My question is, why does my fiancé get so squirrelly if I ask him a question about his exes? I only know about his most recent girlfriend and whenever I ask him any questions he says, “The past is the past and I want to focus on the future.” I get that and I do too, but the fact that he doesn’t answer some of my questions, even when they are straightforward and general, makes me feel likes he’s hiding something and that I should be worried?? I would answer any question he had for me.
What do you all think? Is it normal for a guy to not want to answer questions about his past?
Thanks for your question. It’s one that probably a lot of women wonder about.
But our question to you is: Why do you want to know details? Is there something driving this? A worry? An insecurity? A trust issue? Something must be driving your desire to inquire. Fill us in.
The reason he’s being evasive is because he doesn’t want you to feel threatened by the information he shares; and he doesn’t want it to impact your relationship because he loves you and has chosen you instead of her. But clearly he can sense your insecurity about this other woman/relationship. We agree with his statement: The past is the past. What happened then shouldn’t have anything to do with your relationship now. We’re assuming he loves you and wants to focus on that moving forward. (What is it that you could be so curious/worried about?)
The other thing you need to understand is that even though men are curious about their girlfriend’s past experiences—they might even reluctantly ask questions—they still don’t really want to know the details, especially when it comes to sex. So he’s putting himself in your place and thinking, “The last thing she wants to know is how I had mind-blowing sex with my ex.” (Sorry, that probably didn’t help, but you understand our point.) That’s the last thing he would want to know about. That kind of information is too much for the male ego to handle. What he doesn’t realize is that when you ask—when all women ask—you actually really want to know the answer. Guys also don’t understand that women are “threatened” more by the emotional connection rather than the physical one.
He’s also worried about opening up this whole can of worms. If he starts divulging information to you, then he might feel compelled to ask you about your past, and frankly he doesn’t even want to think about it. He doesn’t want to even imagine you having sex with another man. That’s enough to bum him out for years. Seriously.
So if you need to continue with this because you don’t trust him then proceed cautiously. Otherwise let it rest. You’re not doing your relationship any favors by continuing with this line of questioning.
Your thoughts? Leave us a comment below and feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like.
ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. Facebook. Twitter. @TGPBuzz And support a fellow reader. Take the time to VOTE on our Ask the Audience page.