How do I get guys to be more platonic? (Sex Advice)

Dear Guys,

Generally, males put me on a pedestal and try to seduce me; but those very same males can be relaxed and platonic with another girl. (eg: a tomboy type/ a ‘big sister’ type) I am 16 and I prefer fun and romance-free connections with guy acquaintances. What turns your platonic side on? Help would be appreciated x

Friend Girl

Dear Friend Girl,

Thanks for your question. Considering your age, we’re glad your prefer fun and romance-free connections with guy friends. We’re not saying you’re too young to be in a romantic relationship, but we balk a bit when you say guys are trying to seduce you all of the time. We’re just wondering how you’re constantly in the type of situation where guys feel like they can try to hook up with you? Could you clarify?

Now to the basic question for women of any age.

Guys are visual creatures. If you’re an attractive woman guys will want to have sex with you. There’s no way around that really. And that’s not a bad thing as long as you’re not fending off unwanted advances all of the time. Why? Because guys  actually “behave” better when they’re with a woman they’re very attracted to. They always want to ensure they will continue having sex with her. So actually you really do want a guy who wants to seduce you; it just can’t be the only thing he wants. He’s got to want you for all of your great qualities. (Although some would say that sex is all a guy wants, and the rest is just posturing to have more sex.)

But that’s not really your concern. You want to know how to get them to stop. Here are some suggestions. (And understand that we’re not trying to reverse things on you. But there are things you can do to slow this down a bit. You may already be doing some of these things.)

1. Tone down your dress. Wear less revealing clothes. Baggier clothes. Not as much makeup.

2. Try to avoid parties where there’s a lot of alcohol and drugs. (Guys tend to feel more confident and less inhibited with a little help from a foreign substance.)

3. Be very clear you’re not interested. Don’t flirt. Hang out with your cool friends.

4. Tell guys you have a boyfriend. (Maybe he’s in the military or something. Or it’s a long distance romance if they ask who it is.)

Women often feel annoyed by having to put measures in place to avoid unwanted advances. They feel they should be able to do what they want, dress how they want, act how they want, and guys should just leave them alone. We’re sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. The sexier you appear, the more guys will notice, and want to have sex with you. It’s just reality. Of course women don’t complain when the “right guy” approaches them, but of course,  just like anything, it takes time to sort through the frogs before you get to the prince.

In conclusion: Guys always feel more comfortable with a girl/woman they aren’t that physically attracted to. Once you remove sex from the equation it’s easy. No matter what you do, if you’re an attractive woman, guys will want to have sex with you. Be happy that you have that quality even though it’s annoying right now. As you gain experience, you’ll realize that being attractive is actually a huge asset for anyone. (There are many examples of this in life. The attractive person gets the job, etc. ) As you begin to understand this, you’ll get more comfortable wielding that power.

We hope this helps. Any questions? Feel free to ask as many follow up questions as you’d like.

Take care,


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Another post to check out: “Do Looks Matter” 


2 Comments on How do I get guys to be more platonic? (Sex Advice)

  1. Britney // May 31, 2013 at 12:21 am //

    Hey Guys!

    Okay, so I’m asking the opposite of Friend Girl. . .

    So I’ve been friends with this guy for almost two years now, and we have always been flirty with each other. We hooked up one night after a party about five months ago, but it was more random and casual than anything. A month later I started dating one of his friends (which didn’t last more than a month), but the whole time he kept making fun of me for dating him and kept telling me I shouldn’t be with him. Right after I broke up with his friend, him and I started becoming even closer friends, and we would talk every day for hours usually texting or on facebook chatting, and sometimes he’d skype or call me on the phone and want to talk for an hour plus.

    For the past month we’ve been talking non stop. When we hang out in groups or at parties he rarely leaves my side. When I left town for two weeks he kept texting me saying “come back!” He calls me to talk for awhile at night a lot after texting me all day. I have a lot of other guy friends I’m pretty close with and they are not calling and texting me for hours every day just to chat which is why this seems unusual.

    My friends keep telling me I’m an idiot for being unsure whether or not he likes me, but I still don’t know if he think we are best friends or if he wants something more. The main reasons I’m thrown off are he sometimes talks about other girls to me (usually explaining about his most recent failed relationship/fling and how he can’t seem to find the right girl) and also the fact that he hasn’t really made a move or made it clear that he’s into me, and considering we are 22 and not in middle school anymore you would think if he was into me he’d just say so. I do not want to make the first move or be like hey we should probably be dating because I’m afraid of him being like “um wtf are you talking about, we’re friends” and him possibly being freaked out. I really would hate to ruin what we have by jumping to conclusions; we have a lot of fun together and have a great friendship.

    Am I totally crazy to think he’s into me? Please help!



  2. @Britney…….Actually, we agree with you. It is confusing what he’s thinking. Because you’re right, you’re not in middle school anymore. Here’s our gut reaction: He’s attracted to you, enjoyed hooking up with you, but doesn’t see you as someone he wants to have a long-term relationship with. Factor in that he genuinely likes you as a person, and that’s why he’s not making the moves on you. He doesn’t want to just date you casually because he would know that he wasn’t serious and wouldn’t want to do that to you. Of course, understand that we could be totally wrong. But that’s our guess here. Why don’t you give this a little more time and see how it goes. But let him make the moves NOT YOU. Good luck.

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