Husband is Messaging Women on Instagram

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Dear Guys,

So, I am not really into social media so I am not sure how common this is or not. Found out husband is DM women he knows, doesn’t know, found, just started following, etc on Instagram. And these messages arent good job on your workout or nice vacation spot these messages are more like, “Hey beautiful, hope your having a blessed day”. Or “looking sexy little mama, keep it up”. My thing is he doesn’t behave like this at all when I am around but apparently by the hundreds of DMs, I found to all kinds of women this is a habit. Is this a married man trying to creep or encouragement, as he claims?


Dear Elizabeth,

Here’s a very unscientific rule to follow, and something we use in our own lives. If something doesn’t feel right, or seem right, it probably isn’t right. Now of course, this does not work 100% of the time; there are those exceptions where you might misjudge someone based on their looks, or assume something of someone that isn’t true. But for the most part, if your gut has a knot in it, it probably means something is amiss.

Our opinion? (Remember, this is just our opinion. We qualify because of the nature of your question.)

It’s our opinion that your husband’s behavior falls into the “creeping” category. But even more than that, if falls into the “trolling” category. Think about it. He’s sending unsolicited messages to women, talking about their physical appearance. We’re not suggesting that he’s doing anything more than looking for some sort of attention or validation, but whatever it is, it’s inappropriate for a married man, or any person in a committed relationship.

But let’s say it was innocent for a moment. Ask yourself this. What if the roles were reversed? And you were sending a flood of messages to guys, flirting, and commenting on how they looked? How do you think he’d feel? We do not know a guy who wouldn’t be very angry, but also very hurt if they found their wife, girlfriend, or partner talking with other guys like this.

You might say. But maybe it’s just social media and it’s not a big deal?

Our response is that, yes it’s social media not face-to-face—at least that you know of—but that’s the whole reason it’s happening. Social media allows people to be bolder and hide between their online presence, something that many people either enhance or exaggerate or at least alter.

But there’s a bigger issue here to consider Elizabeth. And that is the WHY behind all of this. Why is he feeling the need to do this? And that is a question you might need to ask him at some point.

We’re sorry. We hope that the two of you work things out. Hopefully he’ll see how his behavior is hurting you and work hard to mend the trust that’s been broken.

You Take Care,



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