How do I play hard to get?

woman texting on mobile phone

Dear Guys,

How do you play hard to get in situations such as texting, in person, and on social media?


Dear Emma,

So, why exactly do you want to play hard to get? You have to be careful when you take this approach because it can backfire. Sometimes you can push a guy away, or scare them away if you make things too difficult for them.

That said, we do believe men should make the first move and ask a woman out. And yes, sometimes guys need a bit of a challenge to be interested. That said, if you encounter a guy that needs that big of a challenge it probably means he’s not that interested.

In our experience, when it works, it works. A guy is interested. A woman is interested. He asks her out and it goes from there without a lot of game playing. So we’re not necessarily recommending this approach. But since you asked, here goes.

Playing hard to get is pretty much the same no matter what the context is. Maybe the way you communicate is different but the basic behavior is not. Basically, what you’re trying to do is keep the guy interested by making him think you’re in demand. There are different ways of going about this. Note: We’re not necessarily recommending this approach, but since you asked.

  1. Be mysterious. Different. Unique. Make him wonder what you’re up to by hinting at something but not actually saying it. Example: He says, “What are you doing this summer?” You say, “I’m going to (Insert Place) to visit a friend.” And leave it at that. He wonders. Who is this friend? Man? Woman? Boyfriend? Potential boyfriend?
  2. Be Aloof. Maybe you’re interested, maybe you’re not?
  3. Be Busy. He asks you out but you already have plans. Don’t say, “I have plans on the weekend but I’m free next week.” Instead say, “Sorry. I have plans this weekend.”
  4. Hot and cold. This approach is a combination of some of the first three. It keeps him off balance. Sometimes you seem very interested sometimes you seem aloof.

Final Note: It’s okay to make the guy have to work a little. This shows that he’s interested. But be careful not to take it too far. It’s a delicate balance, because guys have delicate egos. 🙂

Any questions? Thoughts? (Leave in the comments’ section below this post.)

Good luck,


ps. We hope you’ll share our site with your friends. Thanks. (Check our our e-reports on the seven most frequently asked questions.)

7 Comments on How do I play hard to get?

  1. I’d like to add….
    Remember …if a guy REALLY likes you….and he thinks there’s even a SMALL chance …a bread crumb of hope that he can have you….he will pursue you… don’t be scared to take “the guys perspective” advice. It works.
    I say this bc I know if you are crazy over someone …you choose to play hard to get ….but at the same time fearful that he will run away…it’s counter intuitive. Do it anyway. Like they said ..”keep it balanced.” It works!

  2. @”Anne”……Nice to hear from you. 🙂 Thanks for your input. It’s nice to get many different perspectives. Or everyone saying the same things……And thanks for the kind words. How’s it going?

  3. I’d like to know if I should change times to workout,change gyms altogether or just go and be myself. I’m scared my ex fwb will think I’m chasing him when he ended it through my being jealous. I let him walk and let him go!

  4. @Cora…..It all depends on how you feel. If you’re too uncomfortable, then maybe you need to change. We wouldn’t worry about what he thinks. You’re not with him anymore. Note: In general, we’re not fans of FWB for this very reason. (Check out our e-report on the topic, as well as on the seven most frequently asked questions.) ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends.

  5. I have a question myself. I am dating this guy and he thinks I’m all cute and shy. I want to show him that I’m not buy sitting on his lap and kissing him. I am a bit afraid tho he is automatically gonna think I want to have sex, which I don’t right away. So would sitting on his lap and kissing him be cruel in any way or would he just be enjoying the kissing?

  6. @Denise……Just because you sit on his lap doesn’t mean he should expect sex. That said, you will probably get him worked up and he’ll certainly do his best to try. (Depending on when/where it happens.) However, you should NEVER feel pressured to do anything you’re not comfortable with…… BUT before you decide to go this route, why do you care if he thinks you’re shy? That’s not necessarily a bad thing. You can play hard to get by letting him believe that. If he’s truly interested it might make him want you even more, and do everything he can to prove to you that you can trust him. This might also serve to weed him out if it turns out that the plan backfires. Then you’ll know he was only ever interested in sex, not you as a person. Any other questions/thoughts? ps We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks!

  7. @All the Women out THere…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

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