin’s house… Our friendship has gotten very deep. He’s a complete gentleman and always has been even when we were not close like this.

    I can pretty much guarantee the feeling is mutual (unless you disagree – if so please let me know!). He says things to me like “You make me so happy” and will always tell me how beautiful I am and does this thing where he just looks at me and smiles til I say “what” then he’ll say “God I just love… “ and then say some word that could easily be “you”. He’ll reach out and hold my hand even when his friends are around…. and he calls me “his girl” Because we spent the night at my family’s house I was uncomfortable having sex there and he was all “It’s ok.. we never get to just sleep together.”

    Because I am very sexually comfortable with him (and into this stuff) we’ve even had a threesome and are going together to a private “couples only” sex club and pretending to be a couple for the event. I am down with multiple partners because for me, the emotional connection is the most important part. He knows this and we’ve recently decided we’re going to just attempt to live out all our crazy sexual fantasies together. When we go out to bars I let him chat up girls and it really doesn’t bother me because he never takes it further than just joking around with them obnoxiously, and we always leave together.

    The dilemma I think lies here. He is VERY goal oriented and I know that he has not only high monetary goals for his business but high goals for living life to the fullest. I almost think it would be an inner struggle for him to get into a committed relationship knowing he hasn’t had the chance to explore the single life from the point of view of someone with a lot of money, living in a huge city…

    I’ve fallen for him hard because of how his actions have changed for me. I used to not think twice about it because it was never an option and he was just some random guy I banged. Now he’s even said how he trusts me, never wants to lose me in his life. I haven’t had sex with anyone since this connection really developed and I’ve no desire to do so. Since we’ve been having sex we never talk about sex with other people out of respect for each other so I’m not sure if he has since this change happened– I feel he would if the situation presented itself but it would be a one time event as he really doesn’t have the TIME to do that.

    What I’m trying to ask is that given from what you can gather about his personality how can I get him to bring up the fact that we should make this more of a committed relationship!? We can still have threesomes, he can still do his stupid bar shit because it doesn’t bother me (I always win in the end mwuahah) and realistically I don’t need any more time commitment from him… I love that he works so hard. But I don’t want to seem needy or lose my status as “the cool chick” in his mind. Any good ideas how to steer the conversation in that direction? I feel like we are both at a standstill of fear: we both like each other, don’t want to seem uncool and needy because we usually joke about people like that, and we’re both afraid of ruining this awesome thing we have and being rejected. HELP! We will be going to this club on exactly one year of us meeting….. I doubt he knows that but maybe that night would be a good night to say something.

    Thanks for reading!
    ~Carole~

  18. Any help to my question below, guys? Last night he came over and we had this extensive goodbye .. Lots of hugging and kissing… Also he said how nice it was just to wake up beside me the other weekend and how we should go away together….. I’m scared now because I dunno what I would do if I lost him.. We’ve become so close which I never intended.

  19. Guys, did I do this right? Not sure if I am meant to be asking my question in the comment box. Would really appreciate your advice :) cheers!

  20. Is He Falling For Me?
    Im in a FWB thing with a really good friend of mine. Its supposed to be JUST sex. But the last couple times we hooked up I’ve noticed his behavior changing. Last night I really noticed! After sex, when we were just laying there, he would want me to lay with my head on his chest, I didnt want to be rude so I did. He kept running his hand up and down my back. And when we were spooning, he would kiss my neck all the way down my shoulder. This is all AFTER sex so he wasn’t trying to turn me on. But the thing that really freaked me out, we fell asleep holding hands… fingers intertwined. I love the sex, its amazing. We go for 2 hours at a time, we are into the same stuff, he just really gets me going. But I only signed up for sex, not feelings! I have no idea what to do. Is he getting feelings for me?

  21. Hey Guys, I’ve about to go through a break up, but one of my friends has always wanted to hook up, even before this relationship I’ve been in. We hooked up once before, and it was actually great… I like the whole idea of FWB, but we’re really not that close outside of this whole hook up thing – I don’t want to turn into a booty call. Also, I’m a virgin and he wants to have sex with me… He’s been wanting to hook up with me, even when I was in a relationship. Should I say yes and really go into the whole FWB thing?

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